Review of Valor 5/29/05

[Wolfsrun]

I cruised on the Valor's Western Caribbean cruise. We stopped in Belize, Roatan, Grand Cayman and Cozumel. I was with my wife, parents and three brothers. This is my second cruise, so make of that what you will.

 

I had mixed feelings about the Valor, and I think that Carnival could really make things better by correcting a few problems. The largest problems were embarkation, disembarkation, tendering, and getting information while on the ship. High points were: service in the dining area and staterooms, the food in general, the pizza, hamburger grill and sushi bar in particular, and the overall attention to detail and beauty of the ship itself. I will address all of the above in turn.

 

Embarkation/Disembarkation - Miami is a nightmare. Expect to roll in to the port terminal area in either your bus or taxi or rental, etc and sit in long lines of cars all honking and fighting for position in a convoluted nightmare. There was one police officer doing a horrendous job of trying to direct traffic. He basically was ignored by every car the inched by him.

 

After this craziness, when your car finally drops you off, some guy in a white helmet and carnival name tag will direct you to place your bags in a random metal crate. Since you get no receipt, you are running on faith that you'll ever see them again. We had a number of fragile stickers on our dive gear bag - more because the booze we were smuggling onto the ship was in it than for the actual dive gear - regardless, the baggage guy threw the bad haphazardly into the crate in disregard of the stickers. We tipped him well anyway, hoping that our bags would make it. (They did, but it took half the day to get them to the cabin - pack your toothbrush and bathing suit in your carry on).

 

After watching a forklift take out bags into the void, we joined an already long line of people that wound around those nylon lines drawn between steel stands in a maze of waiting. We already had our fun passes filled out, which didn't matter - there was a single line for everyone. We arrived at 12:00 even though we could not board until 1:30. This proved to be a good idea as we stood in line for 1.5 hours even though we were there early - and we stood - there was nowhere to sit. By about 1:00, the line stretched far beyond the small terminal area and out into the desperately hot Miami sun. I felt bad for the people baking out there - but better them than me.

 

At 1:30 some moron from Carnival decided to just open all the lines and let everyone flow through the reception area toward the main area and security. This caused all of the people baking in the sun to charge the doors and push and squeeze toward the bottleneck of metal detectors. This seemed horribly unfair, because we had waited 1.5 hours to get through the line and they were bypassing it entirely. Another note, the Carnival employees looked completely overwhelmed - much in the same manner a store owner looks as his establishment is looted by rioters.

 

We finally pushed and shoved our way through security and got to wait IN ANOTHER LINE for our room keys. Completely disregarding years of technology, Carnival chose to have the passes tucked into little pieces of paper, in no apparent order, which caused the overworked employees sitting behind the counter to leaf through numerous folios until they found the right name.

 

Another Push - a quick line through the security machine where our photo was taken - and we were on the boat!

 

We breathed easy for the first time that morning. The Valor is an impressively beautiful ship. Every detail in its design is thought out and every amenity is provided. There is art everywhere - paintings, images and architecture abound in a pleasing way that makes one feel he or she is in a place or has free rein in a museum. You board on deck three, in a spectacular atrium where a brilliant pianist was playing soothing music on a grand piano (obviously to deal with the stress of the embarkation process). On this level you can also reach the information desk, the excursion desk, and the Ivanhoe Theater. Sunlight pours in from the high overhead glass ceiling, and everything is plush and elegant.

 

We immediately rolled out to our rooms, even though they said they would not be ready. They were and our sail and sign card (room key and on ship credit card) worked immediately. The rooms were large and comfortable, with plenty of closet space and large areas under the beds to stuff our empty bags (which did not arrive until later in the afternoon). The rooms have comfortable beds with plush comforters, big fluffy pillows and soft sheets. There was a TV (which we never watched), a pretty damn large bathroom (for a ship) with the usual shower, sink and toilet. Opposite the bed, there was a separate vanity with a large mirror. We had an interior room - so no balcony - but didn't miss this much as we were only in the room to sleep and for a pre-dinner drinks (more on that later).

 

We locked all of our passports, wallets and cash in the safe, and left the room for lunch. The cool thing about cruise ships is that all you need all day is the room key, which doubles as your ID and charge card. IT can be a little dangerous as we got a bit swipe-happy with the drink orders, but its vacation - so splurge a little. We jogged up the stairs from deck six to nine and were amazed by the Rosies restaurant / Argo pool area. Just log onto the many pictures to see it - it defies description. The restaurant wraps around the pool areas and is graced by a waterslide, running track, basketball and volleyball courts and the camp carnival play area for kids - which looked totally fun - even to a 32 year old. The buffet was Vegas style extravagant and filled us up nicely while we waited for the rest of our family. Then we explored the ship.

 

There are countless bars, restaurants, eateries, clubs, a massive casino, the spa, the gym, the theater and everything else you can see in the Carnival description and literature. All were spectacular. We ended up spending most nights first at the sushi bar and then to dinner at the Lincoln (8:30 PM late seating) then to the lindy hop piano bar to hear Ed Rocks go through a few tunes. Invariably we ended up with my three brothers at the One Small Step Disco until we stumbled back to the room, or for 3:30 AM munchies at the pizza grill on the Lido deck. At this point, I could probably make it from the Disco to the lido deck grill blindfolded. And Man! Is that pizza good! We also loved Winston's cigar bar for the jazz ensemble that jammed there nightly. In fact, even though I am not much of a jazz fan, I really loved hearing them jam as we chatted and drank scotch or beer (depending on the person). My brothers smoked a few cigars, but the place is so well ventilated, that it didn't bother me.

 

Anyway - still first day. We explored and ate lunch and got a few drinks and were exhausted by about 3:00. We still didn't have our bags, but the poor employees - what I call utility employees because they do just about everything from carrying bags to polishing chrome to cleaning up tables and empty drinks to all the other behind the scenes jobs - were slowly struggling to sort out the mess of bags on random carts, separated only by floors. It would have made a lot more sense to track the bags in some manner at embarkation. We took a nap and hours later our bags were there.

 

This whole time, Brent, the cruise director was babbling almost constantly over the intercom system on the ship. He is addicted to babbling, particularly early in the mooring when some of us would like to be sleeping. There is a speaker outside of each cabin that blasts you awake before 10:00 every morning - if you are the sort who likes to sleep in when you don;t have an early excursion, you'll come to hate Brent's voice. Oh, and unless you go to a show and see him on stage, or waste an hour in the mooring at 7:30 AM watching the moronic Wake up Carnival show, you'll never see him. On my last cruise to Alaska, it seemed like the cruise director met every person on the ship. I never saw Brent walk about the ship once, and I scurried around it like a madman, trying to see everything.

 

Brent also likes to come across the loudspeaker at numerous times across the course of the day and let everyone know the events happening at any given time. This can really blow if you happen to be relaxing peacefully on a sun deck anywhere near a speaker. In fact, it can be quite frightening. The captain also likes to come across the speaker and tell everyone what the barometric pressure is and where the wind is coming from. I'd rather get a free cocktail.

 

Anyway, we woke up and OUR BAGS HAD ARRIVED. We immediately unpacked and found we had plenty of room - this worked, of course, because I took one of the three hanging closets and a single shelf and gave my wife the other two closets and every other shelf and drawer. The cruise ship is not a fashion show, guys. We are in the Caribbean - shorts or jeans, sandals and a light shirt were the style on board. You have to wear long pants and a collared shirt to dinner - but flip flops are still okay - and you only have to wear a coat and tie twice - which was rather fun and my wife and I took advantage of the many formal portrait stations set up around the ship for formal night. Pack lightly and just rotate shirts and wear the same shorts or jeans.

 

We then had to go to the GOD AWFUL Lifeboat Drill. The drill only convinced me that if anything happened on the ship, we'd probably all drown. They made us drag our smelly life preservers to an outer deck and stand there mashed in with the thousands of other passengers as it got hotter and hotter. No one gave any hint as to when the nonsense would end - or why it took so long. Children were crying, old ladies were fanning themselves, I was grumbling and cursing under my breath - apparently loud enough that my wife felt the need to elbow me in the ribs. It turned out that it took so long because the staff were going room to room and checking that everyone was joining in the hell of standing around. I know this because my brothers tried to ignore the drill and continue to sleep happily in their room. Carnival security made them get up, get their lifejackets and drag their sorry asses to where the rest of us were milling around like sheep in the slaughter pen.

 

The captain finally blew the whistle that meant the drill was over and everyone crowded toward the stairs and elevators. Note to travelers. The elevators are a premium for the obese, the fat and lazy, the lazy, people with small children or strollers, the handicapped, and the elderly. It takes forever to get one, mostly because of the fat and lazy and just lazy people. I rode the elevator once the entire cruise, because I was drunk and felt stubborn (or stubbornly drunk) and decided that it was worth waiting 10 minutes for an elevator to go three floors. Take the stairs. Your body will thank you, and you'll fell less aggravated and impatient about waiting for elevators.

 

Where I spent the most time: I'd like to say the Gym - but that wouldn't be true. I lifted and did cardio three days out of the week, but being on vacation chose to spend most of my time eating, drinking, and attending very active excursions. We spent a lot of time at the Disco - and every night people were out in force partying very hard. The dance floor was good and we liked DJ Syzmon. The last night some other DJ came on and he blew - didn't play anything other than hip hop (which is fine in small doses) and would not take requests. One night the spa girls all came out dressed to kill, other nights other members of the staff would come party with the guests. You can always tell the staff members because they have to wear carnival tags at all times - even when working out in the gym.

 

I hit the sushi bar every night, and the sushi was very good - they make it there at the bar in front of you, and there are plenty of places to sit while one eats and look out large picture windows over the water. I did not spend a lot of time at the pools, other than our two days at sea, and then was up on deck 11 near the aft and spa on either the starboard or port side. This was because it was more quiet here and the Caribbean breeze made it cooler. We also had easy access to the gym and spa, which we hit every day at sea. They had lots of crap happening around the main pool on the lido deck, but if you really wanted to see it you could from the upper decks, and none of it looked really interesting anyway - unless you are into seeing a bunch of hairy old men do a mock strip tease for the hairy chest competition. If you missed it, no problem. any time you turned on your TV they showed it over and over in some irrational pitch to make you want to buy the video tape of memories they were putting together. I honestly can not imagine who would buy that!

 

I entered the blackjack tournament and burnt out in three hands. My mother, the slot jockey, won the jackpot twice and was up a few hundred at the end of the cruise. The casino was incredibly impressive, but not really my thing. I attended one show, the Hypnotist, which was pretty funny, but seemed partially staged. Ivanhoe theater seemed quite cool, but I was not on board for the shows - so really can't review them. My parents loved them, however and went to every one of them.

 

My brothers (all in their 20's) basically slept, drank, ate and talked to women at the disco. They were very happy doing so. I joined them every night unless I had a scuba excursion the following morning. I tried to keep up, but just got my ass kicked. We ate a lot of pizza at 3:00 AM.

 

My wife and I attended excursions at every port. The tendering system in Belize and grand Cayman was awful - until we figured out how to cheat the system. Basically you are supposed to get up ass early and wait in line forever to get a number that decided when you get off the boat. We had early excursions, so thought we needed a number. In Belize, I got up at 8:00 am and waited an hour in line until nine to get a #4 slot tender ticket! Ugg. However, we noticed that other groups were leaving the Ivanhoe theater to make their excursions. We then realized they were getting special treatment because they had paid the exorbitant ship prices for excursions, while we had tickets on an outside company for all of ours except two.

 

This seemed unfair - so we did what any red blooded American would do. We cut in line, ignored the protests, crumpled up and trashed the stupid tender tickets with the number 4 on them and boarded the damn tender boat. Otherwise we would have missed our excursion and lost the deposit. In Grand Cayman, we simply woke up just before the excursion time, ignored the tender line and the whole Ivanhoe Theater nonsense and walked down to deck zero to the front of the tender line and boarded the stupid little tender boat. No-one seemed to mind. In Roatan and Cozumel, the boat does not tender, it docks and you can walk off the gangplank whenever you want - so there was no problem making the excursion. Obviously, the Carnival tender process is pretty chaotic and broken - unless you are corrupt like myself, my wife and my brothers - in which case it is a breeze.

 

Belize = rat hole. Our first impression of Belize is that it is a depressing little dump. We took an excursion with Coral Breeze, which did wait for us and overall, the dark water cave tubing we did was pretty impressive. The van we boarded was horrible, and I was certain that we'd blow a tire or break an axle on the rocky road we had to bounce along. Still, we made it - FINALLY - and after running to the bathroom (we drank our fill the night before - and not water, mind you) we got tubes, head lamps and started hiking through the rain forest. Now thus was cool! Imagine Indiana Jones, just without the snakes and towel head assassins. Our guide was very knowledgeable about the flora and fauna in the jungle and pointed out many plants and their medicinal properties. After the hike, we tubed, which was immensely cool, and often we were in dark caves with only our headlamps for light. We saw the massive group of people that were on the Valor excursion - who had paid twice as much and were something like 20 - 30 people to the six in our group and laughed at them. OUR guide was cool and OUR group did cool things, like get out of the tubes and climb rocks in the cave and find hidden pools of water and brilliantly lit paradise-like openings in the cave wall. The Valor people just splashed along and rammed each other in the mild rapids. I recommend Coral Breeze Excursions to anyone.

 

Roatan = colorful. Unlike Belize, Roatan was pretty, cheerful and very colorful. Same broken down shacks, but painted in bright colors and with clean yards and seemingly happy people. Same jungle atmosphere, but with well tended roads, functioning cars and kids in clean uniforms heading to school in the morning. Belize had a lot of signs posted along its crappy roads telling women to not walk around alone and to watch out for rape. Roatan had signs promoting numerous dive sites and a growing economy. In Roatan - which I would visit again - we took the Palomino grove canopy tour. The tour was awesome, and very safe, even though we are on platforms of up to 60 feet in height and flying along zip wires at nutty speeds. We had our own guide who made sure we were always clipped into something, just in case we fell. The course was brilliant, with different bridges and climbing walls, and zip lines.

 

After the zip line, we rolled back to the ship for a quick lunch, grabbed our dive gear and were picked up for the Dolphin dive. That's right, my wife and I dove at Anthony's key with two dolphins! We had to buy this excursion through the ship because Carnival has an exclusive contract with Anthony's key and even though the cost of the excursion is really only $112, you have to still pay $199 if you are on the Valor - Carnival is a lot like the mafia in this respect. We dove down 60 feet to a sandy bottom and kneeled while we watched the dolphins come around and let us touch them. They echo sounded a lot, so you knew when they were coming - which was great because I swear they were trying to sneak up on us. We bought the videotape, but have yet to watch it. It was one of the two most amazing experiences on the entire cruise.

 

The second was in Grand Cayman ("GC") = rainy. The night after Roatan, the sky became overcast and we hit a massive tropical storm. The boat swayed side to side and we could hear the hangers in our closet shifting as things moved about. Because I had an interior cabin, I got up and sailor walked to the lido deck to watch the storm. It was rather impressive and very cool. The next morning was not. No one seemed to know when we would dock, if we would dock, and what the weather would be like. I got up pretty early (with a pretty bad hangover) all cranky and asking questions. I heard three different things from the Carnival staff - the guy at the excursion desk had no clue, but told me that either we would not dock at all or would but all the excursions would be cancelled. The catty women at the information desk (the one from Peru) told me that there would be an announcement at 9:00am and gave me no other information. As a result, all of the poor slobs with excursions were sitting in the Ivanhoe Theater with no information from 8:00 AM until 10:00AM when we finally docked. At 9:00 AM good old Brent (who was SOOOO chatty before the storm threw the whole boat off schedule) got on the loudspeaker and said we'd dock at 10:00. I went back to my room and went to sleep. By the time we tendered in GC, it was 11:00 AM. This was despite our short cutting the system trick. I feel sorry for everyone who went with Carnival's stupid tender system and didn't get off the boat until much later. It didn't matter, however because Carnival cancelled most of its excursions. Not for us! We had booked the independent Rays, Reef and Rum Point tour with Native Way Excursions. Now, we got in real late, and it was pouring rain, so we ditched the reef snorkeling and the day at the beach at Rum Point (which was pointless anyway in the rain) and were told that we'd still go snorkel with stingrays! As we had to wait until 11:30 to board the bus that would take us to the boat that would take us to Sting Ray City, and because it was pouring rain, we immediately went to a really cool bar and got drinks to take the edge off the aggravating morning.

 

Swimming with the Stingrays was incredible. The boat took us out to Sting Ray City and gunned its engines. You would see the dark shapes floating just under the water as they converged on us. We then put on masks and snorkels (no fins or other socks, only bare feet to protect the rays) and jumped into three to four feet of water. We were promptly surrounded by dozens of rays who tried to climb all over us for pieces of squid like a bunch of puppy dogs trying for a piece of meat. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. You could swim with them, pet them , grab a large one and take a ride, pick them up, and feed them. We took a lot of pictures, I hope they come out.

 

We'd have liked to have seen more of Grand Cayman, but it was rainy and nasty, and we got in so late that we had to immediately board again to sail on to Cozumel.

 

Cozumel = the best. We dove again in Cozumel - two tank dive - and they were breathtaking. Our first dive was to Santa Rosa Wall to 80 -90 feet and we drift dove along a reef wall that apparently drops a few thousand feet and through caves of coral. It was quite amazing. We saw manta rays (which do sting, unlike stingrays, who do not), countless fish of every shape, size and color, deep water sea turtles, a crew of six massive lobster who peered curiously at us from beneath a rock, flounder, an eel (that my wife found) and every shape, size, color and pattern of coral. Then it was back to the sardine can of the over packed dive ship (we booked through Carnival) and we motored for our second tank dive - Paradise reef - which was a 45 foot drift dive along a reef. We did notice that some of the other divers had a bad habit of crashing into us - probably because it was a DRIFT DIVE - and they had to go along kicking their fins and overshooting the dive master.

 

After the dive we returned to the ship, dropped off our gear, showered, changed and ate and then met my brothers at Fat Tuesday's on the Cozumel pier. The staff arrived shortly and we joined the Carnival crew in letting off some steam as friends. It was great fun to have a normal conversation with the totally cool dining staff and buy them a few drinks as the crew went wild and cut loose. Some drunk guy was on the pole the entire time and the crowd was booing the ***** over and over as the DJ screamed "Get off the pole white boy." As we all got incredibly drunk on the first normal drink prices since Belikin beers in Belize (the prices on the ship are freaking outrageous - like Manhattan dance club insane) my brothers decided it would be great fun to hurl lime wedges at the drunk guy fondling himself on the pole. Amazingly, no one minded.

 

We danced a lot and finally joined the hoard of laughing, happy crew running back to the ship before it sailed. Cozumel has this cheesy mall you have to walk through to get back to the ship where the locals try to sell you everything under the sun at massive discounts. We decided it would be fun to charge through the mall in a piggy back race. My wife and I lost to two of my brothers but had a lot of fun doing it. Regardless, we charged right to the front of the line to get back on the ship, and no one minded that we bypassed most of it. They were laughing too hard at our red faces and the way the riders were beating their "horses" (or piggies) to go faster.

 

Then we hit the Disco - can't remember much after that.:p

 

Our last day at sea was overcast, but very relaxing and there was a cool breeze that made the heat bearable. The order of the day was to get the tan going before we made it back to Miami. There is something just amazingly cathartic about relaxing on a ship and reading a good book. My wife sprung a surprise massage on me and by dinner that night, I was feeling loose and happy. The masseuse told me that I suffer far too much stress and pointed out the many stress knots in my shoulders. Whatever, it felt great.

 

By the way, smuggling booze onto the ship is the way to go. The steward did not seem to mind at all that we had open bottles of jack and rum and jager on our vanity. In all respects, the steward was professional, courteous and incredibly helpful answering any questions. My brothers, wife and I would get some cokes and drink up in our room before hitting the club and after dinner. This saved us on the drink prices. I totally recommend anyone on a cruise smuggling a bottle onto the ship.

 

The dinners were fun for the simple fact that it was the time each day that my whole family was together. The service was exceptional, and we spent a lot of time chatting with our server, head waiter and drink server. The food was either great or not, depending on what you ordered - but hell - its all paid for, so If I didn't like something, I tossed it and ordered the next dish down on he menu. My mom ordered three deserts each time and took a few spoonfuls from each. Call it waste if you want - I call it decadence.

 

Now - Disembarkation was miserable. We arrived at Miami and were all totally hung over, miserable about vacation being over and were then treated to a quick breakfast, a kick in the ass and a massive line to search a place the size of a hanger for our bags. We found them and then it was back out to that nightmare of cars jockeying for position to find our ride. Really put a damper on the whole end of the trip. I will never leave from Miami port again.

 

All in all the experience on the Valor was excellent. My parents stated that they would never ride Carnival again unless the rest of us were with them - read: my brothers who wanted to party (okay - me too). I would do it again, particularly when my wife and I have kids because the camp carnival system looked so cool. One night at about 7:00 we walked by the disco and the camp counselors had all the little kids - like 3 to 7 year olds - dancing in the disco to some cool music. They had all the lights going and the floors lit up and the place was hopping - literally - those kids can sure hop up and down! The kids in the camp also had their own arcade, club for only 17 - 20, own pool and a camp HQ.

 

Next time, however, I'll be looking to sail out of somewhere other then Miami, and looking for a cruise that does not tender as much.

[MamaParrotHead]

but I can't believe your blatant disregard for rules and order. I enjoyed reading your comment regarding getting cut off in the line you were in during embarkation that said, "This seemed horribly unfair, because we had waited 1.5 hours to get through the line and they were bypassing it entirely" but yet you openly admit doing the same thing to the people who had waited in line before you for tendering AND reboarding the ship. I am as much of a "red blooded American" as you are, but I take pride in being a respectful one and don't consider myself above others who have patiently waited their turn in line, and wouldn't even consider cutting into a line.

 

oh, and I also am astounded at the "towel head assasin" part of your cave-tubing excursion. it helps to illustrate exactly which type of "red blooded American" you are.

 

Add to that your comments and over-generalizations that all people who use the elevators on the Valor were used only by, "the obese, the fat and lazy, the lazy, people with small children or strollers, the handicapped, and the elderly. It takes forever to get one, mostly because of the fat and lazy and just lazy people". I think it's really neat that you can tell people who have health conditions and disabilities just by looking at them and judging whether or not YOU think they should be fit to use the stairs. neat trick. :rolleyes:

 

In addition, another fun anecdote, illustrating the class and diginity you show as a family, "my brothers decided it would be great fun to hurl lime wedges at the drunk guy fondling himself on the pole. Amazingly, no one minded."

 

Yet another tale of cutting in front of a line, when returning to the ship from Cozumel, "Regardless, we charged right to the front of the line to get back on the ship, and no one minded that we bypassed most of it."

 

My amazement continues, as the tale lengthens of your outrageous behavior, "The food was either great or not, depending on what you ordered - but hell - its all paid for, so If I didn't like something, I tossed it and ordered the next dish down on he menu. My mom ordered three deserts each time and took a few spoonfuls from each. Call it waste if you want - I call it decadence."

 

and people wonder why international guests and crew may have a poor taste in the mouth left by some American passengers? holy CRAP.:eek:

 

I don't mind that you had some gripes with the ship, cruise, whatever. but your attitude (towards other passengers) downright stuns me, and the fact that you'd ADMIT to acting the way you did and making the comments you did out-and-out shocks me, which honestly isn't easy to do.

[OC Mom]

Thanks for the review. Very entertaining. ;)

[pacerzfan]

nice review ...but some info was a little too much knowledge to learn....LOL

[Majj]

;)

 

In over four years of reading these forums, I must say that this is the most honest and entertaining review I have yet to read!

 

Thanks, Wolfsrun!

[gatorclaw]

Nice review, but kudos to mamaParrotHead for pointing out the hypocrosy of the line cutting and the ridiculous towel head comment.

[becky14]

Thanks for review...

However, I am with mamaParrotHead on her comments.

If i was one of those passengers you bypassed in Cozumel i would have told you exactly what type of "red Blood" American you are.

I could almost imagined how furious some of those people were. Did you think you were the only one who wanted to board the ship, what about the kids who were tired from being out all day. Towel Head Assassins....I cant believe u went there

Not Cool Dude.

But you will always find such people in every crowd who cant handel thier liquor

[halos]

and people wonder why international guests and crew may have a poor taste in the mouth left by some American passengers? holy CRAP.:eek:

 

I have to agree.... :eek:

I don't even know how to respond to that review. For the first time ever on these boards, I am totally too shocked to comment. :eek:

[Snowball]

Thanks for the review! It certainly sounds like you had a great time! ;)

[Mrsdeedee]

Your review was very different. I thought I have read it all but I see I haven't. Sometimes you have to be careful on things you type because they make be offensive to others. Mamaparrot head summed it up in a nutshell for me.

 

P.S. Not all fat people wait for the elevators. I'm VOLUPTUOUS and I damn sure walked the stairs of the Victory numerous times.

[becky14]

Your review was very different. I thought I have read it all but I see I haven't. Sometimes you have to be careful on things you type because they make be offensive to others. Mamaparrot head summed it up in a nutshell for me.

 

P.S. Not all fat people wait for the elevators. I'm VOLUPTUOUS and I damn sure walked the stairs of the Victory numerous times.

 

AMEN:rolleyes:

[CruiseAwayWithMe]

I really enjoyed the review. I read the whole thing from top to bottom. I like the way you wrote it, kept me entertained :)

[island777girl]

Hey, great review, painfully honest in places, LOL!!:)

 

Just my opinion, ----- not only fat, lazy, etc people ride the elevators, some of us ride them because we are just damn tired, a little "fluffy" maybe after stuffing down all the food we eat, our feet hurt, our hearts race when we climb all those stairs, we are coming back from excursions on Deck One and don't feel like climbing ten flights.....and for me...I just love those glass elevators, I feel like a kid seeing all the scenery, floors, etc. going by....

 

But all in all a good review, very detailed.

[cruzn buckeye]

I totally agree with mamaparrothead. I have been one of those people standing in line for nearly an hour in the hot, hot, sun and had some people who obviously thought they were either more important than I or just didn't have a bit of self respect. A lot of passengers are in the hot sun waiting and you and some others think it's o.k. to just go right ahead past them?

I also hated the remarks about the fat, lazy people. Of course you will probably think that I am in that category....well, I am not fat ( yes, some overweight) or lazy! I have health issues that would make me take the elevator. I wish we could all be as healthy and perfect as some that don't have to use them.

[boaterette]

Loved the review. I thoght it was hilarious. I'm sailing the Valor next May and can't wait.

[Kathyh1313]

Well, long and interesting review.

 

I agree with MamaParrotHead. Again, Yikes.

 

I am sailing on the Valor July 3. DH won it for his hard work with his company.

We have quite a bit of cruise experience and Carnival is not our line of choice.

I have to say it: Its the people like you, Wolfsrun, who make this so.

 

I'm glad you had a wonderful vacation, I am sorry that you probably caused some distress to others on that same cruise vacation.

 

Happy cruising, Kathy

[Wolfsrun]

Hey all --

 

Sorry if there was any offense - no offense intended. But a few of you missed the point, so I'll just clarify:

 

First, the tender system is broken. I probably was not clear when I said we cut past the line. This meant that instead of waiting in Ivanhoe Theater, we proceeded directly to Deck 0 and off the boat. What Carnival does is give priority to its excursions and unless you ask directly, requires people with third party excursions to get those stupid tender tickets. Your options are therefore either (1) complain to the guy in the Ivanhoe Theater who will put you in a queue to depart, but not necessarily in time for your excursion, or (2) ignore Ivanhoe Theater altogether, proceed directly to deck 0 and get on the tender boat. For those of you cruising, I encourage this. Why? First of all, it will force Carnival to realize that the tender system is quite broken. Secondly, it might require Carnival to realize that people with third party excursions have the same right to get off the boat early as those who paid the outrageous carnival prices. Lastly, it will save you quite a deal of aggravation. By the way, I learned this trick from my Steward, who told me prior to Grand Cayman not to bother waiting in the line, but to just go right to deck 0.

 

Second, in the movie Indiana Jones (actually all three of them) all of the assassins wore black pajamas and towels on their heads.

 

Third, this is what I wrote about the elevators:

 

"The elevators are a premium for the obese, the fat and lazy, the lazy, people with small children or strollers, the handicapped, and the elderly"

 

The point I was making is that there are far too few/slow elevators for the people who need them. If you don;t need them, don;t be lazy, save some inches on your pants from the Lido deck buffet and WALK. In fact the stairs are much faster. And if you are overweight and are walking - you are awesome. If you have any sort of disorder, you fall into the Handicapped category and SHOULD BE RIDING THE ELEVATOR. In fact, I think that people who are not handicapped, or with small children, or are elderly should not be allowed on the elevator - this frees it up for people like my mother - who had Parkinson's disease - and TRULY NEEDS the elevator. Of course, because all the fat and lazy, or lazy people were riding it all the time, she had to wait forever to get one.

 

Lastly, I don't believe for ONE MINUTE that Mamaparrotthead is a Jimmy Buffet fan. She/He is FAR TOO WIGGED OUT about an obscure post on a message board to truly appreciate buffet, or Margaretville, or boat drinks, or etc. NOW NOW, don;t get all offended again...I meant this as a jest - like the whole review - which was meant to be entertaining.

 

For those of you who were entertained - cool. I wrote the review because I found a wealth of knowledge on this website and wanted to give something back.

[Wolfsrun]

I totally agree with mamaparrothead. I have been one of those people standing in line for nearly an hour in the hot, hot, sun and had some people who obviously thought they were either more important than I or just didn't have a bit of self respect. A lot of passengers are in the hot sun waiting and you and some others think it's o.k. to just go right ahead past them?

I also hated the remarks about the fat, lazy people. Of course you will probably think that I am in that category....well, I am not fat ( yes, some overweight) or lazy! I have health issues that would make me take the elevator. I wish we could all be as healthy and perfect as some that don't have to use them.

 

When were you standing in hot hot sun? If you are talking about embarkation, we were there well ahead of you.

 

If you have health issues, I wholly agree that you should be riding the elevator. And no one said you are fat. It's okay. Dont fret. Everyone likes you.:)

[dms_cruisers04]

I'm still wondering what time of the year the "hot sun" is shining at 10PM in Cozumel?

Because I've been to Cozumel far too many times for anyone to tell me that cruisers are having piggy back races after spending time with the crew at Fat Tuesday's any earlier in the day. Seriously.

 

Wolfsrun, thanks for an honest and enjoyable review of your cruise. I totally got the Indiana Jones reference and it was one of the many times I laughed out loud.

C'mon folks. I don't think there is any reason for trying to be "politically correct" when making a reference to a movie from 1981. :rolleyes:

 

Yeah, your choice of words about the elevator situation wasn't appropriate. But it was your opinion. And likewise, others here to be offended about it.

 

Personally, I'd like you to slap your brothers in the head for me. What were they thinking trying to skip the "mustard" drill? :mad: :D

 

Again, thanks for an entertaining review.

[dms_cruisers04]

There have been so many negative only reviews lately. That once those folks start getting flamed by the so-called "cheerleaders" that the CCL "haters" come out in force and defend them.

Where are all those people now? Wolfsrun writes a honest, albeit sometimes not completely appropriate for all, review that gets blasted and yet the defenders are nowhere to be seen.

Just funny to me.

[Susky]

For those of you who were entertained - cool. I wrote the review because I found a wealth of knowledge on this website and wanted to give something back.

 

I think you gave back pretty well, my man. I'm always looking for details, and you provided some good stuff. And your characterizations gave me a few nice chuckles along with the info, so I'll give you a hearty "thanks!"

 

I'm definitely looking forward to the CoralBreeze thing in Belize. :cool:

 

How was the crowd at Fat Tuesday's versus Carlos and Charlies? (I know you didn't go to C&C, but I was hoping you might have observed from the outside.)

[SomewhereBeyondTheSea]

I cruised on the Valor's Western Caribbean cruise. We stopped in Belize, Roatan, Grand Cayman and Cozumel. I was with my wife, parents and three brothers. This is my second cruise, so make of that what you will.

 

Hey Wolfsrun, I haven't finished reading your entire review but you were on my roll call. We never had the chance to meet but it seems like we spent most of our nights at One Step Dance Club and Lido at after hours...Have you posted your pics?

[phlydude]

Boy, I am glad that the OP was a couple weeks past me on the cruise. If I had seen them on my trip on th 5.15 Valor, I might be tempted to take my fat self on the elevator to find and throw the OP overboard.

 

As for the rat hole and run down comments...you are going to developing countries. What did you expect?? Do you think that there aren't places in America that are just as bad? Come visit the heart of North Philly, I'll show you rat holes...

 

It's funny, I didn't have any problem with embarkation and debarkation at all. My porter handled my bags well and everything made it on board within 4 hours of handing them to the porter. Compared to NCL getting the bags there @ midnight I'd say that they are pretty efficient. But perhaps it was because I arrived @ 10:30 AM. I was on board by noon and had no issue of anyone trying to find my S&S cards.

[Wolfsrun]

I cruised on the Valor's Western Caribbean cruise. We stopped in Belize, Roatan, Grand Cayman and Cozumel. I was with my wife, parents and three brothers. This is my second cruise, so make of that what you will.

 

Hey Wolfsrun, I haven't finished reading your entire review but you were on my roll call. We never had the chance to meet but it seems like we spent most of our nights at One Step Dance Club and Lido at after hours...Have you posted your pics?

 

Hey Littlebit. I looked for you guys in the Eagles lounge, but must have missed you. I also didn't see anyone wearing a yellow lei...or any color lei. I would love to post pics, but my camera was stolen the second to last night sometime after dinner. We rushed my mother to the infirmary becasue she stopped breathing (choking) and I left the camera on the table. I asked about it later, and no one knew a thing! 150 digital pictures and two videos (and one hell of an expensive camera) down the tubes. :mad:

 

If you were in the disco, do you remember a night when we were having people sign my brother's shirt (was his birthday)?

 

Sorry I missed you!

[Wolfsrun]

I think you gave back pretty well, my man. I'm always looking for details, and you provided some good stuff. And your characterizations gave me a few nice chuckles along with the info, so I'll give you a hearty "thanks!"

 

I'm definitely looking forward to the CoralBreeze thing in Belize. :cool:

 

How was the crowd at Fat Tuesday's versus Carlos and Charlies? (I know you didn't go to C&C, but I was hoping you might have observed from the outside.)

 

We wanted to get to Carlos and Charlies, but didn't have the time. My wife and I were out for most of the day on two dives, so by the time we got back (and shopped a bit) we only had time to join the crew (some of whom we made friends with) at Fat Tuesdays. Fat tuesdays (mostly because the crew is so cool) was full of people dancing and having a great time. The DJ was okay, but nutty enough that the floor was hopping. A lot of people really wanted to get that drunk guy off the pole (including the DJ who kept screaming at him - as well as the rest of the crowd) but no one could budge him...he was very large, very drunk, and borderline belligerant if anyone approached.

 

I've heard from other friends, however, that getting out of the cruise ship port and rolling into Coz proper is the way to go. C&C and Sr. Frogs are supposedly very cool, and are even more wild after the families leave.