leaving 3 month old at home..!

[walkswife]

I for one wouldn't cruise with a child under 5.... but that is just me... there were lots of babies and kids on the Miracle with us and truthfully I had more problem with the tweens than the under 9 and over 13 crowd.....the babies were really no problem..... if it's crying and it's not mine it doesn't bother me...

 

I Love kids so don't get me wrong ... I babysat all week this week for a 3 yr old while mommy is recovering for surgery and took my niece's 3 and 1 yr olds two of the nights to boot. I just personally wouldn't get the same things out of a cruise with them along..... I played with a few other people's little ones but that was my choice...

 

Don't feel guilty leaving the baby with someone you trust..... your older kids probably need some time with you also.... I know this last cruise was a girl scout mom & me cruise and I spent the whole week with just my 15 yr old daughter....left hubby and 22 yr old home... it was great fun.....

[Kaki321]

Easy chair - check

 

Popcorn - check

 

Jello shots - check.

 

 

OK set to go - have at 'er. :D

 

Sorry, not gonna contribute - - I will take the high road here and not comment on the ugly baby post.

 

Maybe someone else will stir the pot - - but not me.

[Kaki321]

I chew with my mouth open. And fight with my wife on a daily basis. You wouldn't like it.

 

Heck, **I** don't like it.

 

Sounds like we will both be easy to spot then :)

 

And have more in common than you think...my 2 and 5 year old sometimes fight with eachother - - and DH chews with his mouth open :D

[BlueHerons]

My best friend brought her then 11 month old with us and regretted doing so.

 

He did enjoy the elevators!

[shm]

thanks to you all for your comments & advice.. I know the baby will be great with my mother-in-law, sister-in-law & aunt.. hey-- they have already ask that week off at work. they are all excited.. ! I think I will be fine once I get there. We are in SC & are drivng to Miami.. (about 12 hours).. so the drive there & back will probably be the worst.. thanks again gang & keep mama & baby in your prayers.!

[JerseyGirl97]

Congratulations on your new baby!!! With 2 boys at home already I will think pink for you! ;)

When my daughter was 1 year old I left for a 5 night trip to Las Vegas!! She was with my mother for 3 days - who I trust with her more than I trust myself with her - and went to her fathers on his scheduled weekend. I figure it was 5 days out of a lifetime (hopefully) with her. What's it going to hurt to be gone for such a short period of time?

Plus, she had a mini-vacation herself getting to have sleep overs with her Granny and PopPop. We are going to Vegas again next March. She is obviously not coming - some people don't think kids belong on cruise ships, I don't think kids belong in Vegas!! She will be fine without me and I will be fine without her. :D

Oh, I did call at least twice a day though and probably will when I go next year too...:rolleyes:

[MamaParrotHead]

I KNOW that you're gonna need the break, LOL. We went on our first cruise 5/05, and booked 11/04. I gave myself a pep talk almost every day, "the kids will be fine, you will be fine, the kids will be fine, you will be fine...". I only got weepy once, it was onboard the "Yellowbird" in Nassau (kind of a dumpy party boat) and the "entertainment" (read: one man band with harmonica, guitar and synthesizer, LOL) started playing "Hot, Hot, Hot" (which happened to be on my cruise CD, which the kids and I listened to almost every day, and they really loved dancing to). Yeah, that lasted for the duration of the song and I was fine. I held out til halfway through the cruise to call, and when I finally DID call (from St. Thomas) they really didn't have TIME to talk to me, they were busy playing. :D

 

I don't feel guilty travelling without my kids occasionally, because not only do I travel with them as well, I also spend EVERY minute of almost EVERY day with them. I want to nurture them and be there for them, but I think it's EQUALLY important to foster their independence and trust in loved ones around them (who would be taking care of them if I'm away). I also think THEY enjoy a change of scenery/people as much as we do, so I figure they'll have a nice time with whomever we choose to entrust them to. Another reason is that I want my kids to see that "Daddy" and I work hard, and even though we love them more than LIFE itself, once in a BLUE MOON, adults need "adult time". And EVERYONE will benefit when Mommy and Daddy's mental batteries have recently been "recharged". I also don't want my kids growing up, thinking they're entitled to do whatever we do.

 

I think your baby will be just fine. I agree with the others, it will be easier on the baby for you to be away while it's an infant. And will show your older kids you're just as committed to them and your plans with them as before the baby was born. Slowly prepare yourself and you will be FINE. ENJOY!

[nybumpkin]

Best wishes to you! I thought the third pregnancy was the hardest - I just was that more tired along the way, and it was the only time I left work before my due date. (Okay, I couldn't fit behind the steering wheel anymore, either - the third one was 8 lbs, 14 oz:eek: ) However, the first delivery was the hardest! I'm glad you have caregivers that are excited to watch baby - that should set your mind at ease.

[JerseyGirl97]

(Okay, I couldn't fit behind the steering wheel anymore, either - the third one was 8 lbs, 14 oz:eek: )

 

OFF TOPIC: But I feel your pain. My one and only daughter weighed in at a whopping 10lbs. 10oz. and was 23in. long. I could hardly fit in my own skin! :(

[Kaki321]

All of these comments are so interesting, I can relate...

 

Last year we took our then 14 month old and 4 year old to Playa Del Carmen for the week. (see my avatar pic :)) It was fun, but also exhausting!

 

In December, my DH and I went to Puerto Rico for 5 days while my sister and her DH watched the kids. She has 2 kids the same age and they all had a blast while DH and I got some much needed "alone time"

 

For THIS cruise, we are bringing along our 17 year old niece to be our "nanny". While it will still very much be a family vacation, we will have a third person to help and that will be an amazing benefit. We also booked an extra inside room for naps, diaper changing, down time, etc...

 

To the OP, I am so glad you decided to go. There might be some tough moments for you when you miss the baby, but the baby will be fine and you will get some quality time for yourself and with your other kids.

[Stircrzy]

Easy chair - check

 

Popcorn - check

 

Jello shots - check.

 

 

OK set to go - have at 'er. :D

 

Move over and pass me some of those shots...

[Naismith]

ok all you mamas!!! any of you had to leave a 3 month old at home for a whole week???? we booked a cruise in jan for this december.. and then guess what!! i find out i am with child.. not planned but now we are all excited.. the due date is sept & the cruise is for december.. i have 2 older boys.. 16 & 11 & if it wasnt for them I would cancel..

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for an easy pregnancy and delightful new addition!

 

But since you asked, I have to say that if it were me, I would cancel the cruise now and plan something else fun to do with the older boys and their friends, that might be more flexible and less likely to a problem with the baby. It is really hard to predict how things are going to go, how you or the little one are going to feel about things. You haven't even met this baby yet, and they are all so different. If you are breastfeeding, it might be hard to have a full week away from each other, and it would be awful to have a happy breastfeeding relationship interrupted.

 

Even something as minor as an ear infection may make it so that you don't want to leave the little one (and I'm not sure it is fair to leave a sick child with anyone else for a week), and if something like that were to happen, it will be MUCH harder to deal with changing cruise plans on short notice right before. Whereas if you have already changed the plans now to something else like camping on the beach or a condo someplace neat, then you could still bring the baby along and the older kids could still have fun.

 

We also did the spread-out family thing, so I understand your concern about not shortchanging the older kids, and think it is commendable. We did a lot of arranging for babysitting of the younger in order to attend the older kids' activities and do fun things with them. It's just that this particular case is a VERY long time to be away, and a VERY young child to leave.

 

There might be some other kind of fun, other than a weeklong cruise, that would satisfy your boys and their friends, yet be more compatible with a small baby and the unpredictability inherent therein.

[nybumpkin]

Even something as minor as an ear infection may make it so that you don't want to leave the little one (and I'm not sure it is fair to leave a sick child with anyone else for a week.

 

I had to travel for business when oldest son was a few months old. That was the week he "chose" to have bronchitis and a double ear infection. He did just fine and is approaching 15 years old now and has no idea he even had bronchitis and an ear infection when he was that age, let alone that I wasn't present for the event. Sorry, no guilty feelings here.

[GoinCruisin]

Wow! I don't know if I would tell someone to cancel their cruise now, before knowing the circumstances. Not everyone breastfeeds... and many people have really great families and support groups that would know exactly how to handle an ear infection or anything of that nature. Only the OP can know her situation, if she plans to breastfeed (I would think she wouldnt' be thinking of going if she were planning to) and what her family situation is like.

 

OP, I wish you the best of luck! My sister went away for a week when her son was 3 months old... she endured a very tough pregnancy, and the first few months of his life, he NEVER slept, LOL... he had some issues with reflux... and she just never got too much sleep those few months. She welcomed getting away... didn't mean she didn't love her son, but she needed the time away, so she could be a better her, so she could be a better mom... it made a huge difference. She is very lucky and has great family support, that love and care for him, sick or healthy... and had no worries leaving him in their hands. To each their own... I hope you have a fabulous cruise... and congratulations!!!!!!

[D4]

Be sure you sign a Power of Healthcare Attorney form giving the caregiver the ability to have the baby treated for any medical needs while you're gone and have it notarized.

[Seago2]

As a mother of five boys (and I will think pink for ya), ages from 22 to 7, I also agree how important it is to do things with the older kids. I remember the day I was buying jock straps and size 1 diapers on the same shopping trip- I knew my life was not going to be easy from then on! It is so easy to get wrapped up with the baby, and the big boys need you, too.

 

That being said, if I were you I would deep six the cruise while you can still get a good refund. Either that or send DH or one of the trusted caregivers you have for the baby. You are going to be literally dreading this trip the closer you get to your due date. Who wants to leave what is essentially a newborn? What if something happens? And the truth is that any mother of a few kids (or I would think even mothers of one, until I read all these posts) can tell you that a three month old definitely DOES know that a primary caregiver is absent, definitely DOES feel loss and depression if that person does appear at the usual time, and without a doubt knows who Mama is. With all of the distraction you are going to have with the big kids (get ready for the guilt you will feel as this one eats cereal for dinner and has no baby book), at least you know that you are physically present with the baby every night. The issue is not how you will feel, it should be how the baby will feel- after all, he or she has no choice in the matter and looks to you to make it easy on him. Or her.

 

Whatever you decide to do, it is truly your choice. I have made more mistakes than I care to think of and I will let you all know the day I have all the answers! Someone is always there to judge ("Why doesn't that baby have a hat on!") and you have to go with what you think is best. Just giving you my opinion.;)

[Hopefulwith2]

Personally, I couldn't. Only you know how well you could handle being away for that long. Maybe I am way over emotional but I know for me I would be miserable and just want to go back home to my baby. Goodluck with whatever your choice.

[TinAngel]

Just a great read:

 

In my youth I was a first a Army Combat medic then a Nurse. Then Psychologist.

 

I recall in the 1950's and 60's Military Transport ships still took women with infants and who were PG on the ships. Not all ships had Navy Nurse Corps officers but all had Medical officers and corpsmen. Granted then, a ship had as about as much technology as any land based facility for OB issues did in that era. Certainly not an OB/GYN physician (which would have helped).

 

My wife still like to joke with her friends at work that I hold the delivery record for Nurses at the hospital (due to my military service), I did cruise (military transport for families and a troop ship) a few times but no deliveries). I did have a few when I flew helicopters.

 

Hope you have many great cruises. As with Baby. Certain the Cruise line just trembles but so do the fathers in the OB waiting rooms.

 

Many military women who become mothers face the same issues everyday.

As to deployment, PC (moving from an Army base to "home"), travel to Japan, Korea, or Germany. Grandmothers and Aunts are key factors. I was also a "Navy Brat" my father was at sea in WWII when I was a babe, Mom was a Navy Nurse: she delivered and got back into the Nurse Corps. Be assured it was "covered up"

 

Times are different. I believe Grandma is as equal if not better than a first time "mom", I was raised by my Grandmother when I was an infant, toddler but recall only "mommy", yes......

 

I am proud of that. Both parents did service in WWII both survived. I did.

Suspect "Mommy" being a nurse effected me in becoming a corpsman. Then Nursing School but: every post here touched my heart.

 

Thanks all for the great posts.

 

Decisions: hard ones.

 

Doc

[emmysmommy]

So many good points of view in this thread (even the jello shots! :p )

Personally, couldn't handle leaving my 3-month old. I had 3 boys in their teens when I had my daughter 10-years ago and although not faced with a decision of this kind, I know I wouldn't have been able to leave the baby - even with my mom!!

 

Congratulations and take care!

[Aero247]

And the truth is that any mother of a few kids (or I would think even mothers of one, until I read all these posts) can tell you that a three month old definitely DOES know that a primary caregiver is absent, definitely DOES feel loss and depression if that person does appear at the usual time, and without a doubt knows who Mama is.

Yes, infants know who Mama is but at that age they are usually fine with someone else. I work in a pediatric ICU and often the Moms can't spend the night for various reasons (some have no interest is staying with a child of any age, but that's another whole issue) and we encourage them not to feel guilty leaving a baby of that age if it is necessary. The vast majority of the babies are perfectly content even with complete strangers (us) there to care for them. As long as they're clean, fed on time and treated lovingly they are fine. The same is definitely not true for an infant older than 8 months or so.

 

That said, I would have had serious reservations (no pun intended) about leaving one of my kids at 3 months mostly because of the breastfeeding issue. I wouldn't have missed nursing my kids for all the cruises in the world.

[Naismith]

Wow! I don't know if I would tell someone to cancel their cruise now, before knowing the circumstances.

 

And I wouldn't, either. I shared what I would do in that situation, which is very different from telling someone elese what to do.

 

... and many people have really great families and support groups that would know exactly how to handle an ear infection or anything of that nature.

 

I have two grandchildren, and I am part of a great support group. But I would not appreciate being left with a child who has a health issue like that. If something came up after they were gone, that's one thing, and anyone who agrees to care for a child assumes that risk. But to knowingly leave a sick child would be something else again, and I think lots of parents would not want to leave a child that young if they really don't have to.

 

I know how *I* would handle common medical situations, but how the parents would do it may be less clear, and an important issue if there are followup decisions to be made. But more importantly, my grandson is happy to be left with me when he is well, but wants the comfort of his mamma and da when he is feeling poorly. Caring for him when sick is a whole different experience:)

 

I'm sure the OP will make the best decision for her family, and of course the dynamics are different for each situation. I just think there other important sides to the discussion.

[Naismith]

This has been an interesting discussion, but I am amazed at the notion of when it is necessary to leave an infant that tiny.

 

For a business trip, for a job that supports the family and provides health insurance? Most folks would agree that is necessary. To leave a child in the hospital for treatment they need? Yes, certainly necessary. To leave a child to go on a particular type of vacation?

 

Ah, that becomes a bit more fuzzy.

[GoinCruisin]

But I would not appreciate being left with a child who has a health issue like that

 

We were talking about an ear infection right???? Okay, just wanted to be clear on that... "a health issue like that", makes it sound SO much worse...

 

Everyone knows their own environment and family a WHOLE LOT BETTER than people on CC. Let's stop the judging, it's pretty petty. The whole "i'm a better parent because I didn't let my child out of my sight until the were 33" argument gets a little old... Obviously not all parents are the same... and even when you TRY to be polite about it, and you try not to just come out and say it, what you are truly saying is that anyone that leaves their child at 3 months old is a bad parent... Most of us see through it. Must be great to know it all and have all the answers. :rolleyes:

[rvrgirl]

To the OP,

you will know in your heart what to decide when the time comes.

[GoinCruisin]

To the OP,

you will know in your heart what to decide when the time comes.

 

Exactly!! And the OP can make decisions then... they can always have someone else go in her place... I would definitely give it time and wait. You have plenty of time to think about it... it's not a decision you can really make based on responses you get here... it's going to be a personal decision...good luck!!