The Palm Trees are Really Cool: A Pictorial Review of the Valor's Southern Route

[Nicole721]

Stephanie mentioned earlier that she wanted to fly a kite at El Morro and I thought it was kind of an odd request, but in the hilly areas near El Morro, surely enough, there were dozens of people flying kites. No need to pack a kite from home – there’s a small stand that sells them nearby.

 

 

 

It took us around a half hour and I think we got off the trolley right in front of (or really close to) Pier Two. If you’re going on a Carnival cruise and want to go on the Bacardi tour, Pier Two is super close to the cruise terminal (well within walking distance).

 

 

The ferry to Cataño is fifty cents each way and you can buy round trip tickets at the ferry terminal. The ferry departs every half hour, and the ride to Cataño takes about ten minutes and is smooth and comfortable.

 

 

[Nicole721]

Once you debark the ferry in Cataño, you’ll exit the terminal building and walk to the right, towards a garage, which is where you’ll find the taxi’s to the Bacardi factory. You’ll need to take a taxi – this isn’t a walkable route between the terminal and the factory. The taxi costs a flat $3 per person each way, and these vans seat six to eight. The drivers will wait until their vans fill up before beginning the short drive to the factory. Unfortunately for us, our van had no air conditioning and while it filled up rather quickly, it was probably the most uncomfortable car ride I’ve been on in recent history.

 

Luckily, in no time, we were at the Bacardi entrance.

 

 

Under the structure that resembles the stature of the Bacardi bat, there’s a host podium, where they will assign you to a tour group and give you two drink tickets. You can redeem them before or after the tour at the bar, and there’s also a cash bar for coladas or mojitos and a snack bar. Our tour didn’t depart for 20 minutes, so we took the time to check out the gift shop (which is a heavily air conditioned sanctuary, but if you’re looking to purchase, you’ll find better prices in St. Thomas and St. Maarten). We decided to redeem our drink tickets after the tour and instead chose to grab some water bottles at the snack bar to rehydrate.

 

 

[Nicole721]

We boarded our tram when our tour number was called, expecting a tram tour, but the tram ride only lasted three minutes – the drive up to the main building, because they don’t allow guests to walk around the property). The rest of the tour was a walking tour with a short intro, a movie, a museum-like exhibit and a live bartending demonstration (where the bartender simulated making drinks but didn’t actually make any? It was quasi bizarre). I was really disappointed that we didn’t actually get to see where the rum was made. I thought this would be, like, an actual distillery tour, but no luck – you get what you pay for, here, and the tour is free. Entertaining in parts, but go into it knowing that you won’t see any rum being made. Or where the rum is made.

 

 

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

When the tour is over, you are driven (via tram) back to the Welcome Center, where you can redeem any leftover drink tickets, peruse the shops or board a taxi back to the ferry. We bellied up to the bar, and surprisingly enough, the tickets yielded some decently sized drinks (and surprisingly strong given that they were, you know, free). They offer nearly all their flavors and a ton of mixers, but if you want a mojito or a colada, you need to pony up at the cash bar.

 

 

 

It was well into the afternoon at this point, and we hadn’t eaten since early morning, so we grabbed some snacks and a slice of rum cake to share at the café (where the prices were extraordinarily reasonable).

 

[Nicole721]

We headed back to the taxi stand and hopped in a (thank everything, air conditioned) van with four other people. The short ride through Cataño reminded me a bit of Stone Island (off Mazatlan). It’s a pretty rural area – not a tourist destination by any means, but that also means that it’s pretty untouched, which makes it a little more interesting. The driver got us to the terminal just as they were wrapping up boarding a ferry back to Old San Juan and we enjoyed a smooth and quick trip back.

 

 

 

 

There’s a liquor store and a Subway restaurant at Pier Two, but across the street is a CVS. Since it’s within walking distance of the ship and we knew we’d want to pick some stuff up after we checked in (read: Mom and Stephanie wanted to bring a case of Diet Coke on, and Stephanie wanted a bottle of Barefoot Bubbly), we decided to scope it out.

 

We picked up some trail mix and some aloe spray, and Mom confirmed there was Diet Coke (I, sadly, couldn’t find any Gasolina. Or rainbow sprinkles. I wanted a container of rainbow sprinkles for my ice cream cones, but their food section was pretty limited). If you need to pick up anything before your cruise, they have a full pharmacy section and a full cosmetics section, but limited food and booze.

[Nicole721]

We noticed some of the people we were on the ferry with were still waiting for a trolley when we exited CVS, which meant it would probably be coming soon, so we crossed the street and surely enough, a trolley came into our line of sight soon after. We decided to move our Barrachina reservation up to 5:00 pm since we were tired and didn’t have much else we wanted to see for the day, and I tried to map the closest trolley stop to Barrachina while we relaxed for the ride.

 

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

The trolley route goes along La Perla, which is supposedly the most dangerous part of Old San Juan. The rumors say that even the police don’t go down there. I found it interesting that the most dangerous part of town was the part nestled in between the two largest historic sites (Castillo San Cristóbal and El Morro).

 

 

The cemetery I’d seen in photos that I thought was near Castillo San Cristóbal turned out to be Cemetario Maria Magdalena de Pazzis and is located right outside of El Morro, so we got out the stop before El Morro to take a look. There were a ton of people flying kites and running around the steep hills outside of the fort.

 

 

 

One of the graves was slightly ajar. We didn’t want to know.

 

[Nicole721]

From there, we had about a ten minute walk to Barrachina. We were glad we took the trolley up to El Morro instead of walking from Pier Two (like we had originally planned) because we had a leisurely stroll downhill to Barrachina from El Morro instead of a hike uphill from Pier Two (the streets are very hill-ey – almost San Francisco-esque in parts).

 

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

Though a bit confusing (it’s slightly disconcerting to have to rely on the iPhone Maps app’s walking directions in any situation), we finally found ourselves at Barrachina.

 

 

 

I hear it fills up at night, but since it was still in the late afternoon, it was pretty empty and we were quickly seated in the outside courtyard. We wasted no time in ordering a round of pina coladas, because when you’re in the house where pina coladas were built… (or supposedly, anyways -- there’s debate as to whether or not they were actually conceived here).

 

 

[Nicole721]

Here’s what I can say about Barrachina: the restaurant is charming, the pina coladas are just okay, the food is passable but excessively overpriced and the service is awful. I thought Barrachina was incredibly overrated and in all honesty, I felt it was a wasted experience. Our server couldn’t be bothered to refill our water once, the food was completely unremarkable and the bill for three entrees and drinks and tip was around $100.

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

We didn’t really know where we were going after dinner. There aren’t any taxi stands in the inner part of Old San Juan, where Barrachina was (at least to our knowledge), so we just started walking in the direction of the piers because we knew we could pick a taxi up outside the Sheraton across from the cruise terminal.

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

We came across a little street fair with Puerto Rican street food and their kind of version of food trucks. I thought it was an awesome find (street food is one of my favorite parts of Chicago and we don’t even do it right here) and I couldn’t pass up a bag of freshly fried and cut churros for dessert. While I was marveling over the freshness of my treat as the vendor tossed it, to order, in cinnamon, a man came up to Mom and Stephanie and offered them drugs in exchange for cash. So, you know, that happened. They were a little freaked out and wanted to get out of there. I was less fazed – I live in a big city. I see shady **** go down all the time. What I don’t see all the time is kind of cultural celebration where people just come together and celebrate good, local food. I thought that was really cool. I’m not sure if it’s a regular event or if it was a special event, but if you see it, stop and try the churros!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

((And for the record, Stephanie agreed that these churros were flipping amazing))

[Nicole721]

We found our way to the cab stand by the Sheraton and were quickly ushered into a cab. I think our cab ride back was around $15 and I wasn’t sure why it was a couple dollars more than the ride in this morning, but we were too tired to argue over two dollars. While the ride was relatively quick, it’s not really a walkable distance. That’s the only real downside to the Caribe Hilton – it’s relatively close to both Old San Juan and Condado, but you probably don’t want to attempt walking to either.

 

I collapsed onto my bed the minute I stepped foot back into our blissfully arctic hotel room while Mom and Stephanie grabbed us all iced teas at Starbucks (seriously, the convenience of that Starbucks was amongst the best parts of that hotel). I had a rocking sunburn with some super uncool burn lines, even though I was rocking SPF 30 (with a reapplication of SPF 50 at the Bacardi Factory). Whatever SPF you usually wear, up it by 25 in San Juan. Even Mom got some color donning her SPF 70.

 

After a little rest, Stephanie and I headed out to the beach at dusk to watch the water.

 

 

 

 

 

[Nicole721]

And then? A hammock was calling my name.

 

 

We went back to the room after awhile to watch CNN (we’re super cool like that) and were excited to see a rerun of Blackfish (fantastic documentary, if you haven’t seen it). I caught up on my Buzzfeed (if the Travel Channel never realizes that I’m the next Samantha Brown, maybe Buzzfeed will tap into the fact that my stream of consciousness often mirrors their writing style). I didn’t go to bed until after 1:00 am, but with a late sail away on the Valor the next day, we were planning on sleeping in and taking our time. And after such a busy day and with a busy schedule coming up on the cruise? I needed all the extra rest I could get.

[scgirlatheart]

I am loving your review! It's got so much detail. We'll be on the Valor next month and are looking forward to doing a lot of the same things in San Juan.

[shark&minnow]

Lovin your review! I love seeing everything and I love the helpful hints, and seeing the food and everything!! Thank you

[Anyislandwilldo]

Nicole, you are doing a suburb review! Loving the pictures and details of your trip. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. Anxiously waiting for more!

[Nicole721]

I am loving your review! It's got so much detail. We'll be on the Valor next month and are looking forward to doing a lot of the same things in San Juan.

 

 

Thank you!

 

Lovin your review! I love seeing everything and I love the helpful hints, and seeing the food and everything!! Thank you

 

 

Thanks for reading! I'm so glad people are enjoying reading this as much as I enjoy writing this!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Cruise Critic Forums mobile app

[Nicole721]

Nicole, you are doing a suburb review! Loving the pictures and details of your trip. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. Anxiously waiting for more!

 

 

:D

 

Driving up to Michigan today to visit some wineries for Stephanie's birthday, but I'm hoping to have more up tonight or tomorrow!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Cruise Critic Forums mobile app

[Payd]

Loving your latest review...waiting for more.

 

Hope you had fun on the wine trip to Michigan this weekend!

[Shaded Lady]

Great review so far... Subscribing!

[dolfndreams]

Enjoying the review; one of my favorite cruises. Great pics and love your style

[ILCruzr]

Great review so far Nicole! I am doing this itinerary in January and I am so excited!! It will be my first time to San Juan and all the ports. I have done 6 prior cruises but mostly westerns and one southern with a Bahamas mix in it. So, this cruise is very exciting for me!

 

I also like you are a chi town girl! (It's where I live as well!)

 

Can't wait to see more!

[buddylover]

FABULOUS review, Nicole!! Really am re-living our past San Juan cruises via your review.....just LOVE your sense of humor....you have missed your "calling"....you should write for a living....you excel at it girl (you probably don't know who Erma Bombeck was.....but you remind me of her humorous style....and she was famous in her "day"). Impatiently awaiting MORE......

[loubetti]

Nice to see the photos of the Caribe Hilton, where I have spent many a night. That was the first ever luxury hotel in the Caribbean and the home of the Pina Colada. I always loved the Oasis bar.