I'm Back! And I Want To Elope!

[NurseBeth]

Hey Everyone!

 

It's been awhile since I've been on the CC boards. My fiance' & I are becoming more & more overwhelmed daily regarding the costs of a wedding! We will be paying for the entire thing ourselves. We had originally considered a cruise wedding because it would be less expensive than more traditional options, and also alot less stressful.

 

I have come to the conclusion that my priority is not having the "perfect" wedding, but rather to just get married already!!! There is no hope for us to save up 10 grand for a wedding any time soon. We also do not want to go into massive debt in order to pull off our "special day".

 

I have been thinking about doing the "Just For the Bride & Groom" package that Carnival offers, which would only cost $800, and then have a reception-style party at a family member's house once we return so that those special to us can help us to celebrate. I was thinking of it just being us two for the actual ceremony, but I was curious on your thoughts regarding elopement. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, but also we really have to be realistic regarding financing this wedding.

 

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation?

[jbjs0627]

We were in the same boat, paying for it all on our own... So we sent out the word to everyone saying it would be great if you can join us on the cruise, but if not, see you at the reception back home... which is a BBQ at the pavilion over at the beach. It is still going to cost use a couple grand... BUT because we invited people to go on a cruise and there are at least 15 people (our families) we got one of our cruises for free.

 

Essentially our budget is about $7500 for everything which doesnt go far. But the BBQ place has good food and he will drop off the food with a couple of servers, we are not having a formal bartender, we are thinking of just setting up the bar and people can help themselves...that works at our annual backyard luau... and i get to wear my dress twice!!!

 

The thing about carnival (we are gettting married in st thomas off of the triumph in july) is that when i called to ask for a mini reception when we get back on the ship, it was over $1000. When i called back and said i would like to have a little gathering in the launge for 20 people, it was 12 bucks a person... try that!

[ErinD92]

We are doing a cruise wedding and not having an at home reception. The reception is where the money becomes an issue. To have just the wedding at home was barely any cost....

[bluefintuna]

Our son was married at Megan's Bay, St. Thomas off of Golden Princess. Thirty members of the family came on the cruise. We had vans take us to Megan's Bay while they went to the courthouse to get the license. That evening we had preordered a wedding cake to be served after dinner and everything went beautifully. They corresponded with a wedding planner on St. Thomas and she took care of everything (transportation, flowers, champagne, photographer, etc.)

[tamster808]

I feel much the same way. My dad is giving me the money so that is helpful and he has told me to do as I wish. It would be so nice to spend the money on something else, house, debt, I can go on and on. PLus the whole stress of getting all the information communicated to our family. I feel bad that I am asking our family to travel and the cost associated with it. I don't know..............................

[BoBandy]

We were in somewhat the same situation. We actually had a vacation cruise planned with a couple friends and my brother. Well we decided it would be nice to married on the cruise. So then we debated whether we should tell people or not. I actually wanted to elope and not tell anyone because I was wanting the less stress deal myself. My fiance has been married before and I didn't think it would be a big deal for his family. He did however point out that my mother would have been heartbroken. And I know now he's right. Though we've tried to keep it simple, things (actually other people) seem to turn your plans into plans that are bigger than you were hoping for. Honestly, I'm still torn between our decision, just because small and simple was good for me. But when I see my mom and how excited she is I think I would have regretted her not being there on my special day. So I know I haven't given you direction either way. But it's just a couple of different things to think about. But whatever you decide you will have a beautiful wedding!! Good luck.:D

[NurseBeth]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! I think my mom would probably be a little hurt. My DF and I talked it over last night and we are thinking of doing the Deluxe Romance package which included 18 guests for $1500. That way our parents and siblings could be there for the actual ceremony and wouldn't feel left out.

 

Recently we did a 60th wedding anniversary party at my cousin's house for my grandparents. We pulled off a REALLY nice & elegant party for about $2000. We may do that after we return so that our friends and extended family can feel included in the festivities.

 

*sigh* This wedding stuff is for the birds!!! :D

[cusyl]

Spending money on a large wedding when you could start out your life together with that money used as a down payment on a house would be better IMO. I hate to see young couples start out deep in debt to just pay for a wedding ceremony and reception. Do what you can afford.

[Elationismyship]

While I'm not a big fan of thousands of dollars on a wedding . . . . I do have a different point of view. My husband (we were married 15 years ago) and I had a very small wedding. It was nice but nothing fancy. I HAVE regretted it . . . .I wish I would have had all the extra stuff from time to time (even my husband). We had an afternoon reception without dancing, etc. and we really do regret it . . . .that being said, I think things can be done to keep the cost down but please don't forgo some of the important stuff. It is your one special day and don't dimish that fact by doing something that you will regret . . . such as not having your mom there.

 

We paid for everything ourselves and this is why we kept it very, very small too. Splurge a little . . . maybe not on flowers on each table, etc. over the top but don't cut costs by not having some people there that really should be there.

[BoBandy]

We had wanted the Deluxe Romance also but it was not available so we're doing the Welcome Aboard. We have a total of 28 people for the ceremony. The original 8 people who started on the vacation are the only ones who are cruising with us though. We had wanted to leave it that way. But we were surprised so many other people had made arrangements to come down for the ceremony.

[monlyba]

we don't earn or have much money and will be paying for all our wedding-related stuff mostly on our own (my parents said they'll do what they can, but I doubt it'll be too much... and so far his parents haven't mentioned helping). we are going on a cruise that isn't all that expensive (about $500-600pp for a 7 nighter, oceanview cabin). we've invited "everyone" to go on the cruise if they want/are able, but it's up to anyone who's going to pay their own way, and I doubt we'll have any more than 10-15 guests go on the cruise, if that many. we made sure to plan it over a year in advance to give family/friends plenty of time to plan, save, get days off work, etc. anyway, we're doing an on-island ceremony (St. Thomas) that will be VERY simple and in total (legal fees and all) will cost us about $500. we won't be hosting any sort of reception there or on the ship. we plan to have a reception in our hometown a couple weeks after we get home so that "everyone" can celebrate with us. but even that will be very low-key, probably some hors d'oeuvres and a beer keg and few bottles of wine... nothing too extravagant, I'm thinking less than $2000 total on the entire reception costs.

 

our overall costs for everything will be very low in comparison to what many people pay for their weddings/receptions, but I think we'll have tons of fun and really enjoy ourselves. family/friends know they are invited on the cruise and if they can't come, so sorry, see ya at the reception. my own best friend doesn't think she'll be able to go on the cruise itself but we're actually kinda hoping the crowd stays small b/c we're both uneasy having a large group of people focus all their attention on us during a serious moment.

 

anyway, I'm rambling but my point is, it's all about getting married, and yes it is easier if close loved ones are able to participate if they desire, but you don't have to spend a fortune to make it a wonderful experience.

[Elationismyship]

love you post monlyba -- so true!!!!

[sas80]

I really honestly think that your wedding, and the birth of any of your children, are two times in your lives where you should feel 100% justified in making decisions that solely suit you and your spouse.

 

The reason I feel this way is because both events are very stressful, and everyone, and their cousin, seems to feel it is okay for them to have a strong opinion, and that you should take their opinion into serious consideration.

 

Phooey on that!

 

Especially if the added input of family, friends and complete strangers is causing stress on your partnership.

 

Do what you need to do for you. Feel free to be completely selfish and to relieve as much stress as you need to!

[NurseBeth]

Wow...what great replies and perspectives!!!! We have initiated our "Wedding Bank" which is our pet name for this invisible box which is actually a joint savings account. We should be able to book our wedding by May, and hopefully be married in October/November. We both just want those that are close and "important" to us there, so this type of wedding suits us. We will probably limit the guest list to 50 people or less.

 

It's nice to know that there are other couples who are kind of "on their own" with this wedding thing and can relate to our situation. This forum is fantastic!

[love2cruise2newhere]

I completely understand. We are goint to have a bride and groom package only. I do not want anyone staring at me,I don't care who they are. My family and I are very close, but we are not emotional at all. His family knows about the plans and his mom is not happy. It's my day, and I don't want to be miserable. I can't wait, the people that will be there I will never see again, so I should be ok. I just love these boards, they make me feel like I'm not alone. It's kinda funny to here the women at my work telling me to go for it, they all (but 1 who dreams of being a wedding planner) say they would do it if they could do it over again. I can't wait!

[snorklephile]

I am totally conflicted about this to the point of not being able to move forward with planning. Our first thought was to elope for many reasons: it is a second marriage for both of us, we are both VERY nervous about being the center of attention, we want it to be about us and our love first and foremost, and my df has a son who is likely to be a pain i the but about the whole thing because he refuses to "get over" his paren'ts divorce.

 

On the other hand, I have friends who are disappointed, though they would put up with just bein at an after-the-event reception. Our parents and siblings are probably not going to be dissappointed at all. The biggest sticking point for me is my daughter, who sweetly says she is dissappointed because she has never been to a wedding, but at the same time tells me its not that big a deal to her (because I think she is trying to be nice).

 

I really don't know what we should do. I don't want to regret not having my daughter and frends there.

 

:(

[Prinycesa07]

Hi Beth!

 

Okay so my honest opinion is that eloping is selfish. But that is IF you have parents/close family who will be upset about not being at your ceremony. I know my parents (and his) would be crushed if we got married without them and I couldn't do that to them. Now, if they wouldn't be upset then I see no problem with it at all. Sure, people say it is YOUR wedding and YOUR day but I see it a little different. I think my wedding is also for my parents a bit.

 

We also have a very small budget (just graduated from grad school, him from undergrad so we have lots of loans to pay off, living in NYC, etc.) so this wedding on Carnival with the deluxe package is perfect for us. Our families and a few very close friends will be with us and the package only cost us $1500.

 

Good luck!

[Amy from Delaware]

.....and my df has a son who is likely to be a pain i the but about the whole thing because he refuses to "get over" his paren'ts divorce.

 

The biggest sticking point for me is my daughter, who sweetly says she is dissappointed because she has never been to a wedding, but at the same time tells me its not that big a deal to her (because I think she is trying to be nice).

 

I really don't know what we should do. I don't want to regret not having my daughter and frends there.

 

:(

 

I think it's very important to have the kids present at the wedding. Your daughter is obviously sweet and well-meaning, but you already know she really wants to be there. Your soon-to-be step-son should be there because it will make your marriage to his father more REAL to him.

 

My personal feeling is that when you get married and there are already children from previous relationships, you're not just marrying your partner, you're marrying into a family. You can include the children in the actual ceremony if you choose, and establish that "from this day forward", there is a new family dynamic, and one that should be celebrated and respected.

 

Having your daughter and his son both present and/or in the ceremony will establish that there is a relationship between the two of them now too.

 

This website helped us when we planned our "family wedding". Maybe it will be of help to you too. http://www.familymedallion.com/

 

I'm sure you and your fiance will make the decisions that are right for you and yours. :)

[NurseBeth]

Hi Beth!

 

Okay so my honest opinion is that eloping is selfish. But that is IF you have parents/close family who will be upset about not being at your ceremony. I know my parents (and his) would be crushed if we got married without them and I couldn't do that to them. Now, if they wouldn't be upset then I see no problem with it at all. Sure, people say it is YOUR wedding and YOUR day but I see it a little different. I think my wedding is also for my parents a bit.

 

We also have a very small budget (just graduated from grad school, him from undergrad so we have lots of loans to pay off, living in NYC, etc.) so this wedding on Carnival with the deluxe package is perfect for us. Our families and a few very close friends will be with us and the package only cost us $1500.

 

Good luck!

 

We are in the same boat and have decided to go with the same package! I just graduated nursing school last April and it' been an adventure getting our finances back on track with two incomes again. We figure we can still keep it small with the Deluxe Romance (maybe add a few extra people) and that way all the important people will still be there. I know I won't have any regrets if we have an affordable and nice wedding that our family and very close friends were able to participate in.

[KillaFee]

We were in the same boat, paying for it all on our own... So we sent out the word to everyone saying it would be great if you can join us on the cruise, but if not, see you at the reception back home... which is a BBQ at the pavilion over at the beach. It is still going to cost use a couple grand... BUT because we invited people to go on a cruise and there are at least 15 people (our families) we got one of our cruises for free.

 

Essentially our budget is about $7500 for everything which doesnt go far. But the BBQ place has good food and he will drop off the food with a couple of servers, we are not having a formal bartender, we are thinking of just setting up the bar and people can help themselves...that works at our annual backyard luau... and i get to wear my dress twice!!!

 

The thing about carnival (we are gettting married in st thomas off of the triumph in july) is that when i called to ask for a mini reception when we get back on the ship, it was over $1000. When i called back and said i would like to have a little gathering in the launge for 20 people, it was 12 bucks a person... try that!

 

Wow I've never seen someone on these boards that lives so close to me - I'm over in Mystic!

Laura

[NurseBeth]

Well I thought I would resurrect my thread with an update:

 

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

 

Okay now that that's out of the way...let me fill you in.....

 

I told my Mom that we would not be getting married at the historic home in Riverside (older, historic area of town) like we had originally looked at. I filled her in on the Carnival wedding, and told her we would probably have 25-30 people MAX at the wedding. I told her my fiance' & I had decided that we would just have one attendant each, my sister and his brother. I told her we would have a "reception"-style party later after we got back home to include more of our friends.

 

*sigh*

 

My mom is upset. She says that it's my "special day" and I should only do this once and it should be nice. She's afraid a cruise ship wedding will be tacky. She thinks that only having ONE bridesmaid makes it look like I don't have any friends (those are my mother's words, not mine!!!). The thing is my freakin' parents aren't paying JACK for the wedding.....yet John & I are supposed to pull all this $$$$ out of our butts to pay for this "special day".

 

I've told my close girl friends that they won't be playing the part of official bridesmaid, but that they can still go to look at dresses, and participate in planning etc. as much as they want. Well now some of them are mad at me. I'm such a horrible friend because they can't be a bridesmaid, and some of the girls I went to nursing school with are upset because they won't be invited to the actual wedding.

 

This is ridiculous. I'm so over it, and we haven't even booked the darn thing yet! I have known my fiance' since I was 20 years old....we've lived together for about 2 years now...and I just want to marry him already! I just want to be his wife, and him be my husband, and just get on with things. I'm just SUPER frustrated because all of these people have opinions about things, but they aren't putting in on it. Don't they understand this requires a crapload of money????!!!!

 

Anyways...thanks for letting me vent. I guess I will be having a tacky wedding on an ugly ship with only one bridesmaid because I have no friends. I really don't care...if I'm married at the end of the day that's all that matters to me at this point!!!!!!

[cheermom4]

i would do the wedding on the ship and then set something up for maybe the spring whrn you get back to have a reception with the family. i dodnt know where you comr from but here in new york its not all that expensive to throw something together. rent a tent for the back yard maybe with a dance floor and have your family make the food. it will all work out im sure.

[merocket59]

My dad is helping us out but I'm still only have one bridesmaid because I don't want my friends to have to pay for a cruise and then have to pay for a dress and crap on top of it. I'm only inviting the girls that I think of as people I would have a bridesmaids so if it comes up then that's what I'm going to tell them. I haven't run into too many problems with other people trying to run my wedding yet but I suspect it will happen sooner or later. Don't feel bad, your wedding will look great and everyone will have more fun than can imagine!

[J's Gal]

Beth, your mother had one thing correct...this is your "special day", whether it is on a ship or at a historic land mark, it needs to be yours! If your heart is set on a cruise ship wedding, then that is what you should do. Don't let others influence your decision.

And as far as your girlfriends who are upset about not being bridesmaids, are they nuts?!?!? :confused: Have they not thought about the money they will save?!??! :eek: Furthermore, its your day and I cannot believe that anyone would have the nerve to give you any lip about it!!! :rolleyes:

I wish you luck during this tough time and I sure hope that it all works out for you!!!

[RachieLnnn]

Whew, that sounds tough. Hang in there, Beth. I know it's hard to see it from the other side, and of course I agree that it's "your" day, but maybe it would help to try to understand where your mom is coming from. The day of your child's wedding is a huge deal for many parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is, yes of course the wedding is about you and your fiancé (obviously! :) ) but it is a big day for our parents as well. It's like the culmination of our childhood. They've waited for this day ever since you were a little girl and as much as we've dreamed of it, they probably have, too. So even though it is annoying to have people tell you what they think your day should be like, try to be patient and explain why you want things they way that you do.

 

I hope that everyone comes around for you! Good luck.

 

One last thing, try not to be upset that people want to be involved. They love you and this is your big day. As much as it is the joining of you and your fiancé, it is the joining of two families and two sets of friends.