Rare JSR Posted October 24, 2007 #1 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Hi Our DD 12 wants to take a friend on our next cruise (She took a different friend last year but that friend is not available this time) When you take a friend do you ask the friend first or the friend's parents? Thanks for the help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crusinmama06 Posted October 24, 2007 #2 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Friends PARENTS! I can't stress that enough! You don't wanna make the parents the "bad guy" if they say No. You know how it is, the grandparents ask the grandchildren DO YOU WANT ICE CREAM?????? :D You, as the parent says, not before dinner. Now who's the bad guy? ;) Call the parents before the friend is told. Also, don't forget the notarized paper for taking the child out of the country (I have one if you need it, I will post it here) Also, you will need medical release forms saying that the parents will allow you to make decisions for the child in case of an emergency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carriejose Posted October 24, 2007 #3 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I would ask the parents first. What if your daughter asks her friend, her friend gets all excited about going, and then her parents say "NO".... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 24, 2007 Author #4 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Last time she brought a friend I asked her friend's mom first. It was easy as her friend's mom is a good friend of mine. This time I am having a really hard time reaching the mother of the friend she wants to bring as I do not know her. First she was in China and now her answering machine does not work. Here are my options: I can send her a fax. I can right a note and mail it. I can keep calling -though I have tried at various hours. I left her a message when the machine sounded like it worked but I did not say why I was calling as I figured that one of her kids was likely to check the machine as her youngest is 12. I can call the girl's father- for soem reason my daughter felt it was best to speak to the girl's mom (the parents are divorced). It is different for me taking a kid whose parents I do not know. My DD is in a new school so she has some new friends. This is a private middle/high school. I know I am thinking out loud but this really helps as do your opinions. PS I do have a form that covers both travel and medical care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crusinmama06 Posted October 24, 2007 #5 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Last time she brought a friend I asked her friend's mom first. It was easy as her friend's mom is a good friend of mine. This time I am having a really hard time reaching the mother of the friend she wants to bring as I do not know her. First she was in China and now her answering machine does not work. Here are my options: I can send her a fax. I can right a note and mail it. I can keep calling -though I have tried at various hours. I left her a message when the machine sounded like it worked but I did not say why I was calling as I figured that one of her kids was likely to check the machine as her youngest is 12. I can call the girl's father- for soem reason my daughter felt it was best to speak to the girl's mom (the parents are divorced). It is different for me taking a kid whose parents I do not know. My DD is in a new school so she has some new friends. This is a private middle/high school. I know I am thinking out loud but this really helps as do your opinions. PS I do have a form that covers both travel and medical care Can you give your daughter a sealed note from you to take to school and give it to the friend to give to the mom? And in that note, just ask the mom to call you. And if you want to put a reason, tell her that you are making some "special plans" for your family and you wanted to include her daughter but wanted to talk to the mom about it first. And if the friend reads the note, she wouldn't know if the "special plans" were Chukee Cheese or a vacation. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 24, 2007 Author #6 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Michele - You made me smile. Chuckie Cheese would be a real surprise - it has been years!!! I could also pop it in the mail today and she would have it tomorrow then her daughter would not be asking her "what does it say?":confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 24, 2007 Author #7 Share Posted October 24, 2007 New twist- I found her office number and gave the details to her friend's mom's assistant. Kinda weird but maybe it will work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BethCarp Posted October 24, 2007 #8 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Jean, I think it's best that you talk to the mother first. Especially since you don't really know her, she may not be so willing to let her daughter travel with you. Hopefully you'll get a hold of her soon. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 24, 2007 Author #9 Share Posted October 24, 2007 If she does not call me back by tomorrow I think it will be time to either call the Dad or move on. DD has lots of friends most of whom would love to go so I we will just have to call one of them. What a pain this was so simple last March..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#1TravelMom Posted October 25, 2007 #10 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I can speak from experience. We've been taking DD's friends with us for 8 years-since she was 11. She was an only child until she was 15, so we always took friends with us. We've taken dozens of trips from local amusement parks to 3 weeks in Alaska and 3 weeks in Hawaii. First, a question - are you planning to pay for the friends trip? Speaking from experience, make this very clear. One trip, we said we would pay for everything. The girl ordered steak or seafood at just about every restaurant(and didn't eat half of it). She went souvenir shopping with my daughter and chose things for everyone in her family. She asked, "my mom said you told her you'd pay for everything-right?" Needless to say, our "paying for everything" policy was revised. The reason I mention this-if this mother is so difficult to reach, it will probably be just as difficult to reach her to discuss the travel arrangements, packing needs, financial responsibility, etc. We had this exact experience with the friend we took to Hawaii. We agreed to pay half for the friend. Initially, the money for the parents was not an issue. But, as the vacation approached, I found myself calling over and over like a collections agent. I finally gave up and we ended up paying everything but $500. My suggestion IMHO, take a friend who is eager to go, but also a friend who's parents are excited for them to go. I always encouraged my daughter to invite friends who might not get to travel otherwise. We've had so many great trips with our "girls". Definatelly ask the parent first. Once, my daughter asked a friend first and the girl was not allowed to go. Her mother was very upset and I totally understood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 25, 2007 Author #11 Share Posted October 25, 2007 #1Travelmom - Thanks for the heads up. We have only taken the same friend on a couple of trips. I took both girls to DL when they turned 10. My daughter has also gone with another family on a trip. On the last crusie my friend insisted on paying for her daughter's half of the cabin. I gave up and took the money. On this trip we are willing to pay for everything except spending money. The reason I though my DD's friend would be a good choice as her friend was the first to sign up for the NY trip at spring break. She and my DD are both going on the trip. I did not want to take anyone that has not traveled and is not willing to be away from her parents. OK, The mom has been in China so I will give her the benifit of the doubt. If not I know how to reach her assistant so I can do that tomorrow and find out what is up from her. I will not be home for the next three nights as our DD is in a play those nights so hopefully I will reach hre during the day. Everyone- Thanks for the help and support . I will keep you posted on the saga. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadianTwosome Posted October 25, 2007 #12 Share Posted October 25, 2007 There's a thread right now over on the NCL board regarding passports and that they can be difficult to get in a divorce situation because they need both parents' signatures. (I think... I'm Canadian, so all I know is that one ex can make it difficult for the other). Will the father not have to be consulted as well if his daughter is going out of the country? I'm sure it probably has a lot to do with the custody agreement, but I know that in many cases it's not just friends who need the permission documents, it is one spouse travelling without the other. If the mother doesn't return your call, try the father, or ask your daughter if there is some reason he shouldn't be contacted. If he's got any parental rights, you may have to get his permission as well as the mother's anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 25, 2007 Author #13 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I have not heard from the mom. I am going to call the dad. They are both lawyers so it would be easy for them to get thier paper work in order. Thier offices are 5 minutes from each other. They used to work together. Also, I assume their daughter has a passport as they travel a lot. If I can not reach them soon I am going to give up. My dauhter gave me 3 more names, all of whom I know the parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 26, 2007 Author #14 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Update- I called the dad yesterday. I have not recieved a call back from either of them. I am giving them the weekend in case they were just to busy at work. After that I am done and moving on to someone else. Thanks for the help. I will post again when I hear or not from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba_dabba_doo Posted October 26, 2007 #15 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Update- I called the dad yesterday. I have not recieved a call back from either of them. I am giving them the weekend in case they were just to busy at work. After that I am done and moving on to someone else. Thanks for the help. I will post again when I hear or not from them. I think it's just kind of rude that they haven't called you back. That would be just a total turn-off for me and I don't think I'd even want to bring their child after all that. If it's this difficult just trying to get a hold of them, then just imagine how difficult working everything out w/them will be. Just my opinion, but if I were you, I'd move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6rugrats Posted October 26, 2007 #16 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I agree! These parents are giving you every indication they will be very difficult to work with. Also, and this is just my personal opinion, based on my experience, I would RUN from any parent who was an attorney. Go with one of the girls who has parents you know who are reasonable. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larronry Posted October 26, 2007 #17 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Since we're going to be cruising together... OK that has nothing to do with it :D I have to agree with above poster that they just seem difficult to work with. I get the out of town part, but unless she is still out of town I think you have left an enticing enough message that mom should have called. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 26, 2007 Author #18 Share Posted October 26, 2007 OK so attorney's don't bother me as I have many friends who are attorneys -but I do tease them a lot. Actually my other friend whose daughter we are considering is an attorney. The other girl both parents are drs but I know the nanny well so if they are tied up it is easy for me to talk to the nanny. That little girl wants to go to Europe with us. When my DD told her we were going her repsonse was."I have been thier twice and I love it!" So maybe we will take her and if it works out she can join us when we go to Europe. I am content to wait and see what happens over the weekend. I am actually so busy it will be easy. DD being in The Tempest all weekend is part of my distraction. Last night was opening night. I am confident it will all work out, we can always take someone else. :rolleyes: Thanks again eveyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadianTwosome Posted October 26, 2007 #19 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Neither parent has returned the calls of their daughter's friend's mother... Wow. I think if you can possibly work this out, you should take her for sure. She could probably use some time with some parents who actually pay attention to her and her life. I feel really badly for her!! :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandy toes Posted October 27, 2007 #20 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I used the form Cruisinmama06 made up and added, " In the case of (child's name) needing medical treatment or emergency care, it would be OK for (our names) to seek same. With all charges being covered by (parents name, address and phone numbers)." My local TA advised me to add this. It worked well in May and we will use the same form this Nov when I bring my DGS without his folks (divorced, each signed a form for me). Be sure to list your flight, travel pre & post cruise and all cruise details on the form before getting them to the notary. Have a great time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted October 29, 2007 Author #21 Share Posted October 29, 2007 OK- I gave up on that family - too bad for thier DD but I never heard from either the dad or the mom. I just invited another friend of our DD's, we know the parents very well. The only possible glitch is that thier DD goes to a different school then my DD (they went to the same school for 7 years) but now go to different middle schools. I spoke to her dad who was not home to check thier daughter's vacation schedule. The girls breaks may or may not line up. The Dad is fine with taking thier DD out of school if necessary but sometimes the DD is not OK with that. The mom would be fine with that too. Our DD has traveled with them before. The DD has cruised before too. They were also in Italy last summer so she already has her passport. The mom is a lawyer with a notaty in her office. If thier daughter can go it will be very easy to put everything together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted November 4, 2007 Author #22 Share Posted November 4, 2007 OK, end of the saga if anyone still cares.... DD's friend (the second one) is coming. Parents already sent me passport info, health information (allergies) and stuff. I always like to know just in case. They will sign and notarize the letter. The TA is going to add DD's friend's name on the reservation and we are all set. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CanadianTwosome Posted November 4, 2007 #23 Share Posted November 4, 2007 That's great! I still feel badly for the first one, but it will be really nice for your daughter and her friend to have some nice time together since they don't see each other at school anymore. Have fun!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare JSR Posted November 4, 2007 Author #24 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Canadian Twosome- I feel sorry for her too. She is a really nice girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larronry Posted November 4, 2007 #25 Share Posted November 4, 2007 I look forward to meeting both of them and of course you too. :) I'm glad your daughter has a friend going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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