The things I learned from Cruise Critics

[Astronomer]

It has been almost a year, and you folks have prepared me well for our first cruise. Here is a list of selected tips that I have seen.

 

The things I learned from Cruise Critics!

How to smuggle a keg of beer onto the ship

Which brand of blue jeans is appropriate for the formal dinner

Bring Tiki torches to decorate your balcony

That visiting the F-Deck can make you go blind

To wake up at 5:30 am and place personal items on every single deck chair on the entire ship

To make sure you fly to the ship on the day of the cruise, that lands at 3:30pm

To make sure you book a plane flight for 9am the morning the ship returns to port

To have fun in the ports, and stay late, the ship will wait for you.

To order one of each and every entrée at every meal

That tipping is bribery and to have all tips removed first thing on board

The most important items to pack are a blender, toaster and microwave oven

The fastest way to get better service is to demand to see the captain at every turn

Book a 1A guarantee and fully expect to be upgraded to a suite

Order sandwiches and smuggle them off the ship for lunch in port

Always split 9’s

If the line you are in is not moving fast enough, shove the person in front of you

Box up your entire dinner and bring it to eat in the theater during the show.

Always slam your stateroom door, especially at 3am as they can fail to latch.

If you hear your neighbors coming out to their balcony, peek around the partition to take a look at them.

Treat the overpaid and under worked stall as the galley slaves they are.

If anything goes other than expected, demand to be compensated by another free Cruise.

You folks have been so helpful, I think we are finally ready for this.

Any more tips would be appreciated.

[texas greeneyes]

Here's another: Always book your cruise based on ports of call, because you are guaranteed to stay on your planned itinerary regardless of the weather. :rolleyes:

[beaming90]

It has been almost a year, and you folks have prepared me well for our first cruise. Here is a list of selected tips that I have seen.

 

The things I learned from Cruise Critics!

 

To wake up at 5:30 am and place personal items on every single deck chair on the entire ship

If anything goes other than expected, demand to be compensated by another free Cruise.

 

You folks have been so helpful, I think we are finally ready for this.

 

Any more tips would be appreciated.

 

:D If I get late and don't have time to put my items on every single deck chair, if I immediately go to the pursors desk and DEMAND to speak to the captain's boss, will they give me a free cruise? :p

 

Thanks for the laugh this morning!!!:rolleyes:

[Nick Needs To Know]

It has been almost a year, and you folks have prepared me well for our first cruise. Here is a list of selected tips that I have seen.

 

The things I learned from Cruise Critics!

How to smuggle a keg of beer onto the ship

Which brand of blue jeans is appropriate for the formal dinner

Bring Tiki torches to decorate your balcony

That visiting the F-Deck can make you go blind

To wake up at 5:30 am and place personal items on every single deck chair on the entire ship

To make sure you fly to the ship on the day of the cruise, that lands at 3:30pm

To make sure you book a plane flight for 9am the morning the ship returns to port

To have fun in the ports, and stay late, the ship will wait for you.

To order one of each and every entrée at every meal

That tipping is bribery and to have all tips removed first thing on board

The most important items to pack are a blender, toaster and microwave oven

The fastest way to get better service is to demand to see the captain at every turn

Book a 1A guarantee and fully expect to be upgraded to a suite

Order sandwiches and smuggle them off the ship for lunch in port

Always split 9’s

If the line you are in is not moving fast enough, shove the person in front of you

Box up your entire dinner and bring it to eat in the theater during the show.

Always slam your stateroom door, especially at 3am as they can fail to latch.

If you hear your neighbors coming out to their balcony, peek around the partition to take a look at them.

Treat the overpaid and under worked stall as the galley slaves they are.

If anything goes other than expected, demand to be compensated by another free Cruise.

You folks have been so helpful, I think we are finally ready for this.

Any more tips would be appreciated.

 

 

:D I can't stop laughing! Thanks for posting this!! You forgot to add to screaming down the hallways at 3am to make sure your neighbors know you're still awake!

 

Nick

[jstazy]

The most important items to pack are a blender, toaster and microwave oven

 

 

You forgot the crock pot for nacho cheese while on your upgraded balcony!!

[Astronomer]

Thats right! I remember the Croc pot!

 

I gotta add that to my lsit.

 

( I cant believe someone actually packed a croc pot )

[megansdad1]

This is a great thread. Don't forget a fire pit for your balcony is always a nice touch. Especially for roasting marshmallows.

[big_duck]

To wake up at 5:30 am and place personal items on every single deck chair on the entire ship

 

You left out the most important part of this tip. It should finish "... then go back to bed until at least 11".

 

No wait ... that could be bad advice .. no good ... no bad.

 

See after last night, I'm just not sure anymore.

[chrly]

Astronomer...don't forget to blame everything on Carnival...it's all their fault. Especially when they make you leave the ship. :D

[DeDe63]

Ensure that your children realize the elevators are considered "rides" and are there for their pleasure!

[megansdad1]

Don't forget to take your fill of all the free books, sunglasses and towels just laying aroung on the deck chairs.

[Timmys_mom]

One more:

 

If you don't like what they are serving on the buffet line, don't be wasteful, put it back.

[Astronomer]

These are great!!!

 

oh.. yeah...

 

If the ladies did not want to be stared at they would not take thier tops off on the F-deck.

[megansdad1]

Don't forget to let your 18 month old child play in the hot tub with no diaper.

[Poomah]

Astronomer - hope you learned much much more for your first cruise - DH and I sailed the Pride on her first "full" cruise and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. She is a beautiful vessel and I hope you have as great a time as we did.... Just remember, this cruise (as well as any other vacation, etc.) will be what you make of it. Nothing (and no one) is perfect - but it can come close.. Bon Voyage!

[Tiger Lilly]

OK, I do all of the above plus some! :eek: But, what is "Always split 9's"? I must be missing something really good and can't wait to try this out on my next cruise!!!

[Nliedel]

That was a great post. Thanks!!

[Timmys_mom]

OK, I do all of the above plus some! :eek: But, what is "Always split 9's"? I must be missing something really good and can't wait to try this out on my next cruise!!!

Just sit down by a really intense blackjack player and wait until you are dealt two nines. Then, double your bet and turn your cards face up. Then just sit back and watch the excitement! :D

[megansdad1]

I think he is referring to blackjack. Another tip is if a person is next to you at a black jack table and takes a hit which would have caused the dealer to bust, send a bill to his cabin for your lost bet.

[Illinoisgal]

DOnt forget not to wash your hands, sneeze on the buffet untensils, and buy drinks for all the underage kids, its their vacationtoo. Oh bring the baby monitor to listen in on your kids while they run amuck, thats GOOD parenting ;)

[cruisecastle]

You forgot one important lesson: Begin whining about how bad your cruise is going to be even before you've taken it

[vesw01]

if you have a balcony aren't you supposed to bring your fishing pole to do some deep sea fishing?

 

If you are injured or sick on board, remember that is was Carnival's fault and even if you had to leave the ship or locked in your cabin you deserve a free cruise and a credit back on the one you didn't get to enjoy - even if you didn't have travel insurance.

[Caribbean Dad]

Other things to remember:

 

You paid good money for this cruise, so don’t be afraid to go to the front of the line for everything.

 

The ladies on the Funnel Deck love to have their pictures taken.

 

Your kids are welcome to take over the aft Lido pool regardless of what the sign says about adults only.

 

Bring your Iron so your jeans will be nicely pressed for Formal Night.

 

When something goes wrong on your Non-Carnival affiliated shore tour, be sure to march straight to the Pursers Desk once back on board and demand a free cruise.

 

Don’t forget to pick up your free matching set of Carnival Beach Towels, available on the Lido deck chairs on Sea Days between 8 & 11am.

 

Be sure to send your kids to the Theatre early to save all 12 chairs for your party……even though only 5 plan to attend the show.

 

Candles greatly enhance the "mood" of your cabin.

[Astronomer]

That reminds me of the time my baby brother ( he is only 44 ) and I went whale watching in Monterey bay.

There was a troop of Jr High school girls on the boat that all had different versions of "I love whales" and Greenpeace etc etc.

Once we got close to a whale , and being somewhat clownish my brother and I asked the skipper what the price was on the rental of some harpoons.

We almost got dumped over the side, attacked by a bunch of young girls! It took us a while to explain we were kidding.

 

:eek:

[wercruzin]

Don't forget to got to the morning buffet, and ask for biscuits and gravy.. then raise heck that they don't have it. Or ask for fried chicken at lunch..

 

Also don't forget to get up early in the morning, curse loudly when you stubb your toe because you forgot to leave a light on, and then slam the bathroom door shut because your toe hurts..

 

Don't forget to pack your 100 quart family sized hard side cooler with all the drinks and beer you could possibly get in it.. and then try to get it thru the carry on scanner..

 

Oh and don't forget the most important thing...

 

"It's all Carnivals fault", even including you getting totaly drunk and passing out on a deck chair and getting 2nd degree burns all over your face.. :)

 

This thread is soo funny..