do you really care what other think

[MrsMoose2001]

Ok I have a question/discussion topic if everyone doesn't mind.

 

Do you really care what others think or do you just love fashion and dress to please yourself and SO.

 

To this I mean, when we want to be well groomed, fashionably dressed, love designers, love shoes, bags, clothes, love to dress up. Do we really care what others think or are we doing it just to please ourselves and make ourselves be happy?

 

I see a lot of questions on this board about "what will others think" as opposed to "does it match, does it look nice"? I hope eveyone sees the difference and what I mean/am asking?

 

This has nothing to do with the questions about what is allowed to be worn on the ships.

[Ehpride]

I think, deep down, everybody does care what others think to some degree. We don't want to have strangers look at us and say, Wow, she looks horrible. We want people to look at us and say, Wow, she looks beautiful. So in a way, by having fashionable clothes and wearing trends (even if it usually is all you can find in the stores), we are dressing for society some. But conciously, I'm dressing for myself and the people I care about. If someone I love (pick a person--parent, friend, mentor) says that I look nice and someone else doesn't think I look nice, I care more about what the person I know thinks about me, because I'll probably never meet the stranger again. Their comment would still affect my self-esteem however and I'd probably remember that the next time I wore the outfit. I like to think that I dress for myself in what I like and think I look good instead of always dressing in a way that society deems acceptable, but I know that subconciously (sp?) I do dress to impress the people around me, as a way of seeking approval.

[caviargal]

Hi MrsMoose, interesting question.

 

I love clothes and dress to please myself. I also enjoy looking pretty for my SO.

 

I think personal grooming and personal style say a lot about who you are. I am not into trendy clothes nor do I care for traditional styles (i.e., Talbots, Ann Taylor). I like and feel I look best in clothes with a bit of an edge (Cache) that are sexy but good for a woman my age (49) and then there are designers whose clothing just suits my taste and style (Anne Klein, Dana Buchman, Ellen Tracy).

 

I prefer an elegant look, choose fitted clothing, and normally have to have my clothing altered a bit to fit just right.

 

So, while I always enjoy getting compliments from others about a particular outfit or look, I believe it looks good because it feels good and makes me happy to wear it.

[beth4652]

As you said in another thread, people size you up based on your clothes, hair, etc. That happens everywhere, not just in NYC. I am very, very short (and getting shorter with age) and have an atrocious shape. I can't say that anything really looks good on me. However, I buy good quality clothes and have a wonderful tailor who makes sure they fit properly. I have bad knees, so am relegated to flats or very low heels.

 

On the other hand, I'm not a "dressed up" type. Pull on denim or cotton pants and a polo-type shirt or one that can be worn on the outside are my style. Slip on Keds are my style.

 

But, in answer to the question of the thread, yes, I do care what others think, especially when they are strangers. People are more likely to want to get to know you initially if you are at least clean and well pressed.

[copnlpn2]

MrsMoose - If I truly cared what other people think I'd let them select my clothes for me.

 

I dress for the occasion and according to my mood at the time.

 

Regardless of how many compliments I might receive on an outfit I'm wearing, if I feel uncomfortable or unattractive in it, the compliment falls on deaf ears.

 

I can't say that I've ever been one to seek out and wear the "latest" fads or fashions. I truly resent the fact of walking into a store looking for a blue dress, only to see wall-to-wall green clothes on the racks and being told by a snooty salesperson "blue isn't in this season."

 

The following is in MHO, so no flames are necessary, thank you all the same. I feel genuinely sorry for folks who are made to feel they must must hide their bodies in long pants, closed-toe shoes, long-sleeved shirts, etc., because their varicose veins, hammer toes, loose-skinned arms, etc. might offend someone's sensibilities. How shallow, how vain, how sad!!

 

One day, all those "perfect" young hard bodies will suffer the ravages of aging and will join the rest of us "less than perfect" people who have learned that the inner beauty we let shine through to others is a whole lot more important and is remembered longer than the clothes we chose to wear.

[beth4652]

The following is in MHO, so no flames are necessary, thank you all the same. I feel genuinely sorry for folks who are made to feel they must must hide their bodies in long pants, closed-toe shoes, long-sleeved shirts, etc., because their varicose veins, hammer toes, loose-skinned arms, etc. might offend someone's sensibilities. How shallow, how vain, how sad!!

 

One day, all those "perfect" young hard bodies will suffer the ravages of aging and will join the rest of us "less than perfect" people who have learned that the inner beauty we let shine through to others is a whole lot more important and is remembered longer than the clothes we chose to wear.

 

 

 

But don't you think that your appearance, especially in a group of strangers such as we encounter on a cruise, has a lot to do with with whether or not people will want to get to know you better? Unfortunately, first impressions can be lasting ones. I don't consider myself vain, but I do want to dress to downplay my many "faults" as much as possible.

 

I also feel better when I know I don't look like a slob. I probably sit and walk straighter, too.

[momofmeg]

I dress more for my own self-esteem then what others think. I like to look nice for myself. Now I am not big into fashion-I am definely not a trendy gal-even when I was young-I go more for the classics.

 

I also believe in dressing to put myself in the best light -for me- I believe in the art of camaflague. I strongly believe any of us can look good no matter what flaws we may have as long as we minimize them. I have seen women size 24 plus who looked GREAT and I have also seen women size 2 who looked horrible-we all have flaws-no matter our size-even famous models have flaws-maybe we do not see them because their photos are airbrushed-but EVERYONE has something wrong with him or her.

 

So you know my pet pee-seeing a woman (or man) wear something that is not becomming to her (him)-as many styles and classics there are out there now and clothing at all income levels-there is no reason for anyone to wear something that does not put him or her in the best light.

[MrsMoose2001]

I happen to agree with just about everything that was said here, lol.

 

I do care that I am clean, and well groomed as "first impressions count". But I would not buy something just because I wanted to impress others.

 

Of course a compliment is always welcome, lol but if someone said, I don't like that, or how you look, it would not affect my self esteam as I just wouldn't care enough about the comment.

 

I love some trends and some I hate. I love the same designers as CaviarGirl, and since I'm not big on color other than black and white. I don't like the fact that when a short fitted jacket is in, that's all you can find.

 

I agree with Copn with all that she writes as well. I personally don't wear sleveless shirts because I'm not comfortable in them, never was even when I had a hard thin body. But if I was, I would wear it even if I had UADD. I don't think anyone should be made to feel ashamed of their bodies to stop them from being happy and wearing what they are happy and comfortable in.

 

And yes, someday those hard thin bodies (I speak from experience) may get sick, have to take pills that put on 30 - 40 lbs, or whatever, age will set in etc, and they will no longer judge the "less than perfect bodies".

 

To Beth, I wish you would not be so down on yourself. I'm sure you look wonderful in clothes. I personally don't look good in everything, I don't think anyone does, not even models.

 

Thank you all for responding, I loved each and every one of the answers.

[BlueHerons]

I dress only for myself. I have a deep love for the art of fashion and clothing. I love exquisite fabrics and the cut and drape of clothing.

 

I also read every fashion magazine available.

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

There are so many different kinds of people on a cruise ship when it comes to their own clothing choices that it would be impossible to select our own clothing with a view to pleasing everyone.

 

I tend to wear day time Land's End/LL Bean style and night time Coldwater Creek, Chico style. Would that please everybody on the ship or even everybody here? I bet not. Some would look at me (if they even looked) and think I was too conservative. Others might look and think my clothes could be more fitted. Others might say I'd look better in pastels or brighter colors. The list of gripes goes on. Oh, well.

 

At 62 years I have come to believe you cannot please everyone, especially when it comes to fashion. I have seen what I would call fashion monstrosities on board, but the wearers seemed happy, comfortable and appeared to be having a good time, so I say more power to them. The one thing I cannot abide is a skanky appearance and there always are some on board, but that is their choice. They surely are not dressing to please me, nor do I dress to please them.

[joelmarj]

Well said by everyone here!

 

For me it's about looking good, comfortable, stylish and with some flare. If I'm none of those things, it doesn't matter what other people think, because I won't feel good. I love dressing for me and my SO. And I love that he tells me what he likes and doesn't like.

 

Having said that, it's not that it matters what other people think, but it is nice to get a compliment every now and then. More just as confirmation that what you think is nice is also considered by others. Overall though, if I'm wearing something I really don't like, it really doesn't matter if someone else likes it or not.

 

I also find there is a difference between dressing well and just wearing expensive clothes. You can have a great, put-together look without spending a fortune. Just the same, spending hundreds on designer brands doesn't ensure you will be the height of fashion either. I was just reading SHAPE magazine and they were showing Designer looks and comparing them to purchases from H&M and they looked just as nice! I just love people who insist on spending a fortune but still look like rag-a-muffins.

[lel5344]

I love to wear clothes that elicit an approval from my wife. She knows better than anyone how to elevate my self-esteem or deflate my ego. So if she says I look good in something...you'd better believe I'll wear that something. And if she says something isn't right, I'm not about to leave the house dressed that way.

 

She may not have ideal fashion sense (goodness knows I don't) but for 32 years, she has been my fashion maven, and I trust her completely.

 

BTW, she trusts my judgment in the same way.

[copnlpn2]

Quote -"But don't you think that your appearance, especially in a group of strangers such as we encounter on a cruise, has a lot to do with with whether or not people will want to get to know you better?"

 

Beth - Please know that I'm "speaking" kindly, not otherwise. I've dressed "my own way" for my entire life (I'm 56) and I've have several successful careers (insurance sales manager, newspaper editor/ad manager, hospital administrator, law enforcement officer, firefighter/EMT and now a nurse). I think my style of dressing has helped me in my professional life, rather than hindered me. I don't consider myself terribly attractive but I've dated many well-educated, physically attractive men (and married a couple of 'em) and am not lacking in invitations to social functions.

 

The reason I'm saying this is not to toot my own horn but to emphasize that I believe its a person's personality - their inner self - complimented by what they wear that makes the difference in whether people want to be around you.

 

And just because a person chooses not to be a slave to fashion," doesn't mean they are (or look like) a slob or that they don't sit straight or stand tall. It just means some of us walk to the beat of a different drummer and we prefer our own music over the compositions of others. Does that make sense?

 

BTW MrsMoose - I appreciate that you spoke up and said you agreed with comments I made. I knew I liked you from the git-go!;)

 

Happy cruising, everyone!

[BlueHerons]

Having said that, it's not that it matters what other people think, but it is nice to get a compliment every now and then. More just as confirmation that what you think is nice is also considered by others.

 

Compliments make me uncomfortable. Silly but they do.

 

I also find there is a difference between dressing well and just wearing expensive clothes. You can have a great, put-together look without spending a fortune. Just the same, spending hundreds on designer brands doesn't ensure you will be the height of fashion either. I was just reading SHAPE magazine and they were showing Designer looks and comparing them to purchases from H&M and they looked just as nice! I just love people who insist on spending a fortune but still look like rag-a-muffins.

 

Karl Lagerfeld did a very successful one time only line for H&M. I think it sold out in a matter of minutes.

[bobby'sgirl]

We have real debates in our household, I dress in a casual refined way. I like clothes that are adjused to fit me, that IMHO makes an outfit. I have several people who will tailor clothes and does this make a difference. My sons have total different tastes, one is preppy and the other a skateboarder type. My DD is has very defined tastes. You should have seen me trying to get them organized for family pics the first ones in years, each expressed themselves in the context of white shirts and beige pants. The proofs are in and hopefully they are all right. My DH is an LL Bean, EddieBauer Type. Makes for interesting times. I guess what I am trying to say is as long as the clothes are clean we can express who we are. We each have our own style and this makes life interesting.:)

[Happy ks]

"What will people think of you?" These words echoed in my ears for years, through my mothers voice. I don't think she meant any harm, it is what she learned from her mother, who probably learned from her mother.

 

It took me 40 years to get over these words and I finally decided it was not worth my time to try to please anyone but myself. I held myself back from doing things I really wanted to do over my youth, because of what people may have thought about me. I have come to realize they probably don't think anything at all, because they are worried about what I'm thinking about them. I'm now more comfortable in a bathing suit at the age of 52 and a size 14-16 than I ever was at the age of 16 and a size 5-7.

 

Some people help you more in life than they will ever know with an off-the-cuff remark. One was a woman, much older than myself, who was fitting me for a bra, probably 15 years ago. I complained about what I didn't like about my body and she said "I've never helped a woman who was happy with her body, even the perfect ones don't see themselves that way at all".

 

I wear the clothes that I like best, whether they are in style or not, they work for me. I like to appreciate my own reflection in the mirror. While I think I look decent most of the time, I don't worry about it once I leave the house.

 

The only time it really bothers me is when I'm covered in food from work (feeding kids with disabilities can be messy business!) and I have to run an errand on the way home. My nail tech says she knows if I have been at work or not, judging from splothces of yogurt on my shoes or oatmeal spots on my pants.

 

I have to add, I don't start the day with stains on my clothes and one thing I am immaculate about is to be very well pressed.

[laughoutloud]

I think a lot has to do with how comfortable we are with ourselves & our lives in general.

 

When I was single and "looking", I always dressed to impress. And all I usually got was that "all dressed up for nothing" result.:o

 

Then I said "the he** with that", starting dressing more casual, less make-up, much more comfortable in my own skin. Guess what- because of my self-confidence, I actually became more attractive & received a lot more attention.

 

I believe no matter how you dress, fashionable or a fashion-don't, you should dress for YOU.:)

[MrsMoose2001]

Thank you so much for all your replies. I love all your answers.

 

As I said, I agree with a lot of what was written here. Copn no thanks required, I honestly love what you wrote especially about women feeling they have to hide. There should be no feelings like that. It's unfortunate when we live in a society that promotes women's rights and "we have come a long way baby" even since that phrase was started, and women still feel they have to hide their bodies.

 

If it's something that a women feels she want's to cover up/hide, because she feels better about doing it, for herself. That's one thing, but not because she feels she has to. I've yet to hear a man say he has to hide/coverup certain areas in clothes. (And I'm not even a femineinst).

 

That said, I love the responses.

 

Bobby's Girl, that's so cute that your children have different tastes but all wore white shirts and kahkis. Just goes to show that similar clothes can be worn many ways.

 

For me, let's say that "dressed up" (not formal) is a pair of black pants and a sweater jacket or a twinset or jacket and a nice blouse or silk tee or cashmere tee underneath and a pair of loafers. I don't like cami's I'm not comfy in them, never was, so I avoid them and go for more of the dressy t-shirt type things.

 

For casual, a pair of nice jeans or cords and a nice sweater. For really casual I'll wear a nice jogging style suit.

[BlueHerons]

. I'm now more comfortable in a bathing suit at the age of 52 and a size 14-16 than I ever was at the age of 16 and a size 5-7.

 

 

.

 

Amen sister!

[Silvery Seas Cruiser]

My own attitude dressing may have been greatly influenced by having grown up very close to Palm Beach, Florida. I knew very early on I could probably never impress those folks with my clothes. They had couture clothing and the most valuable jewelry in the US, plus cars and mega- mansions to boot, legions of servants, yachts, extremely exclusive country club memberships, private jets.

 

For me, I choose to wear what I feel looks best on me, but I don't have illusions about impressing many people, because I know how hard it would be to impress the folks around here. Now Boca Raton has also become another city of high fashion, enviable homes, cars and yachts.

 

It really costs a fortune to try to impress anyone in my neck of the woods. So I decided to let those folks lead their high fashion life styles and I'll go for conservative, neat comfort. About the only complement I ever get is something, "Gee, you look good in that color." Even that doesn't happen often.

[happysinglemom]

...and I think most people do. I strongly believe in presenting one's self as well as possible. I don't cull my wardrobe choices from the pages of Vogue, most of those are far too trendy and often downright silly looking. I don't dress to make people gawk. But I do dress to look nice, to flatter my figure, and lean towards the moderately contemporary look, but also love that Ralph Lauren safari/khaki look. I tend to wear fitted styles that I think look good on me. I am lucky in that I have a few co-workers that are very fashion conscious, so I know when I have done especially well putting together an outfit. But I think I have enough fashion saavy to not have to depend on others to know what looks good.

 

I am single, so I surely don't dress for a SO, but I'm sure that I would if I had one. :D

[MrsMoose2001]

Once again thank you all for your replies.

 

I loved all of them. Thank you all for takeing the time. I loved the discussions and the replies.

[Soxfan05]

I don't in my everyday life care what other's think. I also don't judge others based on their attire. BUT, if I'm involved in a professional situation, I do dress to appear professional for others. I know that I can be just as professional and articulate in workout clothes as I can be a suit but situations dictate different apparel and in those cases, I do care what others think.

[Bookish Angel]

Think Post-Modern/funky/Asian and that is me. Or, Talbots and a panda tattoo. Seriously.