Celebrity Constellation - Photo Review - March 26, 2015

[cruise47]

Thanks to the Winks couple for sharing their cruise photos. Now if only the New York Jets could have a winning football season in 2015. That would be the Double Wow Factor.

[Champagne Cruiser]

Loving your review. Haven't been on Connie, but have cruised Summit 4 times. I'll have to be in the lookout fir this cabin.

[WinksCruises]

Fear and loathing in the Bahamas

 

Now that you’ve witnessed the severity of my mental health affliction, you probably have me pegged as one of those nervous nellies who stays on board, cowering in the stateroom closet, during the vessel’s port of call days. And if things were up to me, that would be a pretty accurate picture. Read any of our other cruise reports (links below), and you understand that in my version of the perfect cruise experience, my sneakers don’t touch the gangplank until forcefully escorted off, kicking and screaming, by our Captain’s Club Host during the disembarkation process on the final morning. But unfortunately, I rarely get to “live the dream,” (as they say) of staying on board port days thanks to the adventurous spirit I partnered with: the unstoppable, some might call fool hearty, beach addicted, port happy, Mrs. Winks.

 

But on this cruise, I thought I finally had her beat. Because the day before we set sail, none other than the US State Department itself did me a gigantic favor (I thought) by escalating the official travel warning in the Bahamas from the moderate “We be Jimmy Buffet Jammin” blue to the “Critical, You Ass Gonna Be Popped” orange level – all in response to some recent tourist related shootings that had gone down here on the mean streets of paradise. Surely I could make a successful argument for staying on the ship in Nassau, now that I had a color print-out (to accentuate the orange level) of the government’s travel warning to wave in front of my wife’s face.

 

And while, yes, we had plans to purchase a day pass for the nearby Hilton British Colonial beach resort, in light of this official warning, certainly such a shore excursion was off the table, now. Didn’t we want to live to see Key West? Didn’t we want to live to see Celebrity’s Elite Plus status? Didn’t we want to live to cruise a 1-2-3-Go! promotion (with free tips, beverage package and OBC included) again, at all? Oh, I had quite the iron-clad case this time! There was no way we were going ashore in Nassau!

 

Day pass at the Hilton British Colonial resort

 

Okay, so I lost that one, too. Mrs. Winks ended up laughing in the face of death (and at my ill conceived arguments to stay on the ship) by pointing out the resort we planned to visit was within easy walking distance of the pier, was situated along the busiest, most tourist dependent stretch of roadway in the city and that it was 8 o’clock in the morning on a beautiful, sunny day… which, by even the most jaded person’s thinking, was way too early for the Nassau street gangs to be up and about doing their marauding thing. By 8:30 we were off the ship and making our way through the gauntlet of market vendors and cab-ride purveyors, as we blazed a quarter-mile trail past souvenir shops, Diamonds International malls and harbor-side conch retailers to the beautiful Hilton hotel property where we would spend a good portion of the day.

 

If you look at the Google map shot above, you can see not only how close the Hilton resort is to the Constellation’s dock, you can also see that there’s a special Tourism Police station in the vicinity, too! Did that make me feel better? No. Because I immediately had visions of corrupt, banana republic police officers shaking us down for protection money and threatening Midnight Express style cell accommodations. But miraculously, we reached the British Colonial Hilton within 10 minutes and the only real crime we saw was the outrageous prices they were trying to get for a horse-and-buggy ride around downtown.

 

As I lay back into my beach chair and took a sip of my first Pina Colada of the morning, I reflected that despite my failed effort to stay on the ship, in the end, this port of call still represented a minor victory for me. On a typical shore excursion, Mrs. Winks spends half the morning haggling with transportation vendors which, no matter what kind of bargain she drives, results in our being wedged into an un-air conditioned min-van with 18 other sweaty cruisers and sent an hour and a half out-of-our-way to an overcrowded beach on the opposite side of the island that only exists because it got 15 seconds of fame on some Travel Channel show back in the 90s, only to spend an hour or so there and then repeat the entire time-killing process in reverse (that is, if we could even find a return taxi). So when a fellow member on Cruise Critic tipped me off to this classy beach resort within walking distance of the pier, I realized half the day was going to be suddenly freed up for me to start worrying about other things. And that’s always useful. So hurray!

 

Beachside at the Hilton British Colonial - Photo by Mrs. Winks

 

At 60$ each, the day pass to enjoy the British Colonial facilities and non-motorized beach sports wasn’t exactly Nassau’s cheapest shore excursion (though considering that virtually every other activity involved stepping onto the wallet-lightening Atlantis property, it very well have been!). But it did include a 40$ each meal and beverage allowance. So as long as we did our eating and drinking there at the resort, it wasn’t too big a gouge.

 

We checked-in at the lobby’s reception desk, and were pleasantly surprised to find we were treated like any other Hilton guest, (and not the cruise ship detritus that we were) and after they ran a credit card, we were given wrist bands and pointed to the beach. The property is spacious and beautiful and it’s hard to believe it’s located in the heart of Nassau’s downtown.

 

All in all, it’s an interesting location, adjacent to the cruise ship terminal of the harbor. In fact, we spent much of the morning watching other gigantic cruise vessels float in, gracefully and quietly perform complete 360 degree turns, and then back into their respective berths. This is really incredible to watch from only 50 yards away.

 

The resort was nice, relatively quiet and offered plenty of separate areas to chill-out… whether your thing was hammocks, the pool, basketball, volleyball courts or beach chairs. There were plenty of roaming bar boys to keep the beers coming and an outside patio for lunch. Even Mrs. Winks agreed that I had gotten this activity choice correct and that it beat being crammed into a beach taxi or a catching the ferry service to the over-priced Atlantis resort on Paradise Island, which we had previously experienced several times over the course of our Bahama cruising pasts.

 

A Parking Lot for Ships

 

With each successive ship arrival, we noticed an uptick in the beach population about a half hour afterwards. Apparently, quite a number of other cruisers were hip to existence of this little Nassau harbor gem. So at about 1pm, we relinquished our beach chairs to the growing crowd of cruise ship refugees and moved up to the poolside restaurant to have lunch before returning to the ship.

 

Overall, it was a very pleasant way to spend the day – especially if you have already availed yourself to the more popularly marketed tourist amenities in Nassau. For a worry wart like me, who often conjures up visions of missing the ship’s sail away on a port day, just being in sight of the Constellation at all times provided a modicum of comfort not usually afforded me when we’re off on the typical shore excursion.

 

PS - Full Disclosure: While I wish I was one of those bloggers who got paid to promote cruise related industries, as you can clearly tell my observations don't fit into the warm and fuzzy category the corporate suits are always looking for. So the comments above about the Hilton British Colonial are purely our own and NOT the result of some nefarious product placement deal.

 

Sailling Out of Nassau, Bahamas

 

After lunch, and after spending only a couple of dollars over our day pass meal allowance, we gathered together our beach bags and headed back through town. With four additional ships now in port, it was noticeably busier, but at the same time, safer feeling. They say there’s safety in numbers and there were bumbling tourist everywhere so we felt fearless walking back.

 

On the way back, there was a guy driving a micro-van, carrying ice cream, that played on a relentless loop, the monotonous theme from The Rug Rats TV show. Over and over again. He kept circling the same city block, so we ran into him several times during our walk. Now, I’m not sure the caliber of Nassau’s public defender system, but if I was a street gang marauder who ever got incarcerated, I would insist on the Rug Rat Theme Made Me Do It defense. I can see them getting off scot-free after the jury hears just a few bars of it.

 

Back on board, we headed to our aft cabin where we had a perfect viewing platform for dock runners, and I have to say, we saw a number of them at this stop. Unfortunately, with Key West only 230 nautical miles away, with a full day of sea to get there, the captain was under no pressure to set anchors aweigh in a timely fashion. So many of our dock runners, rounded the corner, saw the gang plank still out waiting for them, and sauntered the rest of the way in. Bleh, there’s no fun in seeing that!! About 15 minutes late, the Constellation pulled out of Nassau harbor.

 

The Captain’s Club Social Hour in Reflections Lounge, Deck 11

 

Since Mrs. Winks and I are Diamond Level members on Royal Caribbean, our status carries over to the RCI owned Celebrity line in the form of Elite Level Captain’s Club privileges… the best of which is the evening cocktail hour up in the Reflections Lounge overlooking the ship’s bow. We spent several pre-dinner sunsets here (Note: the event’s not held embarkation day) enjoying the great staff and the Constellations ever outspoken and entertaining Captain’s Club host, Graeme Kelleher.

 

But hey, you don’t have to be an Elite member to enjoy the great lounge. About a quarter of the space is cordoned off general passengers, so if you have a beverage package or the budget to buy a round, you can enjoy the view too. Highly recommended.

 

Coming up next… a day at sea, more shots of the ship - including the disappearing library, food venues, artwork and the occasional NY Jet player. Plus the daily Celebrity TODAY papers.

 

Thanks for your continued readership and fun comments!

 

Edited April 4, 2015 by WinksCruises

[WinksCruises]

Now if only the New York Jets could have a winning football season in 2015. That would be the Double Wow Factor.

Hear hear to that!

[ptrpanpens]

Fantastic review. i was on the Constellation Holy Land cruise last October so I can relate to your paranoia! Imagine how much you could indulge your delusions in Israel and Turkey if you were nervous in Nassau!:eek:

[Champagne Cruiser]

I am so glad I found your reviews. We have sailed Vision and had a great time. Will be sailing the Western Carib on Sihouette in Nov and will probably try the Bar Hop tour. Thanks for posting that. Just wondering why you don't fly Jet Blue out of Westchester. They have tons of direct flights to FL. There is an easy offsite parking facility at SUNY Purchase which adjoins the airport. It's called Purchase Park 2 Fly and is only $12 a day. We use it all the time.

[Lotus Girl]

Sailing Connie again in Europe in August 2015 so great to read what kind of shape she is in as it's been a few years since we've sailed her.

[Shamrock359]

New to Celebrity and loving the review!

 

I have a question, though. In the Celebrity Today paper that you posted, under "information", it stated that when in Fort Lauderdale, Key West, or in US waters up to 3 miles from shore, there would be 6% sales tax added to all purchases at the bar.

 

What if you have a drink package? Are you paying the sales tax? Does this apply to all Celebrity ships? What gives with that anyway? I never heard of such a thing.

 

Thanks for the reply!

[WinksCruises]

Just wondering why you don't fly Jet Blue out of Westchester. They have tons of direct flights to FL.

 

Thanks for your readership! Yes, the Vision is a fun ship and we're going to Cozumel later this month and doing the Bar Hop again; we'll be FoHo's now, former hoppers.

 

And yes, we have flown out of Westchester and used the SUNY parking lot you referenced. (A lot cheaper than airport onsite parking, that's for sure!). But many times the flight times out of HPN aren't convenient... on this voyage, for example, we would have had to wait til 6pm for a flight back after the cruise. It was also much more expensive - it being a spring break week - than a flight out of LGA, even when accounting for tolls and parking there. But yes, it or Newburgh are typically our first choices.

Edited April 4, 2015 by WinksCruises

[WinksCruises]

In the Celebrity Today paper that you posted, under "information", it stated that when in Fort Lauderdale, Key West, or in US waters up to 3 miles from shore, there would be 6% sales tax added to all purchases at the bar.

 

What if you have a drink package? Are you paying the sales tax?

 

We got our beverage package gratis as part of the 1-2-3 Go! Promotion, (a terrific deal) so I'm not sure how an on board purchase is handled.

 

That said, I have read on other threads that they wait to charge your account 'til they are way out to sea and thus avoid having to charge you the sales tax, even though you can start imbibing right away. But honestly, I don't know if that's true or not. Or if you are charged sales tax on single drink purchases while docked at a US port. Someone else here might have better info...

 

You might want to poke around on some of the beverage package or embarkation posts to see what others are experiencing. To us, it simply didn't come up as an issue.

Edited April 5, 2015 by WinksCruises

[WinksCruises]

Here are some print-outs related to the Nassau port day:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next up: the slowest sea day ever and ship life shots.

[WinksCruises]

i was on the Constellation Holy Land cruise last October so I can relate to your paranoia! Imagine how much you could indulge your delusions in Israel and Turkey if you were nervous in Nassau!:eek:

Yeah, I hear you! Europe and beyond would open up an entirely new cruising world to us... but long flights and my OCD have safely locked those opportunities out... for now.

[UpcountryTravelers]

Thanks for the review and photo of me (I was standing on that "impressive rear end of the Caribbean Princess" watching y'all leave!). We are curious about the Constellation and you are answering our curiosity. We are very experienced Princess cruisers (as well as other lines) and have found that only Celebrity measures up to PCL, but have only gone on Reflection. Looking forward to more!

[WinksCruises]

Here are some random shots from around the ship.

 

The Martini Bar

This is bar that's going to put Celebrity out of business!! From what we could see, everyone drinking at this popular venue was doing so using their Premium Beverage Package. It was always crowded and everyone seemed to be drinking more than their daily allotment's worth! Definitely the most hopping bar on the ship, often several rows thick with people, though you can't tell that from this early morning photo.

 

The Future Cruise Sales Desk

Another very popular venue was the Future Cruise office. This can probably attributed to the fact that any future cruise booked while on board could take advantage of the 1-2-3 Go! Promotion, which has since disappeared from the menu of booking incentives. This is the promotion that gives you a choice of free gratuities, free beverage package or generous on board credit.... and when booking a Concierge Class or higher stateroom, all three. Perhaps foolishly, we decided that we needed to limit our future cruise bookings to the indudstry lines where we have loyalty program goals within reach (Royal and Princess). We don't on Celebrity, since this was only our second voyage with them. But of course, the moment we disembarked, we regretted not taking advantage of the 1-2-3 promo... a plan we find to be a great match for the way we cruise.

 

Art

From the surreal to the sublime, the art program on Constellation is in full force. Some really interesting pieces, including a wall size array of mens neckware made from folded paper (Sadly, my picture of it was not good enough to share here).

 

Fortunes Casino

A modest sized casino. We missed our favorite cruising table game, Caribbean Stud Poker, which has been pulled from the gaming floor. And there didn't appear to be a Free-Spin slot machine from which to win tchokies - the casino promotions on this voyage being limited to match play coupons on your Captain Clubs sheet. I managed to play several hours on 50$, which earned a point or two of house credits, and was happy to walk away absolutely even with how I came in. But Mrs. Winks, on the other hand, managed to lose our entire nest egg, so I'm not sure how soon again we will be sailing...

 

Pool Deck

Good weather throughout the cruise guaranteed the pool deck stayed busy. Busy, but never overcrowded to the point that chair fights broke out, even on the day at sea. And there were plenty of empty loungers to be had outside the immediate pool area. Bar service seemed to be ample - despite a lot of Cruise Critic member claims that the beverage plans have brought an end to prompt service.

 

The Celebrity Theater

Jaded New Yorkers, we're not big fans of the production shows. We did see a comedian, Steve Marzan, on the first night, who was funny when he stuck to cruise experience humor. He also began his show by having us watch a ten minute video clip of his stand-up routine during a David Letterman show appearance. Sadly, that material was stronger than the non-cruise related routines he then did for us live! There was also a ventriloquist, Gareth Oliver, one night that we passed on seeing. And the theater also hosted a Dancing with the Stars send-up called "Dancing with the Friendly Officers & Crew" - a liability case just waiting to happen! Nice theater, though.

 

Next up: More detailed notes on our day at sea.

 

Edited April 5, 2015 by WinksCruises

[emdmistycc]

I am so enjoying your review. I love your style of writing. I will be sailing on the Connie in May so you are giving me a glimpse of what is to come. Thank you for posting all those wonderful pictures! Elaine

[vms]

Your review continues to entertain and inform. Can't wait to hear all about the longest sea day ever!

[sasset]

Are they still offering 123go if booking onboard?

[WinksCruises]

Embarkation Dinner at the Tuscan Grille

 

As I mentioned earlier in this report, we decided to take advantage of the discounted rate you get for booking a specialty dining “experience” on embarkation day - a nice 20% off in this case. Because of the 1-2-3 Go! promotion, we had a generous on board credit sitting in our Sea Pass account, and with a gratis classic beverage package also in play, I foolishly feared we’d be hard pressed to spend all of this in the spanse of 4 days… cause these are the kinds of thoughts that keep a person like me up at night!

 

Still, even at 20% off – at an adjusted rate of 36$ each, you can imagine the mild panic attack triggered by this new phenomenon we now know as cruising in 2015 sticker shot. See, only a few years ago, a specialty dining reservation was neatly priced at 25$. And in my OCD dominated world vision, only a mad man would risk changing such a perfect, square, solid number. It made foe a great flat rate. Let it reign forever, I thought. But of course, I hadn’t accounted for the MBAs back in Miami - who don’t share my obsession (or reverence) for a perfect number like 25 - and now we see the price of these specialty restaurants creeping up very quickly towards $50. To me, that’s crazy… ‘cause when you add the price of drinks to that, I might was well be back on land getting gouged at a local restaurant where I’m not haunted by endless concerns of rogue waves, lost passports and stateroom attendants going postal… and where I can simply run out on the bill if it gets a little too pricey! Sadly, that’s not an option at sea.

 

The meal, by the way, was excellent. Mrs. Winks had nothing but praise for her rib-eye and I was amazed by my surprisingly delicious and fresh eggplant parmesan dish. Better yet was the wine the sommelier recommended which was not only included in our classic beverage package, it far out-classed previous premium selections I’ve tried. My only regret was not jotting down the name of it. Doh!

 

Dining on the Constellation

 

We chose select dining for this cruise and generally had dinner late. Each time we ate in the main dining room we did so without a reservation and only had to wait several minutes to be seated. We had different wait staff each time, all with their different personalities (and patience levels) but all of whom delivered exemplary service.

 

Food in the main dining room was adequate to good with servers at the ready to replace any dish we didn’t find to our liking – which happened once when my wife had loftier expectations of the short ribs than what arrived on the plate. As usual, desserts were consistently the big, but most unwelcomed, hits!

 

The buffet was of usual quality with breakfast having the edge over lunch and dinner selections. One disappointing aspect was the lack of selections after 3pm. Coming back from a short excursion late afforded you little to choose from but pizza and pasta stations. The same for those who missed main dining room, for whatever reason, as the buffet was closed at 9:30pm. Even the grill was closed at 6pm. So, maybe for the first time on a cruise ever, we had to pay special attention as to what venues were opened when.

 

In the end, we ended up having lunch at the Bistro on Five twice. We found the service and food there to be better than the buffet, and we didn’t mind paying the now 7$ each surcharge for the privilege.

 

Weighing in on the Great OJ Debate

 

Our classic beverage package included glasses of the recently re-defined fresh squeezed orange juice selection. Someone here on Cruise Critic realized that the orange juicing machines, like the one pictured above, have disappeared from the buffet area. Upon further investigation, they discovered that Celebrity, and presumably other cruise lines as well, are switched over to serving juice that’s been “Fresh Squeezed” at some refinery plant in the US and then trucked to the various ports for onboarding.

 

For sure, the juice is better than the reconstituted sugary syrup you get from the buffet dispenser. It even has pulp in it. But for equally sure, it doesn’t have the taste or freshness you get from an orange that was just been crushed and juiced minutes before – as it used to be.

 

That we’re still expected to pay an upcharge for something that’s clearly not “fresh” squeezed is just a typical example of the loss of service and quality we are seeing plague the cruise industry today. All so some fat cats, who do nothing productive with their time, can secure a quarterly dividend that’s paying hell better than the mutual fund or savings account you’ve got your money in.

 

SOL – Save Our Libraries at Sea

 

Another amenity that’s been forced to walk the plank is the library. Once a grand centerpiece of any ship’s passenger offerings, the space allocated to these gorgeous rooms is getting smaller and smaller and the books are allowed to be pilfered, not replaced, leaving the shelves bare. In fact the largest cluster of books left standing in the Constellation’s library were all in German!

 

When we last cruised her several years ago, there was an attractive two-story space for books browsing and cushy-chair reading. Now the upstairs has been fitted with Mac computers and been converted into an iLounge for internet activities (at a per-minute upcharge, of course). There’s even a kiosk selling electronic accessories like noise cancelling headphones, sadly, where great reading was once housed.

 

For me, it’s not really about classic bound print versus e-readers like Kindle. It was always about the thrill of discovery when pouring over the stacks of eclectic book selections. From classics to best sellers, there was always something new and interesting to be found in the ship's library and a few days to spend with reading material you'd found spontaneously - - and I miss that part of the cruise experience.

 

 

The Case of the Repetitious Canape

 

As part of our Concierge Class package, one of the stateroom perks was having an afternoon canapé delivery. We just had to remember to place a request slip out on our door each night, which for someone suffering OCD isn’t too hard to remember… I obsessed about it all day, in fact.

 

So with visions of chocolate covered strawberries, cheese platters with water crackers or even a mixed plate of sliced fruit and exotic peanut selections, we religiously checked off our desired delivery time and hung the order out each night. And every day, we got this same tapis plate shown above… 3 pita chips, some broken olives, a smear of hummus and 4 small watermelon dollops.

 

And by day three they had us fully trained; not to bother them with any more canapé orders for the rest of the voyage, just go up to the Ocean Cafe pizza station like everyone else.

 

Creepy Morning Show Guy

 

Then there was our cruise director. He seemed energetic enough and had the cruise director patter down nicely, even if his command of English sometimes got away from him and he didn’t seem to know what a NY Jet was. He came across affable enough, but then we caught him starring on the morning “news” show they produce every day for our stateroom television. There, while on camera, he kept pawing his assistant cruise director in what we corporate Americans have been taught is an inappropriate way for work colleagues to physically interact.

 

Normally, I’m too concerned about impending doom and the volatility of heating oil prices to wax all politically correct, but we both noticed she looked uncomfortable each time he sidled up to her and peppered his spiel with suggestive overtones directed at her. Creep out city! Of course one has to wonder about the efficacy of HR policies on the high seas, especially in an industry that appears to encourage intra-crew fraternizing.

 

Coming up… a rare visit to a port of call in the US, our adventures in Key West.

[WinksCruises]

Are they still offering 123go if booking onboard?

Sorry, I don't know if it's still being offered for on board bookings. It's clearly disappeared everywhere else, though!

[WinksCruises]

 

 

 

 

 

Some notices for Captain's Club Elite Level members

 

 

 

[Canadian Tyler]

Hi Wink and Mrs Winks! Enjoying another great review.

 

Glad to hear you had a good cruise, and weren't kicked out of your room and forced to sleep on the pool deck. Looking forward to Key West.

[WinksCruises]

Hi Tyler!

 

Got to let you know, we're on Liberty of the Seas in a few weeks. We're travelling with family members and have plans to do the Cozumel bar hop again. (Thanks for clueing us in on this great excursion!) Should be fun!

 

Hope all is well with you and that you and Not_Anna are cruising soon!

[WinksCruises]

The Constellation Docked in Key West, Florida

 

A few years ago, Mrs Winks and I spent a week in Key West in a bid to escape another harsh northeast winter. We flew to Miami, rented a convertible (a bitchin’ Camaro, as I recall) and made the 127-mile scenic drive due south along the Overseas Highway that’s more popularly known as US-1. We established a base at a charming, clapboard, beachside resort and spent most of our time getting lost in a daze – which is an essential part of the Key West experience. It was a delightful vacation and we pledged to one day return to this eclectic, if remote, southernmost US outpost. So, when we saw it was one of the ports-of-call on this cruise ship’s itinerary, we were both very psyched.

 

Sadly though, Key West didn’t work so well as an 8-hour cruise stop. Destinations that were new to our fellow passengers – Hemingway’s House, the Key West Lighthouse, Truman’s Little White House and Sloppy Joe’s Bar – were all “been there done that” items, previously checked-off on our to-do list. And walking up the shopping strip, Duvall Street, and hanging out at the popular Mallory Square held little excitement - since we weren’t there during the magical build-up to sunset.

 

A lot of this was our own fault - for not making a better plan, which will be discussed below. But first, surprise, surprise, before you even set foot in Key West, you have to pass through US immigration. Oh, what an unexpected joy.

 

 

Immigration Procedure for Key West

 

Even if you’re not planning to get off the ship in Key West, every passenger is required to present his or herself to US Border Patrol officials for inspection. Because of that, the agents actually board the ship and commandeer one of the lounges - where they proceed to check everyone’s passport or travel documents and ask you where you’re from. All this, whether you plan to step on US soil or not. Failure to do so results in a $3,000 fine... so there goes a couple of cruises! Thanks Uncle Sam!

 

It’s a huge hassle, since you have to abide by a schedule (Shore excursions do get priority). And a huge invasion of privacy, thanks 9-11. But the process does go quickly, even if it ultimately seems to be useless and costly. They had our IDs at embarkation. They’ll have our IDs tomorrow when we return to Ft. Lauderdale. Lord knows, the NSA is tracking our cell phones (even turned off!) and they’re monitoring our credit card purchases. They know where we are, for goodness sake. Really,what are the odds ISIS members assumed our identities and successfully boarded the ship in Nassau or any other time during a painfully short 4-day cruise? Said the paranoid guy!

 

Just be prepared for this bureaucratic roadblock if your ship ever stops in Key West. Your tax dollars at work.

 

 

 

How Not to Get Around Town

 

So one of the mistakes we made in Key West (thanks Mrs. Winks!) was booking the Old Town Trolley tour as a shore excursion. Maybe it made sense at one point. Book a hop-on/hop-off trolley so we would easily get about town, since, after our week vacation in Key West, we knew there’s a lot of walking between points of interest.

 

And here’s a first; the cruise line proudly promoted the fact that the cost of buying a Trolley ticket on board was cheaper than buying it at the Trolley company’s own main depot. (Of course, what they don’t tell you is that there are plenty of Trolley and Conch Train ticket discounters, located close to the pier, who are even less expensive than either of these choices!)

 

But by far, the worst rip-off of this tour is the fact that the Trolley spends a majority of its time carting you out to the remote end of the island, so it can pick up waiting hotel guests and bring them back into town. So half the stops are at hotel properties you have no interest in hopping off at.

 

On top of that, we found most of the Trolley riders seemed to think they were on a sightseeing tour of the island. They NEVER hopped off the trolley – despite pleas from the drivers (trying to free up seats for onboarding customers) that there were beaches and attractions to be enjoyed (if you’re into hotel properties, that is).

 

The whole thing was a sad waste of time, and Mrs. Winks and I finally hopped off at the far end of town and made our way back by foot to the ship, stopping occasionally at a store or souvenir shop, all the time realizing we could have done this without the $20+ each detour to see hotel properties on the other side of the island. Lesson learned. (And further fodder for my argument that we should stop wasting time and just stay on the ship port days!)

 

 

Faking History: The Southernmost Edition

 

Above is the obligatory picture in front of Sloppy Joe’s Bar… Ernest Hemingway’s favorite saloon. Allegedly. It’s probably the second most photographed attraction in Key West - next to the equally famous Southernmost Point concrete buoy – which is supposed to be the southernmost point in the continental USA. But this too is a fraud.

 

Yes. Let’ talk about tourist fraud. Because Key West is full of it! From Wikipedia: "Florida's official southernmost point is Ballast Key, a privately owned island south and west of Key West. The buoy marker is not even the southernmost point of Key West. The southernmost part of Key West Island accessible to civilians is the beach area of Fort Zachary Taylor State Park - which is approximately 500 feet farther south than the much photographed buoy marker."

 

As for Sloppy Joe’s Bar pictured above…. Hemingway actually never hung out there. He hung out a couple blocks to the west - at a bar now called Captain Tony's Saloon, which was closer to his home. But with Duvall Street becoming the commercial and touristy center of town after Hemingway's death, it didn’t take long for the profiteers at Sloppy Joe’s to relocate the bar to a spot that would see significantly more Hemingway fan boy traffic. So the Sloppy Joe's you see above is not watering hole Ernest wrote in. And as you can see, there’s a lot of faking going on in Key West!

 

 

Key Lime Everything!

 

So there’s also a lot of faking going on with the Key Lime products that are sold virtually everywhere here. Most of these treats are made with regular lime juice or some reconstituted by-product thereof. Only a few places actually feature pies made from genuine limes originating in the Keys. The rest are artificial fakes!

 

Kermit's Frozen, Chocolate-dipped, Key Lime Pie, On-A-Stick has to take first prize for best bastardization of a food theme, though. Sold at a shop right on the pier, just try to bring this mess on board with you. I’m sure the customs folks would want to have a word or two with you about it! In honor of all this, I ordered Celebrity Constellation's classic key lime pie at dinner that night - and while I'm sure the juice in it wasn't "freshed squeezed" (or even genuine Key Lime for that matter) it tasted just fine!

 

 

Sunset on the Horizon

 

Having taken our trolley ride to nowhere and re-explored the shopping opportunities on Duvall St. (In case you were wondering, the Key West Radio Shack is one of those slated for closure) and finding Mallory Square devoid of any activity, we decided not to spend any more money in town and boarded the Constellation just after noon to take advantage of our free buffet lunch and our free beverage package.

 

Back in our stateroom, we found Carolina had laid out the colored luggage tags and immigration blue sheet out on our bed. Reality check. It was time to get ready for our return trip to Fort Lauderdale… but not until after another stunning sunset and a pop of the bubbly.

 

Coming up… "At this Time, We’re Experiencing Slight Delays in the Terminal" and other disembarkation fiascos. Hint: Hope you didn’t have an early fight.

Edited April 9, 2015 by WinksCruises

[WinksCruises]

Things to do in Key West + a List of Beaches

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Irishhappycruiser]

I love your review! Thanks so much for the pictures. Great to see shots of the ship. I have two questions……..are crown and anchor perks transferable to Celebrity? and if I book a future cruise while onboard, what perks/discounts are common?