Nothing to do with cruises but funny

[stevedeccaman]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

 

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"

 

The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?"

 

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

 

“If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

 

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

 

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

 

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

 

Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

 

 

 

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

 

 

 

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"

 

 

 

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Halfords.."

STEVIE :D

 

 

 

 

[barnowl1950]

That's good :D have you ever considered applying to join Thomsons entertainment team?

[mtt]

everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

 

a customer asked, "in what aisle could i find the irish sausage?"

 

the clerk asks, "are you irish?"

 

the guy, clearly offended, says, "yes i am. But let me ask you something.

 

“if i had asked for italian sausage, would you ask me if i was italian?

 

or if i had asked for german bratwurst, would you ask me if i was german?

 

or if i asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if i was jewish?

 

or if i had asked for a taco, would you ask if i was mexican?

 

or if i asked for polish sausage, would you ask if i was polish?"

 

 

 

the clerk says, "no, i probably wouldn't."

 

 

 

the guy says, "well then, because i asked for irish sausage, why did you ask me if i'm irish?"

 

 

 

the clerk replied, "because you're in halfords.."

 

stevie :d

 

 

 

 

 

 

:d:d:d

[kalos]

Its a classic Stevie :D

 

Talking of classics ..............

 

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship

holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A man approached her and said: "Pardon me but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat."

" Do you know that your privates are exposed!" said the man .

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and then replied,

" Anything you see down there is 80 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!" ;):D

 

Its almost Friday , So if your off cruising have a good one and if not have a good weekend ! :)

[stevedeccaman]

 

 

 

amazing simple home remedies :)

 

1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down

your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

 

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to

hold the vegetables while you chop.

 

3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using

the sink.

 

4. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a

few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a

timer.

 

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from

rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

 

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be

afraid to cough.

 

7. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move

and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

 

8. Remember - everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 

9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

 

 

Daily thought:

Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring

a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

[geomagot]

Lolol:D:D

 

Loving this.....this has even dragged me away from the twitter campaign to #Free 'valet' Bates

 

More of same please:D

[stevedeccaman]

We might get complaints as this is Cruise forum for help and advice to those in need :) or not indeed :confused:

 

think our regular Kruzze should make the decision :eek:

 

Stevie ;)

[stevedeccaman]

Sorry for any spelling mistakes etc

 

am a senior person now, so is allowed :D

 

Stevie ;)

[kalos]

Sorry for any spelling mistakes etc

 

am a senior person now, so is allowed :D

 

Stevie ;)

 

No your not old really Stevie ,here's a 12 point Checklist,just to make sure .....

 

 

1 06:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

 

2 A 'late night' now ends at 10 pm.

 

3 An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

 

4 Sat eating alone at the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating Rice Krispies .

 

5 Happy hour is a nap.

 

6 People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

 

7 You hold all reading material at arms length just to read it

 

8 You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

 

9 You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.

 

10 You make strange noises when you stand up or sit down in a chair.

 

11 Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

 

12 You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.:eek:

 

 

 

On a cruising note , another milestone tomorrow !

 

I can select our flight seats on the Thomson flights :rolleyes: Our 90 days to our return flight are finally here ;)

 

Why you cannot book as you book your holiday is beyond me :confused:

[geomagot]

James Bond and a female blonde agent, 0036C, had to decipher some secret agent type message

 

Blonde agent whipped her small slimline laptop out of her Rolex handbag and typed in the

password, Mickey_Donald_Huey_Luey_Dewey_Goofey_Pluto_London

 

'What kind of a password is that?' asked Bond

 

Agent Blond replied 'Q told me my password should contain at least 7 characters and a capital'

 

 

:D

[kruzseeka]

We might get complaints as this is Cruise forum for help and advice to those in need :) or not indeed :confused:

 

think our regular Kruzze should make the decision :eek:

 

Stevie ;)

 

With this weather I think we're all in need - of something to make us smile! :D;)

[Malch_uk]

We might get complaints as this is Cruise forum for help and advice to those in need :) or not indeed :confused:

 

 

Stevie ;)

 

This is about cruising:

 

I was on Spirit last week and fell asleep in a deck chair resulting in badly sunburnt legs. Went to the ship's doctor who took one look and gave me a v1agra.

I asked "will that relieve the pain?"

He said "no, but it will keep the sheets off your legs".

 

Boom boom.:D

 

.

[happy v]

:d:d:d:d

[happy v]

:d:d:d:d

 

 

 

Why aren't they smillies ???:confused:

[stevedeccaman]

I have the same problem , but the doctor gave me some tablets:D

 

Stevie

[Sailaway487]

Why aren't they smillies ???:confused:

 

Think it has to be a capital D

 

:d

 

:D

[kalos]

A policeman knocked on our front door the other day .

He held up a photograph and asked " Is this your wife ?"

I looked and said " Yes"

Policeman said " Sorry sir but it looks like your wife has been involved in a car accident"

I Said " I know but shes got a nice personality "

　

My mrs has asked for something silky for her birthday .

No doubt this tin of emulsion I got her will be the wrong colour.

 

I drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument.

As we passed a field of cows and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "relatives of yours?"

"Yes," I replied, "In-laws."

 

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands.

As they came back, just before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.

They noticed that the only place to stop was a cemetery.

Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

 

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took her panties off, used them and discarded them.

The second, not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a nearby flower wreath.

 

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other:...

"We have to be on the look-out; it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties...

" The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her bum that read, "We will never forget you.":eek:

 

:D:D:D

[kalos]

There seems to be lots of talk about this "Fine Dining " on ships .

 

Can we take our pets as well ? ;) film Click here :D

[happy v]

Think it has to be a capital D

 

:d

 

:D

 

I didn't type anything I just clicked on the pictures and it came out like that. :confused::confused:

[kalos]

I didn't type anything I just clicked on the pictures and it came out like that. :confused::confused:

 

Well they seem to be working now Happy V :)

 

When you go into the Reply box to write your post, look below the box.

 

You will see "ADDITIONAL OPTIONS"... Make sure you have not ticked the

 

"Disable smilies in text" box as that would stop them .;)