Clothing for kids in MDR

[mickev99]

RCL is one og the most understanding about aspergers. That being said, NO ONE is going to question him in khaki shorts. Aspergers or not. He might get some funny looks from other diners, and it is POSSIBLE that his parents would be politely asked on the side if he can change, but once you even HINT that he has an issue, if you even have to, there will be no problem.

 

This is why RCL is part of the autism at seas program. You should reach out to them if he has any other special needs.

 

Thanks for that info, I had no idea there was such a program. I will let my brother know. He really does amazingly well, they have worked so hard with therapy, schooling, and the right medication that he doesn't have any overt issues.

[mickev99]

My daughter (17) has Aspergers and the Main Dining Room is a big challenge for her.

 

Ask the Head Waiter about Expediated Dining, which is a service to get Autistic kids their meals faster.

 

My understanding is that under the Autism at Seas program, the dress code in the Main Dining Room is waived for children with Autism.

 

I always contact RCCL Special Needs in advance. There are many ways they can help.

 

Feel free to ask if you have any questions about sailing with a child with Aspergers.

 

Thanks, I'll pass along the information!

[summersigh]

I would totally agree with this EXCEPT that the child in question as Aspergers.

 

That wasn't stated on the original post :) and that, of course, is a different situation. :)

[tanzer22pilot]

This is more of a parenting question than an "is it allowed" question. Will he get stares or be banned from the MDR in shorts....absolutely not. Is not wearing shorts the right thing to do and does this situation present teaching opportunities...absolutely yes.

 

Polite society has rules, whether we choice to follow them is up to the individual. Using asperger's as a "get out of parenting card" for parents is how we end up with situations like Sandy Hook.

 

OP commented that we would not know if her nephew was "challenged" if we talked to him. So by you "outing his condition" you too, are allowing him to be not fall within societies norms and expectations. The term for this is "enabler".

[tanzer22pilot]

This is more of a parenting question than an "is it allowed" question. Will he get stares or be banned from the MDR in shorts....absolutely not. Is not wearing shorts the right thing to do and does this situation present teaching opportunities...absolutely yes.

 

Exactly!

[nana541]

Polite society has rules, whether we choice to follow them is up to the individual. ".

 

 

I love this and so true in every situation! Thanks :)

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Forums mobile app

[spookwife]

That wasn't stated on the original post :) and that, of course, is a different situation. :)

 

 

why? too many times I see ASD used as an excuse to disregard the stated polices.. shorts in the MDR, skipping lines at Disney, the list goes on.

 

if a person is socially unable to conform to the expected norm, then maybe they need to choose another option. my SiL and BiL have not taken any family vacations in over 17 years as their second oldest is non verbal Autistic with major issues in public. they would have loved to take their older son and younger daughters to Disney, or a cruise or even the beach. they have not done so because their son cannot hack it.

 

By that token I also have a 'typical' nephew who hates wearing long pants. so what? if the dress code at church..or a restaurant..or school.. says slacks, then by golly he needs to suck it up and wear pants. if it is not acceptable for the typical child to wear them in the MDR, then neither should the ASD one be allowed to.. after all they all wanted to be treated the same, right? or so they claim.

[racnug]

Wow. Sorry we get to jump ahead in some lines and not follow dress code. We certainly would take standing in line and following the dress code over autism any day. Our kids may get some "benefits", but we have to deal with autism 24/7/365. Life is hard, especially with autism. We love cruising and will continue to do so. Sorry if we get priority boarding, we will wave to you while you're standing in line to board. Unbelievable.

For everyone else, "Autism on the Seas" is amazing for anyone interested!

[4biegelboys]

I have 2 sons who started cruising when they were about 10 and 14. I used this as an opportunity to teach them manner/etiquette. No they weren't thrilled to put on khaki pants or dress pants/suit. They did however out of respect to us as parents and to the general rules of cruising. I would consider explaining to your nephew what is to be expected of his dress and behavior on this vacation. I always found it best to state your expectations and let them live up to it. Shorts are a no-no on men as well as women in the dining room at night. They can change into their shorts after dinner. Good luck! I think key to any situation like this is to "be the parent" yourself and positively encourage the right action while they are young...they will grow up to be decent respectful gentlemen who make a mamma proud!!

 

agreed! I taught my boys at a very young age that there are certain times you need to wear nice clothing. One of my sons have autism and dressing can be difficult but we found nice pull on pants and soft t shirt like polo shirts. He knows he has to wear those when we go somewhere nice. He is trying suit pants this trip too. He said he liked the silky feel. The boys all know that after dinner (or wherever we are at) they can change.

[Shar27]

Polite society has rules, whether we choice to follow them is up to the individual. Using asperger's as a "get out of parenting card" for parents is how we end up with situations like Sandy Hook.

 

OP commented that we would not know if her nephew was "challenged" if we talked to him. So by you "outing his condition" you too, are allowing him to be not fall within societies norms and expectations. The term for this is "enabler".

 

Wow!!:confused:

[deedeetoo]

Last year my 12 year old son wore basketball shorts and a tee shirt to dinner in the MDR every night but formal night. No one said a word to him. At the next table over there were several teenage boys who all wore shorts every night. I didn't notice anyone bothering them either.

 

I view vacations as fun family time, not time for teaching lessons.

[Shar27]

Your nephew can wear what he wants on regular nights. Most of them are listed as casual wear anyways.

 

Just got off the Freedom and my 15 year old DS and his 16 year old friend wore basketball shorts and long jerseys most nights to the dining room. No one said a thing. My son wore black jeans, button down shirt and tie on formal night. Again, nothing was said.

 

Were they the best dressed teens in the dining room, probably not. Were they among the happiest and best behaved teens in the dining room....yes.

 

Were other people offended in the dining room? Don't know and don't care. We enjoyed our dinner and our cruise.

 

Enjoy!!

[4biegelboys]

Wow. Sorry we get to jump ahead in some lines and not follow dress code. We certainly would take standing in line and following the dress code over autism any day. Our kids may get some "benefits", but we have to deal with autism 24/7/365. Life is hard, especially with autism. We love cruising and will continue to do so. Sorry if we get priority boarding, we will wave to you while you're standing in line to board. Unbelievable.

For everyone else, "Autism on the Seas" is amazing for anyone interested!

 

I have said this on more than I need occasion leaving people with their mouths open! My son may not have a voice but I sure do!

 

As for my previous comment I obviously didn't read the whole thread. Every kid is different. There is a company that makes clothing geared toward sensory sensitive children and if I remember they had kaki pants that were made of soft materials similar to sweats. I'll have to look it up. I say try it (sometimes they surprise us and start liking this) but have a back up familiar plan and if people stare because he's wearing shorts just stare back. If the staff are aware I can't think there would be a problem

[galavant3]

Just got off the Freedom and my 15 year old DS and his 16 year old friend wore basketball shorts and long jerseys most nights to the dining room. No one said a thing. My son wore black jeans, button down shirt and tie on formal night. Again, nothing was said.

 

I'm glad you enjoyed your cruise. I don't care what others wear but there is usually a sign at the entrance to the dining room that says that shorts are not permitted in the dining room. The policy also appears in the cruise compass each day. Some teens will feel comfortable ignoring the policy, others will not.

 

At that age, my kids would not have felt comfortable wearing shorts when they were specifically asked not to. I completely understand that other kids have no issue with disregarding the policy.

 

Regardless, the issue of clothing in the dining room is not "the hill I want to die on".

[mickev99]

Wow. Sorry we get to jump ahead in some lines and not follow dress code. We certainly would take standing in line and following the dress code over autism any day. Our kids may get some "benefits", but we have to deal with autism 24/7/365. Life is hard, especially with autism. We love cruising and will continue to do so. Sorry if we get priority boarding, we will wave to you while you're standing in line to board. Unbelievable.

For everyone else, "Autism on the Seas" is amazing for anyone interested!

 

Well said. I have a friend with severely autistic twins and I know she shares the same sentiment with you.

[mickev99]

There are a lot of posters on here that I wish I could hit a like button for. You know who you are...the people who have given helpful information without being judgmental. Thanks for that!!

[Crzy4my2]

There are a lot of posters on here that I wish I could hit a like button for. You know who you are...the people who have given helpful information without being judgmental. Thanks for that!!

 

I read your thread because I had the same question but was afraid to ask because I'm new and was afraid to get torn apart. I have read so many threads where someone asks a simple question and some of the "adults" on here join just so they can post a snarky remark. I work with Autistic children and love them as if they were my own..some people just don't get it and are the reason why the families of the children I work with don't want to leave the house. These families want their kids to be accepted. It's hard enough without all of the glares, sighs and comments. The parents of the children in my class know their kids will never be like "typical" kids.. I am so happy that my own children have had the opportunity to get to know the kids in my class and adore them as much as I do.(my kids are 10&12) I will only work in my PDD class and refuse to work in a class with "typical" children. My family and I are more then happy to let a family with an autistic child(or with some other disability) cut in front of us in line so that child can experience what everyone else is before a possible meltdown causes that child to be pulled out. I think it's great that RC has something in place for autistic children. Now that I know this, I'm going to pass it along to the parents of children in my class.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Crzy4my2

[CanWeGoYet]

To the Auntie who posted this thread,

 

Very cool of you to look out for your nephew and be proactive about making this trip as awesome as it can be for everyone involved.

 

Does your nephew ever wear long pants? What does he wear when it is cold? If he is comfortable with the tactile sensation of pants of some sort on his legs, my suggestion would be to have him pick out his favorite pair of pants and go with those and the nicest shirt that he has and is comfortable in.

 

Barring that option, perhaps his parents could take him shopping/go shopping to find some comfortable long pants (anything comfortable could be dressed up with a nice shirt). Reinforcers are always good. After all, would you work if they didn't pay you? For kids on the spectrum, coping with sensory issues is extremely hard work, so it can be helpful to have something to sweeten the pot, so to speak.

 

In the event that your nephew is able to find a new outfit that he is comfortable with, it would be an excellent idea to have him wear it several times around the house where he is in his comfort zone. This way the clothing will not be "new" to him anymore, but will be more like "old hat".

 

I worked with kids on the spectrum for almost ten years...Don't be discouraged by people who don't have understanding for kids with these difficulties...They have no idea what it's like...How sad to live without compassion :(

[BeachChik]

Polite society has rules, whether we choice to follow them is up to the individual. Using asperger's as a "get out of parenting card" for parents is how we end up with situations like Sandy Hook.

 

OP commented that we would not know if her nephew was "challenged" if we talked to him. So by you "outing his condition" you too, are allowing him to be not fall within societies norms and expectations. The term for this is "enabler".

 

I have read some pretty nasty things on these boards but you take the cake for sure.

 

Sometimes reading these boards just makes you realize what a messed up world we live in. To say that parents use these issues as an excuse is ridiculous. Maybe mom and dad already had a "fight" to get their child to comply with something that day. Maybe they realized in the grand scheme of things that fighting over pants isn't worth the added stress on them and the child. Trying to force a child to do something is not the same as trying to force a child with special needs to do something. Yes you want to teach them right and wrong but I don't think wearing shorts in the mdr is going to scar them for life.

 

Word of the day today is tolerance. Some might want to look it up.

[BeachChik]

why? too many times I see ASD used as an excuse to disregard the stated polices.. shorts in the MDR, skipping lines at Disney, the list goes on.

 

if a person is socially unable to conform to the expected norm, then maybe they need to choose another option. my SiL and BiL have not taken any family vacations in over 17 years as their second oldest is non verbal Autistic with major issues in public. they would have loved to take their older son and younger daughters to Disney, or a cruise or even the beach. they have not done so because their son cannot hack it.

 

By that token I also have a 'typical' nephew who hates wearing long pants. so what? if the dress code at church..or a restaurant..or school.. says slacks, then by golly he needs to suck it up and wear pants. if it is not acceptable for the typical child to wear them in the MDR, then neither should the ASD one be allowed to.. after all they all wanted to be treated the same, right? or so they claim.

 

Another insightful post.

 

Maybe anyone that has any type of social problem should not allowed to leave their homes. Really if they can't behave in public then too bad for them right? :rolleyes:

 

OR maybe people could learn to be a little more tolerant of the fact that there are people that have special needs and maybe you will sometimes see them in public acting in a way you don't believe is appropriate. BUT understanding that they are people too and should not be looked down upon.

[Iaminspired]

Thank goodness for all the people who posted positive and supportive comments to the OP and families with autism (like my family). :)

 

It never ceases to amaze me when I read the depth of uninformed and hurtful comments posted by people who are passing judgement on situations they cannot begin to relate to. Almost every autism / aspergers post degrades into flaming on these boards, which does not help the poster, the families or the Cruise Critic message boards.

 

Many thanks to everyone at RCCL, organizations that support vacations for families with special needs and our fellow cruise lovers who understand that there are many ways to be "special" and everyone deserves to have the vacation of their dreams.

[nolesrule]

I'm glad to see that there have been a lot of helpful responses in this thread, but I think everything started off on the wrong foot when the OP left out an important detail about the nephew having Asperger's in the very first post.

 

It's important to include these types of details because most people would (and did) assume that this was one of those "teenager being a teenager with pushover parents" type of issue based on the original post. It's difficult for people to give solid advice when pertinent details are left out.

[summersigh]

I'm glad to see that there have been a lot of helpful responses in this thread, but I think everything started off on the wrong foot when the OP left out an important detail about the nephew having Asperger's in the very first post.

 

It's important to include these types of details because most people would (and did) assume that this was one of those "teenager being a teenager with pushover parents" type of issue based on the original post. It's difficult for people to give solid advice when pertinent details are left out.

 

I totally agree. The "flavor" of the original post was that it was a 12 year old who just refused to wear anything but basketball shorts with no mention of a problem like autism.

Many of the ensuing comments were made based on that - not on a special needs child's reactions.

[aussielozzie18]

To the OP, from first hand recent experience, yes he can wear shorts. Maitre D and waiters will not raise an eyebrow. The other diners will be too busy enjoying their meals to take any notice either.

 

Now if he was an adult or you were cruising on Cunard...then it might be different story but for your nephew who is a child and who will be dining with family members who will be following the dress rules there will be no dramas at all.

Edited March 26, 2014 by aussielozzie18

[tanzer22pilot]

I have read some pretty nasty things on these boards but you take the cake for sure.

 

Sometimes reading these boards just makes you realize what a messed up world we live in. To say that parents use these issues as an excuse is ridiculous. Maybe mom and dad already had a "fight" to get their child to comply with something that day. Maybe they realized in the grand scheme of things that fighting over pants isn't worth the added stress on them and the child. Trying to force a child to do something is not the same as trying to force a child with special needs to do something. Yes you want to teach them right and wrong but I don't think wearing shorts in the mdr is going to scar them for life.

 

Word of the day today is tolerance. Some might want to look it up.

 

 

It took the OP, over an hour to pull the special needs card out from the the time of the original post. If the "asperger's illness" was such a factor in the nephew's life, it would have been brought up in original post. Sorry, but sometimes even parents of special needs kids need to be parents. You are unhappy with me because I pointed it out.

 

Example: This child goes on a dolphin swim where everyone is required to wear a life jacket. Simple rule? Not today, because the special need child refuses to wear a life jacket.

 

You are the tour operator, what do you do?

 

Next day the headlines read:

 

"Beachchick's Dolphin Swim does not allow Austic child to swim with the dolphins."

 

or tragically ....

 

"Child drowns at the "Beachchick's Dolphin Swim."

 

It is great that RCI has a program for autistic kids, however a cruise ship is a short term specialized society and it does have its own set of etiquette guideline and rules. On RCI there is a dress code. Quick review:

 

http://www.royalcaribbean.com/customersupport/faq/details.do?pagename=frequently_asked_questions&faqId=255&faqSubjectId=334

 

----------

Life Onboard

 

Q: What are the dress codes onboard?

 

A: There are three distinct types of evenings onboard: casual, smart casual and formal. Suggested guidelines for these nights are:

Casual: Sport shirts and slacks for men, sundresses or pants for women

Smart Casual: Jackets and ties for men, dresses or pantsuits for women

Formal: Suits and ties or tuxedos for men, cocktail dresses for women

 

The number of smart casual and formal nights is at the ship's discretion.

 

< cruise length info here >

 

We appreciate your usual parental guidance and cooperation in observing these easy guidelines with your children.

 

Please note ice skating on our Voyager, Freedom and Oasis Class ships requires that all skaters wear long pants and socks for their own comfort and safety.

 

-------

 

On my post I stated, that a polite society has rules, whether we choice to follow them is up to the individual. If the OP nephew's parents allow him to wear shorts to the MDR, let them not hope he does not want to go ice skating after dinner, where they will have have to determine their next course of action.

Edited March 26, 2014 by tanzer22pilot