Ugh - Some kids! (And their parents, too!)

[notentirelynormal]

I understand your perspective, and generally I agree, especially about not labelling someone a 'bad parent' simply because their methods differ from mine. However, the parents described were not just allowing their son 'some freedom' - they didn't know where he was or what he was doing, and apparently didn't care. Whether I think that is bad parenting or not, I definitely believe it's disrespectful to other cruisers. Our daughter, who was nine at the time of our last cruise, is allowed a certain amount of freedom as well - we allow her to do some things by herself as long as we know where she's going and what she's doing, and we always make sure that there is a time set for her to return. She spends most of her time in the kids' program anyway, so it's not really an issue. You and I, and most of the posters on this board, are here because we CARE about how our children behave and how they affect our fellow cruisers. Our children behave well because we expect it and have taken the time and effort to teach them. Setting limits for your child out of respect for fellow cruisers, in my opinion, has less to do with parenting and more to do with 'sharing the trip'.

 

As for the food choices, it's their kid. As I was saying, nutrition aside, it's the apparent lack of worry for their child in general that I thought most troubling. I think the point of the reference to what he was eating was that the parents just did not appear to put any effort into 'parenting' this child. They had no idea where he was and didn't care - both on the ship and in Mexico (every time I think about that I get a sick feeling in my stomach), through their lack of attention, they allowed him to negatively affect everyone on the tour without any apparent reprimand or apology (both the child AND the parents showed blatant disrespect for others), and they let him order whatever he wanted without comment. Certainly there are a lot of kids in the world who are genuinely picky eaters and whose parents are happy just to see them swallow something; I just don't think that's the case here based on the ENTIRE post. The point of the post, as I perceive it, is that this was a prime example of the type of parents whose kids upset people, and all of the things described - including the child's eating habits - are part of the bigger picture.

 

I also think this is the point the OP was trying to make. It was the lack of parenting skills and its reflection on others. I took the "eating habits" comment as just an example of the parents lack of interest in their kids well being.

[twinlges]

Here's my two cents for what it's worth...I work with kids aged 18 months to 18yrs in a recreational setting. It scares the heck out of me that these kids will be pushing our wheel chairs one day...many are inconsiderate and irresponsible, waiting for a parent to pick up the pieces or make sure everything is "fair" for everyone! By being afraid to say "no" to our children we are creating monsters. It is our job and duty to "participate" in making independent children--this takes diligence, honesty, and willingness to admit we can't do it alone or that we need help fixing a mistake...

 

I'm sure you'll bash me, and I'm okay with that, but I have three teenaged daughters who enjoy vacations (ok maybe not enjoy--like?) vacationing with their parents and are respectful of others as well as themselves! (my 14 yos {twins} worked to earn money for any extras they want on vacation and my oldest decided to forego any extras so she could volunteer as a dance instructor for inner city kids) I could afford to "give" them money for souvenirs, but what's the lesson in that? They get paid for existing? Not realistic...I'm not saying they are perfect (far from it) but they are not my buddies, they are my children.

 

Here, here, Duke and Love...

[bmgaritty]

I think this is an entirely appropriate forum to vent about an irresponsible family. We spend lots of time talking about 'kid haters' and the irresponsible parents that lead to misbehaving, disruptive kids... so why not have an example of how poor parenting can lead to things like a 20 minute delay with no apology?

 

:cool:

 

CanadianTwosme:

 

I have to agree with you. This is the perfect forum to let others know how lax parenting can lead to a "missing" child.

 

Not knowing where your child is in a foreign country is irresponsible. It is even more irresponsible as a parent to be happily drinking on a beach and not know where your child is!

 

Thank God the boy was safe.

 

I think the OP was pointing out the total lax parenting attitude with the dinner issue as a general issue with the family.

 

I can't believe the parents were so rude as to not give an apology or make their sun apologize to the waiting people.

 

Maybe parents (who wouldn't have before) now realize that they need to keep a watchful eye on their children.

 

Safe travels!

[2ndguesser]

I didn't realize that having a picky eater made you a bad parent? Maybe I misinterpreted but that's how I take it. 1 of my 3 children is the pickiest eater. I chalk it up to personality.

 

Just curious - how do you force a child to eat?? 1 of my sons refused to try new food and will go without eating until the next meal that has something he likes. He's gone a whole day without eating before - and I don't let him have snacks if he hasn't eaten. You can't FORCE a child to eat. In fact - we tried a discipline approach to eating but he would throw up. Seriously - it in NO way reflects parenting IMO.

[CanadianTwosome]

I didn't realize that having a picky eater made you a bad parent? Maybe I misinterpreted but that's how I take it. 1 of my 3 children is the pickiest eater. I chalk it up to personality.

 

Just curious - how do you force a child to eat?? 1 of my sons refused to try new food and will go without eating until the next meal that has something he likes. He's gone a whole day without eating before - and I don't let him have snacks if he hasn't eaten. You can't FORCE a child to eat. In fact - we tried a discipline approach to eating but he would throw up. Seriously - it in NO way reflects parenting IMO.

 

I think you're missing the point. You have to take the comments about the boy's food habits in context with the rest of the parents' negligence. Having a picky eater and doing everything in your power to ensure that they have the most balanced and nutritious diet you can is a lot different than not caring what your child eats - which, based on the ENTIRE post, is, in my opinion, more likely the case here. Nobody has said at any time that having a picky eater reflects bad parenting - and in fact, many people have commented to the contrary. This thread is NOT about picky eaters, it's about one specific family and how their particular parenting choices affected their fellow passengers.

[Kerry's Girls]

In my view, the original poster was judging the child's eating habits, and much, much worse, was also teaching her children it's ok to judge others. ("I told MY children he is a STUNTED eater", or something like that), rather than saying something like, we don't know anything about them or what they're going through, so it's best not to judge since not everyone is as lucky as we are.

[6rugrats]

In my view' date=' the original poster was judging the child's eating habits, and much, much worse, was also teaching her children it's ok to judge others. ("I told MY children he is a STUNTED eater", or something like that), rather than saying something like, we don't know anything about them or what they're going through, so it's best not to judge since not everyone is as lucky as we are.[/quote']

 

And a voice of reason calls through the wilderness.

 

I completely agree with you. I am always amazed when reading this board how perfect so many of the posters and their children are. I'm not and neither are my children. It must be lonely at the top.

[DukeFamily]

I was heartened for a while to see that some moms "got it" - and then there are the last couple of posts. Teaching my children it's okay to judge others??! Where do you come off assuming THAT? Yeah, I did call a 12 year old who will ONLY eat cheese pizza, french fries and chicken nuggets a stunted eater rather than a picky eater. So....note to self....."picky" isn't judgmental but "stunted" is. :rolleyes: And we DID know "something" about them in that the kid's mom told us those were the only foods he would eat.

And not certain where one would get the impression that my children and I are perfect, or that I think we are. I certainly never gave that impression. Hey, we do our best -- sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fall short. If that's your idea of perfection, then thank you!

[brazilgirl]

Goodness , this is becoming the mommy wars.

 

I agree with one of the posters that said that parents these days (especially mothers ) are becoming overly judgemental of each other . There is an underlying competitiveness among parents nowadays that can be very hurtful and certainly isn´t productive.

 

Concerning the original post , there are 2 different points to be evaluated.

I think it is unfair to judge someone´s parenting skills based on a child´s eating habits. I also have 3 kids- each on is completely different in this aspect. My eldest is a "perfect" eater-she will try anything (Chinese , Indian ,Thai , seafood etc.) She has an internal regulator which she seems to respect-she eats when she is hungry and if you put the world´s best dessert in front of her , she won´t eat it unless she is really hungry.She has always been this way , since she was born.

 

My last is just a "normal " eater , not terribly adventureous , but not picky either.

 

My middle child is very finicky. Thankfully , now at the age of 8 , he is slowly improving. But I have never made a big issue of it . He once told me that he "was the owner of his body" and I have to agree with him. I don´t makes of chips and things available and I firmly beieve he will open his wings as he gets older , if I continue to offer a variety of good food for him.

 

As far as being late back to the bus , that is rude and irresponsible and should be severely repriminded by the parents. The fact that the parents thought that this situation was normal seems to show that there are not a lot of limits in their household.

 

As a fellow poster said , the lack of limits in today´s society is creating hords of children who seem to have no consideration for others. This appears to be a problem that is becoming more and pervasive and I can only imagine what these kids will be like as adults.

 

Kim

[CanadianTwosome]

I was heartened for a while to see that some moms "got it" - and then there are the last couple of posts. Teaching my children it's okay to judge others??! Where do you come off assuming THAT? Yeah, I did call a 12 year old who will ONLY eat cheese pizza, french fries and chicken nuggets a stunted eater rather than a picky eater. So....note to self....."picky" isn't judgmental but "stunted" is. :rolleyes: And we DID know "something" about them in that the kid's mom told us those were the only foods he would eat.

 

And not certain where one would get the impression that my children and I are perfect, or that I think we are. I certainly never gave that impression. Hey, we do our best -- sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fall short. If that's your idea of perfection, then thank you!

 

I always find it interesting how quickly people will 'judge' someone else as being 'judgemental'. :)

 

As I've been saying, I think everyone who is focusing on the child's eating habits or your comments therein is missing the BIG PICTURE. This child is NOT just a picky eater, and the REST OF THE BEHAVIOUR, both by the child AND the parents, illustrates this. So many parents have to deal with 'picky eaters' that when they see a reference like this, they pull it out of context and take it personally as a slight against all parents whose kids have food issues. In my opinion, that is NOT what this is.

 

A simple description of a family that sets a bad example for all of us - and some possible underlying reasons why (the parents' lack of attention or discipline) - has turned into a debate over childrens' food habits. Did I mention 'missing the point'?

 

As for being judgemental, my Grandfather used to have a saying: 'If we could all raise the neighbors' kids, they'd all be perfect.' Everyone does it. Even non-parents comment on other peoples' parenting. I am one of the most accepting people I know, but I will never believe that being completely unaware of where your child is while you sip drinks in Mexico is good parenting. I just find it bizarre that there is so much focus in this thread on the food comments, while people seem to be ignoring that these parents put their child in a potentially life threatening situation through their lack of attention.

[NanciRDH]

For our cruise they each have to try one new thing they have never tried before at dinner - don't have to like it, just have to ty it and it is thier choice what they try. "

 

 

I do this too, but it was more of a challenge than a rule we started on our first family cruise...actually it was a challenge I made for myself before we brought the kids. My oldest is and always has been a good eater, and brave enough to try anything once...the only thing she refuses to eat is lettuce, and she really makes an effort to try out the unusual. My middle child is my impossible eater, but because there's such a wide variety to choose from, she's found things she likes that we never would have thought she'd consider. Feeding her on a cruise is easier than on land. Then there's my little one, who must be related to CruisinMama's kid...she ate noodles and ice cream every day on her first 7 night cruise. But she was happy, so mama was happy.

 

We always seem to attract the "family from He::" on all our vacations, starting with our honeymoon, so DH and I vowed then and there that we wouldn't be one when the time came!!!

[CanadianTwosome]

I do this too, but it was more of a challenge than a rule we started on our first family cruise...actually it was a challenge I made for myself before we brought the kids. My oldest is and always has been a good eater, and brave enough to try anything once...the only thing she refuses to eat is lettuce, and she really makes an effort to try out the unusual. My middle child is my impossible eater, but because there's such a wide variety to choose from, she's found things she likes that we never would have thought she'd consider. Feeding her on a cruise is easier than on land. Then there's my little one, who must be related to CruisinMama's kid...she ate noodles and ice cream every day on her first 7 night cruise. But she was happy, so mama was happy.

 

We always seem to attract the "family from He::" on all our vacations, starting with our honeymoon, so DH and I vowed then and there that we wouldn't be one when the time came!!!

 

Good for you!! We made a similar vow - not just on vacations but in public anywhere, and we've been very fortunate to have a daughter who has a really good temperament, so it's actually been pretty easy.

 

She can be, however, a bit picky in the eating department... at least at home. Oddly enough, she will eat lettuce... but it has to be by itself without any hint of dressing; sauces seem to be a taste she hasn't acquired. We have the same rule someone else mentioned, though... we make one supper in our house, and if you want to eat, that's what you get - vegetables and all. :) (she's always been good at taking medicine, too!)

 

In our case, nobody made any challenges or rules about trying something new on vacation - she's just made it her mission! Last cruise she tried caviar... hee hee hee... I made sure I had my camera ready to record the clip, and it was so worth it!! ha ha ha The look on her face was priceless, but to her credit, she choked it down instead of spitting it out - and we were even in the privacy of our cabin! The one drawback of her being so adventurous on cruises is that when we go out on land, she thinks she should be able to order escargot appetizers, king crab entrees, and two desserts!! :p

[DukeFamily]

It IS fun to watch the kids try new things on a cruise, isn't it? I shared upthread about my 14 yo trying the smoked salmon and cream cheese. That was so funny - I told him I hadn't laughed so hard at his eating since I was feeding him from a jar! They also all tried the duck breast. I think it's an appetizer and it's cold. I didn't even try that. They liked it, though. They all ended up loving some kind of barley soup and the lobster bisque. Luckily, they just see it as a fun chance to try new things, and they know now that not liking something will not kill them or even make them ill!