.......idle jottings

[ho-hum]

JES

"Have you been off Redang one day or longer? Looks beautiful. Extra Splash is nice touch."

From 9.30am to 6.00pm. Yes wonderful. SD put on extra Splash for beach; earlier Splash was on pool deck.

 

"Any water sports or swimming off marina platform this voyage ?"

Yes, a few days ago for swimming but no water sports.

 

"Seem to recall itinerary said Tioman Island off Malaysia too"

Yes, this afternoon at Tioman Island, ho hum had to rub his eyes: looks so like JVDyke.

 

"When do you arrive in Singapore ?"

Writing to you at 23.15 hours local time. Arrive 08.00 hours next day. Yikes: gotta pack still !

 

Gyro

Patience darling.

Voting still taking place amongst Club Members. Atmosphere very tense.

Lots of last minute lobbying going on.

Must return to proceedings; then must pack !

Then return to committee for results to be announced tomorrow.

[ho-hum]

You join us LIVE ! from the Main Salon on Sea Dream

The nominees are nervously fidgeting in their seats awaiting for the curtains to open for the:

 

!!!!! END OF VOYAGE AWARDS !!!!

 

Your host, yours truly ho hum with the beautiful co-host Poppy (sadly Gyro cannot make it due to filming commitments on the gritty Aussie drama "Home & Away").

 

With no more ado (lights lower - spotlight searches for hosts) the categories and nominees are:

 

RUDEST REMARK/ACTION AWARD

Woman A

"Lady" tapping side of glass with knife to draw attention of waiter (which drew the attention and disdain of every passenger in ear-shot but thankfully not the waiter).

Husband seen sliding into his chair in shame while brazen woman stared around at others mouthing "What ?" (completely un-aware of appalling treatment).

Winner: Woman A

 

MOST STUPID REQUEST AWARD

Man C & Woman C

Husband requesting that Captain turn ship around (whilst docked in port !) because his wife complained that glare from dock light was detrimentally effecting her view of outside concert which she exaggerated by holding magazine to the side of her face thus shielding her from the alleged "blazing" light whilst viewers either side of her, were wholly un-effected. How ?

If there was glare effecting (just) her then a simple movement of the chair would have sufficed. Remarkable display of stupidity.

Winner: Man C & Woman C

 

~~~~<< INTERMISSION >>~~~~

 

We return to the second and final part of the End of Voyage Award show soon.

 

(Ho hum would like to assure you these are genuine situations)

[commodoredave]

You join us LIVE ! from the Main Salon on Sea Dream

The nominees are nervously fidgeting in their seats awaiting for the curtains to open for the:

 

!!!!! END OF VOYAGE AWARDS !!!!

 

Your host, yours truly ho hum with the beautiful co-host Poppy (sadly Gyro cannot make it due to filming commitments on the gritty Aussie drama "Home & Away").

 

With no more ado (lights lower - spotlight searches for hosts) the categories and nominees are:

 

RUDEST REMARK/ACTION AWARD

Woman A

"Lady" tapping side of glass with knife to draw attention of waiter (which drew the attention and disdain of every passenger in ear-shot but thankfully not the waiter).

Husband seen sliding into his chair in shame while brazen woman stared around at others mouthing "What ?" (completely un-aware of appalling treatment).

Winner: Woman A

 

MOST STUPID REQUEST AWARD

Man C & Woman C

Husband requesting that Captain turn ship around (whilst docked in port !) because his wife complained that glare from dock light was detrimentally effecting her view of outside concert which she exaggerated by holding magazine to the side of her face thus shielding her from the alleged "blazing" light whilst viewers either side of her, were wholly un-effected. How ?

If there was glare effecting (just) her then a simple movement of the chair would have sufficed. Remarkable display of stupidity.

Winner: Man C & Woman C

 

~~~~<< INTERMISSION >>~~~~

 

We return to the second and final part of the End of Voyage Award show soon.

 

(Ho hum would like to assure you these are genuine situations)

 

Hilarious. Isn't truth always more compelling than fiction?

[Jim Avery]

Yes but this is a longer Intermission than in Ben Hur.:eek::D

[ho-hum]

Yes but this is a longer Intermission than in Ben Hur.:eek::D

 

Jim,

The End of the Voyage Awards returned several hours ago.

 

The likely cause of the long Intermission is because you are no longer receiving updates on the thread because your subscription to the thread has lapsed due to a bounced payment; this could be due to:

- in-sufficient funds (a large payment by a lady named Lois on the joint account was made at Aspreys of London recently). Please contact the bank immediately to discuss how you will be re-paying the $500,000 overdraft.

 

- your bank account is under investigation by the fraud squad

 

- not known by bank under name given on your subscription form; James Bradley Pitt

 

- no transfer of funds are possible with Swiss bank accounts due to your account being locked as you failed the security question; which actor would best portray you in a film was Fatty Arbuckle not George Clooney (suggest you replace that mirror in your bathroom)

 

- your back account is under investigation for immoral earnings (the IRS adopt the three strikes rule in these type of cases)

 

- you are linked to known felons; the notorious Commodore Dave (leader of the Toronto gang)

 

However in your case, all six reasons apply !

 

Once payment is received; threads will resume.

[Jim Avery]

Lois has yet to discover my Cayman Island accounts which hold the real money. :eek: Not worried about the minor overdrafts. Have sent funds via Pay Pal. Trust me, the funds are there. Please reinstate my subscription or I will have to meet with Commodoredave to discuss appropriate "re training" measures. Back to work Mr. Hum, back to work.:D

[ho-hum]

Lois has yet to discover my Cayman Island accounts which hold the real money. :eek: Not worried about the minor overdrafts. Have sent funds via Pay Pal. Trust me, the funds are there. Please reinstate my subscription or I will have to meet with Commodoredave to discuss appropriate "re training" measures. Back to work Mr. Hum, back to work.:D

 

Apologies Jim there has been an internal administrative error in the accounts department.

They renewed your long-term subscription of "Sea Dream Babes" twice, when it should have been split with this thread.

Please accept our apologies, the clerk is being "keel hauled" as we speak and be assured that resumption of the thread will commence within the next 24 hours though your User Name may have reverted to your original User Name "Big Jessy".

 

Its 7.40am, ho hum is in Changi, Singapore airport (Emirates lounge) awaiting flight to London via Dubai. Having spent last night at The Fullerton Bay Hotel which was very nice incorporating a rooftop bar overlooking bay at night with light, laser, fire and smoke show.

 

Can ho hum have his Asian breakfast now ?

If you liked the first part of End of Voyage awards; you will love the next part !

[ho-hum]

Now the question is. Ho hum starts boarding in an hour.

Does he resume the End of Voyage Awards before the 13 hour flight + 2 hour drive home followed by quick check around the old homestead, call his mother, open a bottle of Bordeaux with the strong possibility of falling asleep.

 

OR

 

Does he resume the End of Voyage Awards the next day following his return but it's Mothers Day and ho hum will be visiting his dear old ma, returning for a bottle of champagne, then lunch followed by a football match, then a nap and then he is likely to resume Awards.

 

OR

 

Does he resume End of Voyage Awards BEFORE the flight.

 

Suggestions on a post card to PO BOX HO HUM, POSH PART, UK

[ho-hum]

Yikes !!

6% battery left !!

And blondie wants to email friend !

42 minutes left

Time for another English Breakfast

 

Sorry.....

[ho-hum]

We return to the second part of the End of Voyage Award show soon.

 

(Ho hum would like to assure you again these are genuine situations)

 

MOST STUPID COMMENT AWARD

Woman A

The beach is TOO sandy.

 

Woman A

The island was surrounded by TOO much water.

 

Woman A

You would get ALL wet if you want to be served caviar from the surf board at the beach Caviar & Champagne Splash. (Ho hum never realised you had to fully immerse yourself to qualify being served caviar ! Well you live and learn).

 

Woman B

Lady absolutely convinced she spotted erratic hovering UFO while dining, alerting fellow diners to potential alien invasion until embarrassed husband asked her to sit down and shut up, explaining to her the motion of the ship gave the appearance of the light (from a star) going up and down and side to side.

Maybe it was aliens but having detected the alarming stupidity of this lady, they flew off: not worth experimenting upon (have to admit ho hum was taken in for a while, he did'nt want another alien examination ! Those probes are mighty......... Well let's just say ho hum aint a fan.

Winner: Woman A & B (tied)

 

Third and final part in the next few days (you know why: travelling).

[Jim Avery]

Yikes !!

6% battery left !!

And blondie wants to email friend !

42 minutes left

Time for another English Breakfast

 

Sorry.....

 

Are you really lying on your side Mr. Hum? I once did similar after a very late night at the TOY Bar prior to disembarking a few hours later. I paid the woman in the Cancun Airport to open the bar. A lifesaving Bloody Mary and a beer was paramount.:eek::D

[Poppy1966]

...................how on earth will you manage a football match after a bottle of champagne and lunch? Surely you will be letting your team mates down.

Imagine the post match interview with the manager after you lose, probably along the lines....

'We apologise to our fans for losing. Our key player is just back from holiday and may have some form of jet lag or possibly a virus picked up abroad. Throughout the 90 minutes he seemed to be a bit wobbly on his feet. We eventually took him off after 89 minutes, he insisted that he was perfectly fine but the problem was that the darned stadium was in fact spinning. No player in history has ever experienced Craven Cottage/Anfield??? spinning. Based on our poor performance we have decided to sell the player. Two teams have expressed an interest in the player in the past. Both teams are UK based (posh part).

Bollinger Wanderers feel the players lifestyle will compliment their brand image and ultimately raise their product profile and awareness outside the posh part of the UK.

Jagerbomb Chasers will probably withdraw their offer. It is believed he suffered miserably at a recent tentative trial and the manager described him to a 'hangover from hell'.

 

Hope you had a pleasant flight home after a fabulous cruise. Did the plane spin too, just wondering?:)P

[Jim Avery]

http://www.drinkstuff.com/productimg/15621_large.jpg

 

Mr. Hum might benefit from this sporting equipment. Hope the link works.

Edited March 29, 2014 by Jim Avery

[frequent traveler]

http://www.drinkstuff.com/productimg/15621_large.jpg

 

Mr. Hum might benefit from this sporting equipment. Hope the link works.

 

If I am not mistaken a former wonderful SD II bartender started his own business and did quite well during the South Africa World Cup with some similar if not the featured sporting equipment

 

FT

[Jim Avery]

Hi FT.

I have a Cousin in Law in England who is very much into cricket. I sent him this sporting gear and he went on to have one of his best years ever. :D

[Poppy1966]

http://www.drinkstuff.com/productimg/15621_large.jpg

 

Mr. Hum might benefit from this sporting equipment. Hope the link works.

 

......... That would make him 'Probably the best supporter in the world'.

[ho-hum]

Before returning to the concluding part of the End of Voyage Awards whilst judges deal with a last minute objection.

 

Ho hum turns his back for one minute and suddenly the postings descend into a melange of even greater bizarre subjects than is generally found on this thread !

 

Beginning with Jim who assumes ho hum's recent photo (of his legendary awful photos) is due to intoxication !

Because this is something that happens to Jim on every disembarkation does not mean everybody else leaves the vessel inebriated" (tho' thinking about it, libations the night before may have been an influencing factor in having no socks to wear with his leather shoe on disembarkation. Putting socks on in the baggage hall created some stares of incredulity from workers, custom officials etc.. Fortunately ho hum is always last to leave ship, so no fellow passengers witnessed the situation).

 

Please Jim, dont fool us about the drinking equipment for sport events: this is your every day hat at home (you must fix those loose ceiling tiles at home tho').

[ajpeter]

Dear Ho-Hum and other writers on this thread,

 

It has been an utmost pleasure reading your wonderful lines, many thanks from germany in very early and warm spring.

 

Mein lieber Ho-Hum, es war mit äußerstem Vergnügen Ihre wunderbare Zeile zu lesen, vielen Dank aus Deutschland im sehr frühen und warmen Frühling.

[Jim Avery]

Before returning to the concluding part of the End of Voyage Awards whilst judges deal with a last minute objection.

 

Ho hum turns his back for one minute and suddenly the postings descend into a melange of even greater bizarre subjects than is generally found on this thread !

 

Beginning with Jim who assumes ho hum's recent photo (of his legendary awful photos) is due to intoxication !

Because this is something that happens to Jim on every disembarkation does not mean everybody else leaves the vessel inebriated" (tho' thinking about it, libations the night before may have been an influencing factor in having no socks to wear with his leather shoe on disembarkation. Putting socks on in the baggage hall created some stares of incredulity from workers, custom officials etc.. Fortunately ho hum is always last to leave ship, so no fellow passengers witnessed the situation).

 

Please Jim, dont fool us about the drinking equipment for sport events: this is your every day hat at home (you must fix those loose ceiling tiles at home tho').

 

Admittedly I do wear such attire at home behind drawn shades but the picture attached above is one of your better likenesses. Even wearing your England football uniform. Don't be modest, you are a handsome lad and are at least drinking beer other than Sainsbury's house swill.:eek:

[ho-hum]

...................how on earth will you manage a football match after a bottle of champagne and lunch? Surely you will be letting your team mates down.

 

Hope you had a pleasant flight home after a fabulous cruise. Did the plane spin too, just wondering?:)P

 

 

Again before returning to the concluding part of the End of Voyage Awards whilst judges still deal with a last minute objection.

 

Poppy, you gave old ho hum a chuckle !

But how wrong ho hum was in his erroneous assumption that you resided in the American deep South as he he imagined you sitting on the porch of a large colonial house drinking chilled lemonade brought to you by your faithful retainer man servant: Jasper.

 

Your knowledgeable references to all things British (from football venues to lager adverts: which no doubt lost most citizens from the US) has given you away.

 

Ho hum had a trial for the "Dom Perignon Dons": did very well drank two bottles (served the 2004 on the Emirates flight home: two bottles he seems to remember. No spinning.).

 

Out of interest ho hum's team is Fulham (sadly): nearest ground to him and who he has supported from childhood (fellow supporter: Hugh Grant of "Four weddings.....". Nice chap, quite serious actually. Always end up sitting next to Hhhhhuuuu-ggghhhh (bit of a stutter but ladies adore it: swooooooon "oh hugh !").

 

More (hilarious) posts Poppy please and anybody else who cares to give it a go.

All are most welcome.

[Poppy1966]

............I'm guessing the toffees after lunch at his home 'Cottage' yesterday made Ho Hum feel pretty grim especially when they stick in your throat ( all three of them). Were they Everton mints? There's a toffee enthusiast in the Poppy household (not me).

If Fulham ever decide to score and you're beside Hugh be careful which adjective you use to describe it. Bad joke in there somewhere.

Now, onto Emirates. I'm booking first class long haul on Emirates early next year. Haven't flown with them before so would value your opinion.

Back to football, just wondering what was the final score yesterday?:D

Can't hear you, what was that you mumbled? Three what?

Now who predicted that on Saturday?

 

Were you paper round colleagues glad to see you back to work today?

[ho-hum]

If I am not mistaken a former wonderful SD II bartender started his own business and did quite well during the South Africa World Cup with some similar if not the featured sporting equipment

 

FT

 

The drinking equipment which the South African bar guys were developing was in fact a system of stackable beer mugs (allowing them to carry up to 10 at a time).

4 were presented to ho hum a few years ago.

Unfortunately patent wrangles prevented manufacture to capture the Wold Cup market and that was the end of it.

It was a great product.

[ho-hum]

Sea Dream III !

 

Ho hum has obtained a secret reconnaissance photo of the new ship that has been under wraps for several years.

 

The concept is brilliant; a senior employee explains.

"We thought, why do we ask our passengers to take un-necessary travel time to the ship when they can simply land on it, thus avoiding airports, taxi transfer, hotels etc.."

 

A happy April 1st from ho hum.

[goRRRdon]

Sea Dream III !

 

Ho hum has obtained ..................d on it, thus avoiding airports, taxi transfer, hotels etc.."

 

A happy April 1st from ho hum.

 

That's all very well but now they will have more of those awful little people !

[ho-hum]

That's all very well but now they will have more of those awful little people !

 

what dwarves ?