2 teenage girls cruisin on visions of the sea

[Happy ks]

It's really hard to give your kid rules when others give their kids none. I guess you can just pray that nothing happens.

 

I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this statement.

 

My kids will be the first to tell me that they don't get to do any of the things their friends parents let them do. Funny thing is, when I talk with the other parents, they are laying down the same rules as we are. I think some kids are just more successful at pulling the wool over their parents eyes.

 

I have two well adjusted and well behaved teens that (so far) haven't given me any problems, because they know the rules. They are real nice people, I'm proud to say, a pleasure to have around.

 

And no, they don't get to just wander around on their own on a cruise.

[JLC@SD]

I can not believe what I am reading.

 

A 15 year old girl and 14 year old boy are allowed to roam a ship and one parent allows this until 2 AM.......:confused: Idiotic

 

Alcohol, drugs and bedrooms are all readily available and plenty of people (passenger and crew) are ready to provide them to your 15 year old DD and 14 year old nephew..............especially between 10 PM and 2 AM.

 

On one of our cruises, a 13 year old girl (see looked 18) had a relationship with a band member. Another cruise, a 15 year old DD was missing early one morning. Captain turned the ship around fearing she went overboard. It took her 2 hours to figure out the lie as to how she ended up in the wrong cabin before she was finally "located".

 

Then there is the story of the young English girl that went overboard a couple of weeks ago.

 

And there is Natalee, sure, that was Aruba, but those kinds of people are on ships as well. Natalee's parents felt she was responsible and let her..............ROAM.

[firstcruise05]

No, actually Natalee's mom sent Natalee on a school trip with CHAPERONES! Unfortunately it seems that the chaperones weren't interested in chaperoning.

[robinm]

I agree! It is up to the parents to set the ground rules. I have 4 daughters, ages 15, 13, 8, 7. NO WAY would I or their Dad allow them to stay out until 2am! Not even at home. They have an 11:00 curfew. That includes ANYWHERE. I am spending a great deal of money to take the whole family on this trip. Not for it to be messed up, because one DD wants to sleep in when we get into port. I want to get off the boat and enjoy. I DO NOT want a slug messing up my day. IF, and only if I have a problem with misuse of the rules, consequences will be rough. They will have to stay in the cavin with me the next day. And you know the saying: IF MOMMA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN't NO ONE GONNA BE HAPPY. Point is, you, as a parent set the rules. Home or away from home. It is for their safety, because WE LOVE THEM!

[rgnok]

Alcohol, drugs and bedrooms are all readily available

 

They're also readily available on the walk from the local high school to home, from the bus stop to home, and within 500 yards of the high school football game. But the cruise gives yet another good opening to have a serious conversation, just before the event, about rules and consquences.

 

On one of our cruises, a 13 year old girl (see looked 18) had a relationship with a band member.

 

Happens in towns all the time. If your local junior high has more than a couple of hundred students, it is probably happening there right now.

 

Point is, the danger and the temptation lurks everywhere. Don't elevate a cruise to some tremendously higher level or risk (of course, don't be blind to those risks, either - but the parents that allow stupid behavior on a ship are allowing just as much stupid behavior at home, and, given the time frame, that risk is much greater), just parent.

[Leejnd4]

One thing we parents might want to keep in mind is that while, yes, all of the risks and temptations exist in our teens' daily lives, there is something about being on a cruise ship that can make those temptations seem that much stronger to them. So kids who might not break the rules or behave self-destructively at home may find themselves in this alien, very stimulating environment, meeting new and exciting friends, and encountering temptations in a different setting than they are used to. And the very excitement of it all can lead to them making poor decisions and doing things they might not ordinarily do.

 

I say this because it just happened to a friend of mine. Her daughter is 14, and she went on a Princess cruise to Mexico with her grandparents. Normally she's just the sweetest thing, and has never done anything remotely scary. All of her friends are the "straight" kids, who look down on the druggies and the wild kids. So she went on this cruise, met a bunch of really fun and cool teens, and got caught up in the excitement of it all. She ended up drinking a bunch of shots of tequila (not sure how she got them, but believe me it's not hard) and got so sick she spent the rest of the cruise in bed. She can't even explain why she did it, as she would never do something like that at home.

 

So the point is, no matter how well-behaved your teens are at home, pop them into this exciting, highly charged environment with other kids whom you don't know, and you don't know their parents or what kind of life they lead, and things can happen.

 

We took our kids on the Monarch a couple years ago, when my daughter was 13 and my son was 12. They met a bunch of other kids in the teen club, and were having a great time. One boy they hung out with a lot was this kid Nick, whom I met, along with his Dad, because my kids wanted to have dinner in the Windjammer with him and his Dad one night. He seemed like a nice kid to me, and his Dad seemed like a nice enough guy, so we let them. Everything went fine, and we met the kids outside the Windjammer right afterwards. But the next day my kids wouldn't hang out with him anymore, and when I asked them why, they told me that Nick was "weird".

 

After we got home Nick sent them some emails. Turns out his Dad is an alcoholic, Nick was smoking pot and doing other drugs, and three months later he ended up in some rehab center, or maybe it was juvenile hall, I can't remember! Anyway, he was clearly not someone I would ever allow my kids to hang out with, but on such a short cruise there's just no way to get to know your kids' friends. I credit my kids with being smart enough to sense that something was wrong.

 

Just more cautionary tales to make sure we all stay on top of things!

 

LeeAnne

[Merion_Mom]

Another brilliant post from LeeAnne.

 

It is SO true that in this new, more stimulating environment (good phrase, LA!), your kids may surprise you, in EITHER direction.

 

*Real* parents don't take vacations from parenting.

[mrswink]

peggylee:

 

Just got back from a cruise on Visions of the Sea and found it very safe , crew very friendly but have them always stay together and not out on deck after dark unless they are aware as it is VERY dark out on deck I found. Hope you are not staying on the 3rd deck as we found it to smell like sewer most of the time as we walked down the hall to our room I was not well most of the trip because of it .....

[Leejnd4]

Garsh, Merion Mom, thanks for the compliment! :)

 

LeeAnne

[denred04]

My daughters were 13 an 15 when we went on a great cruise. I made them go to the first meeting of the teen thing, and they met a ton of kids their own ages. They did alot with the organized group, but even when they were "just hanging out" there were always at least 10 kids together. On port days, we all went together as a family. I really did like that they had a bit of independence on the boat. Every night after dinner, they'd go meet up with their new friends, and had a ball! My one daugther even went to bingo with a friend and her mom (afther she asked if it was ok with me)

[denred04]

Oh, and there was no alcohol. I don't know how they would get it. Your friend's kid, at 14? that's terrible. We were on Carnival, maybe they were more careful, since it was geared toward families.

[biensur]

Someone raised the same issue in another forum. You may like reading it.

 

http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=289803

 

My teens are 14, 15 and 20 and I do not suggest they be free to roam at will.

[dimomom]

We are sailing on Navigator March 4 (first cruise) with sons ages 17 & 20. We booked them a separate room since we are not night owls and will have 13 yo daughter with us. Now I am worried that we did the wrong thing. Has anyone else ever dealt with this?

[herecomesthesun]

I'm 18, and I'm going on a cruise with my family and my best friend this summer.

 

I know sometimes teens do things that are out of character in "party" situations, because its happened to me. And I can understand how on a cruise, which can be the ultimate party, younger people can throw their caution to the wind.

 

Still, I don't think its the best thing for parents to stress about how to keep their kids from making poor choices. Just like at home, there are plenty of opportunities for them to misbehave, and you basically have to trust that you raised them well, because you can't be there for every single moment, whether on land and at sea.

 

Like someone else said, a cruise isn't that different from a football game or a get-together with friends. Its largely unsupervised, and kids can get ahold of alcohol and drugs pretty easy. So you shouldn't worry about your kids being with friends on a cruise anymore than you do when they are out with friends at home.

 

Therefore, keep the rules pretty much the same as at home. My mom makes me call her every hour or so when I'm out with friends so she knows where I am and that I'm okay. Likewise, have "check in times" on the cruise either in person or via walkie talkies or something similar. My mom always wants to meet the people I'm hanging out with, so if your kids make new friends, ask that they bring them by wherever you are. And set a curfew. I don't think its that bad to have a 1:30 or 2am curfew, because a cruiseship is a more contained environment than your whole city, and possibly neighboring cities, which is basically what you are releasing your teen to when they go out. Also, on a cruise many activities, most of them fairly tame, go later into the evening than things at home. If you have a late dinner seating, you aren't even done with dinner until after ten! So you have to take that into consideration. But still, set a curfew.

 

My mom and I fight a lot about rules, but in the end I usually respect them, because I know that if I don't there will be huge consequences (and I've experienced them, so I know!). You really run into problems when, if a teenager gets caught doing something wrong, the parents don't discipline them at all, but just sit and wring their hands. If you make simple rules, assign consequences to breaking the rules, and then trust your teenager to obey you, then its up to them how much they will enjoy their cruise, because they know what to expect. And most smart teenagers wouldn't want to screw that up by breaking your rules.

[Leejnd4]

Dear Herecomesthesun,

 

You are wonderful! :D Really, I thought your post was just fantastic, and you sound like a very mature, thoughtful, responsible young adult. I think your parents must have done a wonderful job, and I hope my teenagers respect me when they get to 18 as much as you seem to respect yours. Kudos to you! And thank you for contributing to this discussion from a teenager's perspective. I think everything you said makes perfect sense, and is good food for thought for us parents. :)

 

LeeAnne

[bplazo]

Make sure that you are aware that they can get off the ship when you are at a port. Two cruises ago my daughter and her friend (both 16) snuck off the ship when we were in Naussau, even after being told that they were not allowed. They left with a couple other teens that they met on the ship.

 

 

Herecomesthe sun- We chatted last year and you gave me some good advice in regards to my daughter and how we will eventual become good friends. We went on a cruise in December and I am happy to say that we have grown alot closer in the last few months. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

[merrysunshine320]

I'm a 31 y/o single mother of a 5 year old, and on a cruise of Alaska last year I had my mom with me, and late at night, she often looked after my son in our cabin while I went dancing with some friends I made on the ship.

 

Night after night, I was propositioned by two 16 y/o boys who were freely roaming the ship, and had I not been a responsible adult, I could TOTALLY have taken advantage of them. I even asked them at one point if he had ANY idea of what he was doing, how unsafe it was, and one of them told me his recently remarried mom and stepdad wanted "private time" so they had booked him and his teenage stepsister a cabin of their own. The behavior he said he had engaged in (later confirmed by a couple of teenage girls who had engaged in the behavior WITH him!) was shocking, and I'm a psychologist who hears just about everything in my line of work.

 

And mind you, this was an incredibly bright, great looking, nice, charming, clean-cut kid. But he knew he could get away with anything he wanted after about midnight when mom retired to bed, and I was really surprised by how some of the teens were very freely engaging in very adult behavior.

 

I think it is a huge mistake for parents not monitor their kids, especially on vacation. I do psychotherapy for teens, and I will tell you that even when they balk at the rules, secretly, they WANT rules to abide by, no matter how many cries of "unfair" you may hear. It makes them feel secure and safe. And bottom line, if your kids occasionally dislike you, it means you are doing your job. I'm not saying be a Svengali, but you should be able to locate your child within 5 minutes at all times if need be. Especially when they're in the 14-17 age range.

 

Again, this is just one cruiser's opinion. But I guarantee you these kids parents had absolutley NO idea what their kids were up to after hours, often till 3 or 4 in the morning.

 

I was also surprised by how many of the waiters in the bars were hitting on the young girls and bringing them drinks when their parents weren't looking -- another very bad sign.

[HurricaneSally]

Amen, Merrysunshine, you hit it exactly on the head.

[merrysunshine320]

To the mothers of girls out there, one other thing I wanted to mention about the scenario I described above is that two girls I talked to (ages 15 and 16) the last night of the cruise were incredibly sad, and I asked them what was wrong (I'm a shrink, what can I say?), and they were saying how they felt used by the boys they had engaged in sexual acts with while on the cruise.

 

The girls were just so confused and lost looking, and I really felt for them. They thought doing these things would get the boys to "like" them, and the boys basically used them and moved on to something new. And again, these were kids from "nice" families on a "family" vacation. I would often see them at about 3 a.m. when most places on the ship had closed down. It was way too late for them to be out. They also told me they would go into each other's cabins, etc. without parents' knowledge.

 

So although my son has a ways to go until his teenage years and I have yet to experience this as a parent (I know it must be hard, b/c I used to complain about my mother's rules all the time!), I think it's so important for parents to teach their boys to respect girls and not demand that they do things they're not ready for, and to teach BOTH sexes about what is apppropriate behavior at various ages. Trust me, even when they're acting like they're annoyed, not listening, exasperated with you, they're still listening and secretly glad that you care. I just see it in my line of work all the time.

 

Plus, with the recent sad cases in the news about vacation tragedies, safe behavior is something all of us should keep in mind.

 

Okay, I'll stop preaching now.

[ROWSE]

Thank you merrysunshine, I want advice of all kinds. We have boys 22

and 19 and our daughter at 15 of course has different rules than they had.

It's sad, but being a girl you become a little more prey than the boys.

They were/are not allowed to date in a car till 16 and at the time our curfew was always midnight unless there were circumstances of certain events that

we let them be a little later. I intend to stick to that on ship for my daughter

as well and only if she is in the ship's program. I am not sure how late they

usually run their program, but it probably isn't later than midnight. Does anyone know? She will be 16 in June and that driver's license is the carrot we dangle so to speak. She knows that if she doesn't follow the rules we have set down that this will not happen. I think it is important enough to her

to toe the line. As I have learned with my sons, however, they all have a

mind of their own. We do the best we can as parents, laying down the

rules and following with the consequences, but in the end, they alone decide.

Everyone makes mistakes and usually learns by them. We just pray that

in the end they make no life changing ones. Parenting is not for sissys!

[peggylee]

I don't have kids, but I would also recommend that on port days, those girls don't leave the ship without you. On the boat is one thing...port days are another.

 

What itinerary are you taking? How old are they?

 

Tracy

 

They are both 16 and we are doing the western caribbean....but off the ship they will be with us....:-)

[peggylee]

We took a cruise last year with my teenage son and his friend both 18. We let them roam but told them they had to meet us back at the room to get ready for dinner and have dinner with us. After dinner when they went back to their friends they met on the ship, we expected them back in the room by 1:30 a.m. Our 13 year old son and his friend also roamed but with 2 way radios so we can always be in touch with them. Just warn the girls not to go off alone with anyone or into anyone's cabin.

 

I told my daughter that I expected her to contact me time to time with a 2 way radio and she scoffed....well then I said she could just stay by my side the whole cruise, she changed her mind about the radios...lol

[peggylee]

:confused: Peggylee-

Which date are you going on with Vision of the seas? I too have two teenage daughters going with me. We're on the 2/12 to Mexico.

 

I am on the 2/19

[peggylee]

We will be going on Vision of the Sea April 2-9. My daughter is 15 and

she is already balking at all the rules I want to set down. Thanks for

some of the earlier suggestions. The last cruise she went on was two

years ago so she wants way more freedom. In a way I even want to

give her less. My protection mode is on high. We'll work it out in the

end. Keep adding ideas everyone. Thanks!

 

I had suggestions to take the small walkie talkies with us and to give one to one of the girls and us moms keep the other one. Have check in times and do like the earlier post said to pop in and check on them where they are suppose to be without them seeing us and if it looks kosher we can go back to our thing....:D

[alphakitty]

As a side note - there is a curfew for "Junior cruisers" at 1:00 AM noted every day in the Cruise Compass on RCI. I've never taken a child on a cruise and I don't see a description of what a Junior Cruiser is age wise, but someone must know.