12 Year old and "wandering" the ship

[AAAMom]

Thanks for all the great responses. I really appreciate it!

[I Live 4 Cruises]

Let him wander (he's definitly old enough) as long as he is with friends (which he probally will be) and you will see him walking around so you won't have to meet at certain times. Right when you start thinking about him you will walk by and he will be eating ice cream with his friends. DON'T WORRY ABOUT HIM! He will enjoy himself and you will too. :)

[rn01icu]

I haven't yet been on a cruise that included my children...

 

My mom passed away last May. She had been ill for along time. She loved travelling. During the last years of her life, she enjoyed encompaning us on our family vacations and the ones she took only with my oldest son. One of those grandmother/grandson vacations was a cruise.

 

She was older, he was just a kid. Nobody can expect a child of 11 to sit tight by his grandma's side and enjoy himself. She gave him his freedom. She did expect him to answer questions relating to who he was going to be with and where they were going.

 

When she followed through, he was with the kids he said he was going to be with (and then some, at times) but not necessarily where they said they were going to be...

 

The above isn't important. What is important is that the kids stuck with the other kids. Safety in numbers. Be suspicious if an adult is trying to hem his or herself into their "clique."

 

I, myself, would worry more about my child's safety if he didn't want to hang with mom and dad AND couldn't seem to connect with other kids his/her own age. Totally a target for those nasties who could afford to "vacation" in a preteen-rich environment.

 

Allow your kids to "wander" but allow it only as a group. Even if it is with a bunch of kids that you don't know. If the kids are doing their own thing, then the parents have lots of time to "meet and greet."

 

Dianne

[KC-100]

We just got back from a weeklong cruise on the Carnival Triumph. We were with our two children (11 and 8) and my parents.

 

I wanted to give our 11-year-old son a little more responsibility on this cruise, but once on board, when I saw how very big this ship was, I was a bit leary.

 

Carnival allows kids in the 9-12 program to check themselves in and out. I wasn't comfortable with this because I knew I would be worrying about where he was. So, we worked out a deal that we would come back to the program and he could check out at specific times and he would be there with no grumbling. Some of the activities for this group are unsupervised scavenger hunts, but I believe they made the kids pair up for these activities. I was okay with this, but it took a little while for me to relax about it.

 

I'm not overly protective of him, just cautious because of this world we live in. However, if you let your children 'roam' the ship, be sure they know how to find you. One afternoon, while our son was playing with new friends on the water slide, he slid on the wet deck surface and fell pretty hard. He got the wind knocked out of him and didn't get right up. Of the 200 people sitting right there, only one person actually went to see if he was okay! Luckily for us, my husband had remained nearby and was able to help him back to the room. Our son was pretty banged up.

 

If a child has an accident onboard or finds themselves in an uncomfortable position, make sure they know how to reach you.

[chrislynnet]

This is a really good thread. Last year my son was 12 and I let him occasionally wander the ship last year (our first cruise). But I was terribly nervous about it, even though I knew he was spending his time getting pizza and ice cream. We did do most activities together and always checked in, but I would have felt better with walkie talkies when he was away from me. We'll do the walkie talkies this year when he'll be 13.

[beachchick]

Oh dear, my poor daughters! I am freakishly protective of my girls. I have a 10.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. My oldest DD has friends who ride their bikes over to our house, to the pool, etc. I still can't bring myself to let her. I always wonder if I had boys, if I would be more lenient - I am always so concerned about sexual predators. Anyway, my stomach flips when I read about kids wandering the ship alone....on HAL they have a teen's crows nest, which looks WAY too private for my tastes, too - even if my DD were old enough to be in the "teen" group, I still wouldn't let her go!!! :o So, my vote is that it's better to be cautious to the extreme, rather than be extremely regretful.

 

I think at those young ages, you've got to be extremely protective. Obviously, you wouldn't allow your youngest out of your sight (unless she was in the children's program or with another trusted adult). And your 10.5 y/o is simply too young to be "out and about" alone on the ship.

 

As for friends riding their bikes, it can depend on (1) how far, (2) are they riding in a group or alone, (3) will there be trusted adults at their destination (e.g., the pool). I suspect that eventually you will feel comfortable giving her limited freedoms in the safest possible situations. For example, our DD walked home from school most days starting in 7th grade. OTOH, she never walked the 1.2 miles alone; she walked with her best friend. She biked to and from high school (2.5 miles each way) a good portion of her freshman and sophomore year, but not in the winter because it was still dark when she had to leave for school. No way we would let her ride her bike in the dark at that age! We gave her increased freedoms over the years as she showed the maturity and responsibility for them.

 

It's a matter of choice, of course, but I also think a matter of age and degrees. If your oldest turns 17 and is still not allowed to go anywhere or do anything on her own, then she will not be prepared to handle what life throws at her (so to speak). I've not seen the teen's Crow's Nest, so I have no point of reference. Are there adults to monitor it? Is it for older teens only? Is it dark with little "nooks and crannies"? I'm sure that when she is 15 or 16, you'll know whether she is mature enough to be there. Looking at her now, it's hard to see years down the road, but I do hope you foster a sense of independence in your girls in addition to being protective of their safety and well-being. It can be a hard balance to find because children want to see the best in everyone, but we as parents are inclined--quite naturally--to expect the worst.

 

It's sad but true that danger lurks out there no matter how old you are. We can only do our best to prepare our children (girls especially, that's just the way it is) to understand and handle them incrementaly and as they show us they are ready. That's why I think we need to teach them the tools they need to keep themselves safe when we are no longer there with them.

 

Enjoy your wonderful daughters.

 

beachchick

[karatemom2]

We have let my son have some level of freedom to come and go from activities since he was 13 as long as we have a clear understanding of where he is and when and where we will be reconnecting. We tried the walkie-talkie route and it just didn't work well for us. My son has been over 6' tall since he was 12 (he is now 15 and 6'4"), very well behaved and also a second degree black belt, so I allowed it with the restrictions described and it has always worked well.

 

My real dilemma will be our daughter because as unfair as it may seem, I don't think I will allow her the same level of freedom at that age. She is 10 now and already pushing for some freedom because on Princess kids are allowed to sign themselves in and out in the 8-12 group. We won't allow it, but surprisingly, many other parents do, so I have to listen to the "Well so and so gets to do it" routine. She knows that despite her efforts, I won't budge on this issue. But honestly, I don't think I will be comfortable with her even as a teenager having too much freedom. I would be open to letting her roam a bit with a friend or group of friends when she is older possibly, but most probably not by herself. She just doesn't understand what a target beautiful young girls like her can be and I know it doesn't seem fair, but I do feel like it was different with her brother.

 

I anticipate we will have some arguments! :rolleyes:

[mjmalino]

We have let my son have some level of freedom to come and go from activities since he was 13 as long as we have a clear understanding of where he is and when and where we will be reconnecting. We tried the walkie-talkie route and it just didn't work well for us. My son has been over 6' tall since he was 12 (he is now 15 and 6'4"), very well behaved and also a second degree black belt, so I allowed it with the restrictions described and it has always worked well.

 

My real dilemma will be our daughter because as unfair as it may seem, I don't think I will allow her the same level of freedom at that age. She is 10 now and already pushing for some freedom because on Princess kids are allowed to sign themselves in and out in the 8-12 group. We won't allow it, but surprisingly, many other parents do, so I have to listen to the "Well so and so gets to do it" routine. She knows that despite her efforts, I won't budge on this issue. But honestly, I don't think I will be comfortable with her even as a teenager having too much freedom. I would be open to letting her roam a bit with a friend or group of friends when she is older possibly, but most probably not by herself. She just doesn't understand what a target beautiful young girls like her can be and I know it doesn't seem fair, but I do feel like it was different with her brother.

 

I anticipate we will have some arguments! :rolleyes:

 

I understand your dilemma with your DD. I actually have 2 DS (ages 10 and 11) and my DH and I are very wary about them roaming the ship. We have only cruised 3 times, each on Princess, and each time my DS have been in the 8-12 age group. Our first year, we chose not to allow either of them sign in or out privileges. Last year we allowed them sign in privileges only that way they were able to go to the camp at night if we were still enjoying dinner. My DS understood that they needed to go right to camp. Last month, we took our most recent cruise and I grudgingly allowed them to sign themselves both in and out. However, the rules were that they had to come and go together, AND that they if they left the camp, they HAD (non-negotiable) to return to the cabin. If DH and I were not there, they were to call my MIL. The only place they were allowed to be was our cabin or my MILs cabin. They also understood that it would only take 1 infraction to have that privilege revoked. It worked very well. In fact, one day a couple of their friends wanted to them to go for lunch in the buffet with them and my kids told them that they had to wait until we got back to our cabin to ask.

[SelectSys]

We eased up on the kids at about 11 or 12 in terms of not requiring us to escort them from place to place. We certainly have ground rules for the them in terms of what is and is not permissible behavior that has been modified as they have gotten older.

 

While we all have different comfort levels, my belief is that the cruise ship provides a reasonable environment in which kids can experience a bit of freedom. It certainly has provided my kids with great opportunities to interact with people from many areas. In fact my 16 year old just got back from spending a couple of weeks in the UK with the family of a girl that she met on a previous cruise.

[boating girl]

Oh dear, my poor daughters! I am freakishly protective of my girls. I have a 10.5 year old and a 2.5 year old. My oldest DD has friends who ride their bikes over to our house, to the pool, etc. I still can't bring myself to let her. I always wonder if I had boys, if I would be more lenient - I am always so concerned about sexual predators. Anyway, my stomach flips when I read about kids wandering the ship alone....on HAL they have a teen's crows nest, which looks WAY too private for my tastes, too - even if my DD were old enough to be in the "teen" group, I still wouldn't let her go!!! :o So, my vote is that it's better to be cautious to the extreme, rather than be extremely regretful.

 

I'm confused as to why you think you might have been more lenient if you had boys..........sexual predators may have a preference as to girls or boys but there are plenty of them and boys are no safer than girls. And, boys are just as precious as girls. I have both girls and boys.

[karatemom2]

I'm confused as to why you think you might have been more lenient if you had boys..........sexual predators may have a preference as to girls or boys but there are plenty of them and boys are no safer than girls. And, boys are just as precious as girls. I have both girls and boys.

 

My son is of course as precious to me as my daughter and when he was younger and more vulnerable, I certainly would have worried about him equally. However, as he has gotten older (he's 15 now) I have become more confident in his ability to take care of himself. Because of his size (as I mentioned he is now 6'4"), his strength and athletic ability I feel fairly confident he is not the target he might have been when he was 9 or 10 years old. He may only be a teenager, but he is trustworthy and stronger and larger than most grown men. I'm not saying that some teen boys might not be a target, but I think after a certain age, boys are definitely safer than girls.

 

It is different with girls because I don't see a time where my daughter will EVER grow out of me feeling worried that she could be a victim of a predator. When she is 15 I will still see her as vulnerable as I do today, if not more vulnerable in some ways. I will probably still worry when she goes off to college and out in the world, because women are still more at risk. It's not fair, but it is just the way it is in our society.

[reallyitsmema]

This thread is from 2005!

[karatemom2]

This thread is from 2005!

 

And obviously someone bumped it back up because they felt it had valuable information and wanted to surface it for discussion. Does it really matter that it is a few years old? It still is a valid topic.

[reallyitsmema]

And obviously someone bumped it back up because they felt it had valuable information and wanted to surface it for discussion. Does it really matter that it is a few years old? It still is a valid topic.

While the topic might be valid, the poster that has been quoted twice now posted her comments 4 years ago. Doubtful they will come back to answer the questions asked of them 4 yrs later.