Parenting Question

[mrdood]

Sorry, but posts have very little (if anything) to do with why the boards aren't running properly. It's a server issue. Look at Yahoo, or EZboards... :rolleyes:

 

And plus... why do you keep clicking this link? People crack me up. :p

 

Posts have a lot to do with server performance, according to our board people, but what do we know:rolleyes:

 

Just responding to your post :confused: Sorry, I didn't catch the post where you asked me not to respond...

 

I won't check back - sorry again for having an opinion, I will go walk myself into oncoming traffic... geez no wonder your kid acts the way he does.

[star10]

Posts have a lot to do with server performance, according to our board people, but what do we know:rolleyes:

 

Just responding to your post :confused: Sorry, I didn't catch the post where you asked me not to respond...

 

I won't check back - sorry again for having an opinion, I will go walk myself into oncoming traffic... geez no wonder your kid acts the way he does.

 

Mrdood, you may upset some people that you so thoughtfully respond to, but your words are going in one ear and right out the next.

 

Oh and have fun in that traffic! :D

[salty dingo]

In my opinion, the OP is in a good position to save some money and drive home a lesson. Tell the kid up front that they will be no money given to him during the cruise.

 

When he whines for video games or soda, remind him of what he did... and enjoy the parenting and the savings!

 

P.S. You should make sure the cruise line gives him a sail and sign card that is not valid for purchases, and functions only as a room key. If you do not do this, he will be able to charge to his heart's content.

[3boysvus]

Had a similar situation with our 15 going on 16 year old last year 26 days before our cruise. We took him with us but there were some rules.

1. He had to be dressed and on time for dinner EVERY night.

2. He had to send time each day with his little brother, a game of ping pong, golf, the water slide, whatever.

3. He had to join the family for brealfast EVERY day (just coffee/juice in our cabin but still required him to be up and human at an early hour.)

4. Had to do the excursions with us, The Club O2 excursion wasn't an option, but his little brother had a blast.

Our intention wasn't to punish him, but to make him make the time to try to bond and talk with the family. His little brother had the same restrictions (minus the O2 Excursion - bir bro started the fight). I think it worked out well. By the end of the cruise it was the three boys against us as opposed to us refereeing them.

[star10]

Good idea about the excursions. I do have them booked with us... but I did give him the option of doing an O2 excursion if they wanted to. I'll nix that.

 

He's saved up his own money for spending. He doesn't drink soda... and doesn't use the arcade. I never worry about the card, as he only uses it to get in the room.

 

He already knows he's expected for dinner and pictures. But I also like the idea about him spending some time each day with his brother. I'm going to steal that one! :)

 

Thanks again to everyone for their opinions and ideas.

[MamaParrotHead]

Nothing I can't stand more than a disrespectful kid (mine or anyone else's, at any age). Depending on your financial situation, is cancelling his friend an option (meaning, do you have the deposit to fork over to his family?). If so, maybe turn the tables on your DS and have HIM convince you as to why you should allow his friend to go on the trip with you. It would suck for his friend, but IMO, the last thing a kid who's "acting out" needs is "back up" in the form of a friend/partner in crime.

 

If you don't have the resources to refund the family's deposit, then I'd STRICTLY reign in the time they spend solo, if ANY. If your DS is in that mindset at home, IMO, what's to stop him from doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he wants while on vacation and not in your direct line of sight? I agree with nixing the "extras"...arcade $, free time, Club O2 activities. He'd be my shadow if he were my kid. And if his friend complains to you? Refer him to your son, he's the reason behind it. It may curtail your activities a bit, but not more than cancelling the whole cruise.

 

And although I don't think it's appropriate to cancel the cruise for the whole family, I also don't think it's appropriate to go on vacation and act as if nothing is wrong, then drop the hammer when you get home. That kind of loses the whole effect and purpose of showing him the consequences of his actions.

 

Good luck. I have a DD who's never been a problem and a DS that's just entering into the "if he was my first, he'd be an 'only'" stage/s.:rolleyes:

[MrPete]

Being you're ALL taking a break from every day life, see if you can take the opportunity to get at the root of this behaviour.

[GeekyMom]

LOL, there is definately a root to every problem. My young son decided to not focus on class AGAIN right before the cruise and brought home some low grades. I did not have the option to leave him and even if I did, I'm not sure that would have been the right solution for the situation.

 

I put things aside on the cruise but reminded him of his issue when I was reminded of it with his behavior.

 

As far as cancelling the friend, personally, I do not believe in punishing innocent people for the wrongs of others. He is probably looking forward to the trip as much as you are. You may want to briefly bring his friend up to date with the problem with the son to illuminate the fact that bad behavior is not being rewarded or ignored.

 

Although not always the first thing to come to one's mind when things like this happen, sometimes showing grace is more of a lesson than punishment. We were all kids once and made our share of mistakes.

 

my lil .2

[Hebejeebe]

There are many possible reasons for getting bad grades. Perhaps he's not smart? You wouldn't want to punish him for that! Perhaps he's just not focused - - he completed the homework but forgot to turn it in. Do you punish for that? He's already punished by the bad grade. I think you should deal with the grade issue separately.

 

"He was incredibly disrespectful to his brother". OK. Keep it general because we don't need to know the specifics. But that could mean anything.

 

There's a fine line to parenting. If you are overbearing you encourage the rebelliousness that you are trying to avoid.

 

If this were my kid I would simply tell him that he's getting a real treat going on a cruise (with his best friend to boot). The cruise is a vacation not only for him but also for you. So you expect him to behave and not stress out everyone with arguments. If you have a good time then the family can keep going on similar types of vacations. Otherwise, the kids will be put in an overnight camp while the parents go and have fun on vacation by themselves.:eek: It worked wonders with my little devils.:D

[jobster71]

This is just my opinion:) If I were you, I would not punish the whole family by cancelling the cruise. I would go ahead and take him and his friend BUT, make hime sign a contract.

1. He has to back to the cabin by 9 pm each night.

2. He has to eat with his family every night for dinner.

3. No pop during the cruise.

4. No video games.

5. If any rules are broken he has to be back to the cabin 30 minutes earlier with each broken rule. And more concequences after the vacation.

6.On the last day of the cruise, if no rules are broken he will be able to have pop, play video games and hang out at the teen center for supper and have a 11 pm curfew.

 

This would teach him some responsibilities and accountability. Now that was nice and easy. It also shows that you care about him and want him to be part of the family. I have a 15 year old girl and works for her when I feel that she has a bad attitude. It gives her control on what will happen next. Good luck with your teen and tell him that you love him and you are here for him. Ask him why his grade is suffering. Does he need a tutur? Does he have a learning dissability? Is a teacher giving him a hard time? Is he working a job? Ask him what needs to change so his grades can improve. Sometimes a little bit of one on one parenting does the job.

I am a girl scouts leader for 5 years and has experience with 10-16 year old girls. Some of the girls spend more time with me than their own parents, how sad is that?

[cruisinbuddy]

I don't want to read all the responses so far, so this might have already been said. Park his A$$ down and tell him that he's going to have a (fill in strong swear words here) curfew and he'd better be back in the cabin by, you set the time. And he has to bring his own spending $$$, no $$, no souveniers. I Agree with jobster, except for no pop, Ok I read one. I'm sure you got a lot of advice so far. Personally, I'd, just give him AND his friend a curfew, tell friends parents, and no souveniers. I know, he'd say well I don't want any souvies, bul$h!t. Or, if you don't want to ruin your cruise, tell him you'll deal with it when you get home, and make sure that you use the term, severe punishment. I threw out lots of stuff here, you choose. HAVE A WONDEFUL CRUISE. Make sure you go to the specialty restaurant alone with DH.

[Wennfred]

I think that at 15 years old, your hubby needs take him into the bedroom and beat his ass down until he understands whos the boss of that home. The belt would of worked during the younger years but a nice beatdown is what he needs now. I work at a California State Prison, its a pretty bad place with 4800 bad guys, most of these guys are lifers. If their parents would of taken care of business when they needed too, 50% of these bad guys would of came out ok, now they are locked up for years and we the tax payers are paying for it. Almost all of them that come out return back into the system after a few weeks. KNOCK Some sense into that kid before its too late !!! or he will become one of my customers in the near future.

 

 

Fred

[Cruising_K]

Please do not mix your vacation plans with any punishment for poor grades and attitude. I am no expert but I do have 2 children, one that has always been a challenge and one that has been pretty easy. They are both now in college. I also spent 4 years, because my daughter begged me to, volunteering at the local high school.

I truly believe it is harder now than it has ever been to be a teenager and our children need a true vacation as much as we do. Take your family and have a great time. Relax and set no more rules for the trip than you normally would. Make some great memories.

Children absolutely should be held accountable for their behavior as it is our responsibility to prepare them for life. Punish him before or after the trip in whatever way you normally would.

[imacruzinma]

I think that at 15 years old, your hubby needs take him into the bedroom and beat his ass down until he understands whos the boss of that home. The belt would of worked during the younger years but a nice beatdown is what he needs now. I work at a California State Prison, its a pretty bad place with 4800 bad guys, most of these guys are lifers. If their parents would of taken care of business when they needed too, 50% of these bad guys would of came out ok, now they are locked up for years and we the tax payers are paying for it. Almost all of them that come out return back into the system after a few weeks. KNOCK Some sense into that kid before its too late !!! or he will become one of my customers in the near future.

 

 

Fred

 

How could we all have missed such an obvious solution?! Maybe now I know how LHP has such perfect kids? ;-P

[GaryWT]

Most of the on-board rules are a given for our kids IE time together all meals and pictures etc. We have been luck but have also had our situations. Our kids understand that if there is a problem leading up to the cruise or on the cruise then all they would see was the inside of the cabin. If they were outside the cabin they would be by our side.

 

Luckily we have not had to do this but we are ready to in we need to.

 

Through the years we have had our bumps in the road but our oldest just turned 18 today and has lately made us the proudest parents. He is 4 for 4 in getting into college with 3 more to go, he is doing well in school and in his sports. We are so lucky.

 

Best of uck with the cruise and with your son, I hope it all works out for you.

[Quilting_Cruiser]

Personally, I wouldn't punish him on the cruise--you have a few days before the cruise to deal with this. Depending on what the punishment would be on the cruise, it could make you and your DH miserable making sure it's enforced! Before we go on a cruise, our DDs know the rules. We talk about curfews and checking in and that the youngest is allowed to go nowhere on the ship without her sister or DH or me, etc. Set reasonable rules and make sure he knows the consequences of breaking them.

 

Only you know what works for your own child to adjust his attitude--every child is different. Take care of it before you go and make sure he (and his friend) knows exactly what you expect from him on vacation.

 

Good luck!

Jayne

 

Just an FYI: I've raised my three stepchildren, who are now 24, 22, and 21, and DH and I have an 11-year-old DD--not a butt-kisser in the bunch! So, I can relate!

 

:)

[Islandmon]

...you have to remember Star10, some of these folks spend their entire existence in these boards between cruises, so you're treadin' in "their house" and some are nice about it, some are very territorial.... I've learned this pretty quick. I've had some of the nicest people respond to me as well as the occasional snappy sarcastic poor soul who has nothing better to do.

 

As for me, you stated what the topic was and it was of interest to me, so I checked it out. Seemed like a valid question to me and I think you received some good feedback as well.

 

The glass is half full and I'm drinkin' it.

 

:D

[ocean angel]

Lots of great points. If the trip wasn't contingent on his grade, not a good idea to leave him home, but do have that talk about expectations. He may act out with the people you leave him home with and then there's another issue to deal with. There's no point in ruining a family vacation. I like what Darcy said about being grounded once you are home and having to earn privileges back - there nothing like taking away something that a teen wants to get their attention. My 15 year old daughter is a straight A student, but she's been expressing some of those attitudes that teens are known for. I've taken away things that I know are important to her and I get results. No yelling or screaming, just a simple statement that she can't do "whatever the item is" because of unacceptable behavior - you'd be amazed at the resulting actions. Remember - "raising teenagers is like nailing jello to a tree"

 

Good Luck and enjoy your cruise.

[maddea20]

I'm wondering if he just begun to have this attitude and receive these poor grades in recent weeks or not? I mean if he's been having a bad attitude and not doing as well in school as you like, why wasn't it known to him when you booked the cruise that he would have to get his act together in order to go? Then there wouldn't be this wondering if he should go or not because you would of already made it clear when the cruise was booked however long ago.

 

Oh well!

[sms30519]

OMG Wennfred...I had to go change my pants after reading that! :p

 

BTW, my 14 year old DS says you should take the "friend" and leave the son at home! :p

[star10]

To clarify... this has been a huge year of changes for my son. He was your All-American jock last year. Played football, basketball and ran track. He was quite good at all sports. Last spring he started playing the guitar. He's pretty good at this too. Then during the summer, he told us he didn't want to play football anymore. We were shocked, but accepted it. He said he'd still run track, but we knew he didn't want to play basketball anymore.

 

He is in high honor's classes. He is very smart if he put some effort into it. What's lacking is effort. And he didn't live up to his end of the bargain by running track. He seems to be falling into a depression that I have had him go to counseling for. They told me that he is your typical teenager.

 

All in all he is a very good kid. He gets decent grades, he is very polite, funny and has a lot of friends. He does have an attitude problem, and he's been pretty mean to his siblings. I'm pretty sure it's all a phase, but I don't like the attitude or the drop in grades. He didn't fail anything, but he did go down in a class I asked him to get extra help in.

 

We did sit down and have a one on one conversation with him and what is expected of him. We decided to punish him here at home. We took his Xbox and computer away. I told him if it continues that the guitar is next.

 

Unfortunately, we are really stressed out right now because his friend that is coming with us... has a very sick mother. His legal guardian is his grandmother. However the mother was holding his birth certificate for him. She had an "episode" (she's bipolar and hasn't been taking her meds) as the grandmother put it and took off this morning for upstate NY (5 hours away) We can't get in touch with her and she has this kid's birth certificate in her purse!!! I feel soooo bad for this kid. He really has it tough, and this would've been his very first vacation ever! If we can't get this birth certificate back, he'll have to stay home. It just breaks my heart. (I know this sounds like a soap opera)

And my son will be devastated as well. It really sucks.

Plus if anyone recognizes my other post about my cousin falling ill and cancelling, you'll really think this is a soap opera.

[VT3]

Star10 - I truly hope everything works out for everyone. The boys Grandmother being his legal guardian should be able to obtain a birth certificate - I don't know when your leaving on your cruise, but hopefully you have enough time to get it.

 

I too have teenagers, two boys. My oldest 15 has the teenage attitude and it became worse, along with the falling grades, about two months ago. I had the sit down and chat with him when it started making a deal - tone down the attitude and bring up the grades and you will have a more enjoyable vacation. He has improved in his grades but the attitude is still questionable. My response is what has been suggested - 'super nanny style' - better attitute gets you more freedom, late nights and extra spending money. For the past few months I began giving the boys an allowance for helping me out (not the norm in our house to get paid to do chores, but vacation....). Anyway, on the chore chart, I've marked down his bad attitude, bad actions and bad reactions days. On Friday the kids are given the amount of money they could earn if they did everything on the chart - if they didn't complete all the tasks, they give me back the money. The week he did all his chores but had two attitude days and had to pay me for them, he was ripped - but, seemed to have learned his lesson.....now, what to do when were back from vacation....

 

Again - I truly hope everything works out for you guys.

[rucruizin]

I like the dog whisperer. There is an episode of South Park that every parent with teens should watch. When the Nanny 911, and Super Nanny couldn't cut it...Cesar Milano stuck it to the brat. hehe:D

 

He is jus lucky to be along for the treep... Yeah I know, the spelling is exactly what it is suposed to be.