Need Help - Possible Death in Family

[MaryZ]

Sorry to hear that Leap, about your fil and you not having insurance.

We started getting insurance on all our cruises once we started bringing our kids with us. I always worried about them getting sick.

Now we just take insurance, because our parents are older, we are older and our kids are in college/senior yr of hs. They stayed home last cruise and will be home this cruise. So in case of anything, we'd have to either cancel or get home.

We only didn't take insurance when we were young and kid free. Now I just consider it part of my cruise fare, even tho I do not buy it thru the cruise line itself.

[Kenzibell]

God bless you in your time of need. Your family is in my prayers.

[///M3_99]

We do have valid passports, as someone asked. After making the 8-9 hour round-trip drive the past two weekends to visit with my MIL, she doesn't remember that we even came to see her. Hospice told us it would probably be another week now, so that would put us in the middle of our cruise. Two sisters live in the same town, and we have someone with her 24/7. I guess that we will cancel the cruise. It will be just about impossible to rebook because it took six months for DH to figure this time out with his work. Last year DH was unable to leave work, so I took my mom and dad on a cruise for "my 35th anniv." Maybe next year! Thanks for all the ideas.

[breenw]

Having lost both my parents within 6 months of each other to terminal cancer, I can't imagine leaving for a 'vacation' knowing that one of them would be dying soon. I would encourage you to spend what little time she has left with her and not enjoying yourself on a cruise. I'm not trying to be cruel here - this is just my own opinion. But....having lost my parents, I would give anything for just one more day with either one of them. I would feel so guilty going away and trying to enjoy myself knowing that they are laying in a bed dying. You are only going to have this relative in your life for a short time now. That's not something you can control. But you can control when you go on vacation. The cruise ships will still be there 6 months from now, but your MIL won't.

[redsoxgrlt]

Having lost both my parents within 6 months of each other to terminal cancer, I can't imagine leaving for a 'vacation' knowing that one of them would be dying soon. I would encourage you to spend what little time she has left with her and not enjoying yourself on a cruise. I'm not trying to be cruel here - this is just my own opinion. But....having lost my parents, I would give anything for just one more day with either one of them. I would feel so guilty going away and trying to enjoy myself knowing that they are laying in a bed dying. You are only going to have this relative in your life for a short time now. That's not something you can control. But you can control when you go on vacation. The cruise ships will still be there 6 months from now, but your MIL won't.

 

Well said, BreenW!

[gr1634]

Have very similar situation. Dad is not doing well (this week). Hospice comes to house twice a week and he goes to dialysis 3 times a week. He has very good days and some not so good days. This week is not good. As is the case with many I have no doubt he would tell us to go. We have cruise schdeuled out of Galveston 16 Dec. Have had this planned and paid for for some time and yes we have insurance. Have told him of our plans. Another issue is it is very difficult for some reason (understandably I think) for any one to make a prediction. They just don't want to do that. When my Mom was ill the doctor predicted 3 - 4 months. She lived another year and a half. Glad he was wrong - but just shows how difficult it is to make those kinds of calls. DW is very supportive and is willing to cancel if that is what I want to do. We have discussed many times and frankly I have a hard time (internally) thinking we need to plan life around a potential death. If Dad knew we were doing that I am sure he would be very angry. I really don't mean that in a selfish way - I just have a difficult time dealing with the potential that I could lose both parents within 6 months of each other and need to plan our life around that kind of scenario. I was down in FL just last week for a visit and he was doing very well. Difficult decision and lots of different recommendations on what to do. For each of us the situation is different and we need to deal with it in a manner we can accept our selves. As was mentioned above - ones memory is of Mom dancing and having fun while others are of watching her go.

[///M3_99]

Hospice said probably about a week, but it could be a month. That is our situation. Last night we were just needing opinions whether to contact CCL customer service or the insurance co. The CCL insur. rep. was very helpful.

[babyher]

I certainly sympathize with the OP and anyone who is in such a position.

 

Having been through it with several relatives, it is a terrible feeling to plan your life (not just vacations) around ones impending death.

 

It may sound selfish and a little morbid , but you do find yourself almost counting on your fingers . "Hmmmmm well they are saying six weeks and such and such an event is in 8. Now if they pass sooner than thatwe can make it , but if they linger we can't.

 

I know that sounds horrible, but its like your whole life is on hold indefinately.

 

The only thing I can suggest is do what you truly feel is comfortable for you. Long after this week or two weeks and this cruise is over. You will need to live with yourself.

[gr1634]

Babyher - you are so right. It just seems so morbid to feel you have to plan your life around a pending death of a loved one. Or put your life on indefinite hold while you wait for the event - all the time wishing it were not so. As I am sure is the case with most everyone I would do anything in the world for my Dad and if I could go to FL and make everything all better I already would have done that. I think that frustrates me more than anything else - I can't fix it. Went through that mind set with Mom. I was just so angry I could not run to FL and make everything all better. But unfortunately we can't. Ironic - we tried to take Mom and Dad on a cruise for their 50th and they decided they would rather have the house painted. So we had the house painted. I know my Mom would have loved it. Dad was in military for 32 years so has been every where at one time or another, so seeing caribbean islands would not have excited him a lot.

[sitter]

WOW...glad to see this thread! As everyone here...I am in this situation too.. Mother was told she has COPD like 10yrs. ago....& we have been thinking it's ~any day now~ for a couple years!! She was just in the hospital last month & now is at home on Hospice care. They say they cannot predict her time left....a month to a couple years!! She has been doing soo good lately they backed down to only 2 visits a week.

 

Our cruise is Jan 4. I was smart & put on insurance on everything!....but...

 

My *problem* is that she knows I'm going & I have this feeling she will force herself to get worse so I can't go!! She is very selfish & manipulates terribly! Please don't think I'm being cruel here...but I'm hoping I AM on the cruise when she dies! Maybe then I can enjoy myself! You have no idea what she is putting me & my sisters thru! These are just words here.....so don't take me personal....she has done this to me in the past.

 

I feel sorrow for everyone here who lost a loved one on their vacation....& if it were a child of mine or my Father...I would NOT go on a cruise if they were that bad....but I AM going on this one!:o

[gr1634]

Sitter

No judgement here. I understand how manipulative some relatives can be. It is sad that things are that way but I guess it is reality that some have to deal with. In ways I feel very selfish to even consider going but then I realize Dad would be ticked if I didn't because of him. Fortunately he is not the manipulative type.

[happy cruzer]

WOW...glad to see this thread! As everyone here...I am in this situation too.. Mother was told she has COPD like 10yrs. ago....& we have been thinking it's ~any day now~ for a couple years!! She was just in the hospital last month & now is at home on Hospice care. They say they cannot predict her time left....a month to a couple years!! She has been doing soo good lately they backed down to only 2 visits a week.

 

Our cruise is Jan 4. I was smart & put on insurance on everything!....but...

 

My *problem* is that she knows I'm going & I have this feeling she will force herself to get worse so I can't go!! She is very selfish & manipulates terribly! Please don't think I'm being cruel here...but I'm hoping I AM on the cruise when she dies! Maybe then I can enjoy myself! You have no idea what she is putting me & my sisters thru! These are just words here.....so don't take me personal....she has done this to me in the past.

 

I feel sorrow for everyone here who lost a loved one on their vacation....& if it were a child of mine or my Father...I would NOT go on a cruise if they were that bad....but I AM going on this one!:o

Thank you so much for sharing. I have had a critically ill family member for the last 20 years. DH and I are both only children so as each parent ages we carry the load. Each parent has reacted to their experiences differently including a case like you are dealing with. I calculate we have another 20 years of being the caregivers and after that of course we will be needing the care. Each person's case is different, I tend to always go as planned because otherwise I would never get to go. OP I hope all goes well. There may not be a good answer, but pick the one you can be the happiest with. Bless you.

[2Ports]

What kind of care is she on? Comfort Only, Extrordinary Measures? Why is she in Hospice? How do YOU feel? My mother died in hospice yesterday from injuries received in a fall at her nursing home; however, due to Alzheimer's, the person who was my mother died years ago, so the greiving was past. If you have any doubts at all, cancel & rebook. Only you and your family know what's best for you. :(

[WayTooCool]

I think you'd enjoy a cruise much more at a later date . . . I went thru this last year when my dad's last remaining brother had a massive stroke, as it turned out, when we were just pulling away from the dock!! He lingered for days, and I spent a great deal of time on my cellphone ($285) . . . he passed the day before we returned to port and we left the ship and drove to the funeral home . . . sad, sad. It didn't RUIN our cruise but it sure cast a cloud over it!

 

I'd wait, for sure.

[Melissa401]

Try to call a comparison website.

 

Many times if you call and explain the situation, they can find you a policy that will meet your needs. Even if a family member is in hospice.

 

Some insurance plans will not require a waiver for pre-ex if a non-traveling family member passes away.

[Mikel1733]

Thank you so much for sharing. I have had a critically ill family member for the last 20 years. DH and I are both only children so as each parent ages we carry the load. Each parent has reacted to their experiences differently including a case like you are dealing with. I calculate we have another 20 years of being the caregivers and after that of course we will be needing the care. Each person's case is different, I tend to always go as planned because otherwise I would never get to go. OP I hope all goes well. There may not be a good answer, but pick the one you can be the happiest with. Bless you.

 

Been there and I understand. Can't begin to count how many Christmas's were going to be the last. Sometimes you have to live your life to.

[iamtrustworthy]

Try to call a comparison website.

 

Many times if you call and explain the situation, they can find you a policy that will meet your needs. Even if a family member is in hospice.

 

Some insurance plans will not require a waiver for pre-ex if a non-traveling family member passes away.

 

 

I'm sure you can find a travel / trip / cruise comparison website that will sell you a policy. It probably won't pay the claim, but many people are happy to take your money.

 

Having said this, I think this is a bad idea because you are asking an insurance company to insure what almost certainly violates their "medically stable" rules.

 

Medically Stable includes the idea that nothing is foreseen or expected to "be a turn for the worse". It's much more complicated than just buying travel insurance in the pre-existing condition waiver period because a condition of covering a pre-existing condition is the Medically Stability.

 

Go to www.google.com & search these phrases to find detailed & useful information:

 

- travel insurance pre-existing conditions

- travel insurance medically stable

 

I hope this helps.

[usgoobers5]

We do have valid passports, as someone asked. After making the 8-9 hour round-trip drive the past two weekends to visit with my MIL, she doesn't remember that we even came to see her. Hospice told us it would probably be another week now, so that would put us in the middle of our cruise. Two sisters live in the same town, and we have someone with her 24/7. I guess that we will cancel the cruise. It will be just about impossible to rebook because it took six months for DH to figure this time out with his work. Last year DH was unable to leave work, so I took my mom and dad on a cruise for "my 35th anniv." Maybe next year! Thanks for all the ideas.

 

It sounds like she would be in good hands regardless. I would definitely let my husband make this decision. You would not want him to regret being absent when the time came but you also don't want him to cancel and then feel like she didn't even know he were there for her anyway. I think it really depends on how sensitive your husband is and would he always feel a sense of regret if he went and enjoyed himself while she passed. If he is not the kind of person that could enjoy himself if you went, then don't waste the money or vacation time from work. Reschedule for a better time and you will have a better time and feel better about the choice you made. Good luck and this is a horrible situation that I would not wish on anyone. I will say everyone who reads your post can identify and sympathize with you. No matter what you decide our prayers are with all of you.

[jerseygirl3]

We do have valid passports, as someone asked. After making the 8-9 hour round-trip drive the past two weekends to visit with my MIL, she doesn't remember that we even came to see her. Hospice told us it would probably be another week now, so that would put us in the middle of our cruise. Two sisters live in the same town, and we have someone with her 24/7. I guess that we will cancel the cruise. It will be just about impossible to rebook because it took six months for DH to figure this time out with his work. Last year DH was unable to leave work, so I took my mom and dad on a cruise for "my 35th anniv." Maybe next year! Thanks for all the ideas.

 

 

Although I'm sure it's a disappointment to cancel a long-awaited vacation, I really think you are doing the right thing. Maybe your husband was waiting for you to make the decision because he didn't want to disappoint you by him saying to cancel. It's a very tough situation, especially for your husband. Just think how stressful it would be to wonder every day if you were going to have to pack up really quickly and fly home. I think planning it for a future date will allow you to enjoy it much better at a later date. You are both probably already grieving this impending loss and wouldn't enjoy yourselves.

 

I lost my brother rather unexpectedly a few years ago. We were leaving for a cruise 3 weeks after his death to celebrate one of our son's graduation from college. We had our four sons and four of their friends coming. I initially wanted to cancel, but after talking it over with my parents, they felt that it would be pointless to cancel, especially since it involved so many of us and our kid's friends. My brother had already passed, there was nothing to be done, but I knew I wouldn't really enjoy the trip. As it turned out, I'm glad we went because, although it wasn't the carefree, happy vacation it ordinarily would have been, it gave me some time to reflect on my loss and digest what we had been through the previous few weeks.

 

God bless your MIL and your family. I pray her passing is peaceful.

[GaNavy]

Thanks for everyone's support. My DH contacted our CCL insurance, and found that we have until later in the week to make our final decision.

With proper documentation from her doctor, we would be reimbursed for

the return trip costs if it happens while cruising. The pro-rated remainder of the cruise fare would be reimbursed by Carnival. Now, we must decide whether to cancel or wait and see.

 

Between this post and the others, it sounds like you won't have any trouble getting back if you decide to go. I wasn't on a cruise when I lost my dad, but the Delta people couldn't have been nicer or more helpful. Good luck.

God bless you and your family.

[babyher]

WOW...glad to see this thread! As everyone here...I am in this situation too.. Mother was told she has COPD like 10yrs. ago....& we have been thinking it's ~any day now~ for a couple years!! She was just in the hospital last month & now is at home on Hospice care. They say they cannot predict her time left....a month to a couple years!! She has been doing soo good lately they backed down to only 2 visits a week.

 

Our cruise is Jan 4. I was smart & put on insurance on everything!....but...

 

My *problem* is that she knows I'm going & I have this feeling she will force herself to get worse so I can't go!! She is very selfish & manipulates terribly! Please don't think I'm being cruel here...but I'm hoping I AM on the cruise when she dies! Maybe then I can enjoy myself! You have no idea what she is putting me & my sisters thru! These are just words here.....so don't take me personal....she has done this to me in the past.

 

I feel sorrow for everyone here who lost a loved one on their vacation....& if it were a child of mine or my Father...I would NOT go on a cruise if they were that bad....but I AM going on this one!:o

 

 

 

Sitter

 

Don't feel bad at all. Just because they are family members doesn't mean everything is always rosy. And just vecause a person dies doesn't automatically make them a saint.

 

A woman I work with had a very long time strained relationship with her mother. A few years back she had a vacation planned for over the holidays (not a cruise ). Three days before she was to leave her mother died. She was elderly and sick a long time and in a nursing home.

 

She made the arrangements to have the body taken to a funeral home, had her cremated and then told the funeral director to hold her until they got back after the new year. When they got back they held a Memorial service.

 

People at work were shocked. But she said her mother spent her whole life making people miserable and causing animosity bewteen her family members.

 

Like you said She just knew she willed herself to die to screw up the holidays/vacation plans for everyone, and she was gonna be darned if she was going to give her mother her last hurrah.