My husband keeps trying to get me to cancel...

[Anatresia]

My husband wants to cancel our cruise. He states his reasons as being he doesn't want to travel the Saturday before Easter (we leave on Easter) and he doesn't want to spend the money.

 

Financially, we are in a good place right now. We're both working, with young professional level salaries. We have no kids. We have a house that we can more than afford, two newish cars, and no debt. We have a savings account that the cruise will not put much of a dent into. In fact, his Christmas bonus will more than cover the remainder that we owe, and the airfare is already paid for.

 

We are very practical spenders. This was supposed to be the one big thing we did before we have kids. The one time to splurge on US. I should add that our honeymoon was so boring- we rented a house in Florida for a week- big deal- because he didn't want to do anything more expensive. I feel that I sacrificed then and I want one real vacation before we have children, because I know he won't want to travel anywhere once they arrive, and it won't be the same if we did!

 

This is not the first time he's brought up cancelling and everytime we have a big discussion and he decides we'll still go. Then a few months later, he does it all over again. Just to stress me out, I guess. I'm wishing we booked and went right away, instead of booking so far off!

 

Bottom line is I'm not cancelling and he IS going and I'm pretty sure he will love it. But I don't know how to get him to shut up about it until we get there. And it would be amazing and incredible if he were half as excited as I am- those of you with happy husbands/wives are very lucky!

 

Any suggestions? I'm sure most of you will think he's completely out of his mind, since you all love cruising so much!!!:D

[salty dingo]

Tell him there are a LOT of really HOT babes on board!

[zaandam_2]

better enjoy your time and money before the kids, because you won't have much of either after.

 

and as they say, 'you can't take it with you'.

[mek]

Get a divorce! :D

[Cotton]

From all that stuff you typed, I can only assume you simply needed to vent today. That's a personal problem between you and your husband. Really has nothing to do with cruising. He doesn't want to go. You do. Good luck in working it out.;)

[memecakes]

It took me twenty years to get my hubby on a ship! He thought it would make hime seasick. Maybe there is something else your hubby is worried about too. Has he got involved in the planing? Thats what I did with mine to get him excited about going the first time. We sat down at the computer and looked up all the shore tours and the cites we were going to. We also looked up all the technical info we could find on our ship. (my hubby is a geek) He loved that. He also loved the cruse so much that were are going again in two months and he now wants to go once a year. I wish we could! We need to get the kid through collage first, then it's our turn!

 

 

Memecakes

[pounder207]

Sounds like you should line up a friend as backup if he doesn't go. You can't make someone have a good time if they decide they're not going to.

[Ms Belvedere]

But I don't know how to get him to shut up about it until we get there. And it would be amazing and incredible if he were half as excited as I am- those of you with happy husbands/wives are very lucky!

 

Any suggestions? I'm sure most of you will think he's completely out of his mind, since you all love cruising so much!!!:D

Yikes, don't be in a hurry to have children with this guy. You may want to consider counseling or meeting with your pastor to find out why he doesn't want to spend money and wants to control your fun. I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Ms B

[catkins]

"the was the last big thing we were going to do before we had kids"

 

 

Thats exactly why he doesn't want to go...it means a baby is bound to be just around the corner after that, and maybe that is still too soon for him:rolleyes:

Just my opinion. Good Luck, and remember a bad day at sea is better than a bad day anywhere else:)

[coolestwife]

Explain to him about the F-Deck....;)

[NeptunesGoddess]

Well, I would think you expressing how much it means to you should be enough. If you say to him the exact things you just said in your post, then I would think you could keep him on target for this cruise. I have a feeling if you can get him on that ship, he will really enjoy himself since it sounds like he hasn't taken too many "true" vacations.

 

If you can get him on this one and he likes it, I would suggest that you make "surprise" vacation plans without a long wait in the future. lol.

 

Also, I hope that you don't cut out vacations once you have kids. My husband and I have given our children some memorable family vacations and, although those vacations put us on a budget at the time, they were invaluable in not only the memories they made, but also in "bonding" (I know, cliche) moments. My kids are now 21 and 18 and still talk about our cross country trek to Disneyworld and the time we went to NYC and saw the statue of liberty and the twin towers before 9/11. Not to mention how much they LOVED our Caribbean cruise. We have loved vacationing with them so much, that even though they are grown now, we wanted to have them along on our next cruise. Kids can learn so much from vacationing...how to roll with the punches, being adventurous, Patience with others, social skills with people they don't know...etc.

 

I certainly hope your hubby takes this cruise and does a turn around on his stance about vacations.

 

(sorry is this sounded "lectury"..I didn't mean it to :o )

[duckman715]

One vacation, cruise or otherwise is not the issue here. As a professional counselor I seriously recommend counseling for you both as soon as possible. You two are on different wavelengths and should deal with these things BEFORE you ever consider children.

[LHP]

One vacation, cruise or otherwise is not the issue here. As a professional counselor I seriously recommend counseling for you both as soon as possible. You two are on different wavelengths and should deal with these things BEFORE you ever consider children.

 

I was thinking the same thing. If you can't come to an understanding about a one week vacation, how are you going to handle real life decisions like kids?

Remember, arguments like this are symptoms of a deeper problem.

 

We all wish you the best.

[EngIceDave]

No offense, but it sounds like your marriage is in more trouble than you think.

It is not going to get better once you have kids.

 

Seek counseling

 

(for the record, married 19 yrs)

[45014]

Sounds to me that "someone" is a spoiled brat. Like another poster said, I would line up a friend as a back-up. There is no reason why you should miss a fantastic vacation just because your husband is not on the same wave length as you. Good luck in convincing him to have a wonderful vacation.

[Anatresia]

Thanks for the quick responses! Wow! Here's some things to clarify:

 

As for the venting thing, yeah, that was part of it, but I wrote a lot to give the whole background. The part that I thought had to do with cruising was asking for suggestions as to how to remind him it will be fun.

 

As for the marriage in trouble thing- this is really the only thing we can't agree on- vacations. He was brought up in a family that literally NEVER went on vacation, whereas I was brought up to expect at least one vacation a year. He just has an aversion to spending his own money to travel. He travels a few weeks a year for work, and he goes to the best restaurants, stays in the best places for free, so he hates spending money on vacation.

 

He is ready for kids, because he suggested we cancel the cruise to start trying early for a baby...

 

He will go and he will like it, because I "made" him go to Atlantic City this summer and he whined at first and as it approached, he started to get less apathetic and then had an awesome time there and thanked me afterward.

 

I guess I wrote the thread because I was hoping for a response as to WHY he should change his mind... perhaps I should have labeled it differently...

 

And I knew I'd get some strong support for my cause. ;)

[Mysticks1]

First you never said how long you have been married. I agree somewhat with others that said this might be the beginnings of things to come. Since he stated he didn't want to leave Easter week have you checked to see if you can move it to a closer week? You can also ask friends and relatives to give you FunShip Dollars for Christmas, B-days if you have any before then since he is bringing up money as an issue. And it sounds like a good long discussion about his reluctance to go is in order.

[texas greeneyes]

Okay, no marriage advice...

So if I understand correctly, you want ideas on what how to convince someone that cruising is fun?

[Anatresia]

We've been married just over a year.

 

Yes, I do think I need to have another discussion.

 

Today's panic was brought on by HIM trying to be helpful and book the hotel stay the night before. He started to panic about flying Easter weekend (long lines? I don't know why that bothers him) and I just ran to you guys this time for advice.

 

I can obviously only say this based on my personal experience, but I really, truly don't think my marriage is in trouble. I think we're going to have to deal with this same issue over and over, but ultimately it's worth it. :)

[Anatresia]

Okay, no marriage advice...

 

So if I understand correctly, you want ideas on what how to convince someone that cruising is fun?

 

Pretty much! :D I've never been, and I can use what I know of, but if I had a list on here, that I could refer to, it would make my argument easier!:rolleyes:

[PaddleAddict]

Just my opinion, but this statement you made set off bells to me:

"This is not the first time he's brought up cancelling and everytime we have a big discussion and he decides we'll still go. Then a few months later, he does it all over again. Just to stress me out, I guess."

It really not very nice of him to keep threatening to cancel, then conceding to go, only to start the whole discussion over again a month or two later. To me (not a professional here) it just screams manipulation and control, if only on a passive-aggressive level.

The first few years of marriage are the toughest, and they are also the years that you set up the patterns and behaviors that will dictate the rest of your lives together. Honestly, I know you wanted cruise advice, but I think a marriage counselor would be a step in the right direction.

[cusyl]

I agree that the cruise is too far away, if nothing else, probably should only give him about 4 months to think about it.

BTW, a cruise is a great way to start a baby :D

 

Could he be worried about leaving the dogs when you go away?

[karenh1127]

My hubby grew up poor and never had vacations. I on the other hand did travel growing up. So I plan the vacations and he goes. If left up to him, we probably wouldnt go anywhere but when I plan a trip, he is fine with it. Make a "Cruise Book" with pics, info, deck layouts, excursion info, etc. and leave it on the coffee table or somewhere where he can look at it.

Also, just before we did Invitro Fertilization, we took a long weekend trip to San Antonio. It was the nicest, romantic time. Just about 9 months later along came the twins! I was so glad we had gone. Now we travel several times a year with our kids and they are seasoned travelers. They love planning trips and taking part in all of it. Good luck!

[jerseygirl3]

I can't say I've ever been in that situation...my husband counts on me to plan a vacation at least once every four months (we just finished with our fourth, and last, child's college tuition, so we're FREE!!!!). So I can't say I can relate to your particular circumstances, however....

 

I have many friends who just hate to part with a nickel to spend on a vacation. I just don't get it. I've seen too many people save every penny for a rainy day or for retirement. Unfortunately, sometimes things happen in life and one never gets to enjoy it. Maybe you should remind your husband that you never see a hearse pulling a U-Haul. Not to be morbid, but you should live life (and of course, be smart with your money), but enjoy life as you live it. You only get one chance at it.

 

Good luck and I wish you and your husband many years of happiness and happy, healthy children in your future. But take time out to smell the roses along the way....

[ondeckatsea]

Years ago I had pretty much the same problem. I've always loved to travel and booked a cruise. He raised holy $%^&! I was extravagant, spending way too much money and all that. It was my money, which I had earned and set aside. Finally I told him to stay home and I would go alone. Knowing what a friendly girl I was (am) he didn't dare let me go alone. So, he agreed, complaining until we boarded the ship, which was the Norway. Now with cruise #20 coming up, he books as many as I do. I think some men are very insecure and need lots of reassurance. I definitely know I created a cruise monster and it all turned out fine. We've been married 47 years.