Teenage Curfew?

[DqALEX]

My 15 and 14 year old have to be back to the cabin by 11PM. Thats when we all meet up unless there is a late night party at club 02

[Bert64]

DD16 (17 in 2 months) is straining at the leash, teetering between childhood and adulthood. Her curfew at home is 12, and that is a fight. Luckily, that seems to be the curfew for most of her friends. She has already "informed me" that, as a senior next year, her curfew will need to be later. When younger, (13-14) her curfew was 11:30 on a cruise. The past few cruises, it became 12:30. Sometimes she would come in earlier, if she was tired, or nothing was going on, or if we had an early port excursion the next day. If she was in the middle of an activity, she would call, or stop by, and ask for curfew to be extended 15-30 minutes. She seems to be very responsible, but it only takes one lapse in judgement... well, you all know what I mean. I am already worried, as this December we are traveling with her best friend (and her family). They are night owls - dh, dd19 and I are not. Their dd16 (almost 17 also) and her mom bragged about the 2-2:30 a.m. curfew dd16 had on the past cruises. Now my dd wants the same curfew. This will be negotiated on a night to night basis. I guess I will be the "bad" parent who makes her come in earlier than the others - but dd can ruin a vacation by getting over-tired and moody (surprise). She really does need her sleep, and we are the ones who get punished if she gets burned out!

 

Why not tell her her extended curfew is contingent upon her attitude? If she gets her extended curfew and also gets moody, tell her she obviously isn't mature enough to handle staying out late and HER actions have taken away the privilege of a late curfew.

 

But, I can guarantee if you let her know ahead of time you're extending her curfew based on certain conditions (how she needs to conduct herself, keeping her attitude in check, making sure she checks in, etc.) she will do everything you lay out for her so that she can maintain her privileges.

 

People don't give teenagers enough credit. If you talk to them like PEOPLE, you'd be surprised at how often they'll respond positively. If you treat them like they're 6, well, don't be surprised when they pitch fits and act like a 6 year old.

[GaryWT]

I would say their cerfew should be no later than 9 or 10 PM.

 

 

Have you ever been on a cruise? 9 or 10 PM? What?

[themarm]

My personal feeling is that children under the age of 12 should either have to be with their parents or be enrolled in camp activities. No other choice.

 

to be certain, that is our plan with the sassy and spirited 10 year old that will be travelling with us. i understand there is some flexibility as to whether she can check herself in and out of camp.

 

my take is that if the dear child could show responsibility when it comes to her room (to actually pick it up when asked) or showed some responsibility when it comes to finishing all her homework all the time, then maybe she WOULD be ready for such a priviledge. She is nine now -maybe she will be ready to be able to come and go during the day next summer. but right now, she is not showing the follow through with age appropriate tasks that would earn her the next level of responsibility, and the ball is really in her court to take up when she wishes it.

 

and thus, the balance of responsibility, choice, and positive or negative consequence moves one day closer to her adulthood. i do like her sass no matter what choices she makes :D

[MeadMkr]

Hi There,Just wondering everyone's opinions on setting a curfew for my 16 and 17 year old daughters. This will be their third cruise and they want their curfew extended until 2:00. Is this unreasonable?

 

The best thing to do is to look at your plans and sit down with them to talk about expectations and find a compromise. We took our then-17 y.o. daughter and her best friend (not quite 18) on the Conquest for their HS graduation. I'm a bit of a stickler for punctuality after more than a decade in the military! We had 2 stipulations set before the cruise:

* They had to be up and ready ON TIME for excursions or their curfew would be moved up.

* If they violated curfew without calling ahead of time then the curfew would be moved up.

 

The nights before an excursion they had to be back _in_ their room by midnight and other nights were 1am. These times were based on the fact that none of the under-21 clubs/discos were open past midnight and most shows were over by 1am. A large factor was that neither girl was(or is) an early riser and factor in that it also takes them AT LEAST 60-90 minutes to get up and ready in the morning I wanted them to get at least 7 (of their normal 12ish) hours sleep. I didn't want 2 tired/grumpy young women spoiling _OUR_ vacation:cool:. They did ask in advance to stay out to 2am one night to see a show with some new friends. They did miss the curfew one night but my worrywort DW chewed them out more than I would have.

 

Cheers

Chris in VA

[Patinthehat]

Have you ever been on a cruise? 9 or 10 PM? What?

 

Yeah, I don't even think the late show would have started by then. Strange post.

 

Anyway, I do agree with most posters here that it completely depends on the teens. If they have proven that they can be trusted, perhaps no curfew is necessary. If they have had trouble in the past, keep them on a shorter leash. You're the parent; it's all in your hands. I don't think there are many bad kids out there, just bad parenting.

I don't understand why some are using the argument that "when I was a kid, I had to be in by 11 pm SHARP". How does that relate to your kids? Your parents aren't your kid's parents, you're your kid's parents. When you were a kid, it may not have been known that cigarettes are carcinogenic, but now we know they are. Times change.

[mikefast]

O.K., I'm an old fuddy duddy and I'm ready to get flamed. If something similar has been posted, forgive me. As far as I'm concerned, 2:00 A.M. is too late for two teenaged girls to be out alone. Look what happened to Natalie Holloway, (and she was a real nice girl too.) When you mix teenaged girls and single men together, you all know what can happen. Mix in the romance of an ocean cruise and you are asking for trouble. I also agree with the poster that said they can not sleep until everybody is in bed. I had to have a talk with my daughter once when she was 16. She is now 47. She was a good girl too, but was kind of hard headed, I think a typical teenaged girl. As far as I'm concerned 12 would be a good time to be in.

[Bert64]

A couple people have mentioned Natalie Holloway, but didn't she get completely drunk, seperate herself from the rest of her group, and then wander off, by herself, with 3 young boys she didn't know?

 

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

[themarm]

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

 

:D yeah, cause no child has ever defied their parents on those requests!

[carriejose]

I wouldn't say college is "right around the corner" for a 16 year old. At that age, a year and a half in maturity makes a big difference. Sheesh, I wasn't able to "inform" my mother that the rules would change. When I was turning 18 I asked if my curfew could be extended til 12:30. NO - it was midnight.

 

My son is 17 and will be 17 when starting college in the fall...so 16 was right around the corner:D

[MaryZ]

A couple people have mentioned Natalie Holloway, but didn't she get completely drunk, seperate herself from the rest of her group, and then wander off, by herself, with 3 young boys she didn't know?

 

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

 

Sometimes telling a kid something and the kid listening are two totally different things :( I'm positive her parents never dreamed she would do something so totally stupid, that caused her to lose her life.

[carriejose]

my first double post...yippee!

[Carnival Game]

My son is 17 and starting college in the fall...right around the corner:D

 

But he's 17 (probably 17 1/2) not 16. ;) I said 16 wasn't exactly "around the corner".

[mikefast]

A couple people have mentioned Natalie Holloway, but didn't she get completely drunk, seperate herself from the rest of her group, and then wander off, by herself, with 3 young boys she didn't know?

 

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

 

You made the point so much better than I could have. I'm sure Natalie was told to be careful. But, teenagers will be teenagers. For me, I wouldn't take the chance with my daughters

[sassy0930]

A couple people have mentioned Natalie Holloway, but didn't she get completely drunk, seperate herself from the rest of her group, and then wander off, by herself, with 3 young boys she didn't know?

 

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

 

 

WELL, simply telling them not to get drunk may not do anything if the entire time you've been raising them you haven't been teaching them the same lesson!! I was taught to drink responsibly (mostly because I was a rebel and it didn't matter if my dad tried to stop me) Since my dad knew he wasn't going to stop me if I had my mind made up he decided instead that if I was going to test my limits I'd better be at home where he knew I was safe! So now I know how many margaritas, shots of vodka, and other such adult libations I can tolerate without getting absolutely sh**faced. Not to say I haven't gotten drunk but I know better than to get drunk in a dangerous place with people I don't know.

 

but the thought is right. Most of the time people who would not normally drink or party will do it on vacation! especially young people who've never been allowed a glass of wine with dinner or champagne at a wedding. If you teach your kids that "alcohol before you're old enough is evil and you'll get in trouble if you want to try it" then they'll just sneak it. If you teach your kids that alcohol should be used in moderation and in the appropriate places then they'll be open about trying it and the parent can help control and teach their kids about limits and knowing them!

[Crusin6]

Hi There,

Just wondering everyone's opinions on setting a curfew for my 16 and 17 year old daughters. This will be their third cruise and they want their curfew extended until 2:00. Is this unreasonable? They are what I consider 'good kids' with a good head on their shoulders - they just want to stay out later with their 'new found friends'.

 

This will also be the first time in a cabin on their own ....:( and :D at the same time!!

What are your thoughts?

I have 4 daughters and I would never leave them unattended that late. I have NO REASON to question my 17yo but I don't feel comfortable leaving them alone that late with approx. 3000 strangers on the ship. I will not elaborate and I do not overreact, but they are strangers, nothing more, nothing less!:confused:

[trock]

A couple people have mentioned Natalie Holloway, but didn't she get completely drunk, seperate herself from the rest of her group, and then wander off, by herself, with 3 young boys she didn't know?

 

I think telling your child not to get drunk and leave with strangers would take care of that problem.

 

 

yea and I think that is exactly the point.. there was no parental supervision... She made a foolish mistake that cost her her life and no one should have to pay a price that high..

[Bert64]

:D yeah, cause no child has ever defied their parents on those requests!

 

Well, if your children can't listen when you tell them not to wander off drunk with strangers, I think your issues go farther than extending their curfew...

[Crusin6]

Call me Old Fashion but I would have them in my cabin under my supervision by 11pm. Someone said where would they go? Well remember there are alot of drugs that these Predators use. One of them is called the date drug Ecstasy.

 

If you are not around these criminals like I am every day your awareness level will be lower but since I work these these sick minded people I know what can happen.

 

Not too long ago on here, there was a post about 2 young kids that were takened into a cabin and abused and raped.

 

Do what you want with your kids but as for mine, they are on Lock Down from 11pm until 7:30am breakfast time :D

 

 

Fred

Listen to this guy, he is OK

[Bert64]

yea and I think that is exactly the point.. there was no parental supervision... She made a foolish mistake that cost her her life and no one should have to pay a price that high..

 

So, is the solution to never put children in situations with no parental supervision, then send them off to college at 18 and hope for the best? I don't understand the logic of that argument.

 

Yes, bad things DO happen. There's nothing you can do about that. What you CAN do is everything in your power to make sure your child knows how to make good decisions. If that isn't implemented in them by 16 or 17, that's really big trouble.

[Crusin6]

Why? You are talking about 3,000+ strangers on a ship and these are young girls.

my 4 dd's travel well and we do it frequently. Our dd's would never even think to stay out that late, they are too tired from all the family memories we make all day and evening. We basically have a great day, be it a sea day or port day, doing things like sunning,swimming, touring (doing the Med this summer), playing, going to afternoon tea (great way to spend time with your kids), getting ready for the great meals, strolling the ship,going to the earlier show, perusing the pix, strolling the ship, getting the late night snacks and then going back to our CONNECTING rooms. Our kids already have the next one planned for the Greek isles. We never get complaints that THEIR vacation was boring. Our kids are well liked at school but put our family first and just want to stay with us. We don't mind because we like to be with them. It helps that we have 4 daughters so they do have built in friends on vacation. It also helps that they know the dangers of stranger contact. BTW, there are many more than 3000 strangers on a ship, there are those 1000 or so other strangers who take care of those 3000. Remember, if you don't know them , then they are a stranger. Some strangers are good and some strangers are not so good.

[Crusin6]

You made the point so much better than I could have. I'm sure Natalie was told to be careful. But, teenagers will be teenagers. For me, I wouldn't take the chance with my daughters

Fortunately for us, our daughters would not take that chance with themselves.

 

Remember "Think twice before you follow the crowd, for you know not where they may lead."

[themarm]

So, is the solution to never put children in situations with no parental supervision, then send them off to college at 18 and hope for the best? I don't understand the logic of that argument.

 

Yes, bad things DO happen. There's nothing you can do about that. What you CAN do is everything in your power to make sure your child knows how to make good decisions. If that isn't implemented in them by 16 or 17, that's really big trouble.

 

making fantastic, logical decisions requires that a person think with the prefrontal cortex ("logic center") of their brain.

 

studies have shown that teenagers do NOT use this area of their brain when thinking. rather they make choices from an area of the brain which is also stimulated during risk taking.

 

kids no not process risks in the same light adults do.

 

i find it negligent to think that a "talking to" is all it takes with kids. evidence backs up that the majority of kids stretch the limits and boundaries set for them, patrticularly teenagers.

 

so in a sense, it is not that there are bigger "problems" if a child defies their parent. that is an age appropriate-inappropriate behavior.

[trock]

So, is the solution to never put children in situations with no parental supervision, then send them off to college at 18 and hope for the best? I don't understand the logic of that argument.

 

Yes, bad things DO happen. There's nothing you can do about that. What you CAN do is everything in your power to make sure your child knows how to make good decisions. If that isn't implemented in them by 16 or 17, that's really big trouble.

 

I only know that if I had an 18yr old daughter.. 5 minutes out of high school she would not be going 1000's of miles away without one of her parents.. Especially knowing from the brother, who warned her( Natalie's) parents what goes on on this yearly senior trip...:rolleyes:

Poor Judgement on everyone's part..

 

Bad things happen everywhere and using better judgment when it comes to one's children sometimes can prevent these bad things- not all the time but some of the time..

 

16 yr olds know right from wrong but still bow to peer pressure and 'the follow the crowd' mentality.. Chit happens... just try to be there to stop it or prevent it.. dont encouage it with poor judgment..

[pe4all]

DD16 and DD19 have been fortunate enough to travel out of the country with us (Caribbean) since ages 4/7. They are very travel savy - yet, we go over our safety rules numerous times with them each time we leave on vacation. (they actually now recite them back to us before we can get the words out of our mouths) I find these boards a great teaching tool- just ask my dd16 how many times I have pulled her into our computer room to "share" some of the threads (mosty horror stories about teens/girls/people drinking/having ocean romances/etc. and doing things they wouldn't normally do) with her. She takes her road test tomorrow - since she got her learner's permit in June I have plastered her room door with newspaper articles about local teens driving and getting into accidents/killed, etc. I can only hope these scare tactics work - I will protect her as best I can, but again, it comes down to parenting. I can't count the # of times I have been declared "the strictest/worst/meanest parent" out of all her friend's parents. This is a badge I wear proudly. I hope I have instilled our (in her opinion old-fashioned) morals into her - but we must give her some room to grow and experience things on her own. BTW- curfew is still 12:30 on the ship.