Top 10 things I've learned from the CC boards

[JJS2K3]

Our ship is sailing without us in less than 8 hours (med emergency). So being 'all dressed up with no place to go' , I'm just killing time in a very non-productive manner. The list is meant in jest, don't take it personally if it hits close to home and feel free to add to it.

 

1. Do not wear jeans in the dining room. Ever. If you have to pass through the dining room on your way to somewhere else and you are wearing jeans, go back to your cabin and change into khakis. You may then pass through the dining room.

 

2. You must smuggle at least three bottles of booze on board. These are for 'nitecaps' only and your bar bill must be at least $500 for a seven day cruise, $750 if you have ever said "Carnival still makes plenty off of me". If you are a non-drinker you may buy drinks for others to meet your obligation.

 

3. Saving of lounge chairs is prohibited. If you need to get a drink or go to the bathroom you must take all your stuff with you and then find another chair when you are done. If you are sitting with others, they are permitted to find other chairs also. This rule also applies for show seating.

 

4. If anything goes wrong with your cruise suck it up and enjoy it. The problem isn't with what went wrong, it is with your attitude. And you better like lemonade, you'll be making it a lot.

 

5. Memorize your cruise docs. Every word. You will be tested on this.

 

6. If you bring children be aware they are not allowed in certain areas of the ship. This area includes the entire ship except the Camp Carnival area, the adults only hot tubs, and the topless area. Certain exceptions can be made in the dining room provided they are accompanied by an adult, are completely silent, and NOT wearing JEANS. Elevators, stairways, pools, and other public places are strictly prohibited.

 

7. The following tasks must be completed within 2 hours of boarding:

- Get a free deck of cards from the purser

- Get a free postcard from the purser - you must make a separate trip.

- Get a free lanyard and hole punch in the casino

- Take the tips off your S&S account - you're going tip more anyway, right?

- Go to the dining room (NO JEANS!) and change your seating arrangement. If you like your seating the way it is, tough, it was a mistake and it needs to be changed.

- Paying attention at the safety drill is optional.

 

8. If you have cruised more than 3 times you may not partake in any ship activities. You've 'been there, done that' so don't hog it for others. You may, however, sit on your balcony and drink 'nitecaps'.

 

9. If you are going anywhere - repeat, anywhere - you must call room service, order something, put it in a baggie and take it with you. You may wear jeans when your order is delivered.

 

10. Eat the pizza and like it. Neither the eating or liking parts are optional.

 

Jay

[pungo3]

So sorry you aren't able to sail. I commend you on keeping your sense of humor. I love your list!!!

[dickinson]

Jay, that was great! Especially considering you are all dressed with nowhere to go! I'd be depressed!!!!

 

As far as saving of deck chairs, our cruise this month on the Paradise going through the Panama Canal we all had our pick of deck chairs!!! the combination of 500 less people due to Hurricane Frances and the fact there were more older people than usual made it sooo easy. best cruise I ever took in spite of the stress of getting to it!

[goldencruiser]

That was very good. Just the laugh I needed to start my day!!

[emerald777]

Thanks for the giggle! Sorry you're missing your cruise! Hope all works out well for you!

[BottledRed]

That was very, very, very hilarious :)

[jemingway]

Looks like you have the rules down.:D

[Codfish]

Sorry you missed your cruise. Great list. Here are a few more. :D

 

While jeans are expressly forbidden in the dining room every night, attire on formal nights are optional. The word "formal" is only a suggestion.

 

Males are only allowed on the topless deck when accompanied by their wife, mother, or if they are legally blind. If legally blind, they must indicate so by wearing mirrored sun glasses

 

Candels, iorns, and other heating devices are a fire danger and therefore expressly forbidden. A croc pot is not a heating device.

 

It is your duty as a cruise critic member to tell others what a great deal you got on your next cruise, it is however forbidden to tell others where you got such a great deal

 

phone cards, disposable cameras, and other gifts in addition to the tip are a wonderful way to say thank you to your cabin steward and waitstaff. They will be greatly appreciated... until you are off the ship when they will be promptly disposed of.

[jnnifer01]

I hope your medical emergency has been resolved- get well soon! Sorry you're missing your cruise.

[judyf]

Sorry you are missing your cruise but you seem to know all the rules. Thanks for a laugh!

[SallyMay]

That was priceless - loved it. Sorry about your trip.

[staylor]

That was the funniest thing I have read all week! So sorry you can't cruise......I hope you will be able to schedule another one soon.:)

[JJS2K3]

Thanks for the well wishes. DW should be good as new in 6-8, so we're looking at the end of November/beginning of December.

 

Being the masochist that I am I had to watch her sail away a few minutes ago. Pretty picture for a web cam

[hstrybuf]

Sorry you had to miss the ship this time! I'd add something to the list, but it could take me a while. I haven't stopped laughing! :D

[IBEEMOM]

It's too bad you couldn't cruise. Console yourself and book another one quickly. It may help to heal quicker. One question however, If the jeans were pressed, would they be considered formal?

[bonstersd]

I agree with everything on the list except the one about the pool chairs. I spend at least $750 on my S&S, and, as such, I require an exemption from the chair rule due to the beer=bathroom ratio. (And I promise, no dilly-dallying involved.)

 

Hope your DW gets well soon and you both enjoy your eventual cruise!

[betsy7060]

Hiliarious!!!!Sorry about your cruise.

[JJS2K3]

I spend at least $750 on my S&S, and, as such, I require an exemption from the chair rule due to the beer=bathroom ratio.

 

That's a lot of Cervezas! I'd give you the exemption but how would you find your way back to the chair ;) :D ;)

 

One question however, If the jeans were pressed, would they be considered formal?

 

I'd think they'd be considered jeans with a crease ? ;) We'll need an expert opinion on that.

[beaming90]

Those were great! I'll admit, when I first started reading the board, I was a little unclear on the real rules. But those made me laugh out loud which isn't such a good thing when you are at work...! Sorry you missed your cruise.

[Slinkiecat]

I really enjoyed reading these instructions. Thanks for the education, especially about the jeans. I may have to buy some just so I can apply the rules properly. :D

 

Only one thing could I add - Wear your boutonniere or corsage if you are provided one for the first formal night. Without it nobody will know you paid extra for a suite. If you're worried about the pin damaging your dress or evening bag, maybe that's what you brought along the duct tape for! (honest, I'm only kidding!)

 

Slinkie

[lisacas1]

$500 on booze for a 7 day cruise? That's pretty good!!! My boyfriend and I spent $350 on booze for a 4 day cruise!!!! AND we even brought 5 bottles of alcohol! Only one bottle came back empty!

[stripes]

you're all dressed up with nowhere to go ... would that be JEANS???