Completely Depressed & Frustrated...HELP!

[smoothdancer]

Hey,

It is so good to hear from you all again...

 

Happy, I have been watching your planning posts, sounds so great... Wish I was you!!!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Glad this is revitalized:). The baby is good...he's sooo gorgeous and fun!

 

I'm going out with the brother of the woman I met on my cruise tomorrow night! Actually, we're doing a double date; it should be fun!

 

Smooth, any competitions lately? Happy, when do you do to Paris?

[Gathina]

Ok, so where is BRENDA!!!

[smoothdancer]

Well this is good timing as I need a friend....

 

I told you way back when about my son who was on drugs, went into rehab and was doing fine. He now lives in Illinois. He lives a few blocks from downtown where he works, walks home from work late evening, as he is a cook in a bar.

 

Last night walking home he was stopped by a cop as it was so late, the took his ID and ran a check on him and found an old outstanding warrent from Texas.... This case was move to CT where I and he lived at the time, he went to court, it was settled and he served 5 years probation for it, and was over. It seems the state of CT never notified Texas it was settled and so now he is in jail, and the state of Texas is coming to get him for something that was settled long ago.

 

He cannot get out on bail as the state of Texas has refused this, it is Memorial week-end so I cant contact the DA or his attorney to provide the paperwork to prove it was resolved here in CT.... I cant talk to him and chances are Texas will be there to get him before we can stop this and he will have to go to Texas, loose his job for not showing up. This is so wrong and this has been a nightmare for me knowing he is sitting somewhere in jail and scared. When will this all end???

 

I know you all cant help me but I just needed to put this down somewhere, a few keystrokes to get it off my mind... I have resorted to spring cleaning my house to stop thinking about it. But I tell you my heart is breaking right about now.

[Chigirlcruzin]

Smooth, I'm so sorry. I really hope this gets straightened out. Such a shame that your son is getting his life together and a clerical error could ruin it! I'm thinking about you...

[smoothdancer]

Thanks for the well wishes... just told my mom...

 

I am the one that says dont worry it will all work out, truth be told on the inside I am not so sure.... Appreciate the words of encouragement! It feels so good not to pretent and say what I really feel rather than hold everybody else up.

[mountainmare]

Smooth--I saw your name and checked into this thread--even though I'm just visiting here I couldn't let it pass that someone I care about needs a kind word.

I'm thinking about you and hoping that all goes well. Just wanted to let you know that you have alot of love and support.

 

linda

[happysinglemom]

Smooth...this is just SO wrong. I know you must be in such agony over this, especially as it does not make any sense at all. And over a long weekend as well...I am so so sorry. :( I hope your son's employer is intelligent enough to see past the face of this and hold his position for him. Keep the chin up, and keep us posted.

 

 

Chi...glad you are enjoying the new fundle!! (fun bundle - silly term I used for my son!) How did the double date go??? Details please!!

The Paris trip is in August, though technically it is a London/Paris trip...we fly into London, train over to France, and fly home from Paris. Still working on the plans...so much to do!!!

[Gathina]

Ok, you may not like my answer but....

 

I've had some dealings like this before with some friends and once myself with a speeding ticket. You can't count on the state to inform the other. You have to do it yourself. My license got suspended once for a year because I falsely assumed that one county had informed the other I went to the driving school. Ha. It was suspended for one year and I had no idea until I went to update my tag.

 

If you have the paperwork to prove he did his duty by resolving the situation, fax it to the warden or gatekeeper at the jail where he is at. I don't know what the statute in TX is, but in Fla they are supposed to be given a court appointed attorney before they are arraigned and I think it's within 48 hours.

 

What an awful situation. But you , Smooth, cannot fix it or change it. It simply is.

 

So where is Brenda??

 

Well this is good timing as I need a friend....

 

I told you way back when about my son who was on drugs, went into rehab and was doing fine. He now lives in Illinois. He lives a few blocks from downtown where he works, walks home from work late evening, as he is a cook in a bar.

 

Last night walking home he was stopped by a cop as it was so late, the took his ID and ran a check on him and found an old outstanding warrent from Texas.... This case was move to CT where I and he lived at the time, he went to court, it was settled and he served 5 years probation for it, and was over. It seems the state of CT never notified Texas it was settled and so now he is in jail, and the state of Texas is coming to get him for something that was settled long ago.

 

He cannot get out on bail as the state of Texas has refused this, it is Memorial week-end so I cant contact the DA or his attorney to provide the paperwork to prove it was resolved here in CT.... I cant talk to him and chances are Texas will be there to get him before we can stop this and he will have to go to Texas, loose his job for not showing up. This is so wrong and this has been a nightmare for me knowing he is sitting somewhere in jail and scared. When will this all end???

 

I know you all cant help me but I just needed to put this down somewhere, a few keystrokes to get it off my mind... I have resorted to spring cleaning my house to stop thinking about it. But I tell you my heart is breaking right about now.

[Chigirlcruzin]

M is right. I had a similar incident with a traffic ticket when I was a WI resident. There was a fender bender in IL (they cut me off and I hit them...the cop saw the whole thing), and the other party was shouting out racial implications to the cop since the cop was on my side. She gave them 3 tickets and me one, but said she did it just to get them to shut up:rolleyes: and it would be thrown out in court. Since I was out of state, I had to pay then, and when it was tossed, it would get refunded. After a certain amount of time, no refund, and when I called, they had no record of it being tossed. So, more phone calls before it was straightened out.

 

On another note, I'm so mad:mad:. EVERY major highway is under construction. Speed limit is 45. I got a ticket in the mail for going 56 in a construction zone - caught me with a camera on a van. I was going with the speed of traffic. Fine is $375 and I have to go to court next month:mad:. I have NO record, not even a parking ticket, and I get this BS ticket. Seriously, since I got notice of the ticket, I've been going 45, but I don't feel safe doing that either. NOBODY goes 45...I have people tailgating me, swerving and flying by me, but what am I supposed to do? A second ticket is $1000 and 90 day suspension:eek:. By the way, a normal ticket for 11 over is $75...IL is in serious financial trouble so they're ripping us off!

[smoothdancer]

M, I am not offened by what you said. You did give me good advise thought as I did not know you had the right to a lawyer before they move him out of state. He cannot have any visitors until Monday which made me nervous. Then I dd not realize I had a collect call block on my phone and he did not call me in 2 days which made me very upset. He was trying, just could not get through. Finally he called my mom to have her tell me the problem.

 

On Tuesday I will get his laywer on proving this all to the DA and hope it all goes OK.

 

Thanks to everyone though for the kind words. I have such a headache!!

[Chigirlcruzin]

Smooth, I truly hope everything works out. I hope it's as simple as the attorney getting in touch with the DA, and the DA letting everything go. If it had to happen, it really stinks it happened over a long weekend...why does that always happen?

[happysinglemom]

On another note, I'm so mad:mad:. EVERY major highway is under construction. Speed limit is 45. I got a ticket in the mail for going 56 in a construction zone - caught me with a camera on a van. I was going with the speed of traffic. Fine is $375 and I have to go to court next month:mad:. I have NO record, not even a parking ticket, and I get this BS ticket. Seriously, since I got notice of the ticket, I've been going 45, but I don't feel safe doing that either. NOBODY goes 45...I have people tailgating me, swerving and flying by me, but what am I supposed to do? A second ticket is $1000 and 90 day suspension:eek:. By the way, a normal ticket for 11 over is $75...IL is in serious financial trouble so they're ripping us off!

 

Holy carp! $375 for 11 over? That is insane!! I agree in traffic like that it is safer to go with the flow!! Geesh I guess are all gonna be more succeptible to this sort of thing now. Sometimes technology SUCKS!! :(

[Gathina]

Your state is broke?? And you have to pay how much? And the next presidential hopeful is from what state?!! The one that is broke?!!I'll shut up after this on politics but CNN is right, he is either going to be the greatest miracle president or the greatest diaster. Go to court, half the time the cops don't show up and they toss it out.

 

Smooth: Again, you can't fix it or change it, it just is. It's the reality of sobriety..when someone kicks the habit it's often years that they spend facing consequences that rear their ugly heads "from the old days". It's part of your son facing reality of his recovery, if that makes sense. You can only do so much, you're doing more than most, and his world will not end over this. He'll face it, fix it, and move on. This is his problem, not yours, just be helpful where you can be helpful.

 

Happy: LONDON! My second home! I LOVE the city, can't get enough of it and also love the English countryside.

 

Ok..so where IS brenda??

 

 

M is right. I had a similar incident with a traffic ticket when I was a WI resident. There was a fender bender in IL (they cut me off and I hit them...the cop saw the whole thing), and the other party was shouting out racial implications to the cop since the cop was on my side. She gave them 3 tickets and me one, but said she did it just to get them to shut up:rolleyes: and it would be thrown out in court. Since I was out of state, I had to pay then, and when it was tossed, it would get refunded. After a certain amount of time, no refund, and when I called, they had no record of it being tossed. So, more phone calls before it was straightened out.

 

On another note, I'm so mad:mad:. EVERY major highway is under construction. Speed limit is 45. I got a ticket in the mail for going 56 in a construction zone - caught me with a camera on a van. I was going with the speed of traffic. Fine is $375 and I have to go to court next month:mad:. I have NO record, not even a parking ticket, and I get this BS ticket. Seriously, since I got notice of the ticket, I've been going 45, but I don't feel safe doing that either. NOBODY goes 45...I have people tailgating me, swerving and flying by me, but what am I supposed to do? A second ticket is $1000 and 90 day suspension:eek:. By the way, a normal ticket for 11 over is $75...IL is in serious financial trouble so they're ripping us off!

[smoothdancer]

I know Gathina, I am starting to get past it. It is only because I know you guys and dont mind getting yelled at I will tell you this. We are having a beautiful week-end weather here, mid 70's and I love this time of year to plant all my flower gardens. I have been in the house for two days. I felt if Danny was locked away in some jail then so would I be, myself not seeing the light of day. I know this is crazy even as I was doing this... Today I got my hands in the soil started my gardens and feel a lot better.

 

We are all responsible for our actions and yes even though he is a changed man he still has to pay for it.... It seems like there is no way out, these things will follow him his whole life.... I know he is not blameless but it is all so hopless because we cant change the past and it just never is going to end no matter what he does in the future. It just breaks my heart and nothing is going to change how I feel, just trying to live with it, thats all.

[Gathina]

You'll live with it. A year from now none of this will matter.

 

I know Gathina, I am starting to get past it. It is only because I know you guys and dont mind getting yelled at I will tell you this. We are having a beautiful week-end weather here, mid 70's and I love this time of year to plant all my flower gardens. I have been in the house for two days. I felt if Danny was locked away in some jail then so would I be, myself not seeing the light of day. I know this is crazy even as I was doing this... Today I got my hands in the soil started my gardens and feel a lot better.

 

We are all responsible for our actions and yes even though he is a changed man he still has to pay for it.... It seems like there is no way out, these things will follow him his whole life.... I know he is not blameless but it is all so hopless because we cant change the past and it just never is going to end no matter what he does in the future. It just breaks my heart and nothing is going to change how I feel, just trying to live with it, thats all.

[happysinglemom]

Yo Brenda!!! :confused: Hope she is okay!!

[Gathina]

Maybe she is away traveling or doing something fun..and hopefully not off the wagon and drowning herself in cheeseburgers.

 

Smooth..any word on your son?

 

Yo Brenda!!! :confused: Hope she is okay!!

[smoothdancer]

Well it just might be that Brenda does not need this thread anymore. She got great adivse here, habits changed and maybe no longer needs this thread. I hope so anyway.

 

No news yet.

[Brenda33]

Hi all.....

 

I'm alive!!!! lol. Ok, first things first. I am maintaining the 121 easily. However, I want to lose more!!! I have hit that yucky plateau. I can tell you that this weekend I did not do anything at all to help get past it. I ate and partied all weekend. But, its OK.....why? Because I'm back in the groove today. Waiting for the little guy to wake up, then dropping him at my friend's house and going to get in a good work out. I will tell you I do like the way I look. I can wear regular bikinis!!!! Yes, that's right....I don't have to wear the kind that goes up really high! All those sit ups are definitely paying off. I look better than I have in years. So maybe the number isn't really that important. The working out is making my body have a nice shape. So overall, I think I am going to be able to live the healthy lifestyle with the "falling off the wagon" now and again and not feeling bad about it. I now realize if you "fail" one day, there is always the next day (or a few days later, whatever the case may be :rolleyes: ) to get back to it.

 

Smooth, I really hope things work out for your son. In any case, this will make him stronger in the end. Life isn't always fair.....as I'm sure we all know all too well. I'm glad you got outside to do what you love to do. Its important that you stay in a healthy frame of mind.

 

Well I've got to get going. Enjoy your day everyone.

[smoothdancer]

It is good to hear from you Brenda. I am not at all suprised that you have continued on and kept your weight loss. Once you get your body to where you want to be and feel good physically and mentally, you just stay on track, dont you? I have for years now.

 

Good news on the home front. My son was released from jail today. Finally, the DA from Texas sent paperwork over to have him released, the case was dropped. And his boss covered his hours for him this week, he still has his job. I am pretty happy right now!

[Brenda33]

Smooth,

 

Yes, it is pretty easy to be "good" and stay on track. I think a trick to doing this is not feeling guilty when you decide to "go wild". As long as when you're done, you go back to your new lifestyle, all should be ok.

 

I'm glad all worked out for your son. I'm sure he is stronger for having been through this.

[smoothdancer]

Yea, and me too!!!

After I knew my son was OK and 5 days of being glued to the phone and refused to leave the house I told husband, lets go out to dinner!!!

 

Splurged tonight, but had a great night, few, well lot of few glasses of wine, and then back on track in the AM..Yippie

[happysinglemom]

Yea, and me too!!!

After I knew my son was OK and 5 days of being glued to the phone and refused to leave the house I told husband, lets go out to dinner!!!

 

Splurged tonight, but had a great night, few, well lot of few glasses of wine, and then back on track in the AM..Yippie

 

Now THAT is something to splurge on. I wholeheartedly support you there!!! Glad everything turned out well, Smooth. :)

[happysinglemom]

Smooth,

 

Yes, it is pretty easy to be "good" and stay on track. I think a trick to doing this is not feeling guilty when you decide to "go wild". As long as when you're done, you go back to your new lifestyle, all should be ok.

 

You have done SO well Brenda...I think you are going to have no problem with staying on track. You are an inspiration to everyone here!!