My preparation for carnival splendor...any suggestions?

[hommebronze]

HOW I AM PREPARING TO CRUISE ABOARD CARNIVAL SPLENDOR TO MEXICO

 

1. I went to a buffet restaurant for lunch and practiceD stopping in place for no reason at all.

 

2. Then I got behind a person...I pushed my plate/tray into their L4-L5 vertebrae. When they turn and glare, I said..."huh, what you mean?".... as they turned away, I pushed the tray again , rolled my eyes upwards and asked “Do you know where Funship Freddie is?

 

3. Then, I sat with strangers at a table and told them I was practicing to meet tablemates for my next cruise.

 

4. If the strangers accept me, I then I tell them how much I hate this cruise line and I should

know because I been on 30 of their cruises.... I made a mistake, though, I ordered an extra entrée forgetting, I would have to pay for it ...I practiced giving everyone in the restaurant wearing shorts or flip flops the once over with my eyes, even a tisk tisk here or there ..….Tomorrow, I am going to a breakfast buffet in my pajamas.

 

5. I went to AAA travel agency, sat next to a customer and said,“I got a great deal on my Carnival cruise, how much did you pay?...no matter what they said, I answered,...yeah, that's pretty good but I paid (i.e. any amount $300 + less than they

paid)***

***(if someone beat my price then I tell them my wife is a travel agent

and we are paying $25 per day!...if they top that, I tell them I got

a free cruise because I sued Carnival after our last cruise because our cabin steward did not put a towel monkey on the bed on formal night!...

*** this really aggravates New Yorkers and Floridians :>))

.

 

 

6. Yesterday, I stood in my shower, wrapped the shower curtain around me and showered by standing in one place.

 

7. I started eating a lot of food.

 

8. I took taxi and told the driver "the best beach, please!"

 

9. I climbed to my roof ,leaned out…I pointed and yelled 'LOOK, LOOK A WHALE!"

 

10. Every time I go to my toilet, I take my vacuum cleaner and turn it on when I flush.

 

11..I pushed my way on a crowded elevator, while insisting that there's lots of room. (Be sure to stay by the doors, so that those who got on first and want to get off first, have to ask your permission.

 

12.I never leave the house without my duct tape, over the door shoe organizer, surge protector, lysol wipes, and a night light.

 

13 Yesterday morning, I woke up at 5AM and crept around the neighborhood, placing towels on my neighbors' patio chairs to reserve them for the day.

 

14.. I told my mailman he was late with my room service. I told him to be on time tomorrow.

 

15.. I rolled up $20 bills and lit them on fire in preparation for my casino losses.

 

16. I gave my wife I an Onboard Credit for packing my clothes.

 

 

17.Went to the public library to use their computers and complained loudly about how slow the internet connection is.

 

18.Dropped my kids off at the store and let then run wild in the aisles, while I went for a nice relaxing massage.

 

19. I fill water bottles with vodka, white rum, and gin

 

20. Finally, I practiced singing the Love Boat Theme song at Sunday services

 

So, do you all think I am ready to cruise :>))

[cruisin03040506]

I think you are more than ready. Thanks for the tips and the laughs, I think I should start practicing too!

[Gabrielle]

Are you going on the 3/31 sailing? We're on it. We actually did win this one. Really! On our last cruise in Nov. for our anniversary, we won the last-night raffle. Best anniversary present ever!