Sprinkling salt on "Cruise Confidential"

[Liffey]

Like many here, I read Cruise Confidential. I wasn't as impressed as some, finding that it failed to follow through on promising starts while at the same time seeming to be trying to sell us a charter membership in the author's fan club, but it was a fun enough read. I imagined some parts were completely true, some parts were once true but were no longer representative of Carnival in 2011, and other parts were just... let's be kind and say the tall tales of a person who likes to talk about himself, and who unfortunately chose a more shallow path of narrative rather than crafting a truly detailed account.

 

Today I thought I'd check the author's website and see if he ever got around to writing about his time doing art auctions onboard. That's when I discovered that his new thing is to blog about living in Las Vegas.

 

Okay, well, I live in Las Vegas, too. And while I could go on and on (and on - especially as a teacher) about what's wrong with our city, Bruns' "real" account of being a local is just a mess of hyperbole and sensationalism. Enough truth to be plausible, and some of the issues he brings up are real issues (although not really unique to LV nor a big secret), but otherwise it's just the sing-song and misdirection of someone who seems to need a lot of attention of the "OMG TELL US MORE, OH AMAZING INSIDER AND INCREDIBLY SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE!" sort.

 

I'm no apologist for Las Vegas. It's definitely not for everyone. And, as much as I enjoy this area, even I won't be staying forever. Criticize LV all you like, that's valid, but if you're going to lie, do it with some charm and a bit of a wink, or else you'll just come across as a guy with a hammer who is too lazy to find a real nail.

 

Example: "Nothing grows here, so farmers’ markets sell candles." I went to one market like that in 2005, and no, we can't compete with, say, California's farmers' markets, but the strawberries I got at the Floyd Lamb state park market a few weeks ago were amazing. They were right up there will the capsicum from Mario Batali's market that he runs from his warehouse on Thursdays, and perhaps better than the local (Pahrump) honey I got at the market that runs on 215/Eastern every Sunday. I certainly shop better in this city than in many other places I've lived and visited. It's not perfect, but I'm impressed how well we do out here in the desert.

 

Okay, so maybe Bruns is trying to use humorous exaggeration to talk about how unsettling it can be to live in a non-ag area where almost all of the nice produce comes from hours away in California, but without elaboration, it doesn't work. It's just a lie. Besides, did he not know it was a desert when he came here? It's like expecting Madison, Wisconsin, to have good Mexican food. (Forgive me, maybe they do, but is it a reasonable expectation?)

 

And on and on he goes - we have no wildlife other than cockroaches, we're all sick all the time from all the visitors, nuclear testing happened nearby in the 1950s (are you shocked?!), we have expensive/trendy restaurants (shhh, don't tell Los Angeles!), blah blah blah.

 

It would be one thing if he was going with a tongue-in-cheek "This Wacky Town" theme, which so many local blogs do - often focusing on actual lesser-known information and not, say, that we have an adult entertainment expo every year (which is dutifully reported on national news every year). Bruns' whole lead in, though, is that "Locals know that living in Las Vegas sucks. [...] We are Strip Bitches all, and this is what we have to say."

 

Argh. Overhype. Overkill. And that inclusive "we" that assumes so much makes me realize how John Heald must feel every time someone brings up Cruise Confidential. If this is what Bruns is getting out of and choosing to share about Las Vegas, I can no longer give Cruise Confidential even a tiny benefit of the doubt. Of course I know some parts are true, but it's not worth it to have to suspect everything Bruns says. Sell that stinker with a canister of Morton's salt.

 

I wish I could get the money I paid for Cruise Confidential back. Not because I no longer trust the book, but because I'm irritated to have put a penny in the pocket of a guy whose personal manner and "journalism" is just so skeevy. (Or, seeing as how we're all "Strip Bitches," a dollar in his g-string.) Caveat lector.

[PAPERBKWRITER]

All writer embellish. I should know. Sounds like this guy takes a fact and puffs it up so much it's barely recognizable. I've seen stories I personally have been involved blown so far out of wack that a truth meter would explode.

[USNUZULOOSE]

I have never read the book nor do I intend to. With books like that you just cant believe everything that is written just because someone worked on a ship. I have no intentions of wasting my money to read about things that just arent true.

[Nezmo]

I read the book and treated it as fiction. As you state, I am sure there are some truths but otherwise, it's just novel. Entertaining, yes, but not a true account of life on board.

 

I too found the guy a little narcissistic.

[firefly333]

I havent read the book either, dont want to ruin cruising for myself. I dont want to hear about the underside of things more than I find out myself by talking to the crew.

[paper1122]

I thought it was an easy read with some insight into crew life. Did he go over the top? Yes. Was he really as hot stuff as he made himself out to be in the book? Probably not.

[Sargent_Schultz]

Probably best to treat the book as fiction, although I know at least one crew member mentioned in the book. :cool:

[futaba951]

Sprinkling salt on this book will not purify it. Using it to level the crooked legged dining room table, maybe. :)

[okwriter]

I didn't read the book.

But I thought what YOU wrote was very well done! :)

[alexieb]

I haven't read the book, but I too worked for a year for Carnival, living on the Fantasy and the Ecstasy in the early 90's. I can tell you first hand that it was the one of the most amazing years of my life. What happens on Carnival stays on Carnival!

[Brian David Bruns]

Constructive criticism is always a good thing, so I thank you. Regarding the blog, if it makes you feel any better, I have not yet begun what I set out to do. So, yes, your reservations on that are well grounded.

Having been a dealer on the Strip for some time, I have a wealth of first hand experiences from both myself and colleagues that were not at all of the usual Vegas vein. Alas, I have been too busy and instead forwarded some articles that I thought were amusing. Perhaps unwisely, it would seem!

 

Oh, and just for the record: I did not embellish Cruise Confidential in any way, shape, or form. Scarcely anyone believes it who has not experienced it, and that's OK. I just hope people enjoy the ride.

[golfadj]

DW and I read cruise confidential and we enjoyed it. Learned something about cruising and was an easy and fun read.

[klfrodo]

For me,,,reading is entertainment. Everything I read has a grain of truth with a little hyperbole thrown in. Much the same way as I took the OP's post.

 

Even my history books in grade school didn't tell the "truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth".