Another Venting Session

[Bride2Be0911]

Let me preface this with I told my mom, sister and FSIL that the one person that I wanted at my shower no matter what was by best friend of 21 years. We live in different parts of the state, and for the last 5 years have lived in different states all together. The date for my shower was picked because SHE could attend…I literally told her to look at a calendar and pick a weekend that worked best…

So my bridal shower is next weekend and RSVPs were due yesterday. My best friend hadn’t officially responded, so my mom asked me if I was still positive she was coming because she was ordering the food/cake. I sent her a text reminding her it was next weekend since I assumed she could come after picking the date.

Boy was I wrong! She sent me back a text message saying “I can’t make it…sorry hun. I’ve got to stay in (where she lives) next weekend).” When I asked her why she said she had been traveling a lot lately and just wanted to stay home with her husband.

Seriously?:confused:? I am so mad and hurt right now I don’t know what to do with myself. This is the final straw in a friendship that I’ve realized has been one-sided over the last few years (she isn’t coming to my wedding either and I even offered to pay for her). I don’t know if I should react or just say fine and get over it.

Gotta love friends. :mad:

[patseacruiser]

Frenemies.

[lovepea]

You've got two choices. 1) don't bring up how you feel with her, and let it eat at you inside. 2) tell her that you're hurt she doesn't want to share in this special time for you and perhaps your friendship isn't all that it used to be.

 

Option 2 may either end things completely or open the door for real conversation.

 

Good luck! I'm sorry you have to go through this.

[usafchick1980]

You've got two choices. 1) don't bring up how you feel with her, and let it eat at you inside. 2) tell her that you're hurt she doesn't want to share in this special time for you and perhaps your friendship isn't all that it used to be.

 

Option 2 may either end things completely or open the door for real conversation.

 

Good luck! I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

I completely agree with this. Unfortunately I would be #1..but I don't recommend it.

[Artemis908]

My best friend of 20 years lives in NY and I live in PA. Yet she was able to make it to everything... engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, and wedding. Yes she was my maid of honor, but when you've been friends for that long, you know how important is to be there for the big stuff. Sure, we don't talk everyday and before the wedding stuff went on, we saw each other maybe twice a year, but getting married is a big deal! I would do the same for her in a heartbeat.

 

Sounds like this is a one sided friendship indeed and you deserve better. Just out of curiosity, did you go to everything for her wedding?

[ncovert]

Let me preface this with I told my mom, sister and FSIL that the one person that I wanted at my shower no matter what was by best friend of 21 years. We live in different parts of the state, and for the last 5 years have lived in different states all together. The date for my shower was picked because SHE could attend…I literally told her to look at a calendar and pick a weekend that worked best…

So my bridal shower is next weekend and RSVPs were due yesterday. My best friend hadn’t officially responded, so my mom asked me if I was still positive she was coming because she was ordering the food/cake. I sent her a text reminding her it was next weekend since I assumed she could come after picking the date.

Boy was I wrong! She sent me back a text message saying “I can’t make it…sorry hun. I’ve got to stay in (where she lives) next weekend).” When I asked her why she said she had been traveling a lot lately and just wanted to stay home with her husband.

Seriously?:confused:? I am so mad and hurt right now I don’t know what to do with myself. This is the final straw in a friendship that I’ve realized has been one-sided over the last few years (she isn’t coming to my wedding either and I even offered to pay for her). I don’t know if I should react or just say fine and get over it.

Gotta love friends. :mad:

 

Wow, that is way hurtful!

 

Can't say how you should act/react because it is your relationship. At the very least when you are in a calm place I would express the emotions she has made you feel from this slight and the not coming to your wedding. Might be too deep to get into before the wedding. It is hard when we put so much into something that others are not will to do the same.

 

You will still have a great shower and beautiful wedding.

[Bride2Be0911]

Thanks for everyone's advice. Unfortunately I've been number 1 for a number of years and am getting to the point where I just resent her. I know her (or at least think I do) well enough to believe that she isn't doing this on purpose...she just doesn't get it. Life has always been about her...

I will give you a bit of background about our friendship for those that were curious. She got married when we were 20 and I went to everything. She found out a few years ago that she was unable to have children and I offered not only to give her my egg, but I would be her surrogate and move to where she was while pregnant if she needed/wanted me to. In the time she has been married I have gone to visit her about 6 times and helped her unpack/get settled after moving twice. Her husband is in the services so that has been 3 different locations. She hasn’t come to visit me once, but has come to visit her family multiple times. The only time I saw her was if I picked her up at the airport and drove her to where we grew up, or the one time she “fit me in”. I have been with my FDH for 3 years and she met him for the first time about 2 months ago…

I feel like I have offered to give up everything for her at some point in time and she “fits me in”…and it’s a crappy feeling.

Sorry to complain a lot everyone…I just needed to vent a little and I am still so mad that if I attempt to talk to her about it I more than likely will blow up. :rolleyes:

[Handsome58]

like men. They can only treat you the way you allow them to. This is suppose to be YOUR DAY!!!!! Get upset now......mourn the lost of A ONE-SIDED FRIENDSHIP...........then get on with your life.........do not let that selfish person who does not pay rent for space in your head into your head!!!!!!! Relax and have a great wedding!!!!!!

[Lipz]

Sound as if you already 'knew' the realness of this friendship, but it took this special time in your life to confirm it. Even if you tell her how you feel she may not 'get it'. Give yourself some closer though. I would suggest a letter, not an email, an old fashion get a stamp, put it in the mailbox letter. Don't do it with any expectation of a reply. Just get what you need said out, free yourself, and even if responds, read it, put it away, and move on. You have to much life to live.