Would you want to know?

[lizziez00]

We leave on the Elation in 12 days..leave next Wed for New Orleans.... my mom had her 5th heart attack since I was 16 (45 now) last Saturday...as well as many other now fairly terminal issues. She was to go to a rehab facility and then to a nursing home today... now she is just being released to her home (alone) as she is doing better. (I think she is the bionic woman!!)

After next Wed, I do not want to know if anything happens to her until I return home.....

We have said our "goodbye's" multiple times in the last few years. Can you imagine if I (and my family) didn't go anywhere for the last 29 years!!!

If something happens to her while I am gone...what can I do??? I will deal with it when I get back and enjoy the time with my daughters while I am on the ship. I have supported her through everything thus far and I don't think it is cold hearted to feel this way....enjoy this time with your husband and it sounds like he has made his decision.

[gobucks_43228]

I'm in agreement that I wouldn't want to know if it were my parents. I've already lost my grandparents. My parents wouldn't want our vacation ruined and things to just be handled when we arrive home.

[maggieworkman]

Personally, I would want to be notified. I would get travel insurance that would pay for the costly flight back.

 

Maggie

[maplevale]

But if OP's inlaws are not terminal then you can't live your life just waiting for it to happen. You have to LIVE.

 

 

This.

 

Having had 2 close family members pass aways suddenly and unexpectedly from heart attacks - withing 3 months of each other - I can appreciate how short life can be, how sudden it can change, and how important it is to value any time you have with people while you have it. You can't change the circumstances after the fact.

 

(My Granny passed away December 27th- we spent Christmas 'at home' that year so I missed seeing her by 2 days. But who was to know anything was going to happen? Instead of dwelling on that I try to remember the last visit I DID have with her.)

[ccarpenter1963]

We actually went through something along those lines recently. Last August my sister found her husband dead from a massive heart attack. The very next day, their only child's best friend was killed in a car accident. Five months later my father passed away unexpectedly. Three months after that my sister's, sister in law (youngest sister of her husband who passed away) passed away from pancreatic cancer. In May my family and my sister and her daughter went to Myrtle Beach for a week. We told everyone, if someone else passes away while we are gone, we DO NOT want to be notified. We desperately needed time to get away and try to heal. Thankfully nothing bad happened then, but I would have been extremely upset if someone had went against our wishes.

 

Call us selfish if you will, but walk a mile in someone else's shoes first.

[JTfromGA]

I have a 81 year old handicap mom who is planning on going with me and my DH on our cruise in December. We love her dearly (she is the only parent we have left) but she doesn't go on every cruise with us. If something serious did happen to her while we were on a cruise, I would want to know. I am the child who takes care of her and I have responsibility to her. Would my vacation be ruined? I wouldn't think of it in that way. My vacation would be postponed or shortened because of a family emergency. I don't mean to anger or offend anyone but if something happened to your child or sibling would you still not want to know or would it only be for a parent?

[cruiselvr04]

We cruise a couple of times a year. I leave my daughter an email each time with things like where the car is parked (if we die) and when to call us. I have always said I want to know if anyone in the immediate family is hospitalized or dies. Don't call me with anything else. I would want to know but if it was a parent (and we have one right now that may go soon) siblings could take care of things and wait for the service until we returned. Kids are totally different as this would require returning as quickly as possible to help.

Husbands brother was killed in an accident last year. One of the 6 siblings was out of the country for the first time ever and truely did not have enough money to get back. He was notified and missed the funeral (could not wait as sons were in the military and only had so much time off). No one thought bad of him for his decision.

So for us, tell us but don't expect us to return early.

[Scrapenthusiast]

Thank you for all of your wonderful responses.

 

Stu...this has been planned for almost 2 years...(not knowing his parents would be where they are now)

 

Everything is paid for from the Early Saver cruise, plane tickets, all of the hotels driving up the coast of CA and the car rentals. Canceling would be out of the question. What if nothing happened in that 4 week time period?

 

The question was "would you want to know", not "do I cancel".

I would want to know...but as a few of you have said, I should respect my husbands decision. It is his parents.

 

They are being cremated. When and if anything should happen while we are gone, the funeral would be held until we returned.

 

In this situation I think you guys are doing what is best for you. If in the same situation, I'm not sure I'd want to know. Especially if my husband told me he doesn't want to know. I can see his point that there would be nothing that you could do, if they should pass. And frankly it would just ruin your vacation. This is a very tough situation, but I agree that if it were me I'd respect my husband's wishes and go along with what he wants to do since they are his parents. I hope you guys have a fantastic vacation, and nothing happens while you are gone.

 

Latisha

[karinvt]

Well, they planned this long vacation knowing that the hubby had elderly parents in a nursing home. Her husband doesn't want to be notified while on that vacation. I think his wishes have to be respected. It is he who will have to live with his decision.

 

Would travel insurance pay for them to get home if a immediate family member died?

 

 

This poster is right travel insurance would pay..my pvp just tried to talk us into it on our last booking using this as a selling point. I think you should have them contact you. I know I would want to know.

[quickrate]

I like the idea of having a function with the parents and family before you leave.

As far as not planning a long trip when elderly parents are in a nursing home-I have heard of family members being in the homes for months, years. My hope is that the parents would want their children to enjoy themselves and go on the cruises.

I would tell the family not to contact me while on the cruises, as I would know that I have shown my parents love through out their lives.

This is really a personal decision and whatever they(mainly the husband since they are his parents) decide is right for them and none of us should judge.

 

I so agree with this. Planning something with them before you leave would be awesome and showing them love. I've already told my kids- cremate me, no funeral, have a party and celebrate my life! And put my ashes in the sea.

Pat

[TriciaEMTB]

This poster is right travel insurance would pay..my pvp just tried to talk us into it on our last booking using this as a selling point. I think you should have them contact you. I know I would want to know.

 

Travel insurance reimburses ou from what I understand but you still front the money.

 

Ops husband made his decision and they're his parents so he made the best decision for him and his family.

 

 

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[Jana60]

I have a 81 year old handicap mom who is planning on going with me and my DH on our cruise in December. We love her dearly (she is the only parent we have left) but she doesn't go on every cruise with us. If something serious did happen to her while we were on a cruise, I would want to know. I am the child who takes care of her and I have responsibility to her. Would my vacation be ruined? I wouldn't think of it in that way. My vacation would be postponed or shortened because of a family emergency. I don't mean to anger or offend anyone but if something happened to your child or sibling would you still not want to know or would it only be for a parent?

 

I'm actually not sure at this point whether I would want to know. In the past I would have said yes. But as I said in an earlier post I would not have gone on ANY vacation for 12 years if I had stayed home because of my mothers health. In addition to this I had already had 1 vacation ended abruptly because of my mother going into the hospital. I was on a road trip to California in 2005. When I had just left there to make a slow trip back to Oklahoma (I had planned several stops) I received news that Mom was in the hospital. I drove night and day to get back to Oklahoma. She was fine that time. But there is no way of knowing, so the dilema is whether to just stay at home on the chance that a family member might die while you are gone, Go on trip and if family member gets sick or dies struggle to get home, Or #3 just wait to find out when you get home as there is nothing you can do if you go home sooner. I really feel no desire or need to rush home to visit a dead body and since in my belief system my Mom went to heaven when she died. She did not remain in that body so there was no reason to visit it once she died. If a family member is sick or dying but NOT dead I would want to come home to say goodbye but if they are already dead I can talk to them just as easily when I get home. If I am executor of the will I might feel an obligation to come home immediately and take care of business issues. If I am not executor there is no need.

[Mxlady]

Crusing Nut said "Keep in mind that anything can happen to anyone at any time. Before you leave for vacation, have a picnic, a gathering or a simple visit to those you are worried about. Tell them you love them and go on your vacation. My guess would be any of these people that you are worried about, will tell you the same thing."

 

Have to agree and go enjoy.

[us2swingu]

My take on this one is simple and from a different point of view. If it where me as the parent I would instruct my kids to go on the cruise and continue life. I have been a part of my children's lives for there entire life and if i was to die i would be dead and would not care, but I always want my kids to be happy no matter what and I would completely understand. I could spend my time with them Pryor to them leaving. once I'm dead then I'm dead grieving is for the living and they can grieve on there time.... Just sayin" and I hope I explained it well..

[Warm Breezes]

Prior to our 3rd cruise with my immediate family, 2 DB's, DM and SF, my DF was in the hospital with heart issues. He was on the transplant list and was in and out of the hospitals every few months. When we left he seemed to be getting better. While we were gone, he got a staff infection and went down hill rapidly. My SM and Aunts waited until after we were off the cruise to alert us to this down turn. He passed away 3 days after our return. In retrospect, I was glad they did not alert us until after we returned. None of us had insurance and an emergency flight home for all of us would have been out of the question (we had driven 24 hours to FL for this trip). That would have left us all stressed and worried when there was nothing we could do.

 

Prior to our 7th planned cruise my DGM, who had been in an assisted care home, started going downhill. My Aunt urged us to go ahead on our vacation. My kids and I were closer to DGM than I was my own DF. I had lived with her for a few years while in college and my kids, whom my Aunt (her DD) babysat, spent a lot of time with her. We learned from our 3rd cruise the value of purchasing travel insurance. We told my Aunt that if she passed away before we got on the ship, we would head home, otherwise we would be gone for the 5 days and to let us know when we returned. We had planned extended vacation afterwards in NY that we could easily cut short. We drove 14 hours to NY and received the phone call right after we checked into our hotel that she had passed away. We turned around and went home the next day instead of getting on our ship. My son's words were "We can go on our cruise anytime, we only have one Great Grandma."

 

If we had been on the ship when she passed away, my Aunt would have let us know when we returned and we would have gone home then. As it was, she passed away before, we had insurance and we went home to grieve with our family and had a replacement cruise later that year.

 

OP you need to do what is right for your family, just as we did what was right for ours. If your DH doesn't want to know until you return then I would respect his wishes.

[gambee]

I have a similar situation, going with mom in a cruise in November on the Allure and this is really only our second cruise and very expensive one if I may add.

 

My granny is old, but in ok health. During our last cruise my mother would always desperately check the email to see if everything was ok. I told her there is nothing you can do (my grandmother lives in Colombia, we live in the us), when we got back from the cruise the day after my grandmother fell and broke a hand, she underwent surgery and is slowly healing.

 

Due to this my mother decided to move back to Colombia to take care of my grandma. She is flying back to the states for our cruise and I am afraid that is something happens while she is here, she would would want to know.

 

I guess I sound a little selfish, but the thing is that she is miserable living in Colombia and I honestly think that she needs of this vacation as much as I do. But she always has to constantly worry about something and I think I inherited that :-/.

 

I thought about talking to her about this but I know that she would never agree to something like that. She would want to know, but she would stay on the cruise... Not in the best mood, but understandable. Myself I rather not know until I get back, there is no need to add stress in a situation that I can't help at all.

 

 

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[gfy012]

I have not read any of the comments but I have been in the same situation. And no I didn't want to be notified. Respect your husbands wishes. :)

[jetteh22]

Myself... If I knew my parents were both very ill and have been for some days/weeks/months now.. I would visit them, tell them I love them, etc, and take the cruise and I wouldn't want to be notified.

 

BUT.. If my parents/best friend/somebody close to me was perfectly healthy and all of a sudden became deathly ill or in a bad car accident or something I would want to be told so I could try and make it back to say goodbye.

[shonuf]

My mother and I used to cruise together (she and my father were around 80 at the time). We decided that if anything happened to him while we were gone, we wanted to know but wouldn't do anything to cut the trip short. I am an only child so we were the only blood relatives he had and we would deal with whatever when we returned.

 

In 2006, my father was in the last stages of kidney disease and on hospice care. My son was nearing his busiest week of the whole year with many, many people whose vacations would have been affected if he had to leave town. I told him during that week that I would only talk to him on my cell phone because I didn't want him to necessarily know where I was. My parents lived in another state and I would be there at the end. This was the only grandfather my son had ever known and my son was the only grandchild so I knew it would devastate him. I told him if anything happened during that week, that I wouldn't tell him until his event was over and we would wait for him. My father survived the week and on the final morning of the event, my son called and said, "OK, it's over, you can tell me whatever you need to." I told him his grandfather would probably die later that day and I would let him know. I went in and told my father that the event was over and Brooke could come. He passed away within 2 hours.

 

Might not have worked for large families but it worked for us.

 

It's the husband's choice. I understand.

[petesweet]

No I would not want to be notified.

 

Visit them before you leave.

 

If they pass away while you're gone, you'll come home and mourn their passing.

 

I think it would be different if one was in a nursing home and the other was still in the family home and would perhaps need support by family and friends should the spouse in the nursing home pass away.

 

I don't want to sound heartless but what good would rushing home from your vacation do? It sounds like your husband is prepared (as much as anyone can be) for his parents passing.

 

When someone dies, you need to support the living. The person who is dead, is already gone.

 

 

I fall in the group of those who would not want to be notified. In fact, we will be facing the very same situation (possibly) in December. Cremation as well. A nice farewell service will be planned when the family is back together if our loved one dies. (And I recognize that it would be different if an elderly spouse were left behind who would need comforting care.)

When people are in nursing homes, they can sometimes live for years, and we could put our entire lives on hold for a morbid death watch. My family would not want that.

Kathy

Kathy

[Blondilu]

As so many have stated, this is your husband's choice and his choice alone.

 

As far as whether or not I would want to know, if they've already passed, probably not. Really what could I do?

 

But, if they're dying, then maybe. I might want to try and get there to say goodbye. But, even that would depend. I was there for each of my parent's passings and in each case they were long "gone" before they ever stopped breathing. I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else, but they didn't know either way. So, it really was for me and my siblings.

 

The best thing, IMO, is to live in the here and now and don't worry about the what-ifs. So many times what-ifs turn into the "didn't happen after all and I worried for nothing". I really like the idea of having a special time for them before you go. I bet they'll love it.