2chiefs Posted August 7, 2020 #1001 Share Posted August 7, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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yoshi Posted August 7, 2020 #1008 Share Posted August 7, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallyho8 Posted August 7, 2020 #1009 Share Posted August 7, 2020 A man stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'The man left. A few days later, the same guy again stops in and asks 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half . The man quickly left. The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favor , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back. 'A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, nervously shaking his head. The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?' Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,‘Your house!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallyho8 Posted August 7, 2020 #1010 Share Posted August 7, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted August 8, 2020 #1011 Share Posted August 8, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vulcan1971 Posted August 8, 2020 #1012 Share Posted August 8, 2020 On 4/15/2020 at 11:31 AM, Paulpgr said: @Paulpgr - probably one of the best postings on this board. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted August 8, 2020 Author #1013 Share Posted August 8, 2020 An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce. Forty-five years of misery is enough!” ”Pop, what are you talking about?!” screams the son. ”We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer”, the old man says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about it, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her”, and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who doesn’t take the news well. “They’re not getting a divorce if I have anything to do about it!” she shouts. “I'll take care of this”. She calls Phoenix immediately and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting a divorce! Don’t do a single thing until I get there! I'm calling my brother back and we will both be there tomorrow! Until then don’t do a thing. DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up. The old man hangs up the phone, turns to his wife and says, “OK, the kids are coming for Thanksgiving... Now what do we tell them for Christmas?” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted August 8, 2020 #1014 Share Posted August 8, 2020 A cruise ship is headed back from the Bahamas on its last night at sea. Right around dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker. “This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise” Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again. “Ladies and gentleman, I apologize but it appears we have run out of booze. On the upside, we still have 750 delicious meals for you to enjoy!” 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rare C-Dragons Posted August 8, 2020 Author #1015 Share Posted August 8, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2chiefs Posted August 8, 2020 #1016 Share Posted August 8, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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centurycruiser Posted August 8, 2020 #1020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 People said I would never get over my obsession with Phil Collins, But take a look at me now. I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified. I told my doctor I felt a compulsion to continuously sing “Green Green Grass of Home” and he told me I had “Tom Jones Syndrome.” I asked if it was common and he said “It’s not unusual.” I have an Elton John pun. It's a little bit funny. Everyone at the John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine...ALL the people 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallyho8 Posted August 8, 2020 #1021 Share Posted August 8, 2020 I met a guy who said he's a criminal lawyer...At least he's honest...! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2chiefs Posted August 9, 2020 #1022 Share Posted August 9, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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