the pre teen girl talk

[praline3001]

I have 2 older teen boys and my baby is a 11 year old GIRL. She is a very good girl but has started in on me about shaving before the cruise. We go next month and she has brought it up several times how she wants to start shaving. She is blond hair/blue eyes so its not like she looks like a gorilla like some poor girls do before they can start shaving. She is the youngest girl in her class at school and most of the darker haired girls have already started.

 

I was hoping for another year before I had to worry about this shaving stuff HA HA I am not thrilled with the idea. I am not one to be a wishy washy type mom. I do have hard and fast rules about make up (not until 13) and nothing shorter then the top of the knee. However this is different... I told her to let me think about it a few days and I would sit down and give her my decision. Problem is I don't know what to decide!!! I know once she starts there is the stubble forever. I wish I would have waited until I was 25 to start shaving!!! I also remember being a tween LONG AGO and shaving was a huge step in growing up back then. She is worried she will look like a hairy gorilla girl in her shorts and bathing suits :rolleyes:

 

So for those parenting tweens ~ what have you decided on? I guess it isn't a major deal in the long scheme of things but I am concerned about the safety issue with a razor. I have scars from when I was younger learning to use a razor :cool: Granted razors are safer now but still... there is the safety issue. There is also the stop trying to grow up faster then your body/mind is ready. I have always wanted her to just be a little girl for as long as possible. She has the rest of her life to worry about the woman stuff :p I know that time is here. She spends 30 minutes doing her hair, she double checks all of her clothes and outfits to make sure they look good and even accessorizes a great deal. She started using her allowance recently for nail polish and pink "chap-stick" as I don't allow lipstick or gloss ..so she bought colored chap-stick. HA HA

 

 

So for moms with girls, what are your thoughts on the shaving thing? I have not decided so just looking for thoughts and suggestions. Nair is not an option as she is allergic to some of the stuff in it... that was my first option.

[mjkacmom]

As a mom of 3 girls (and 2 boys), let them shave when they ask, because that's when they're self conscious about it. My oldest (blond as can be) started in the 5th grade, and I believe her younger darker 11 year old sister will start this summer (already has to shave for dance competitions). I've found that most are shaving in the 6th grade (that's when some makeup starts, and most wear it in 7th - mostly light - the eye liner tends to break out in HS).

 

I can't tell you of how many adult women (mostly dark) still resent their moms for not letting them shave when they wanted to, who resorted to long pants in the summer, and teasing from their peers. My leg hair is still very short and blond, but it's still there, and I still shave when my legs are in public. Please make your dd comfortable with her new growing body. And if she needs a bra, get her one. BTW, young girl bras now come very padded - it's actually a modesty thing, not something to make them look "older."

[mnh]

My grand started shaving her legs around 10.....she has dark hair and lots of it!. I was also worried about the safety issue with a razor so I bought her a rechargable electric razor, she has now graduated to a regular razor but the first year or so the electric razor worked well.

[newbiecruiser09]

I also agree that if it is something she is self conscious about, let her "shave" If you are concerned about the razor, maybe let her use somthing like those "Smooth Away" hair removers. (looks kinda like a nail file but for hair removal)

[cb at sea]

Ah...the shaving issue!!!! I started shaving WITHOUT permission....lasted until we went to the beach...and it was NOTICED by my mom.....what a big deal she made over it....I was SOOOOO embarrased! (I was 11). She told me NO MORE, until I was 13....so, I had to let it all grow back...that sucked.

 

I say, let her do it....there's nothing worse as a pre-teen (or teen, for that matter) than having physical issues that can be dealt with, but you aren't allowed to. Leg shaving doesn't mean she's going to "run wild"!!! Just means she's self conscious about her hairy legs!

[praline3001]

Thanks everyone! You guys echo what I was thinking as well. I just wasn't prepared to make the big jump yet and was concerned about the safety issues, having a large scar myself from shaving.

 

I like the electric razor idea, I am going to look for one and we will try that. I don't think they will result in blood loss :p

 

She does wear a bra every day. No make up and I am firm on that until she is 13. The shaving was a different thing then make up.

 

Let me see what I can find for her that will work, she will be thrilled.

[cb at sea]

I'm sure she will be! Good job, Mom!

[crusinmama06]

Good choice ;) we made the same here as well - the same age.

[praline3001]

Here she is this past Christmas. She was playing with all of her junk her Grandparents got her. As you can see, she isn't in any danger of being caged at the zoo for looking like a gorilla ;)

I honestly don't even see hair on her legs but it does bother her. We bought the Remington electric ladies razor and its charging. She is thrilled. It is supposed to be nic free. As I said, I still have a large scar on my leg from when I was 13 and shaving. I guess that is why it was such a touchy subject for me. :o

 

[crusinmama06]

Here she is this past Christmas. She was playing with all of her junk her Grandparents got her. As you can see, she isn't in any danger of being caged at the zoo for looking like a gorilla ;)

I honestly don't even see hair on her legs but it does bother her. We bought the Remington electric ladies razor and its charging. She is thrilled. It is supposed to be nic free. As I said, I still have a large scar on my leg from when I was 13 and shaving. I guess that is why it was such a touchy subject for me. :o

 

 

Awww she is beautiful! And yes, you sound like you have every right to be a little traumatized ;) I was freaked out when she asked to shave. Then it was the tween dances. And things just snow ball. Our babies do grow up :(

[graceinmelbourne]

I was actually discussing the very same subject with my 11 year old daughter just today. She was complaining her legs are hairy but they are quite light so not all that noticeable. Summer weather is almost over here so I was thinking to wait until after winter but if she asks again I will let her and show her how to do it properly. She is in grade 6 and they are starting to shave legs, wear makeup (light) and older looking clothing. Unfortunately short shorts were very popular here during summer. They don't want to look like little kids anymore. They don't wear make up to school though as they have a school uniform and a strict no make up policy which makes getting ready for school so much easier. I have a 15 year old daughter too and the leg shaving is only the beginning!! It's when they ask for the belly button piercing that you need to worry!! (which mine hasn't ask for and she wouldn't be getting either!).

[fishfriendz]

My daughter is 11 and she just started shaving her legs. We got her one of the conair wet/dry shavers and it has worked really well. She was terrified of cutting herself with a regular razor! She has light hair on her body but quite a bit of it so it was important to her. She is very developed for her age...5'6" with a size 11 foot and has been wearing a bra for a few years. She looks much older than 11 and is quite mature so she seems older too. On the one hand I am so proud to see the young lady she is developing into but it makes me sad that she is growing up so fast! Fortunately she is a sweet girl and is scandalized by anything too "racy."

 

Jenny

[mjkacmom]

Here she is this past Christmas. She was playing with all of her junk her Grandparents got her. As you can see, she isn't in any danger of being caged at the zoo for looking like a gorilla ;)

I honestly don't even see hair on her legs but it does bother her. We bought the Remington electric ladies razor and its charging. She is thrilled. It is supposed to be nic free. As I said, I still have a large scar on my leg from when I was 13 and shaving. I guess that is why it was such a touchy subject for me. :o

 

 

If it makes you feel any better, my dd was much blonder at that age, when she started shaving. The razors today are MUCH safer than when we were kids. She's been shaving for almost 6 years, and has yet to cut herself.

[kpgibbs]

I only have one son. He is now 15. He got a hold of my razor when he was around 4 or 5. He started screaming. I ran into the bathroom and there he sat in the tub bleeding. He had knicks all over his legs. That was the last time he ever did that.

 

I am so glad I have a boy. I don't think I could handle all the drama that comes with a girl.

 

I do agree with the other posters. Let her shave. It's hard to be an 11 year old girl.

[Cruisin' Chick]

I got mine one of those Remington shavers for her tween years. Unfortunately, she has East European genes on both sides of her family tree so it would be heartless for me to tell her no shaving.

[Warm Breezes]

My DD is 15 and I let her set the pace for things like shaving and makeup. She has been dancing competitively since she was 7. She has worn heavy stage make up (including false eye lashes) at competitions since then but has been slowly increasing it during "real life". She asked about shaving at 12. So I showed her how it was done. I think she has lightly nicked herself only once. She started wearing light make up at 13 (real light eyeshadow with mascara and light lip gloss). This past year the light eyeliner and blush started showing up on her face. Having grown up having to wear heavy makeup for competitions has made her have a light hand in putting it on for "real life". Because of this I let her go at her own pace as she has shown good judgement on when she is ready for the next level.

 

My suggestion is to let her set the pace unless you find her using bad judgement, then gently guide her on how to do things correctly without making a big deal out of it.

[Onessa]

Kind of concur with everything said here -- if you take too hard of a line, it becomes a bit of an issue as they grow older. Rather than "no makeup" until age 13, you might want to get her some very light shades of the tinted lip gloss stuff and maybe some pretty light pink blush for her 12th birthday and then slowly add things so it doesn't become "hooker" time when she finally gets to wear it at 13YO.

 

My DD (now 16YO) has a good head on her shoulders - I give her enough responsibility a little at a time so she can grow into in it.

[Karysa]

Kind of concur with everything said here -- if you take too hard of a line, it becomes a bit of an issue as they grow older. Rather than "no makeup" until age 13, you might want to get her some very light shades of the tinted lip gloss stuff and maybe some pretty light pink blush for her 12th birthday and then slowly add things so it doesn't become "hooker" time when she finally gets to wear it at 13YO.

 

My DD (now 16YO) has a good head on her shoulders - I give her enough responsibility a little at a time so she can grow into in it.

 

 

This is how I've done it as well for our girls. The baby steps were as much for me as it was for them.:)

[room010]

If she's self conscious about it then let her deal with it however she chooses. It's very confronting when we realise our "babies" are growing up fast but it's unfair to cling to rules she will resent you for. There will be plenty of mother/daughter dramas in the next few years and this one isn't worth it, trust me.

[carolinesmom]

Razors are so much better now! My two older daughters (now 16 and 14) took it upon themselves to start shaving. I keep my razor in the shower and they borrowed it. Neither of them has ever cut themselves. I remember cutting myself really badly a couple of times when I was younger. I didn't lay down any firm rules about makeup either, but they both started wearing it in 8'th grade (13) and they both use it tastefully. There are much scarier things to worry about just around the corner.

[CruisinEars]

My daughter is 11 and started shaving when she was 10. It's just hair so I don't see the problem at all. She also has pit hair so I encouraged her to shave and now she does with no prompting from me. I also encourage her to keep her eyebrows plucked otherwise they get bushy and unattractive.

 

I also allow her to wear makeup when not at school. She has been using makeup since she was 5 doing competitive dance and she knows how to apply it and it looks great on her. I think I am a more progressive mom but I also don't want her teased about stuff that is easily remedied. She does have dark hair as well.

[niffer13]

As a mom of 3 girls (and 2 boys), let them shave when they ask, because that's when they're self conscious about it. My oldest (blond as can be) started in the 5th grade, and I believe her younger darker 11 year old sister will start this summer (already has to shave for dance competitions). I've found that most are shaving in the 6th grade (that's when some makeup starts, and most wear it in 7th - mostly light - the eye liner tends to break out in HS).

 

I can't tell you of how many adult women (mostly dark) still resent their moms for not letting them shave when they wanted to, who resorted to long pants in the summer, and teasing from their peers. My leg hair is still very short and blond, but it's still there, and I still shave when my legs are in public. Please make your dd comfortable with her new growing body. And if she needs a bra, get her one. BTW, young girl bras now come very padded - it's actually a modesty thing, not something to make them look "older."

 

Best answer ever. It is so hard to be a tween girl. Ask most girls, especially those with a strict mom, and they will tell you: The middle school years Suck. i teach middle school, and kids are so cruel. You conform, but not so much that you're a copy cat. You have to stand out, but not so much you're a freak. At that age, it is critical to listen to your young lady to know what she needs. She will try on several personalities during this time to see what fits. Just remember to chose your battles, have the TALK, and make sure she knows what your values and expectations are. most of the time tweens will toe the line of what you find acceptable, but you will find they will generally respect the hard fast morals that you have already instilled. Teach her to respect herself and her body by modeling proper behavior. Don't complain about your fat or your face or your legs or whatever in front of her. Instead, tell her what feature you like about her, and what you like about yourself. Their body attitude will reflect your body attitude more than their peers', I PROMISE. My kids with low self-esteem often have a mom with low self-esteem (or an older sister who points out her flaws constantly) who you can tell have a horrible body image herself. Confident mom's who reflect on the positive in their children and model good body image have children who are confident and have a good body image, regardless of her peers.

[ckekjhaze]

My 3 teens started getting their eyebrows waxed and shaving at 11- that's when they asked- we all use the Venus Embrace razors and I've never got nicked with those and neither have my girls- the blades are expensive but worth it- much better than when I used to steal my father's single edge blade razor so I could survive swimming lessons and gym in middle school.

[emelvee]

Ugh...one more thing to (not) look forward to. I'm a dad of a 11.5 year old daughter. She hasn't asked about shaving yet...she has some hair, but it's light and thin. We'll wait until she brings up the subject. Actually I'm surprised she hasn't brought it up after watching my wife. I use an electric razor on my face, but my wife uses a regular razor on her legs - and our daughter is so cautious, she's probably worried about cutting herself.

[bplazo]

They just grow up too fast.