So what do you think of this?

[4merlurker]

Back when we booked our cruise in january we told everyone who would listen LOL. Well a few families expressed interest but it was too early for them to book or too expensive....etc. Well, 2 days ago we decided to ask our youngest dd's friend (13) to come with us - this way she would have someone to hang with when her older sisters were in the teen lounge etc. Her family was on the fence about booking all along because of money and when i asked them if she could go they said yes but offered to pay her way. I declined and said it was our pleasure - they alway take our dd along with them so this was like payback.:) well she called me this morning to say that she noticed that most of the cabins for 4 are booked up but now that her dd is in one of our cabins she'll only need a triple and maybe they could join us afterall. :eek: I was speechless! I'm not taking their daughter so they could have a discount LOL! Am I wrong for feeling this way? I'm pretty upset.....I want their daughter to come and I'd love for them to come too but not on my dollar......

 

Am I a bad person? :( how do I handle this?

~Connie

[Jsme]

OMG I would be upset as well. I think the reason would be I would feel used. I think you need to talk with her and explain how you feel. Now I hate doing stuff like that but I do believe it will make you feel better.

 

You have every right to be upset or feel some type of negative emotion.

[temple1]

Don't you really hate it when you try to be nice and then they try to take advantage of it?

 

I have members in my family who seem to thrive on putting others in that situation.

 

Unfortunately, if they are going to be that "way," searching and cannot find a word that CC will allow me to post; ;) then ask, oh, so you're going to pay for your daughter after all??

[4merlurker]

Thanks jsme and Temple1 - at least I'm not wrong in my feelings. What a prediciment!!!!! :(

~Connie

[akcruz]

Maybe explaining how it is now a family vacation for them (I would assume their daughter will now be doing things with them instead of your daughter) that it is up to them to foot the bill. Before you were taking her as a gift to your daughter which is in a way being taken away now. You can say you be happy for them to share a cabin, but . . .

[travelntreats]

I have read your OP over and over and cannot understand how these folks are taking advantage of you ? If they get their own stateroom how is this costing you anything ? I understand your generous offer to pay for their daughter, but why would they expect you to pay for them as well ?

[danajjj]

Wow!! I would have been speechless too. Maybe they do plan to pay for their daughter and it just didn't sound that way.

 

You could suggest that since they would now be going maybe you could talk to RCI and they could "have" your quad cabin and you could "take" their triple -- that way the families could travel together.

[Gonzo70]

Is the other family expecting you to pay for all of them? If so, I agree that they are way out of line. If not, while I personally would not do what they are suggesting, I do not see it as being too far out of line. They did after all offer to pay for their daughter, and the in your original response you made it sound like you told them that you kind of "owed" them because of them treating your daughter on occasions in the past. I certainly can see then the other families veiw point; they are likely thinking that you are happy to pay for their daughter as payback for when they have treated your daughter, and now they are able to scrape together enough money to take the cruise that would not have been possible otherwise. Again, I personally would not do that, but I just do not see it as being outrageous.

[danajjj]

How good of friends are you?

[luckyprincess]

If you were going to pay for her dd anyway, how are they taking advantage? If they've always been generous to your dd and now you think taking theirs is a gracious way to pay that back, then what's the problem if they now come? You would have had her anyway... Now, if they don't let her hang out with your dd the whole time then its a problem. But by not having her in their cabin it seems as though the dd is there to be with yours and now you can enjoy their company as well. I don't see the big deal here.

If they were going to pay for you to bring their dd and NOW asked you to pay for her while they got their own cabin then I would say that was bad....

[jpf5911]

I don't see how you can go back on it now. It's not like you said we'll take your daughter only if the rest of you don't go . . . .

 

Chalk it up to experience.

[pcur]

There is no "cure" for tacky!! Try to enjoy the cruise with them, and never ever give them the opportunity to take advantage of you again. You are doing this for your daughter, because she will continue to be good friends with the Tackys' daughter, and you want to make your daughter happy, right? It will affect the girls if you cause any trouble over this.

 

Those people are outrageous, however!!!! :eek:

[JanineM]

I would be upset also ... and f I was the daughter I'd probably be equally ticked. "Gee Mom - you'll go on a vacation if you don't have to pay for me to come along?" Nice.

 

OP - I don't know how I would handle it. If you say nothing now then chances are good you'll be resentful the whole trip. I guess I would probably jokingly say something so to let them know that you're upset. It could be that they haven't seen it your way (there is always more than one perspective!) and this wasn't their intention at all. Regardless, I would feel like it has to be addressed at some point before you set sail. JMHO.

[temple1]

I guess on second thought I kind of agree with Gonzo and others. It is kind of "rude" but you did say you felt you owed them to taking your daughter places, and I have to guess (never assume) they paid her way.

 

The difference that makes me and I'm sure the OP uncomfortable is the parents are there and you are paying what should be their obligation. Also because her family is there some things you took for granted the girls doing together - may not work out.

 

The good news - you only have to supervise your own children. :D

[luckyprincess]

I would be upset also ... and f I was the daughter I'd probably be equally ticked. "Gee Mom - you'll go on a vacation if you don't have to pay for me to come along?" Nice.

 

OP - I don't know how I would handle it. If you say nothing now then chances are good you'll be resentful the whole trip. I guess I would probably jokingly say something so to let them know that you're upset. It could be that they haven't seen it your way (there is always more than one perspective!) and this wasn't their intention at all. Regardless, I would feel like it has to be addressed at some point before you set sail. JMHO.

Granted, as I posted, I don't see the big deal - but I have to say if a child was so vapid and selfish to not realize that money would be the issue of not being ABLE to vacation with paying for 4 ppl rather than 3 - well then they don't deserve a cruise, IMHO.

[relaxandenjoy]

I guess I don't see the issue. Regardless of what the family was doing, you'd already planned to take their daughter and refused their offer to pay. If doing so has now made it possible for them to take a vacation they couldn't otherwise afford, you've done a great thing for them! Consider yourself a great person and leave it alone. Also, for those moments when their dd and yours aren't getting along (as always happens at least once a week with teenage girls), or you need a break, just send her their way.

[CruisingGoddess]

I guess I don't see the issue. Regardless of what the family was doing, you'd already planned to take their daughter and refused their offer to pay. If doing so has now made it possible for them to take a vacation they couldn't otherwise afford, you've done a great thing for them! Consider yourself a great person and leave it alone. Also, for those moments when their dd and yours aren't getting along (as always happens at least once a week with teenage girls), or you need a break, just send her their way.

 

Well said. I absolutely agree with this.

[as41shots]

What's really going to drive you crazy is when they run up massive bar and excursion bills, proving that they could have done it all along.

 

My thoughts on how to deal with this are a combination of those of others.

 

The first thing is simply the crowding and privacy factor. You are willing to sacrifice that and bring the other child for your DD's benefit, but frankly if the other kid's parents will be on the ship, is it really appropriate that YOU get stuck with the quad while they get away with a triple? Hardly.

 

Next, you mentioned that "most" of the quads are full. "Most" is not "all." If quads are still available, their daughter needs to be with them. There is no reason that you should bear the responsibility of watching and caring for their kid while they are on the ship. Period, the end.

 

How much is RCCL charging for 3rd and 4th in the cabin? There might be some value to you to have this child on the cruise as a companion for your daughter, and there is clearly value to you to not have a crowded stateroom whilst this other family is sharing a bathroom for 3 and not 4. If you don't know the financial circumstances of the other party, and you would benefit from having only 3 in your cabin and a companion for your DD, maybe offering to split the 4th person cabin cost so that they could travel also would be appropriate. But their id travels with them, and you are NOT to be responsible for any additional costs this kid incurs, ie - excursions.

 

There is no way I would take that kid in my cabin if the parents are on board. The financial consideration is only a part of the equation, but bottom line is I would not pay more than 50%, and the only reason I would do so is to have a playmate for MY kid.

 

If this ruins your "friendship" then, frankly, screw 'em. Friends like that we don't need.

[nanner10]

Sigh..... what a predicament.

 

I've gone around and around on this one. First I thought that it was very nervy of them. Then I was thinking about how you said they had taken your DD with them in the past. Then back again, LOL!

 

I have a couple thoughts. Perhaps money is reeeeally tight for them right now and they really wanted to go but just could not swing it. When you offered to pay for their DD maybe that was just enough to make it doable. Perhaps then the envy of their DD going and their desire to go too got the best of them and they said what the heck, lets go, without thinking it all through.

 

If I were her and just got carried away, I would probably be thinking it all over later with a more rational mind and realize that I had made a faux pas. Now, what would I do?

 

Personally, I would probably come back to discuss it with you and fess up my error and offer to pay, if I could. Or I'd explain my financial distress and say I got carried away but that it would not be right for me to go and let you still pay for my DD. On the other hand, some people may feel really uncomfortable admitting their financial straits and really feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. AND the other twist is that I am sure the girls are already counting on it!

 

If she doesn't come back to you (soon) on her own to discuss it perhaps you could find a way to discuss it with her. Maybe you can come to a compromise or maybe if you can afford it, and especially if you really do feel its your turn to return the favor for their taking your DD along in the past, just return the favor graciously and be careful in the future!!

 

That said, if you are good friends you may have to decide how much this bothers you and if it is going to be a real issue for you. Which will be worse; not saying anything and feeling resentful to the point of destroying your friendship OR saying something and risking offending her so much that it destroys your friendship. Only you know the answers to all the above.

 

I am so sorry you have found yourself in this difficult situation. Wishing you all the wisdom in the world on this one! Hope it works out in a way you feel comfortable with.

[jpf5911]

If they're short on money, why don't the take themselves AND your DD on a Carnival cruise!

[as41shots]

Also, when you say that they have taken your DD along, did you mean on vacation trips or to things like bowling and the movies?

[I<3Cruises]

maybe she thought that since there was no quads left when she originally thought about going and now that her dd is staying in your dd cabin her family can go in the triple but still has every intention to pay for her daughter??

 

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and see how it pans out...at this point you cant really say anything because you already said you would take care of her daughter way. Maybe she will end up giving you some money towards her fare...you never know!!

 

Good Luck!!

[McNic]

If that was me, I would then offer to pay for my daughter as well...that being said, they offered to pay for her in the first place and you said "no, I want to treat her" What can you say after you rejected there offer to pay???

 

I'm sure the girls will have a fantastic time and in the end, thats what its all about...EVERYONE enjoying the holiday!

[temple1]

Know what makes me nuts - and I do it myself sometimes so I understand - but folks - READ The OP's first comments.

 

The OP has other children going on the cruise - so they probably have 2 cabins or a family suite. There is already 4+ so they will not be switching to a quad for a triple.

[4merlurker]

Thanks everyone I do see every side now. You're right. I've put the offer on the table....I can't take it back now. :) Maybe I misunderstood and she meant that by the time they are ready to book, the quads may be sold out but since dd is with us they can grab a triple?

 

Whatever.....who cares right? I'll be on a cruise and my dd will be happy! It's a win win!

 

~Connie