Spiraling out of control

[cruzrgrl]

I haven't posted in severeal weeks and I NEED HELP. Over the last several weeks I have found myself eating all of the wrong things. I know it is because of this time of year I am facing another set of holidays without my mom. I lost her just a year ago and I don't know how to stop this feeling. As many of you know before mom died I promised her that I would lose weight and enter into a healthier life. I was doing so well until about 6 weeks ago. One day I woke up, realized the holidays are fast approaching and mom isn't here anymore, of course learning that my step dad has a new girlfriend and has moved on so suddenly didn't help either. So many people happy and shopping for mom and I don't get to do that anymore. I hate myself everytime I eat something that I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to get control again. PLEASE, PLEASE help me. I WANT to lose the weight but when my clothes began to fall off of me, my family's support seemed to leave. Hubby says he loves me as I am but I DON'T! I hate being an 18, I want to be a 12.

How can I get out of this valley, it has gone beyond rut.............. Please don't suggest anti depressants becuse I am just not one to take meds. Besides, this funk will still be there AFTER the meds have worn off. Just be here, help me, and give me a virtual kick in the rear.

[Angel in FL]

cruzgrl,

 

There isn't an easy fix for what you are going through. You are still grieving for your Mom. It takes a full year to get over things,that means that this the first year you've had face the holidays with out Mom, you will have to face her birthday, your parents anniversary, holidays of all kinds with out her being around. This is no easy task. Please know that you will heal and once you've gotten through all of this, you will be able to control your eating. Maybe just taking one day at a time will be eaiser than trying to regain total control. Food is a wonderful comfort and right now you are hurting. It's okay. Maybe tomorrow you can make some better choices for food. After tomorrow, maybe another day of better choices and befor you know it you'll be back on track. It took me several years after my Dad died(I was 17) before I stopped reading Father's Day cards, looking for birthday cards on his birthday. Time does heal all wounds, you never forget but living each day gets a little easier. I guess I didn't give you a kick in the rear, but sometimes life is more than a little hard to handle, and I really feel that's where you are. Give yourself permission to still grieve, and then one small step at a time. Hope you can cheer up some. I will check back to see how you are. I know others on this board wil give you their support and help. Take what you can from each one. Take care.

Linda

[pbinn]

First, let me say how sorry i am for your loss. Grieving is so natural and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. What you dont want to do is let it totaling consume you, you know your mom wouldnt want that for you. Hard as it is, try and remember all the good times and funny things that will hopefully put a smile on your face when you remember her. Do you have a friend you can call on, or even your husband, when you get into a funk and maybe go for a walk or just chat on the phone instead of eating something you know you shouldnt? The holidays are always very hard..maybe buy some of your mom's favorite flowers or something like that, and keep her in your heart. Try and smile when you think of her, and remember that you will be fine with time..

 

Now for the "kick in the butt"....keep healthy stuff in your house to eat if yu feel you have to, and feel free to eat an occassional oreo if you want to.Just not the whole bag!! take it one day at a time..i know you will be fine and you can do this!

[indiaksue]

Hi Cruzrgrl,

 

I to am really sorry for your loss. I can't say I totally understand it because I have not lost my Mother. But I do understand that really horrible feeling of spiraling out of control. There is not much worse than that, except your grief. As far as the weight goes here are some important things I do to stay on track.

 

First, STAY ON THIS BOARD! Even if you are having problems. I recently went through this when I unexpectedly gained 4 1/2 lbs. I was so discouraged, and didn't want to read or post here, but I made myself, because everyone here obviously struggles with their weight for whatever reason, and they really can help support.

 

I have noticed from previous weight gains that once you start a chain of bad habits back up you seem to gain no matter what you do. I don't know if there is scientific evidence for this, but it seems to be how it works. I start changing those little things in the positive direction and it takes a couple of weeks, then I start to lose again. Do you have a food diary. If you don't I would start one. This helps you see where you have come. If you have one go back to days when you were losing and try eating the same things. It is so easy to forget what you did months ago. Also the ladies here encouraged me to drink more water. I don't drink enough so I thought okay I'll try it, and it worked. The extra weight slid off quickly.

 

The most important thing is exercise. Are you doing this? It makes you feel more in control, and it helps fight depression and is great for stress management at this time of year. I was worried about the winter and not being able to get out and walk or bike, but the ladies here suggested I get a video called "Walk Away the Pounds". It is wonderful, I am so glad that I followed that advice.

 

I hope you will keep us updated, we really do care here and want to help. Try also to remember your promise to your mom to lose the weight and be healthy. This should be great incentive, because it is what she wants for you also.

 

Good luck, and take care.

Angie

[WeirdEyes]

Crzgrl, I too am sorry for your loss. As everyone has stated, grieving is a long, hard process that you must go through. You are going to have high and low days. You really need to get yourself together emotionally before you can even attempt to lose weight. Have you thought about talking to someone professionally? I know that it can really help. It is wonderful that you have such a supportive husband. Take your diet one day at a time and try to eat what you are suppose to eat. Hopefully, you can get a little exercise. It will make you feel better and relieve some stress. I wish you the best and will be thinking about you. As a previous poster said, please come back here and talk to us whenever you feel the need. We will listen and not judge you. We are all here for each other. I know I couldn't get through my weight loss without this group. Take care.

[nosnobunny]

You really sound like you're hurting. :( Keep one thing in mind - there is no set time limit for the grieving process. My Dad died when I was just 21. It started a downward spiral of depression that I didn't need to go through. By the time I finally sought medical help, years had past. Don't let that happen to you. It's such a big waste and those were years I could never get back. Yes I took medication, but it wasn't a life sentence. It leveled out the moods making those black holes not quite so deep. Don't rule it out. Who knows, you may not even need it. That's a Dr's call.

 

What would you Mom want for you? When you feel down, try to remember something you did together that made you happy or laugh. It's easy to dwell on the emptiness and it takes work to pull yourself out of it. There's nothing to be ashamed of when you have to ask for help.

 

{{{cruzrgrl}}}

 

Beth

[BuilderMan]

cruzrgrl - All I can add to the previous posts is a big hug...{{{HUG}}}. There are some excellent pieces of advise from all of the posters here before me. Listen to them. Take one day at a time, or even one meal at a time. You'll get back on track. I know you will! Stay with this board. This is the most supportive group I have ever encountered and I know that you will receive help in every area of your life. We are here for you!

 

Lynn

[litig8rij]

greetings --

i lost my mom in 1976 when i was only 13. thus, i have lived 2/3 of my life without her. since she was a single parent & i an only child, she was my world. can you say lost? that i was!

my godmother gave me a tip for dealing with my immense depression. she told me that my mom was now my guardian angel, looking out for me and guiding me through life. she told me to talk to her regularly, tell her my thoughts and feelings and, when necessary, ask for a little "other worldly" help when things get exceptionally bad. this concept can work no matter what religion you are...it certainly has for me. i mean, i have been married almost 14 years and have known my husband for 27; still, my mom died before i met him. she died before i went to college (the first in my family to do so), before i went to law school, before my kidlets were born. nonetheless, she knows my family. i laugh about things i now do that are SO her, that i SWORE as a kid i would NEVER do ("why do i get to choose? 'cuz I'M the mommy, that's why!" --did that come out of ME? :D )

28 years after my mom passed away i'm as close to her as ever. no, i don't get to go shopping for her during the holidays but i do one thing that is special to me -- every year, i buy an ornament for my tree that i know she'd get a kick out of. thus, she's a part of my holiday experience & i get to plan and search for something special for her. if you're jewish, get a special little menorah; celebrate kwanzaa? pick out a nice candle. the point is, no matter your tradition, your mom doesn't have to be left out.

maybe this could help you. i don't know if it's "true" or not; however, it doesn't matter. santa and the tooth fairy are REAL to my kids because they believe. my mom is here with me daily because i believe...

...and remember, you're never alone -- you've ALWAYS have us here at cc!;)

[marvholly]

I VERY much understand what you are going thru. I lost my hubby 8/03 (3 1/2 weeks after oldest DD got married, the pix were not even back) and my mother after 6 horrible weeks of illnesses 1/04. The holidays, birthdays are tough times. I have held myself together with involvment in work, watching slightly over my dad and my grown kids. I still do some of the holidays like always and plan/prepare all our usual dishes. Oldest DD also does a few holidays over the last 2 years. It takes time and the loss(s) never completly go away/heal.

[LAFFNVEGAS]

crusrgrl, I too want to give you a big {{{HUG}}} I know what you are going thru is tough but you need to concentrate on you. I remember not that many weeks ago how wonderful you were doing with you weight loss. You were feeling really good about what you were doing. I know you can get that feeling back. You said you promised your Mom you would loose weight, well starting tomorrow that should be your new mission, Just say" Mom I am doing this for me and you!!" I know you know what to do because you were started in the right direction before. Sometimes we have to become hard headed and say this is the day I am going to make a change. I know you can do it!!! Keep us posted.

[nosnobunny]

Yes Holly, I remember you've had a really hard year. :( How are you doing?

 

Beth