nosnobunny Posted October 27, 2004 #601 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Three cheers for you Nancy! :) You've got a problem and you're dealing with it in the most constructive way. When something like this is going on, it's so easy to fall into the argument pattern. I'm surprized your DH is so willing to go because you've taken control. And don't worry about your weight being the centre of discussion. I'm willing to bet it won't be for long. There's something else going on here. The good news is that once you get to the bottom of this, you may find a new respect from your DH. It happened to me. As soon as I found my backbone, his respect level rose. ;) Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted October 27, 2004 #602 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Thanks again everybody! I am nervous about tomorrow- for some reason I am afraid that I am the one who's going to get blasted. I am the 'guilty' party- the fat lady. I know thats just in his eyes but even so it scares me. I am 127 this morning and the other nite the Weight God told me that he's "fine" with where I am now, but he still worries about my weight. I wish I could say a bad word here about that and him. It IS control, isn't it? GRRRR. Chris you asked if the therapist is male or female- it's a she. I have never met her but she comes highly recommended. I saw a therapist a few years back whom I really liked, but she is very overweight. I think if we went to her, DH might discount what she said. I'll let you know tomorrow evening how it goes. Off to work! I am CRAVING carbs- I had THREE carb smart ice cream bars last nite. Know it won't kill me, but this trying to be his perfect body makes me NUTS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosnobunny Posted October 27, 2004 #603 Share Posted October 27, 2004 Nancy you're going to be just fine. You're in unfamiliar territory, that's all. Keep telling youself, he fell in love with your mind too. :) {{{Nancy}}} Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted October 28, 2004 #604 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Thanks Beth. I'll let you know how it goes later today. Feel so sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosnobunny Posted October 28, 2004 #605 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Don't feel sad Nancy. Things may get uncomfortable in the short term but something needs fixing in a big way. Why don't you try writing down 10 things about yourself that you think are terrific traits. And then keep reading them. :) You sound like a nice person. Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeirdEyes Posted October 28, 2004 Author #606 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Beth, wonderful tips for Nancy!!! Nancy, I've always thought you were such a nice person so make that #1 on your list. I am nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted October 28, 2004 #607 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Again, thanks so much Beth and Shelia! Took me a LONG while to get ten Beth but it was a great pick me up. Thanks a MILLION. You are a compassionate sweetheart. You are right. In the short run things may be uncomfortable but something is rotten in the state of Denmark! And it needs fixing. I need to let go of the outcome and just be patient. Our appt is in an hour and a half. Will let you know. Thanks again to Beth and Shelia and all you terrific fellow South Beachers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted October 28, 2004 #608 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Wow. It went just as you predicted. He got blasted- very sweetly and gently tho. It was amazing to see the look on her face when he led off the session with a rambling view of the "problem"- my weight. Her eyes kept glancing at me while he went on about my being overweight. She asked me to tell her how I felt after his laying out the problem. I said I felt psycho to be there about my weight, and embarrassed, angry and hurt. She was silent for a few minutes and said, "this is about the most couples bizarre session I have ever experienced. There is a problem here, but it's definitely not about weight. She's thin." She went on to probe DH about his past and to tell him that there is something back there he needs to explore to understand why he is so critical of my body. He made an appt for next week to talk to her alone. I made an appt to talk to her tomorrow. Gosh you guys- I have no idea whats going to happen with my marriage but I do know, I'm a NICE person and I look pretty OK. Thanks SO much for your support and wisdom. I feel so grateful to you all. A great weight has been lifted! ;) Love from nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marvholly Posted October 28, 2004 #609 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Nancy: I am generally a "lurker" here. However, At 58 y/o and at 5'4 and 124 I well know that at 5'6 (my former height) I looked anorexic at 118 (weight when I got married in 1969). Today I am 123-5 and real happy on my just under medium frame. Thus I can only wonder if there are not other "issues" here for your DH (read male menopause/looking for lost youth). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoradoJuli Posted October 29, 2004 #610 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Nancy - I am so glad that things went well for you today. It will be good for you to be able to talk to your counselor and it sounds like she is going to also help DH. Remember to read those 10 items to yourself each day. I would suggest starting the day out by reading them. If you have not already added this one, you should put down that you are a great friend. In just the few days that you have posted, I have been able to tell that. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted October 29, 2004 #611 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Juli, You are so kind- thanks so much for your warm words. Like a blanket of comfort. I will read those ten things- put them by my nite stand just now. Hi Holly, Thanks for your insight. It could be a male menopause thing, except that he has been like this since he was 27 when I first met him. I am thinking along the lines of what the therapist said- that it's something from his past and I think I know what it may be. If that can be uncovered maybe he can let it go and I can forgive. I dunno. I DO KNOW now that it's HIS issue not mine. It's just accepting it inside and living it thats going to be hard. Thanks again to everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeirdEyes Posted October 29, 2004 Author #612 Share Posted October 29, 2004 [QUOTE]Gosh you guys- I have no idea whats going to happen with my marriage but I do know, I'm a NICE person and I look pretty OK. [/QUOTE]Nancy, say, "I'm a NICE person and I look FABULOUS!" Say it over and over again. I'm so happy that the counseling session went like it did. I knew if the therapist had eyes, she'd see that it is your DH with the problem. I just hope that he can resolve his issues and you can move on with your marriage. Bless you and keep thinking that happy thoughts. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosnobunny Posted October 29, 2004 #613 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Nancy, just think how much less you weigh today with the weight of the world off your shoulders. :D Seriously, your DH has issues that are his alone. And he's taking care of them. I'm sure he's just as nervous about those counselling sessions as you are. No one likes to unearth old stuff. Keep the lines of communication open. It's going to take some work on your part, but he's going to need your support. By the time you're done, you may well wind up with a GREAT marriage. :) Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adoptmom Posted October 31, 2004 #614 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Hi all! nothing much to say today. I just wanted to move us back up the list. Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend. The weather is gorgeous here and we are gutting my kitchen. :D Yay! Tami Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris2597 Posted November 1, 2004 #615 Share Posted November 1, 2004 My dh came home from a two week trip.....While he was gone I decided to use the time to get through the phase 1 portion of the diet. I have been very happy with how my clothes are fitting....I havent weighed but I estimate that I have lost about 10 lbs....I am wearing clothes that would no where near button two weeks ago....DH has looked at me with an inquiring eye....like there is something different but cant put my finget on it....He has been his old sweet regular self but has not said one word about the weight loss....A couple of the neighbors have noticed, girls at work....so I know it is noticable....but he has not said a word....and he doesnt know that I am even doing sb....I know he notices when I gain a few extra pounds but when I drop.....it is ignored and/or not noticed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petoonya Posted November 1, 2004 #616 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Chris, That is fantastic that you DID SO WELL! It's a big deal to have stayed on it and lost and look good and you deserve a huge "YOU LOOK FANTASTIC"! I know you do. How great it feels when those tight clothes become loose and slinky feeling around you. Awesome! :) It hurts when they (DH's) don't notice. As I have said my DH notices everything about my weight, except when I lose. And then it's never enough. The one thing I have learned so far in this, "Trying to Look Good for Your Husband" life lesson is that we need to look good for ourselves-period. We have to learn to forget about what our DH's think. They are just DUMB in this area and will probably always be- sigh. Try those clothes on, look in the mirror and REVEL in how good you look and what a huge accomplishment this was. And forget about what he thinks. Even tho he is still sweet and you love him dearly, he doesn't have a clue about what your weight loss means to you. I'll bet he is very lovable aside from that blind spot. You did great Chris- fantastic!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeirdEyes Posted November 1, 2004 Author #617 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Chris, great job! Don't worry about your DH not noticing. You know how men are...they NEVER notice what us women do to our bodies, hair, etc....unless it is something they don't like. :mad: Drives us all nuts! I agree with what Nancy said....lose weight for yourself, not your DH. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nosnobunny Posted November 1, 2004 #618 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Good gong Chris! To be fair to men, I know my DH is very cautious mentioning [I]anything[/I] about my weight, good or bad. He's been burned. :D That's OK with me. Beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris2597 Posted November 1, 2004 #619 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Thank you to everyone for your words....It very well may be that he has also been burned big time when any discussions about my weight comes up. He was so totally awful about my weight when we were younger and has gotten soooooo much better....only bringing it up once in awhile....saying for health reasons we both should loose and get on an excersice program.... You are all right.....I am doing this for me....no one else....I like it that my clothes are starting to look good again on me.....not pinching at the waist....no rolls going over the waist band.... I am going to continue with SB....It is the easiest diet (life diet) I have ever tried....My dd age 26 is starting it today. She had her first baby in July and has a little weight to loose. Her dh is in the military and they live out of state.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoradoJuli Posted November 1, 2004 #620 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Chris - that is wonderful. Don't worry about DH. I have lost 30 pounds and it took my pointing out to DH that my belly was significantly smaller before he said anything. But I to think that it is because he has been burned and doesn't really know what to say. On the other hand, I have had comments from people at church and friends. My parents were really excited to see the weight lose. Well, I am going back on Phase 1 for the next two weeks. I really want to be down another 10 pounds by Thanksgiving. Then another 10 pounds by Christmas. I want to jump start the goal so I am going back on Phase 1. This will be a bit difficult for me because I have become accustomed to my treats of diet soda and alcohol in the evening, but I know that I can do it. I did it back in August, I can do it now. Everyone take care and have a good day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeirdEyes Posted November 1, 2004 Author #621 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Juli, I'm with you...back on Phase 1. I'm hoping to lose 5-8 lbs by Thanksgiving. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris2597 Posted November 2, 2004 #622 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Wow.....I made the best low carb dinner. I made the turkey ricotta meatloaf....I used 96% lean ground beef instead of the turkey, cauliflower moke potatos, salad....It was so filling and tasty.... several people at work asked me if I had lost weight....I have only shared my dieting with one of my closest friends.....and my oldest dd....so I guess it is working... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoradoJuli Posted November 2, 2004 #623 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Chris - that is wonderful. Keep up the good work. DH and I have tried the mock potatoes, but they just don't cut the cake. We just stay away from potatoes and the mock variety. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adoptmom Posted November 2, 2004 #624 Share Posted November 2, 2004 [quote name='nosnobunny']Good gong Chris! To be fair to men, I know my DH is very cautious mentioning [I]anything[/I] about my weight, good or bad. He's been burned. :D That's OK with me. Beth[/QUOTE] LOL, That's exactly what I was going to say Beth. My DH doesn't usually say much because that would imply that he was aware that I had gained weight. He's much to sweet to point that out. He did notice when I lost the 30 though because all my clothes were falling off. :rolleyes: Tami Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mellow Posted November 2, 2004 #625 Share Posted November 2, 2004 Chris, would you mind sharing the ricotta meatloaf directions? Sounds very good. I will thank you in advance as I am heading out of town here shortly for a couple of days and I don't want you to thank I ignored any response. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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