Reluctant adolescents

[willow028]

OP - just my .02 on the body image - you didn't say what type of body she has, but my niece is a rather large girl and she was unhappy with wearing board shorts/t's around her friends in their bikinis. We looked at pictures of those "old" film stars and agreed that Marilyn Monroe, etc. rocked a bathing suit like no one else (not saying Marilyn was large - but she wasn't a stick either like most kids these days!) and we found her a suit very much the style you see in those "old" pictures.

It looked lovely on her and she went from not ever wanting to wear a suit/go swim in public to having to be told she had to change for certain events!

Not saying that works for everyone, but perhaps if there is someone your daughter admires, she can shop for a similar style to make her feel pretty and confident whatever her body type is.

[GradUT]

[quote name='newzandile'] I have told her that she does not need to go to the pool but that we need her to have a suit for excursions. I have also told her that board shorts, a bathing suit top and t shirt are fine too. [/QUOTE]

That is the PERFECT solution, Newzandile. As I have already stated, being 13 is stressful in and of itself, and when you add body image issues, it's only worse. As the mother of a teenager who also had body image issues, board shorts and a T-shirt over a one-piece bathing suit (which SHE chose) worked wonders. She spent a lot of time on the beach and at waterparks like that. Note: Do NOT choose and buy a bathing suit for her. That's the last thing a teenager wants or needs.

It sounds like you are handling all the issues very well. I'm sure the cruise will turn out fine for everyone.

[Chelleum]

I hope everything works out for you and your family. I'm quite sure once she's actually on the cruise. She will have a blast!! She will see there is so much to do, and she will be able to make new friends on the cruise.

[BeagleOne]

This is just a bit off-topic, but in light of the OP's most recent post...OP, do you have the written permission of the bio-mom to take the girl on the cruise? Not sure exactly what kind of documentation is required, since dad is going on this trip...but it wouldn't hurt to check, especially since the bio-mom put the brakes on the other cruise you mentioned.

I hope your bonus daughter can find a swimsuit she likes and that all of you have a great trip!

[Holders3]

She doesn't happen to have a boyfriend by any chance?

Shamefully I admit to being a real pill on a family vacation many, many years ago because the only person I wanted to spend time with was my first boyfriend.
I sulked and dragged myself around. I was 15, a bit older but no less emotional.

Now some decades later I realize how much I missed along with some of the things I'm glad I saw.

I hope she goes. It will be part of growing up no matter if it isn't the best memory she has.

[newzandile]

[quote name='BeagleOne']This is just a bit off-topic, but in light of the OP's most recent post...OP, do you have the written permission of the bio-mom to take the girl on the cruise? Not sure exactly what kind of documentation is required, since dad is going on this trip...but it wouldn't hurt to check, especially since the bio-mom put the brakes on the other cruise you mentioned.

I hope your bonus daughter can find a swimsuit she likes and that all of you have a great trip![/QUOTE]

I am actually a family law attorney (and no, I didn't meet DH till after his divorce so that is not how we met LOL!) so very aware of these little details. It is recommended to have a letter from the other parent when they share joint legal custody as is the case here. In reality I've heard through these boards that they are almost never asked for, the kids have the same last names as their Dad and look just like him and although the letter is a good idea she does not have the right, under their divorce order, to forbid him traveling with the kids.

HOWEVER, the latest wrinkle is that their passports expire in February. I asked her if I could swing by her place last week when she was off work to have her sign the consent form for us to get their passports redone (I'm a notary too). She is currently refusing to sign the consent forms because she and DH are arguing about division of extracurricular and tutoring expenses for the kids. ARGHHH! She and I used to get along great before the cruise situation last year and I thought we'd gotten past that now. When it comes down to it I don't think she will hold their Spring Break hostage but it is a huge annoyance all the same and she knows that DH is loathe to drag her into court over something like this (as am I, I practice before our local Judges weekly, the last thing I want is to air my personal family drama for them).

Blended family funtimes!

[newzandile]

[quote name='Holders3']She doesn't happen to have a boyfriend by any chance?

Shamefully I admit to being a real pill on a family vacation many, many years ago because the only person I wanted to spend time with was my first boyfriend.
I sulked and dragged myself around. I was 15, a bit older but no less emotional.

Now some decades later I realize how much I missed along with some of the things I'm glad I saw.

I hope she goes. It will be part of growing up no matter if it isn't the best memory she has.[/QUOTE]

That probably would have been the case for me, I was boy crazy at that age, but I don't think it applies here. We are not aware of one and she is either at home or at school so unless it is a totally online relationship (and we monitor for that) I don't think it's possible.

[xitappers2bx]

[quote name='newzandile']Yes, we think it sounds nicer than step. I really don't think it is fear. She is a decidedly fierce child. She has a black belt in tae kwon do karate, she has shown no fear on multiple white water rafting trips, when we go back packing she has no fear of the dark at night and she spent some time playing on a junior roller derby league last year. She hasn't ever been out of the country though.

Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk 2[/QUOTE]


i wouldn't dismiss her being fierce and a black belt or showing no fear for other things... i am a water-baby. white water rafting, scuba, snorkeling, even more adrenaline sports like jet-skiing and snowmobiling are things in my younger days i adored.

when it came time to get on my first cruise ship, my mother had to lead me while i closed my eyes over the gang way thingy. several cruises later it seems silly and juvenile, but that very well could be it.


but, as a formerly-angsty teenager, if she doesn't want to do shore excursions, save your money. she might decide once onboard to do it or not. but forcing her isn't always going to end well. and do you really want a ruined vacation?

[CarnivalGirl3]

shrugs. I'd let her stay home and I wouldn't make it a punishment. She can stay with her mom or friend or whoever you/her parents trust.

A family vacation at 13, with step parents/sibs sounds down right hellish to me.

Of course at 13, I didn't want to 'waste' my time with family, esp during my Spring Break. Cruise or not, I'd rather be with my friends, sleeping late in my own bed.

Did you ASK the bonus daughter if SHE wanted to spend her Spring Break on a cruise ship with her bonus mom/brothers?

(edit, nevermind, I missed some of the updated replies.)

[45014]

I, too, would not force her to go on the cruise if she is dead set against it. Since her parents have joint custody, let her stay with her mother and not be threatened with "making her life hell" she should be able to make a choice on her own. (Think of the $$$ you will save, rather than to make EVERYONE miserable)

[mek]

When my son was growing up, we did "See America" vacations. By the time he was 15 he didn't want to travel with us anymore, so we started cruising. We would have gladly taken him along, but he wanted to stay home, so off to his grandparents he went. About 8 years ago he went on his first cruise with the entire family and loved it - now he wishes he had gone on all of the "free" cruises he passed up.

[Remus2010]

Check out the roll call. If she is a gamer than she is computer savvy. Maybe she can chat online with other girls her age. That way she will already know someone on board. Maybe that will get her excited to go.
I was a really confident kid, but if i was anxious about something new I would come off a bit like a spoiled little brat and be really bitchy about it. But that was because of my confidance, i didnt feel like I could let people see me be scared or nervous. I would just introvert , and make things unplesant. Good luck. I really hope she comes out of her shell and has a good time.

[richstowe]

[quote name='newzandile']First, I appreciate all of the folks who took time to respond.
Second, I'm amazed at the range of responses!

I love our adults only time and we do take regular trips without the kids but I also love the opportunity to share the wonder of the world with them in an environment with no chores, no homework.

So, I think we will tolerate her quiet surliness for now and pray that she will feel free enough to enjoy herself once the trip is underway.

Thanks for the sounding board!
[/quote]I don't have any advice for you and believe you when you say you are using CC as a sounding board.
Good wishes to you and your whole family. As they say, parenting is the hardest job you'll ever have (plus it's unpaid ;)).