Just lost my husband, nervous about cruising as a widow

[billie5]

oh my... Maybe it's just me but if husband had died during our vacation I would not go bury him and rush back and neither would I just ship his body off like good riddens.... That's horrible

Please don't be so judgmental. There is no wrong way to handle grief. It is entirely personal, and any way is the right way.

 

I have been dodging bullets health-wise, so to speak, and if I were to die during a cruise, nothing would delight me more than to think that my wife might continue the cruise (although, unfortunately, I know she wouldn't). If a new widow can handle it, more power to her.

[Ehpride]

I can't say that I know how you feel because I don't.

 

However, I can certainly say that I hope you go on your cruise with your children and celebrate your husband's life. I hope it can be a healing time for your family and that you can all do something special in his memory.

 

Do not feel bad about taking time with your children to get away. If there's anything to be learned, it's that we should all cherish every minute that we have with our loved ones.

[sail2sea]

Very sorry about your loss, OP. Do whatever makes you feel better.

 

Perspective--

 

Back in 2003 we took a repo cruise LA - Vancouver that was at the tail end of a World Cruise on HAL. At dinner we were 8 at a 10 top. There were two women sitting alone, each at their own table. DH, being friendly says to the waiter they can join us if they want.

 

Waiter looks at the women and back to DH. paraphrasing - "That woman's husband died during the cruise. She went home, buried him and came back. The other woman also lost her husband during the cruise. She just shipped his body home."

 

The father of a friend of mine went on a long cruise and came back with a similar story. Two women started that cruise with their husbands and by the end of the cruise they were widows.

[Rottweiler Puppy]

Has anyone ever felt this way? My husband suffered a fatal heart attack 15 days ago. We already have airfare, and we were booked on the Legend. I'm just afraid I will be too lonesome, missing my husband. My kids will probably enjoy the kids club. Anyone experience a situation like this?

 

First of al sorry. Second do it, I am sure your husband wants you to havea godo time. The kids will definitely need the vacation as do you.

[euro cruiser]

You might want to check out this thread, begun by a recent widow looking at a cruise with her children: http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=1322647

 

[Krazy Kruizers]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thankfully you have family that will be with you on the cruise.

Make the most of your cruise -- and -- I know -- try to have a good cruise for the sake of your family.

[cruisingkris01]

I'm so sorry about the loss if your husband! :(. I say do what's best for you and your kids at this time! If you're having days when you need to just stay in the room by yourself and send the kids to The Kid's Club, then do it! The kids might need that mom time too! Is there a friend or family member you can take with you??

[trish1c]

Please add my condolences to those you have already received.

My dad passed about 6 weeks ago. I cry every day and this time of year doesn't help. We had been talking about taking our upcoming cruise with him but he wouldn't commit. DH & friends convinced me to go anyway. We're going to have a toast to him for sailaway.

I dragged my dad on his 1st cruise about 2 months after my mom died because I needed to stare at blue water but I couldn't leave him home alone in his grief. I thought a change of scenery would help. It did, a bit.

When he agreeed to go, he said to me, "might as well. I'm going to be just as lonely at home without her as I will on the ship."

I don't think you are going to stop missing your husband or stop hurting any time soon but you can't stop living. Dad met a few other widows & widowers on board so I think it was good for him to have people to talk to who understood. Allowing the kids to get some sun on their faces & return to "normal" -- whatever that means -- can't be bad.

{{hugs}}

[johneeo]

My condolences.

 

I bet your husband is screaming up there saying

 

"go, try to have a great time, I will be watching".

[meggie711]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. As some have said, there is no "right or wrong" way to grieve. While some would say they absolutely wouldn't go, others will encourage. I learned in dealing with the death of my father over this last year that the hurt isn't going to go away. You have to take each day at a time understanding that some will be better than others. Above all, you have to do what you are comfortable with doing. If you do go on the cruise, you need to be upfront with your family and explain that you are only going to do what you feel up to doing. If that means you want to be surrounded by people, great. If that means you want to stay by yourself, great. Bottom line, you need to do what you want to do and not what your family or friends may think is best. Myself? I would go. My husband would be yelling at me from Heaven if I didn't. :)

[meggie711]

My condolences.

 

I bet your husband is screaming up there saying

 

"go, try to have a great time, I will be watching".

 

My thoughts exactly. :)

[hockeyluver]

Being a husband that almost left this wonderful earth, I would want my wife to go. If anything cry and remember me ,but most of all remember the wonderful times we had together. And then smile that smile that makes me happy. Go my dear ,GO ! . I feel he will be there in spirit with you.

 

Very well said!! brought tears to my eyes !!

 

a bit of a different situation but my nephew died 4 yrs ago (Dec 18th) he was 22, thier family had a vacation to the dominican planned for Christmas, they did go and they said they were glad they went as it gave the rest of the family time to grieve, remember and reconnect .

[sail7seas]

I'm so sorry to read of your loss. The shock of losing your DH so unexpectedly will take a great deal of time to recover from.

 

Hopefully you will be able to take the children on this cruise and find some peace with your thoughts and private memories. A little 'me' time when the children are in kids club could be just what will help you heal.

 

I hope you find peace and some joy in your wonderful memories.......

 

[boulders]

I DO know how you feel. My dh died 7 years ago this week, leaving me with 3 young children. I went on a cruise about a month after he died. It was the best thing I did. It allowed me to gain perspective, to grieve when I wanted, and to have fun too. Even though RCCL's transportation contractor did not deliver my one and only suitcase to the ship and so I had no clothes:eek: ( I did manage to buy a few things on the ship and in Nassau), I had a great time. It was my first ever cruise.

 

Every time we cruise, I am able to bond with the kids a little more without the stress of day to day life. Cruising is my favorite vacation now. I do not have to worry about how I'm getting from point A to point B, where we're eating etc. That's all taken care of.

 

Go on your cruise. Every time I go, it reminds me that I'm not the one who died. I still have more living to do.

[dsmith4675]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you.

[Talisker92]

I am so sorry for your loss. Shortly after I lost my wife, I had to "get out of Dodge" and took a short trip.

It was good for me to get away from the familiar 4 walls with nobody else there.

You will be there with your children, and you will have time to grieve privately.

[halos]

I just want to echo everyone else's comments. :( I am so sorry for your loss.

[mytwokidsmom]

Thank you all for your well wishes and support. It really is a community here on CC. I cried and laughed in reading the comments.

 

My husbands death was from a massive heart attack, with no cardiac history. I found him lying on the floor in our family room when I came downstairs from the shower. It was the scariest thing I've ever encounter, and I'm a nurse.

We loved cruising together, and had planned on cruising much more after we retire, or at least turn 55-to get a discounted rate. The kids would be out of high school, or at least close.

He was 51, I am 52. Our kids are 16yo son, 14yo daughter.

We introduced them to cruising in 2006, and have gone on one every February vacation since. Oddly, we took an extra cruise this past July, when the Glory was home-ported in Boston.

 

After reading, and thinking, since we still have airfare to Florida, we should go on at least a short one, then maybe spend time some of my family that lives down there.

 

I've never joined a roll call, but maybe this is the time to start.

Thanks again everyone.

Treat everyday as a special occasion.

~Lynne

[Discodaisy]

So sorry for your loss

[paradise4ever]

I lost my husband one month ago and although our situatiions are not the same, mine suffered for many years with alzheimers and we did do a cruise oct. 2012. it wasn't the greatest but we were together. I decided to book this cruise with my daughter and several friends and I know deep in my heart that this would be something he would like me to do. I know there will be difficult moments, tears welling up in the eyes, quiet moments alone, missing the person with whom you spent many years together but al in all, this time for you with the kids will be a bonding experience of both happiness and sadness. I know my time will be both of these. Sorry for your loss and hope you do continue with your plans.

[beachchick]

Please add my condolences to you and your family. Just the thought of losing my dear hubby makes my throat choke up, and we've already had 30 years together with our daughter now grown and with a daughter of her own.

 

My only perspective here is really from my mom's life. My dad died suddenly at 71, again of course after many decades together and the kids all grown and married. But I suspect the shock was similar. By the time the holidays rolled around that year, she had decided to take a 3 week trip (Elderhostels, not a cruise) over their anniversary, Christmas, and New Year. We always have our side of the family together for a long Thanksgiving weekend, so we still had that. It was just that she wanted to be away and distracted during a time when they always traveled together (usually camping in their small RV). She said it was the best thing she could have done and we, of course, were not at all upset at her choice.

 

One of the things she mentioned was that by then she was tired of everyone worrying about her and making sure she was okay and, her words, hovering over her. Getting away allowed her to both grieve on her own and learn to enjoy her life in a different way. I mention this because I wonder if by then your children will be overwhelmed or sick of everyone hovering over them all the time. It might be a perfect opportunity for you to start to live again, to draw you and your children together without the distractions (as kind as they may be) of everyone else wanting to help all the time. That can be exhausting and painful in it's own way, when you have to spend your precious energy reassuring others that you're okay. Taking the cruise could be a time for you to spend that energy helping your children and yourself begin to heal.

 

If you decide to go, please, please, I urge you to take some time just for yourself. Go to the spa, have a massage, lie by the pool, or even just spend time alone to cry if you need to, to remember the wonderful times, to rest/nap, or whatever you find restorative. I can only imagine how exhausted you will all be by then and getting away from the day-to-day stresses could be the best thing to do.

 

Of course, you are the only one who can say whether it will be healing for you and your children. Do not listen to anyone who says you must go or who says you shouldn't go. The only right answer is the one that you feel is right.

 

Be assured that you will be in the thoughts and prayers of many, many of us here.

 

beachchick

[Bookish Angel]

The trip with your children might be just what you need; fresh air, new places, meeting new people can be very energizing. If the kids like their activities, perhaps you will enjoy some alone time to reflect and just be you for a bit. The spa advice mentioned is great - a good massage is so relaxing and I bet you have not had much relaxation lately. Being pampered is very restorative and you are sure in need of some pampering.

 

Only you can know if you are up to the trip. My husband died in a car accident in 1990 at age 24 so I have some idea of your sense of loss, the crushing fatigue, etc. that makes everything, even small things, seem so difficult.

 

Peace be with you.

[momofmeg]

First of all I am so sorry. It has to be horrible, especially when you have minor children. My heart goes out to you.

 

As others said you may NEED this trip, but I can understand your reluctance since you booked this with your husband. Of course you will be thinking of him and that he should have been with you. I am hoping you have trip insurance. If you do you can cancel and rebook another cruise perhaps in a couple of months?

 

If not-do you have a sibling or good friend, perhaps even your mother who would go with you? Name change is $50 on a cruise or something like that-not much in comparison to loss of the cruise fare for your husband. I think with another person with you that would help you not to think of your husband so much. Of course you will still be sad and think of him, you would do that even if you stayed home. It would however it not be so much in association with the cruise and that he should have been with you.

[Izzybeff]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

My step dad passed away when I was 15. I was the youngest and the only child left at home so it was just my mother and I. We planned a trip in the first year after he passed and sometimes I think that is the only thing that got us thru those first few months.

 

I would say go ahead and take the cruise and have the best time you can. It won't make the pain go away, but it will give you something else to think about.

[mabones]

Has anyone ever felt this way? My husband suffered a fatal heart attack 15 days ago. We already have airfare, and we were booked on the Legend. I'm just afraid I will be too lonesome, missing my husband. My kids will probably enjoy the kids club. Anyone experience a situation like this?

 

I say "Go for it!" This could be a real bonding time with your kids, especially at their age. Maybe you could do some of the Excursions that you did previously with your DH.

I can't imagine losing my DH so suddenly. My thoughts & prayers are with you and your kids.

I'm probably the next town over from you!