The things I learned from Cruise Critics

[bucket_O_beer4john]

Be sure to constantly nag your significant other throughout the ship, just to let everyone else know how much you really care for them.

 

Provide a running critique during the shows.

 

As soon as something goes wrong (and you know it will the first day) be sure to tell everyone else on the cruise how messed up Carnival is.

 

Tell everyone how much better RCI is. Be sure to begin this while waiting in line to embark.

 

Shirt and shoes are not to be worn in line for the buffet.

 

Provide your children with plenty of sugar and caffeine, and make sure they understand they are more special than everyone else, and that they have run of the ship.

 

Finally, be sure to come back after your cruise, and berate everyone on the board for the bad advice provided.

[big_duck]

Don't forget:

 

Those sitting in adjacent deck chairs, and your dinner table mates want to hear all about every little thing that has gone wrong on you cruise so far. Just ignore the -- TWANG!!!!

 

DW should keep her VS under lock and key if she doesn't want to see the stewards parading around with it on their heads.

[Caribbean Dad]

Almost forgot.

Don’t buy beers for the crewmen in greasy overalls down in the Disco. They get theirs for free from the bartenders.

Make sure your kids know that running laps in the hallways at 2am is a great way to burn of the affects of the sugar and caffeine.

But most important; if you don’t feel that you are getting your way, throw yourself to the floor and complain of chest pains.

[Astronomer]

This is one of the reasons I loved these boards so much, not only have you folks been informitave, but also a whole lot of fun!

 

I promise I wont blame Carnival for anything bad that happens, Im going to blame you folks directly!!!! :D

[bucket_O_beer4john]

This is one of the reasons I loved these boards so much, not only have you folks been informitave, but also a whole lot of fun!

 

I promise I wont blame Carnival for anything bad that happens, Im going to blame you folks directly!!!! :D

 

You won't be the first one!

 

I showed up this morning for the party with BLT's, fries, a cooler full of beer and a smuggled bottle of vodka, but everyone had taken off! Had to do the shots all by my lonesome.

[aggieastrosfan]

Just sit down by a really intense blackjack player and wait until you are dealt two nines. Then, double your bet and turn your cards face up. Then just sit back and watch the excitement! :D

 

Even better, sit in the seat next to the dealer and split your tens. It's amazing how fast a group of people will turn red almost simultaneously. :D

[caribbean dreams]

And don't forget, according to a recent Carnival passenger, smoking is now allowed in the dining room.

 

The only other smoking section on the ship is F-deck and topless is manditory.

 

[mrdood]

Don't forget to stop by Radio Shack and see if they have some of those old 5 watt 23 channel hand held CB radios so you can all stay in touch, make sure to purchase the optional external speaker so you can catch all the important information someone needs to provide you.

 

Always talk loud for clarity when responding and begin all transmissions with: "breaker, breaker, breaker 19"

 

at 3am when you and the kids are running through the halls knocking on doors, you will need to stay in touch!

[NRWO]

- Wait until the last possible minute to book your cruise, like an hour before it departs would be good. Because they practically give away cabins for free then.

 

- If anything goes wrong on your cruise, get right on the phone to Bob Dickinson. He's waiting by the phone for just those calls.

[IrishDolphin]

private family discussions are extremely appropriate and encouraged in front of your dining table companions, here is your chance to get advice from a captive (i mean caring) audience that can hear both sides (or only one side as is the case sometimes) - the louder the better, it's hard to hear over all that damn singing your waiter will want to do

[wercruzin]

And don't forget, according to a recent Carnival passenger, smoking is now allowed in the dining room.

 

The only other smoking section on the ship is F-deck and topless is manditory.

 

 

 

Also you need to remember that smoking is allowed in the adults hot tubs. :p And speedo's are required for all men above the age of 18.. :eek:

[Curt Jerome Wild]

And speedo's are required for all men above the age of 18.. :eek:

Yes, but don't forget that thongs are required for men on the Funnel Deck. You packed that right Hootee?

[jstazy]

Also...dont forget.....if there is a cat 5 hurricane directly in the path of your ship you should expect to go to every port you paid for. If the ship captain takes it upon himself to go and ruin the trip you had planned then Carnival owes you a refund!!! :rolleyes:

[beaming90]

This is one of the funniest threads I have read in a long time. Thanks!!! :p

[wercruzin]

Yes, but don't forget that thongs are required for men on the Funnel Deck. You packed that right Hootee?

 

My eye's ... Oh my eyes...

 

Please remember that shorts, flip flops and tank tops are always welcome in the main dining room for formal night.. even less on the other nights.. :eek:

 

And a pitcher of Coke and Beer will always be available from your waiter upon asking..:D

[Astronomer]

Thong packed, I didnt have time to clean up the hinny floss part, but no one will notice that. I will parade my overweight frame in front of the window to Davids supper club.

 

I am ready!!! :eek:

[Curt Jerome Wild]

You certainly are a "happy member".

Also don't forget to:

Smuggle on enough alcohol so that your underage teens have enough to last the entire cruise.

If you run out of shorts, t-shirts, and jeans for the dining room, the robes that are available in the cabin are perfect attire.

If there are any groups of people that are remotely different than you in any way, they will ruin your vacation. Be sure to complain to Carnival and Cruise Critic very loudly if that happens.

If you get locked out of your cabin, you can climb across everybody's balconies until you get to yours, and you can let yourself back in.

[megansdad1]

Remember that everyone is invited to the past guest party, even if no one in your entire group has ever traveled with Carnival.

[PNFAM]

if you have a balcony aren't you supposed to bring your fishing pole to do some deep sea fishing?

 

If you are injured or sick on board, remember that is was Carnival's fault and even if you had to leave the ship or locked in your cabin you deserve a free cruise and a credit back on the one you didn't get to enjoy - even if you didn't have travel insurance.

HEY! YOU THINK IF I PUT MY POLE IN MY CHECK IN LUGGAGE I COULD GET IT ON BOARD. I COULD USE THE ANCHOVIE THAT CAME ON TOP OF MY VEIL CUTLET LAST TIME FOR BAIT:p

[vesw01]

Holy cow, I am really laughing out loud - this is HYSTERICAL!!

 

Also, don't forget to iron your formal outfit 1 hour prior to formal night - everyone else did theirs at home, so no one else will be waiting.

[Astronomer]

I had planned to use the kids banging on the doors at 3am for bait.

 

But then I like shark :rolleyes:

[NRWO]

If someone goes overboard, Carnival is reposonsible because someone should be patrolling every square foot of exposed deck and a security officer should be stationed in everyone's private balcony. Should someone go overboard, Carnival must find the missing party and keep it's scheduled ports with no delays and compensate all guests regardless for emotional trauama... with a free 7 day cruise sounds fair.

[Curt Jerome Wild]

Get a front row seat in the showroom, so that you can look up the showgirls' skirts when they do the X rated show.

[Moondance]

Yes, but don't forget that thongs are required for men on the Funnel Deck. You packed that right Hootee?

 

I can speak first hand... he doesn't need to wear a thong... just wear those tiddy whitiees long enough and they go up your butt all by themselves!! :eek: I have spent most of my life trying to keep my underware out of the crack of my butt and I don't plan to change now. There are many charming parts to men's bodies but hairy tushes is just not one of em!:p

[PNFAM]

Get a front row seat in the showroom, so that you can look up the showgirls' skirts when they do the X rated show.

YEP!!:D :rolleyes: