I need help! I'm freaking out!!

[rgmacm]

I convinced my parents to go on their first cruise... They're 71 and 73 and have an RV that they love with all their heart. Well, we've been trying to get them to just try cruising for a while as my dad is fast approaching the day when he should NOT be behind the wheel of such a huge vehicle (long story...ugh!!)

Anyway, we convinced them and I purchased the cruise...

 

This week, they were here for their Christmas visit and we were purchasing excursions, setting up their onboard acct, and 'orientating' them to all they need to know to pack, prepare etc... I gave Mom a little bag as a Christmas gift with a few items in it for their packing...just cute, funny little things... Mom and I went shopping for some new clothes... All was well....

 

Until....

my sweet little mom looked at me with her eyes so big and said "I'm afraid of the water...It just happened to me this last summer...but I'm afraid." She's always LOVED the ocean and water... They've been from coast to coast in their motor home and loved every minute of it. This is something that has just happened to her THIS YEAR!!

 

I wanted to throw my hands in the air and say "MOM!! Why didn't you tell me this BEFORE I booked this cruise?" but the look on her sweet face...and in her eyes kept my mouth closed. :confused:

 

However...I'm freaking out now. I spent a great amount of time this weekend trying to find a pre-cruise hotel that is NOT beachfront in Galveston...and honestly, calling a hotel and saying, "We're going on a cruise but need a hotel room where my mom won't see water" is just a little embarrassing.... :o

Then, I'm trying to come up with ways for her to enjoy a cruise without ever seeing water...

Try do that that one!!!!! :eek: I mean...is that even possible?????

 

I'm totally freaking out! I feel like the world's worst daughter for PUSHING her into this... she'll never tell me if she's scared...she'll hold it in and act like it doesn't bother her...but I'm the biggest heel for doing this to her!

Is there a way to get or help her get around this fear??? ugh ugh ugh!!!

Edited January 3, 2016 by rgmacm

[Taters]

She should ask her doctor for some anti anxiety meds, perhaps.

 

I am a bit claustrophobic, so my heart races when I am in elevators and in airplane bathrooms, but these are very short moments. If someone is afraid of the water, a cruise may be too much for them.

 

Good luck to your mom. I truly wish her well.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Taters

[lizardhowson]

If I were you I would be far more worried about getting her to board a mamouth tin can that bobs around in the water than finding a hotel away from shoreline. the hotel part is a simple task. The other may be alot more difficult.

Edited January 3, 2016 by lizardhowson

[elliair]

How does she manage to take a shower, bath, sit in a hot tub, look at a river, lake or ocean? Maybe she's using the ocean as an excuse not to go out of her element. I've heard people say they're afraid of the ship going down and cruising isn't for them. Maybe this is the case with your mother. An expensive fear that's for sure. Good luck.

[july2012]

Wow, that is a very tricky situation.

 

Have you thought about cancelling your mom and dad's cruise? Not sure how you can avoid Mom seeing water on a cruise ship? And even if she does not see it, she knows she is on the ship in the middle of the ocean.

 

I would cancel if you could.

[Cruisegirl6]

Mention to her that you can change her room to an inside category so she won't have to look at the water...when your on a ship if you pretty much stay inside you don't see the water...but then again, she may just feel the ship is large enough and not be scared once she gets on the ship.

 

If she says she can't, then considering her age you don't want her to be stressed out it could effect her health, then I would suggest then perhaps you just cancel ...you didn't say when this cruise will be?

[Sweet Dutch Girl]

My Mom was deathly afraid of water...and after a half dozen cruises she was still deathly afraid of water. But, you know what, she still managed to go, to actually spend beach trips with her grandkids, to go out in a motorboat and watch those kids paragliding.

 

Many of us have irrational fears and we still manage to get on airplanes, drive vehicles, eat strange food, etc. etc.

 

Your Mom is still young at 71 (trust me) and has a voice. If she doesn't want to cruise she will tell you so. Otherwise, just treat her normally, don't patronize her, and let her make the decisions about what she is comfortable doing. I bet she'll surprise you.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Sweet Dutch Girl

[rgmacm]

This cruise is in 3 weeks!! :(

 

and someone above said I should be more concerned about the cruise than the hotel. (kinda smart aleck, but ok...) I am! :eek: That's the purpose of this post. I just mentioned the hotel room search, because that's what I've spent the weekend doing...searching for a pre-cruise hotel.

 

...and they have an interior cabin. We were trying to keep is as economical as possible...

 

I guess I will call the insurance company (we purchased the policy through a 3rd party) to see if they cover canceling because of 'fear of water'...

Perhaps I will try calling Carnival...but with the cruise being in 3 wks, I don't know that they will have much sympathy. I'm sure this is one they've NEVER heard before!!!! ugh!! I'll call them anyway....worth a try...

 

I hadn't really thought about anti-anxiety meds, but will mention that to her in case we can't cancel...

 

Another option (that I forgot to mention in the original post) is the Carnival 110% guarantee. I just found that on the website yesterday. That could be our '3rd option' if all else fails... I've lost a lot of sleep over this in the last 5 days!!! ugh!!

I just feel like a heel!! :(

Edited January 3, 2016 by rgmacm

[lizardhowson]

 

... someone above said I should be more concerned about the cruise than the hotel. (kinda smart aleck, but ok...)

 

How is my response smart aleck ?

You typed 2 1/2 lines about the hotel issue and less than 1 line about cruise issue.

Plus the hotel is built on solid ground.

You seemed to accentuate the hotel above the cruise.

Nothing mean, insulting, disrespectful or smart aleck in what I wrote.

Edited January 3, 2016 by lizardhowson

[Cruisegirl6]

I understood and took you mentioning the hotel room to show you had set the entire trip up.

 

If you got a policy that included any reason you be fine, if not I don't think they have that reason to be covered under any insurance. Is your mother in good health, does she have a medical issue if so, then go to the doctor and get a letter she can't take the trip then you can collect the insurance. I personally can't lie but I just giving you possible options and I don't know whether she has a medical issue and being scared on the ship with the water may add to the issue.

 

I don't suggest giving her medications like that, they also have side effects and sometimes the side effects can be bad and the fact I am sure she won't want to feel "funny" on the meds.

 

If you do the Carnival 110% guarantee, you have to keep in mind, you have paperwork and stress answering questions they may have for you and they may follow up also...then you have to end up purchasing airline tickets which can be costly if your in the caribbean, and the fact your mother still have to deal with the ocean.....

 

Just ask your mother now straight out "do you feel that you can take this cruise or do you want to cancel". Also explain to her that you be by her side all the time should she be outdoors.

Edited January 3, 2016 by lyndamr

[annabell08]

We stayed in Webster at the Staybridge Suites before our October cruise from Galveston. It was about a 45 minutes drive to the port in awful rainy weather.

[Sweet Dutch Girl]

This cruise is in 3 weeks!! :(

 

and someone above said I should be more concerned about the cruise than the hotel. (kinda smart aleck, but ok...) I am! :eek: That's the purpose of this post. I just mentioned the hotel room search, because that's what I've spent the weekend doing...searching for a pre-cruise hotel.

 

...and they have an interior cabin. We were trying to keep is as economical as possible...

 

I guess I will call the insurance company (we purchased the policy through a 3rd party) to see if they cover canceling because of 'fear of water'...

Perhaps I will try calling Carnival...but with the cruise being in 3 wks, I don't know that they will have much sympathy. I'm sure this is one they've NEVER heard before!!!! ugh!! I'll call them anyway....worth a try...

 

I hadn't really thought about anti-anxiety meds, but will mention that to her in case we can't cancel...

 

Another option (that I forgot to mention in the original post) is the Carnival 110% guarantee. I just found that on the website yesterday. That could be our '3rd option' if all else fails... I've lost a lot of sleep over this in the last 5 days!!! ugh!!

I just feel like a heel!! :(

 

If your Mom chooses not to go...she doesn't go. And if you loose money because she doesn't go...well that's sad but not tragic. I think you may have your priorities a little mixed up right now.

 

And you may want to prepare yourself for the insurance not to cover her if she cancels....fear of water is a pretty lame excuse at this point in the process.

[rgmacm]

How is my response smart aleck ?

 

I don't want any cyber arguments. I'm sorry. It just sounded like you thought I was making an issue of the hotel. I really wasn't...just mentioned it because that was what I was trying to do this weekend. Of course, the hotel is minor in all this...it's the cruise I am concerned about. I will say...finding a hotel on a VERY narrow island that doesn't 'see' water is quite challenging...

Again...my apologies....

[ukdeblarz]

I feel for you.

 

Talk to mom some more. Let her know that you heard what she said and that you understand. Validate her feelings.

 

Next, try to figure out what it is about water that she is afraid of. I find with my mom who is the same age, we think we know what it is they are afraid of but really it is something else.

 

Is it fear of the unknown? It is fear of drowning? Is it that she is worried about being on the ship? Is she worried about seasickness? Try showing her some YouTube videos of people of the same ship. Talk through what happens when you board, muster drill, being in a cabin. Then talk about all the non- water related activities.

 

I took my mom on her first cruise about 18 months ago. My dad refused to go. Mom was super quiet all week, and I thought that it was because she didn't like it or felt sick. Turns out, she was just taking it all in and it was a lot to process. Now, she feels as if the whole world has been opened up to her and wants me to take her again. Still can't get dad to go though.

 

Good luck.

[rgmacm]

If your Mom chooses not to go...she doesn't go. And if you loose money because she doesn't go...well that's sad but not tragic. I think you may have your priorities a little mixed up right now.

 

And you may want to prepare yourself for the insurance not to cover her if she cancels....fear of water is a pretty lame excuse at this point in the process.

 

yeah, I know. I will say though...she WON'T choose not to go. I know my Mom. She'll go....if we can't cancel, she'll get on that ship and pretend to love it! She's just like that...

You just never want to feel like you're 'hurting' your mother, you know???

Edited January 3, 2016 by rgmacm

[lizardhowson]

I do hope it works out that all can go and everyone has a wonderful time ! :)

[rgmacm]

I feel for you.

 

Talk to mom some more. Let her know that you heard what she said and that you understand. Validate her feelings.

 

Next, try to figure out what it is about water that she is afraid of. I find with my mom who is the same age, we think we know what it is they are afraid of but really it is something else.

 

Is it fear of the unknown? It is fear of drowning? Is it that she is worried about being on the ship? Is she worried about seasickness? Try showing her some YouTube videos of people of the same ship. Talk through what happens when you board, muster drill, being in a cabin. Then talk about all the non- water related activities.

 

I took my mom on her first cruise about 18 months ago. My dad refused to go. Mom was super quiet all week, and I thought that it was because she didn't like it or felt sick. Turns out, she was just taking it all in and it was a lot to process. Now, she feels as if the whole world has been opened up to her and wants me to take her again. Still can't get dad to go though.

 

Good luck.

 

thank you! Printing this! :)

[Crazyrbbt]

Did her aversion to the water come up after you purchased the shore excursions? I ask because I love looking at the ocean but I am afraid of being in it. I always knew I was a little afraid of sea animals but a few months ago on a snorkel excursion I was scared to the point of getting back in the boat, now I do not purchase excursions that it will be in the water. She may just just be letting you know to avoid water excursions. Try talking with her about what really scares her and go from there. She may enjoy shopping or sight seeing ones but doesn't want to miss out on family time.

[Sweet Dutch Girl]

yeah, I know. I will say though...she WON'T choose not to go. I know my Mom. She'll go....if we can't cancel, she'll get on that ship and pretend to love it! She's just like that...

You just never want to feel like you're 'hurting' your mother, you know???

 

I don't mean to beat a dead horse but you are an adult and your Mother is an adult. If she chooses to go and then is miserable for the week...that is on her not you. Actually, at this point, your Mother (through your telling, I'm not judging) sounds like the selfish one in this scenario. Just tell her to stay home if the stress of "hurting" her causes you to face your holiday with trepidation.

 

We could all give you oodles of psychological goble-de-gook and tell you that you will be the heroine if you martyr yourself but that isn't what these boards are about.

 

This seems to be a problem between mother and daughter and can't be resolved by those posting here.

Edited January 3, 2016 by Sweet Dutch Girl

[SadieN]

So, can Dad go with anyone else? Brother, son, best friend, you? (Can't figure out if you're going with them or not) Pax change is $50 for most fares.

Edited January 3, 2016 by SadieN

[rgmacm]

So, can Dad go with anyone else? Brother, son, best friend, you? (Can't figure out if you're going with them or not) Pax change is $50 for most fares.

 

OH!! I didn't know that. thank you! :)

and yes, my husband and I are booked too....

Edited January 3, 2016 by rgmacm

[Hoosierpop]

Actually, I think she can do a lot without having to look at the water. You said they have an inside cabin. I would ask for a table away from the windows in the MDR. On the lido deck, she can eat with her back to the window. Now, that doesn't mean she won't ever see the water. But I think it can be avoided more than it might seem on a cruise ship.

[S.S.Oceanlover]

I understood and took you mentioning the hotel room to show you had set the entire trip up.

 

If you got a policy that included any reason you be fine, if not I don't think they have that reason to be covered under any insurance. Is your mother in good health, does she have a medical issue if so, then go to the doctor and get a letter she can't take the trip then you can collect the insurance. I personally can't lie but I just giving you possible options and I don't know whether she has a medical issue and being scared on the ship with the water may add to the issue.

 

I don't suggest giving her medications like that, they also have side effects and sometimes the side effects can be bad and the fact I am sure she won't want to feel "funny" on the meds.

 

If you do the Carnival 110% guarantee, you have to keep in mind, you have paperwork and stress answering questions they may have for you and they may follow up also...then you have to end up purchasing airline tickets which can be costly if your in the caribbean, and the fact your mother still have to deal with the ocean.....

 

Just ask your mother now straight out "do you feel that you can take this cruise or do you want to cancel". Also explain to her that you be by her side all the time should she be outdoors.

 

What forms and questions do you jave to answer with the 110% guarantee?

 

It is supposed to be no questions asked?

 

Bill

[joyful34]

I don't know if this helps or not but its the truth. I love to cruise but I am terrified of the ocean & everything in it. Other than putting my feet in at Half Moon Cay I don't get in the water. I enjoy looking at it from the beach or on deck for a short period but that's it. And yes I have tried to go swimming in the ocean and I always end up with a panic attack. It is just not my thing. Hate salt water & anything bigger than me swimming near by.

 

My in-laws think I am nuts for going on so many cruises but I love to travel and this is the best way to see multiple islands in my budget. The ship is literally a floating city. There is so much on board to do and see that unless you focus on looking over the railing you might forget you are on board.

 

Good Luck!

[luvcdays]

Drugs are never then answer!!!