Asking guests to attend cruise wedding? What was their reaction?

[NCFleur]

My FI and I have decided to get married "at sea" in May 09. Some info about us: we are in our 40s. First marriage for him, third for me. No kids. We've been together 6 years. Both of our parents are elderly, not in the best of health, and have no burning desire to be a part of the wedding. We're not close to our families--friends are our family of choice. We'll be first time cruisers and not many of our friends cruise either.

FI is a pretty private guy with no interest in a big "hoopla" so that's why the intimacy of the at sea wedding appealed to him. I'm really fine with it just being the two of us but.....sometimes when I think about it, I think it would be fun to have a few close friends with us. It's not a deal breaker but I think how much I'd love a few close friends there to share our joy. I'm sure FI would not object if a few close friends came along. We just haven't talked about this topic yet.

 

Here's the issue: Asking someone to take a cruise in order to attend your wedding seems like asking a lot of someone. It makes me feel SO GUILTY!! To me that's not the same as asking someone to attend a ceremony in another state or even to be an attendance and pay for all those expenses. I'm assuming guests pay their own way? Or am I looking at this incorrectly and the bride and groom are supposed to pay for everyone's cruise?

 

Obviously there are lots of cruise brides here so I'm really interested in your thoughts on this.What was the reaction of your friends and family when you invited them to attend your cruise wedding? Did you feel guilty asking?

 

I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, I'm just trying to understand how others deal with this issue.

[M loves M in 09]

My FI and I have been together for 7 yrs, and we are getting married next year in Tampa on the Inspiration and then we are setting sail for 5 days to Mexico. We also do not have a large family that we are close with, but we do have a large circle of friends that we are close with and I could never imagine getting married without them. We told everyone about 9 months before making the reservation so that everyone could plan accordingly to make their reservations. We have about 40-50 people sailing with us, and they are all paying for their own cabin, except my mother, God Willing, she will be turing 80 that month. I have only had a few couple who thought that the price for the cruise was a little high, but they still plan on being there. Hope this helps.... Godd Luck and Congrats...:)

[merocket59]

I felt the same way you did, that it would be a major inconvenience and would make me feel guilty, but everyone I have told so far is very excited. They can't wait to go on the cruise and think of it as a nice vacation for themselves.

Yes, guests do pay their own way, some people pay for their guests, or some of the guests but it is not expected.

[ErinD92]

We sent out invitations as we would have if we had a local wedding. Not one person seemed offended (or at least let on to us that they were) and we were really surprised at the people who went! During the cruise we were toldm any time "Thanks for getting married this way -- best wedding ever!!!"

[Fantasy_Bride]

I created a newsletter and website explaining all details and costs for the cruise in January ( Wedding is 11/20/08). At this time I have 13 people cruising, and those that can't cruise will just attend the wedding and reception. You will be surprised by the responses that you will get. Just remember that this day is all about you and your fiance, don't worry about the nay sayers.

[monlyba]

we cruised for the first time in 11/06 with family and friends and loved it, and would often talk of wanting to do it again soon. so when we got engaged in 7/07, we pretty much knew quickly that we wanted to do a cruise either as a honeymoon or somehow work it into the wedding plans. my parents cruise a lot so i knew right off bat that they'd go no matter what, and some other friends (who cruised with us that 1st time and have 2-3 other times in the past) would most likely go. beyond that, we didn't really count on anyone else going, and we were fine with that as neither of us care about or really want a huge crowd of onlookers at our ceremony. but just in case and to make sure everyone felt "invited," we created a website and an announcement and mailed it out to "everyone" as well as spread the word to friends and family that we're getting married as part of a cruise, and everyone is welcome to attend (at their own expense, of course! we don't have much $ and everyone knows that ;) ) but we certainly understand if people can't make it, we understand it's asking a lot, yadda yadda. so our feelings aren't hurt in the slightest when people say they can't (or just won't) go - including his parents, my best friend, etc - but we're thrilled about whoever can go. we also started spreading the word about a year and a half before the cruise so that anyone who did want to go could have plenty of time to plan, save money, etc. we're just keeping it light and flexible and letting people know the details if they seem interested. most everyone we tell about it says they think it's really an awesome idea, and they either wish they'd gotten married that way or will remember it when they are ready to marry! :cool: i do sometimes feel "guilty" about it all ... mostly when my best friend points out that she'd LOVE to come, and always wanted to be in my wedding (we've been friends since 3rd grade!) but she has a school-aged child (our cruise is during the school year) and husband can't take off work, etc etc. but otherwise, i feel great about the decision because i think it will be the perfect intimate ceremony we want, and in a lovely location to boot! oh, and we're also having a more traditional sort of reception in our hometown about 3 weeks after the cruise, so that will appease the masses and help everyone feel like they are "included" and able to formally celebrate with us. don't feel bad, do it how YOU (and him, of course) want to do it!

[jsacco20]

on our part everyone is extremely excited. they all think it's such a great idea and such a "different" way to get married. we have about 65 people sailing and even though the original excuse was because it is our wedding, it has now become a family vacation, family reunion, friend's vacation, a honeymoon that some never got to take and a million other reasons for everyone who has decided to sail. granted, we are also getting married "in port on the day of sailing" so we were able to incorporate the people that chose not to sail (or couldn't due to health reasons, age, etc). i don't think anyone is offended at all by our choice. we gave them about a year notice and 3 months to put their $100 deposit down. my ta gave everyone a payment plan option so they have from january to august to pay for their cruise so that definitely helped most of the people be able to afford to go! and it's pretty much all anyone who is going talks about anytime we see them (and the ones not going as well since they get to partake in the celebration)... they can't wait! we also think it's cute because how often do you see people "excited" about a wedding they are going to in 8 months? that's the fun of it! it's something we are so proud of planning and watching the excitement and anticipation of our guests is half the joy :) go for it and good luck!

[J's Gal]

We have gotten nothing back but extreme excitement from all our guests! We are getting married on embarkation day and have 25 sailing and 35 non-sailing guests. We don't live near (not even in the same state) as either one of our families, so whatever we decided to do, it meant travel for some. But I have to say that even we have been surprised at the number of people who are so anxious for "our" wedding. It is such a unique idea and way to get married, that so many are curious to see how it all turns out and experience a cruise ship wedding. Our fingers are crossed that our wedding and reception will exceed all expectations, including ours! ;) 11 weeks from today (not that we are counting!:p )...we are a little excited!

[velouria]

Hi -

I just got married a few weeks ago on Princess at Sea. We invited everyone we would've invited to a 'normal' wedding. We thought at most we'd only have our family present. We ended up with 35 in our group (which is big for most cruise weddings). We really sold it to people as their vacation - not our wedding. We invited them to cruise with us and while they were cruising to attend our wedding, and that is how everyone looked at it. It may not have been the holiday they would've chosen, but everyone had a fantastic time. There were only 3 couples who had cruised before, so almost everyone were first time cruisers.

Because we really encouraged people to look at it as their holiday we were careful with our planning and information giving. We had a website, email newsletters and made sure our family members were well informed for phone calls. We had a welcome reception where we paid for canapes and drinks for a couple of hours, and on the day of the wedding we had a reception, dinner and dancing that we paid for, including drinks. We also got married at an at sea day so people could do their own things in port and not feel that they were giving up their holiday time to attend our wedding.

Did I feel guilty? No. I got some flack from family members about it, and those people chose not to come. For alot of people, once we explained our decision they came on board and were really keen to attend and celebrate with us. Everyone paid their own way.

I wouldn't do it any other way. It was awesome. It was easy and truly allowed me to enjoy my day and not be consumed with details.

Good luck!

[fungirl76]

We just got married 2 weeks ago. We sent out invitations and travel information to both of our families. Neither of our families sailed with us as they wanted us to enjoy our honeymoon, but both of our families flew into St. Thomas and they all made a vacation for themselves out of it. I can not tell you how many people said that they were glad we chose a destination wedding. Now I will say through the year of planning, not all were thrilled about the expense and traveling, but in the end they all came and they all had a wonderful time.

 

Melissa

[rene4205]

This is a very interesting topic for me. I actually HAVE had some negative experiences with guests regarding my cruise wedding.

 

Prior to deciding on the cruise wedding we were at a stand still trying to figure out how to get married. I am from Washington state and my FI is from NJ. My family is more working class and his more well off. But his family doesn't fly (i don't get it either) and mine I figured woulde never fly that close to NY (rednecks) :). But my FI's mother said that if we get married there she would throw down like $30k for the event! This to me was crazy. Weddings here are like 10K for everything.

 

After awhile we decided on the cruise. It was perfect....or so we thought. Surprisingly, my family was all aboard the idea and his family couldn't believe the cost. Now I get to hear, (mainly from his mother, whom I deasly love by the way) "oh your fancy wedding this, and your expensive wedding that". I mean all the people that I didn't think would go ARE. and vice versa.

[hmk012]

So far almost everyone has been very excited...except for Grandma which was expected! If we ended up having it at home we would've had 200+ people and had to basically pay for it ourselves! It would've cost a lot of $$ and we wanted something that would last a little longer and have awesome memories! We were only planning that our families would be there, but now it looks like we might have 50-100 to join us for the cruise. We're really excited!

[jsacco20]

i'm just gonna add a little something since i already posted on this topic but what i LOVE is how people are always saying "it's your wedding, it's about you two, have what YOU want and don't worry about other people" but then i read the few past posts and feel sad for the people that have to catch flack for actually choosing what they want. it's not fair. meanwhile most of my friends said the week after their weddings that they should have done something different and they can't believe they spent all that money on one day that went by so fast. i know a lot of us are lucky to have the support and excitement from our guests but i just wanted to tell the ones that are hearing some comments from not-so-happy people that you are making a great decision because you are getting married how YOU want... it IS about you after all :)

[rene4205]

Amen Sister!

[xoxheather420oxo]

At first when we told everyone about our cruise wedding they were all on board and excited and ready to go..Now that we booked it, its like everyones tune has changed. I mean yeah cruises aren't cheap but its different and its what we wanted its the first marriage (and hopefully only) for both of us and neither of us wanted the whole big wedding. I want to be pregnant by the beginning of 2009 why should i have spent all that money on one day when i can save it to use it for my child in hopefully less then a year. Our families didn't understand and gave us or should i say me the hardest time because no one opened their mouths to my fi. Anyway it came down to his mother saying she would throw us a party when we get back to get everyone shut up...It has definetly not been fun but I can't wait and its less then 5 months away!!!!!!

[rene4205]

At first when we told everyone about our cruise wedding they were all on board and excited and ready to go..Now that we booked it, its like everyones tune has changed. I mean yeah cruises aren't cheap but its different and its what we wanted its the first marriage (and hopefully only) for both of us and neither of us wanted the whole big wedding. I want to be pregnant by the beginning of 2009 why should i have spent all that money on one day when i can save it to use it for my child in hopefully less then a year. Our families didn't understand and gave us or should i say me the hardest time because no one opened their mouths to my fi. Anyway it came down to his mother saying she would throw us a party when we get back to get everyone shut up...It has definetly not been fun but I can't wait and its less then 5 months away!!!!!!

 

Wow, I can not believe how similar our stories our! I feel like I wrote your above post. It happend for me the exact same way. Everyone is all excited about the idea and everything but as soon as you book your looked at as some extravagant bride that wants it all! My soon to be MOL did the same thing with a party to get everyone to shut up. We even chose a cruise that left out of FL instead of CA (we are in WA state) so that my FI's family who said they were going to go, could just drive down and wouldn't have to fly. Now they aren't coming and my fam is mostly coming (all in Washington as well) and we have to fly all the way to fl instead of driving down to CA. Anyway, I sound very angry in this post, more just frustrated I guess. I am truly happy that we followed our hearts and our doing what we want for our wedding! I can't wait~

[rene4205]

Also according to my FI's fam we chose an insanely priced cruise. It is over thanksgiving week. We had to do that because of FI's school schedule.

 

I think it was $1,089 for a balcony and like $769 for an interior per person.

 

Is this like crazy prices or something?

[J's Gal]

Also according to my FI's fam we chose an insanely priced cruise. It is over thanksgiving week. We had to do that because of FI's school schedule.

 

I think it was $1,089 for a balcony and like $769 for an interior per person.

 

Is this like crazy prices or something?

We happened to pick the single most expensive week of the entire year for the Carnival Conquest:eek: ...$1299 for balcony and $1099 for inside. But we are getting married on my parent's 35th wedding anniversary so we didn't get too much slack about it. ;)

[floridagirl07]

Your story sounds so much like ours - this is my husband's first marriage and my third also. We wanted a private ceremony and did not expect any of our family to go. I asked a friend to be my matron of honor because I knew she could afford to go. I did pay for her dress and flowers. Our mothers, my grown daughter and my husband's family all paid for themselves and really spoiled us on the cruise, paying for drinks, champagne, flowers, etc. It was a beautiful wedding and a great cruise and it really was special having a few family members and friends there. We are having a reception this summer where we will invite extended family, coworkers and friends. Good luck with the planning. Heidi

[esbie11]

Floridagirl07-

Your wedding looked gorgeous! Congrats! Do you know the actual name of the location where you got married? I am getting married in St. Thomas too, and I also prefer a more garden setting, however due to reasons beyond my control the locations I wanted are unavailable. So, for now we are having a ceremony on the beach. But I would be interested to know what location you used, so that I could mention it to my WC. Thanks!