Do you want to be informed of bad news while on a cruise?

[MortgageChick]

If I am cruising with my husband I only want to know about a crisis with my Daughter > IF cruising with Daughter I only want to know about Husband. If cruising with both of them, I can wait until I return home to find out. Like some one else said, not much you can do about it when someone is already dead. Likewise about the pets. Rather not know until I return thank you. Love my cats dearly , but not much I can do when I am halfway up the Amazon river, or walking over the volcanic rock in Lanzarote.

[bostom]

...in that nothing written here will mean a damn thing until if and when we are faced with the real situation. As well, like so many things today, this question presupposes only easy "yes", "no", "stay," "go" answers. As if life, and our responses to it, were so simple. There can be no hard and fast rules - certainly nothing so facile it can be written about here with precision - but I have to wonder from some of the responses where the line between "what's good for me?" and "what would other people want?" gets drawn. Not to mention the difference between "broken arm but well cared for" vs. "naked, bleeding, drunk, jailed, needs a lawyer..." or whatever. There's "bad news" and then there's "BAD NEWS" I guess.

 

While I too think that funerals are indeed for the living, I know that others don't share my thoughts and - in families at least (or at least in mine) - the greater good is accomplished by being there. Makes me happy? Maybe, maybe not, but since when was our own happiness, absent obligations to others, the sine qua non of life? And the thought of Uncle Charlie in a freezer somewhere, chilling to await our return form the tropics while we drink Pina Colada's in the sun? To some degree, I suppose, it depends on how we feel (felt?) about Uncle Charlie...

 

Apart from the house fire, where I operate from the supposition that you if have sufficient leisure, good sense and the scratch to take a cruise, you perforce also have the foresight, good sense, (and of course, the aforementioned scratch) to buy homeowners insurance, thus while maybe not making it mandatory to come home to protect your property from further damage, I'm not so sure: the house would still be burned down but maybe I could salvage some of the oriental rugs or find that golf shoe I stuck the three grand in mad money into 'lo those many years ago...(Bing Crosby did just that, once) but what if it was your business that burned down? Or you learned that your accountant or a key employee had stolen big bucks? Or your daughter was in trouble at school? The range of what constitutes "bad news" is pretty broad. Would you rather wait until you got back in two weeks to learn that the IRS had issued a lien on a property you had, say, 10 days to answer while you were bobbing around in the Med?

 

I had lunch the other day at the Zodiac in Neiman-Marcus' flagship store in Dallas (strange choice, as we weren't there shopping but hey; the Bloody Marys are great, the food's interesting, reasonably priced, and anything is better than noontime outdoors in Dallas in July) and on the wall of memorabilia I saw a framed marine telegram asking Stanley Marcus to get his butt off of the SS Argentina of the old Moore-McCormack Line in St Thomas and fly home as the Dallas store had burned down in the winter of 1964. I didn't see anything else that said just *what* he did but somehow can't imagine he said "oh, too bad about all those people out of work, the bills we won't pay because of the sales we didn't make, the charred girders about to collapse on Elm Street; that's not important. I really want to see Martinique." Few of us are Stanley Marcus but all of us have obligations to others.

 

I have to wonder too how I'd react if I were working abroad - or even away from home - and if a similar event occured, were my employer to say, "Absolutely not. Sorry about your mother dying and all but we have a job to do. Here. Now. And you're not going anywhere." I think my recreation is important, but I also know that my work pays for it. But I'd be furious (and leaving anyway) if someone presumed to prevent me from meeting a family obligation. It'd be a bit hypocritical to apply different rules to myself, I think, when it's my own pleasure that was keeping me there.

 

I guess in the end I think that we are our brother's keeper.

 

And I say that having two brothers who, if you want 'em, you can keep. Their wives wouldn't.

[hdawson]

bostom. Thank you for your excellent disertation. I couldn't agree more

In my family, family comes first; not my fun. I just can't imagine anyone insisting on their fun over possibly spending Mom's last days with her and comforting her. Or a child going under the knife for unexpected surgery or lying on a gurney in some hospital following an accident. I think you're right in that homeowners insurance requires the insured to take immediate steps to protect the property from further damage or looting. I'm all for my fun, but there are limits.

[MattOsprey]

I think it is definately down to the situation at hand.

If the bad news is "Run for the lifeboats the ship is sinking" then I would prefer to hear about it.

If however there is nothing I can do about a situation I would leave judgment to my family and friends.

[Cruise Junky]

Funny how this hypothetical question can become reality. We were faced with this decision this morning. My grandfather passed away this morning and my brother and family are on vacation. They are due home tomorrow night. There is absolutely nothing they can do, they've been trying to do this weekend away for months.

[nu2sea]

Funny how this hypothetical question can become reality. We were faced with this decision this morning. My grandfather passed away this morning and my brother and family are on vacation. They are due home tomorrow night. There is absolutely nothing they can do, they've been trying to do this weekend away for months.

 

So sorry for your loss. Hope he went peacefully.

 

Susan

[Ships R Great]

Many years ago my mother lived in Spain. My brother became ill and we tried to contact her. by the time she got the message and called back he was better. She said then, "If I can't do anything about it, I don't want to know, even if someone were to die." I took her at her word and when my sister died I did not try to contact her immediately. By the time I told her, my sister had been buried. I have felt guilty about that ever since. Even though it would have taken her many days to get home, I should have left the decision to her. Now she is ill. When we cruise I will let people at home know I want to be informed if she takes a turn for the worse. And I will cancel if it seems necessary. What a deprssing topic, but worth while if it gets us all to really think about what we would want. And it is each person's personal choice.

[Cindy]

We were faced with this situation in March when my dad unexpectedly passed away while my husband and I were on a cruise. We received word on Tuesday, and were able to leave the ship in Cozumel on Thursday to return to Houston. Leaving early allowed us to fly to NJ in time for a viewing on Friday and funeral on Saturday.

 

We would make the same decision again. I think making the rest of the family wait to make arrangements because I wanted to stay on a cruise ship would be incredibly selfish. The cruise stopped being fun once we got the news anyway, and all I wanted to do was get home to my mom and my sisters as soon as I could.

Just my $.02 worth. When you're faced with a situation like this, you have to do what is right for your unique circumstances. In my case, it was to get off asap and get home to my family.

[ute_fan]

My husband's aunt and uncle took their entire family (kids and grandkids) on a cruise several years ago. Before they left, my FIL asked "what should we do if something happens to Grandpa (who had just turned 100) while you're gone? The uncle's response -- keep him on ice until we get back. They didn't bother to leave any sort of contact information, so the family at home had no way to reach them.

 

The cruise was a fairly long one -- about 2 weeks, and sure enough, Grandpa passed away (totally unexpectedly) while they were gone. The funeral home was able to "keep him on ice" until the family returned home, and the funeral was held about 10 days after he died.

 

Having said that, I do check in via email while we're gone. I don't think I'd leave to come home for a funeral, but in the case of sickness or injury, if I thought my presence might make the sick or injured family member feel better, I would return home.

[rebeljohn]

When the wife and I cruise/vacation, we leave all the contact info for us with my brother and one of our kids(grown). We leave the 'call us' decision to them for emergencies. So far, they have made the best decisions about calling us.

When we had an ice storm a couple of years back, we lost some trees, power for 4 days, and some damage to the home. We were on a 7 day cruise, and the family back home took care of everything. It was a blessing to have them around, and we were able to enjoy our cruise, finding out when we pulled in the drive way.

[dmarch@islc.net]

Please don't tell me. We were on a pricey cruise on the old Queen Line years ago. Got a phone call the first morning to let us know that our neighbor ran over one of our Mini dachshunds. Good old Skeeter had been with us for 14 yrs and was like a child to us.. It just totally reined the whole cruise. I leave instructions now NOT to tell us anything bad while away. In fact I find the less contact with the "real world" the better.

[DonLou]

Cruising is great fun for us. We realize "bad news" is intrusive but it is just another side of the same coin.

 

If there is "bad news" we want to know about it. At that point, it would be up to us decide how to deal with the situation. Being "spared" or "blinded" to this information would be the equivalent of letting other people control our lives.

 

For example, if we were told that "Uncle Elmer" had died, we would look at our situation and decide whether to abort the trip or not. If we decided to continue the cruise then we might stop at a church in the next port and light a candle and say a prayer for dear "Uncle Elmer." We might even dedicate the remaining part of the cruise to him. However, if we were never informed of his passing because the relatives wished to spare us this news until after our vacation, then our vacation would probably be forever tarnished because we were having our jollies while everyone else was grieving.

[flagger]

I think making the rest of the family wait to make arrangements because I wanted to stay on a cruise ship would be incredibly selfish.

And this is just the difference in how our family feels about death and funerals. We have discussed this at length and would think it incredibly selfish to not go ahead with arrangements that best suited all family members. The dead will not care or know if you come to their funeral. The spirit will continue on and in my case be on the cruise with my family instead of standing around dead flowers and eating yet another casserole.

[cruising with marti]

And this is just the difference in how our family feels about death and funerals. We have discussed this at length and would think it incredibly selfish to not go ahead with arrangements that best suited all family members. The dead will not care or know if you come to their funeral. The spirit will continue on and in my case be on the cruise with my family instead of standing around dead flowers and eating yet another casserole.

 

My, My, I don't think the flowers are supposed to dead at funerals, just the main attraction in the coffin.:eek:

 

 

Phil

[Ships R Great]

My, My, I don't think the flowers are supposed to dead at funerals, just the main attraction in the coffin.:eek:

 

 

Phil

 

OT but a good, I think, story. Years ago a dear friend who lived 700 miles away died. We sent flowers from here but then decided at the last moment to drive to the funeral. I was horrified when I saw the condition of the flowers we had ordered from home. I called the florist right away and complained. They apologized and said they just did not know how that could have happened. Since then, when I have ordered flowers from them I have been treated royally, and the flowers are always exceptionally beautiful. I guess they figured, "Who will know?"

[estebofarr]

When my mother called home, just to check in with my dad, she was told a favorite nephew had died. There was nothing we could do, the funeral was over but my mom cried and was sad for the remainder of the cruise. The news could have waited.

 

If there is anything I can do, give blood, or organs, fine let me know, otherwise it just depends on the circumstances. I like the keep 'em on ice option.

[plumeria]

I called home to check with babysitter about kids I was then told babysitter ran over my 10 week old basset hound puppy, and it died, we had 2 more days of vacation left and I cried the whole time ruining our vacation, so my thought would be dead animal hold off, dead family member better let me know

 

plumeria

[Oppgaard]

This topic took a lot of thought and I finally decided that I would not want to hear any bad news until I got home if I had already boarded the ship and it had departed. I probably wouldn't be able to get home that much sooner to make a difference so why be upset the whole time? Spare me the bad news unless I could REALLY make a difference by my presence.

[brigittetom]

I guess they figured, "Who will know?"

 

You are absolutely right. It's common practice to send out the oldest flowers for the out of town orders... but the flowers didn't come from your local florist. It's really nice that they took responsibility.

 

It's interesting to see all the thoughts regarding this topic. I'm still a firm believer in that if I can't accomplish anything by coming home, I don't want to know and have it ruin the cruise that I'm not leaving. I personally don't see comforting the sick a reason for leaving a cruise. I will do that when I get home and will probably be more welcome because they are tired of the ones who have been comforting them for the past week. Mind you, I'm not talking about a life or death situation.

 

I also think that if you are due home in a few days, what is the point in being notified of a death if there is no possiblity of leaving the ship and getting home sooner.

[newmexicoNita]

I guess it would depend on who and what the bad news was and how long we were going to be gone. In general I would say, NO, don't tell me about something I can do nothing about. If it was, say, my SIL and my daughter needed my support cause he was in an accident, that might be different. If I was going to be gone for 3 or 4 weeks and something happened the day after we started our vacation, maybe. There really is no clear cut answer to this one in my opinion. NMNita