Pre-cruise Discussion Topics for Teens

[MaryZ]

our rules are fairly simple

we get on and off the ship as a family.

we eat dinner every night as a family

brothers have to keep an eye on their sister.

daughter is not permitted to talk to crew members. Except when ordering food or saying hello to cabin steward.

Crew members have no business chatting with my now 17 yr old daughter. Which I see all too often the crewmembers striking up "friendships" with young girls. There are usually lots of boys her age to hang out with. Her brothers are very good about protecting her. So much so, that she complains daily ;)

no wandering around alone late at night.

no drugs onboard or off ship. (standard rule is no drugs but my husband and I have made it very clear the dangers of drugs in a foreign port or trying to sneak it back into the ship or thru customs)

daughter never to go to a boys cabin alone. And I expect my sons to show the same respect to someone else's daughter.

my kids have been sailing for 12 yrs now. they are now 17,20 and 23.

rules were stricter when they were young about times to be back in their cabin. And checking in with during the day.

they never had a problem following them. they don't have a problem with it now.

we have always all enjoyed cruising as a family vacation. The kids always made tons of friends and we all have had a great time. We are into having fun, so our kids still like being around us :)

[jpmaximus]

A good suggestion would be to make your children carry a walky talky with them and that way they can keep in touch with you when they are walking the decks. Part of the fun for kids i think is meeting friends and this way you can give them some space but still be able to monitor them.

[dyslexic pirate]

We had a new problem pop up on our most recent cruise.

 

I have very good looking boys.

 

My 2 older boys 23 & 18 had fun in the dance club.

 

The problem was the predatory 20 somethings that kept trying to lure my 18 year old back to their cabins. The first time it happened he got as far the young "lady's" cabin door (she said she needed his help finding her sister!) when he realized what was up, turned her down and then came and found me and told me about what had happened.

 

The boys like to flirt but they've been taught to be gentlemen and that certain intimacies are reserved for relationships not acquaintances.

 

I only require the family to eat together at the first formal night. Now, since the kids aren't forced to eat with us they choose to! We think it's fun now that they are older (4 of em 14 to 23) that they want to hang out with us. They track us down each night and love to go to the dining room together.

[we2cruze]

Surfklutz: I am not sure what we would do differently with teenage boys, but I'm sure some things would be different. When I was growing up I know I had more freedom because I was hanging out with my older (big, strong, and protective) brother. My girls have no older brother, so we have to take different measures to protect them.

MaryZ & Dyslexic Pirate: Our kids also choose to hang out with us, which is really great. We have a good time as a family and they don't really want to wander. It helps that they have each other also, so they don't have to find friends on a ship to have peers.

If we had an only child, I'm sure we'd have to adjust our rules to make room for making friends and hanging out on the ship.

A couple/few months ago, there was a thread on this forum about a man who was arrested for stalking a teenage girl in Central Florida over the internet. The police found pictures of him drinking with teenage girls on Carnival and also Carnival tickets in his home. Does anyone remember this, know how to find it, and post a link? I'm sorry I don't know how to do this, but this is a good story to help us understand why the teens need protecting onboard.

[arabrab]

We have a few more rules, but most of what has been mentioned is already on our list:

 

1. We expect to know where you are and when you'll be returning to us -- you need to find us at that time, or leave a note (post-its work great) so we know where to find you. (And, we wander around and do look in on things.)

 

2. Must be back in the cabin at least 1/2 hour before dinner so you have time to get clean and into appropriate dinner attire.

 

3. No sitting on the staircares, no sitting in hallways, and no riding up and down in the elevators. No slamming doors anywhere.

 

4. Hold open doors for older people, and be nice and offer to carry a tray for someone who needs assistance if you're standing there.

 

5. The stewards & waiters work really hard and don't deserve the job of cleaning up messes. Don't make a mess. Don't take more food than you realistically think you'll eat.

 

6. Let us know right away if anyone is bothering you, and if you feel uncomfortable, get to a place with more people where you feel safer. Lie, blame us, do whatever you need to do to get to a position of safety. Use us as the bad guys when you feel pressured to do something that you know you shouldn't do. You have the meanest parents in the world, and don't be afraid to say so.

 

And, finally, two rules from home:

 

1. Adults shouldn't approach children/teenagers for help, but it is generally safe for you to approach an adult for assistance, particularly one in a uniform.

 

2. Follow your gut reaction. It will keep you out of a lot of trouble.

 

Now my daughter's either stayed in a cabin with us or with her grandmother. If she was in a cabin with another teenager, I'd be thinking about a few other rules. I simply wouldn't let her stay in a cabin by herself unless it was physically connected by a door to our cabin. If we were on a ship where the passengers names were posted outside the door, I'd take down those nameplates -- too easy to figure out that a Miss X in a cabin near a Mr/Mrs X is probably a teenager.

[we2cruze]

We have a few more rules, but most of what has been mentioned is already on our list:

 

1. We expect to know where you are and when you'll be returning to us -- you need to find us at that time, or leave a note (post-its work great) so we know where to find you. (And, we wander around and do look in on things.)

 

2. Must be back in the cabin at least 1/2 hour before dinner so you have time to get clean and into appropriate dinner attire.

 

3. No sitting on the staircares, no sitting in hallways, and no riding up and down in the elevators. No slamming doors anywhere.

 

4. Hold open doors for older people, and be nice and offer to carry a tray for someone who needs assistance if you're standing there.

 

5. The stewards & waiters work really hard and don't deserve the job of cleaning up messes. Don't make a mess. Don't take more food than you realistically think you'll eat.

 

6. Let us know right away if anyone is bothering you, and if you feel uncomfortable, get to a place with more people where you feel safer. Lie, blame us, do whatever you need to do to get to a position of safety. Use us as the bad guys when you feel pressured to do something that you know you shouldn't do. You have the meanest parents in the world, and don't be afraid to say so.

 

And, finally, two rules from home:

 

1. Adults shouldn't approach children/teenagers for help, but it is generally safe for you to approach an adult for assistance, particularly one in a uniform.

 

2. Follow your gut reaction. It will keep you out of a lot of trouble.

 

Now my daughter's either stayed in a cabin with us or with her grandmother. If she was in a cabin with another teenager, I'd be thinking about a few other rules. I simply wouldn't let her stay in a cabin by herself unless it was physically connected by a door to our cabin. If we were on a ship where the passengers names were posted outside the door, I'd take down those nameplates -- too easy to figure out that a Miss X in a cabin near a Mr/Mrs X is probably a teenager.

 

These are good additions, especially since they cover some rules of polite behavior that seem to be issues with some adult cruisers.

We also do not put our teens in a cabin by themselves. We usually have 2 cabins. One has my husband and 2 children. The other has me and 3 children. Yes, we have a big family. We had adjoining cabins when we sailed on the MOS, which I really liked. I understand the need for "couple time", but my husband and I get that when we sail without the children. I've stayed in staterooms with only teens in a cabin next door and believe me it was not a pleasant experience. Even "giggling girls" are loud when heard through the wall at 1am.

[dyslexic pirate]

One other rule: Pick up the room every once in a while so the room steward can do their job!

[MaryZ]

The problem was the predatory 20 somethings that kept trying to lure my 18 year old back to their cabins. >>>

 

oh yeah. What I noticed even more so is on our last cruise over thanksgiving, only my daughter and one son came. She was 16 at the time and son was 19.

The girls my daughters age were all over my son. It got to the point he actually talked to one 15 yr olds father and told him to please ask his daughter to stop following him around. He simply is not into little girls and it was driving him insane. My daughter tried talking to her, but she had such a crush on my son. Which is cute, but this girl went beyond cute.

The big thing in our house with our own daughter, because she has brothers older than her, is that boys need to be age appropriate for her. She isn't allowed to date boys older than her. And she and her friends have plenty of exposure to them from just from her brothers friends alone :) So my house is pretty popular...lol The girls come to "test" their flirting techniques on the older boys. But they are my sons friends, so they are "safe". Simply because my sons let them know, if they go past the hello part to their sister they will kill them...lol actually tho, they are all very respectful and fun to be around and don't want to date my daughter or her friends because they are only young girls. Or it's quite possible they are afraid my husband will take them fishing... ;)

My daughter is very comfortable around boys much older than she, simply because she has always been around them. So that in itself can be a problem. Because she has to be reminded that not all boys are like her brothers friends.

[Fun~N~Sun]

On our last cruise, my daughter shows up with this piece of paper that would given to her and the other kids by the teen club staff, it had boxed spaces so you could put your home address and e-mail address to share with the other kids on the ship.

I only let her give out her e-mail address, i check her mail regularly anyway to make sure she is not getting mail for perverts anyways.

 

 

You check her mail? Do you read her journal, go through her purse, listen to her cell phone messages, check her text messages, go through her room and look for notes, etc.......I'm glad your not my mom! I would be very resentful. If she has given you a reason not to trust her I can see maybe checking her mail but until that trust is broken I see this as nothing but an invation of privacy.

[Fun~N~Sun]

our rules are fairly simple

we get on and off the ship as a family.

we eat dinner every night as a family

brothers have to keep an eye on their sister.

daughter is not permitted to talk to crew members. Except when ordering food or saying hello to cabin steward.

Crew members have no business chatting with my now 17 yr old daughter. Which I see all too often the crewmembers striking up "friendships" with young girls. There are usually lots of boys her age to hang out with. Her brothers are very good about protecting her. So much so, that she complains daily ;)

no wandering around alone late at night.

no drugs onboard or off ship. (standard rule is no drugs but my husband and I have made it very clear the dangers of drugs in a foreign port or trying to sneak it back into the ship or thru customs)

daughter never to go to a boys cabin alone. And I expect my sons to show the same respect to someone else's daughter.

my kids have been sailing for 12 yrs now. they are now 17,20 and 23.

rules were stricter when they were young about times to be back in their cabin. And checking in with during the day.

they never had a problem following them. they don't have a problem with it now.

we have always all enjoyed cruising as a family vacation. The kids always made tons of friends and we all have had a great time. We are into having fun, so our kids still like being around us :)

 

 

Just curious, how do your 20 and 23 year old like having rules?

[Fun~N~Sun]

My girls are doing quite well dorming at college. Actually there is a big difference between sheltering/protecting them and smothering them to the point that they don't experience life.

 

 

I couldn't agree more.

[Fun~N~Sun]

I made it easy on myself... the kids are staying home...:D

 

 

Our "kids" are 23 and 21 and if we left them home my husband and I would end up talking about them the entire cruise, wondering what they were up to, and wishing they were with us because they would really enjoy the trip and the different experiences. Our lives have always centered around our kids and I can't imagine that ever changing.

[TCF]

My kids are both in the 30's so I have paid the dues of raising teenagers...and I must say that I did so in much gentler time!:)

I just want to say that IMO this thread should be mandatory reading for any adult that gets on a cruise ship!!

All we hear on these boards is complaints about the little brats...rude teenagers...drunk teenagers...teenagers buying/using drugs...and also bad parents! And sure there are those on all cruises and every town and city!

We don't hear about the folks on this thread....the good parents...who not only go through hoops to make their kids safe...but also to treat others with whom they are cruising with kindness and respect!

So just a quick thanks from an old guy who delights at the sounds of laughter from young voices on a cruise ships...and remembers fondly the days of hearing the same sounds from his own kids.

Just my thoughts.

Tom:)

[we2cruze]

You check her mail? Do you read her journal, go through her purse, listen to her cell phone messages, check her text messages, go through her room and look for notes, etc.......I'm glad your not my mom! I would be very resentful. If she has given you a reason not to trust her I can see maybe checking her mail but until that trust is broken I see this as nothing but an invation of privacy.

 

 

I would imagine that this mom is not checking her daughters email because she doesn't trust her, but rather because email and the internet are tools of sexual predators (is that spelled right?). There have been some really scary stories in the media, so I can understand this reaction.

[Fun~N~Sun]

I would imagine that this mom is not checking her daughters email because she doesn't trust her, but rather because email and the internet are tools of sexual predators (is that spelled right?). There have been some really scary stories in the media, so I can understand this reaction.

 

But talk to your kids. Educate them. Trust them. If you have done your job right raising your child to be cautious, respectful, and honest, I don't feel you have the right to invade their privacy and go through their personal matters. Even teenagers have friends they tell things too that they don't discuss with their parents and that is not being sneaky or dishonest it is called growing up and becoming independent.

[MaryZ]

Just curious, how do your 20 and 23 year old like having rules?>>>>

rules of eating dinner together as a family? or watching out for their sister?
or going off to do things as a family on the islands? Or not use drugs?
Personally those are just normal things that our family does. So I'd have to say my 20 and 23 yr old don't seem to mind having rules.
of course your family might be different. Perhaps your children don't watch out for each other or it's not normal for you to all sit and eat dinner and talk to each other.
If you believe those are "rules" for adult children, then I'd have to say we both have different ideals of what a family is.

[imacruzinma]

[QUOTE=;9371077]Just curious, how do your 20 and 23 year old like having rules?>>>>
[/QUOTE]

I was married at age 22. However, if my parents were footing the bill for a vacation at that age, darn tootin' I'd follow the rules they set!

[caribbean dreams]

[quote name='Fun~N~Sun']You check her mail? Do you read her journal, go through her purse, listen to her cell phone messages, [/quote]

My DD is 12, Like i said before, i check her mail to make sure she is not getting any of those porno ads, I am sure you all know what i am talking about! Like the heading that says "oh baby want a piece of my big hot D*** tonight" I have tryed to block and filter them but they keep showing up.
So what i was saying in my first post was, when i check her mail (for porn) i will notice if there is mail from someone that i do not recognize, I don't read it, i just ask her if she knows who it's from.

Oh and for the record, i do check up on her Myspace with her and maybe other parents should do the same, I have seen other 12 year olds that my DD goes to school with, who have nude pictures of themselves on their site, now tell me that doesn't attract the petifiles, also kids bragging about the drugs they do and alot of other nasty things
I do not go thru her room or read her journal (i don't even know if she has one) BUT i will keep monitoring her Myspace!

For those of you that live in California, i am sure you heard about the huge child porn bust a few years ago, it had a trail going from San Diego to Europe with over 25,000 pictures, one of the main photographers for this child porn was my neighbor and my DD's best friends daddy, lots of the girls were from the elementary school my DD went to. He is in jail for life now, but this whole thing started over the internet on Myspace.

[zachnlucy]

Oops.

[GB Chicago]

I let my then 15 year old bring a 16 year old friend. They met a group of kids immediately. The 16 year friend old hooked up with a 17 year old girl whose parents we met the first night. They told us how "wonderful" their little girl was and how much they "trusted" her. Well I caught the friend with the wonderful trusting girl in bed in our cabin in the middle of the day on an at sea day. I had promised his mom I would watch over him like my own - well who would have known? I returned him to his parents covered in hickeys - not only did we never get together with them again but she never even offered to pay me for his incidentals - (she paid originally for the cruise and I took care of his airfare)
This year we will talk to our son - and use many of the rules you folks have graciously provided but as an only child and without a friend to hang our with, (outside of dinner and when we are off the boat) we cannot expect him to hang out with us all the time. We do expect that we have given him the tools that he will need in a year and a half when he goes away to college and hope he doesn't disapoint us or he will be spending his nights in the cabin!! alone!

[caribbean dreams]

[quote name='zachnlucy'] can't figure out how one kid is involved with drugs and refused to go to college, and the other one just graduated from college with a BFA last year and has spent the last 8 months in Africa as a missionary.

.[/quote]

Cindy, trust me, i know how you feel, My DD's are wonderful girls, well adults now with their own children (except my 12 yr old) My 26 yr old son was raised the exact same and has also had a few problems.

Parents can raise children in the perfect inviroment, and in the end, that child will know right from wrong, good from bad, but will make his own choices in life and us as parents knowing we did everything right, should not be condemed.

[caribbean dreams]

[quote name='we2cruze']I would imagine that this mom is not checking her daughters email because she doesn't trust her, but rather because email and the internet are tools of sexual predators (is that spelled right?). There have been some really scary stories in the media, so I can understand this reaction.[/quote]

Thankyou,
You are exactly right and the things that have happened were scary in real life for us.

[we2cruze]

[quote name='imacruzinma']I was married at age 22. However, if my parents were footing the bill for a vacation at that age, darn tootin' I'd follow the rules they set![/quote]

I couldn't agree more. I was married at 18 and if my parents had taken us on a cruise, we would have respected any rules they set forth.
The truth is life is about rules. Everyone has them to follow on a daily basis and 20 & 23 years olds are no different.
Training your kids to follow rules is not going to make life more difficult for them, it will make it easier. The trick is to adjust the rules as they age and mature, so that when they step out on their own they know how to set their own rules for safe, proper, and considerate behavior.

[zachnlucy]

[quote name='caribbean dreams']Cindy, trust me, i know how you feel, My DD's are wonderful girls, well adults now with their own children (except my 12 yr old) My 26 yr old son was raised the exact same and has also had a few problems.

Parents can raise children in the perfect inviroment, and in the end, that child will know right from wrong, good from bad, but will make his own choices in life and us as parents knowing we did everything right, should not be condemed.[/quote]

Thank you for that. After I posted it, I decided it really had no place on this thread and deleted it. But I appreciate your response. Logically I realize you're right, but sometimes, ya know ...