Mom trying to plan a trip with resistant teens

[poobears]

If he was going to college on a sports scholarship then yes I could see changing family plans for this practice but he has no plans on pursuing ball after high school from the sounds of it. I would pull parental rank especially since you suspect this has more to do with the GF than ball and make him go on the cruise. It won't kill him to do one last family cruise and like someone else mentioned maybe throw in the behind the scenes as a bonus so he can see how things are run. If he honestly wants to get into management that should be of a real interest to him. If it's not then the GF is definitely what's on his mind and he's probably hoping you will leave him home for some quality time with her LOL

[Sweet Dutch Girl]

If he was going to college on a sports scholarship then yes I could see changing family plans for this practice but he has no plans on pursuing ball after high school from the sounds of it. I would pull parental rank especially since you suspect this has more to do with the GF than ball and make him go on the cruise. It won't kill him to do one last family cruise and like someone else mentioned maybe throw in the behind the scenes as a bonus so he can see how things are run. If he honestly wants to get into management that should be of a real interest to him. If it's not then the GF is definitely what's on his mind and he's probably hoping you will leave him home for some quality time with her LOL

 

Wow, some folks sure think the worse of kids, today. This, and the previous post, are some of the things I truly feel are the crux of many of the problems in today's society.

 

If, as a parent, you have raised your kid well these issues should not even be a consideration. Kids are as responsible as their parent's allow them to be. Take away their input and their focus and you have just created a monster, IMHO.

 

When children reach an age where they have a "life" outside of the confines of their home and family unit they should have a say in what the family unit does. The fact that they are under the age of 18 shouldn't even be a consideration if the child hasn't done anything catastrophic to undermine his parent's trust.

[gottagocruisin]

Make everyone happy! Leave him with family, neighbor or friend for safety reasons and remaining members enjoy the cruise. I have taught my children, once you start something, you must finish it. It's sounds like you have instilled those same values and he is on his way to becoming a great individual. Also, if you make him go, it could be miserable for everyone. When my oldest son was a high school senior, I played the you have to go card, "I'm the parent and this may be our last family vacation" since he was going off to college. It didn't work too well, it was not fun, and it has boiled down to he just doesn't like cruising. He has not gone on our last two cruises. [emoji23] It's a hard decision for a mom or dad. Good luck.

[FLcruisergrl]

I don't think anyone is thinking the worst of a kid, just being realistic. I was raised VERY well, a straight A student, very obedient, and a bit of a nerd. My parents weren't very strict and had a lot of trust in me. Did I have a few drinks as a teenager when left alone? Yes. I believe that family comes first and that holiday time is family time. There have been many times, both as a teen and as an adult, when I'd rather not do things with family during the holiday. But I realize that it's not all about what I want. In my opinion, family comes first. A child can certainly have their opinions and input, but that doesn't mean they get their way. It sounds like the OP has allowed opinions and input and now it's up to them as the parent to make the decision, whatever it may be. And yes, I believe age is important when deciding on leaving a child home for an extended period of time. A 17 yr old is a minor, in the eyes of the law. I would not leave the country and leave my minor child without adult guardianship. But that's just me.

[berrieh]

I am a high school teacher and I think you should be proud of any kid who takes his commitments that seriously.

 

When I was in high school, my parents always gave me the choice to come on vacation or not (actually some anniversary trips they didn't give me a choice, but most trips they invited me, of course!). Now they went on a fair amount of vacations, to be fair, but between junior and senior year, I often stayed home due to other commitments (work, school, I was in plays for drama, I was on the dance team, I took APs that sometimes required I be in town when my parents were away, etc), sometimes even when I wanted to go! Sometimes the vacation didn't even appeal to me so I stayed home just because it didn't make sense to go begrudgingly. But that was our dynamic. I know every family is different.

 

I don't see anything wrong with a 17 year old staying home alone for 5 days while you cruise, if he is generally trustworthy, though, so maybe that's an option?

 

Edit - family time doesn't always end at adulthood either. I still vacation with my Mom and sometimes my husband and I with my parents, because I enjoy my parents company now as an adult since they respected me not just as their kid but as a person and we had and still have a good relationship. Missing one family vacation or wanting to doesn't mean the end of family vacations forever.

Edited August 28, 2016 by berrieh

[ray98]

Why are so many acting like the only option is a cruise or being left alone? Anyway, I was left alone at 17 due to commitments that included football and a job. I did noting wrong that week and I also gave my parents no reason to distrust me.

 

Teaching you child about team work and honoring commitments which is the basis of team sports only to make them drop them at an important time is wrong in my opinion.

Edited August 28, 2016 by ray98

[Domino D]

Has anyone else ever really felt blow back when planning a cruise for the family? I have until October to make the final payment and I am hoping for a compromise, but also don't want to put money down just to lose it. (won't)

 

I really appreciate all the feedback because I want to make sure I am not going all Joan Crawford on this.

 

I'm not going to try and tell you how to parent. It's your son and your family, and I am sure that you are considering everyone involved. I just want to answer your questions.

 

Yes I have gotten resistance like this from 16 to 23 year old's in the past. There is nothing unusual about it.

 

Unless you are planning on beating him with a coat hanger until he agrees to go, you are NOT Joan Crawford. There is a big difference between a family argument and abuse.

 

Telling him he needs to fulfill his responsibility as a member of the family and go, is fine. Deciding he is mature enough to stay home and go without him, is fine. Deciding to all spend Christmas at home this year and no one goes, is fine. No matter what any of us have done or would do, it's your family. Whatever decision you make, it will be fine.

 

Besides, if your family is like mine, the reality is: Make him go and there will be complaining. Let him stay home and the others will at some point ask "why do I have to go", either now or on some future trip. Decide that no one is going and there will be complaining. BUT it is all temporary, and won't last long.

[CruizenSusan]

I have been trying to put myself in your shoes to think what I might do in this situation. My kids are grown now...and we still take family vacations together and I find that they enjoy and appreciate it more now that they are grown adults and we have a blast. I have never been to Atlanta and don't know what kind of daytrip options there are during the holidays, but I think if this was my situation, I would skip the cruise and plan staycation/daytrips each day during that time and try to make some special family memories doing some different activities. Not sure what the band schedule is, but I would work around that hour and half. I would make it a true staycation. No cooking, etc., find some new and different eateries to go to, etc., places to visit, stuff on that bucket list that keeps getting punted. Don't know if that helps, either way - have a wonderful vacation. :)

[jgskes]

So months ago, I put a deposit down on a cruise (Sunshine) out of PCL on 12/26. We are a family of 5 and oldest is in Jr. year college, middle child a Sr in HS and youngest a sophomore. We live in Atlanta a distance from any of our extended family. We have taken care of my father and now my mother in Florida. We go to Florida every year for Christmas and I usually plan a "recovery cruise" immediately following where it's just the 5 of us.

 

Sadly, we haven't spent a whole lot of holidays at home,rather in FLA with my parents. Don't get me wrong FLA is a great place to be over any holiday! So the kids are getting older and schedules don't really mesh except for holidays in December/January. Full disclosure -we have done cruises for the past 4 Christmas Holidays and have enjoyed them all. We have never done a 7 day - always 4 or 5 day because of our varying sched

 

SO this year I have a Sr in High school who thinks that his Senior year commitments should cancel out our long standing vacation plans. It's a 5 day -leaving after Christmas day and we are home before the ball drops on New Year's. He is pitching a huge fit that we don't go. His sisters 15 & 20 are fine with it. I am big on family time and family cohesiveness so I am torn. I've lost both my parents and I want to instill a strong sense of family & solidarity. Also want this 17+ year old kid to see it's not all about him. Things could be a whole lot worse than Key West and Half Moon Bay in December!

 

He would miss 3 days of a 1.5 hr practice, but he feels as a captain he should not go. This is the only time the 5 of us have together and I have to take what time I have left with them under my roof -to instill the important stuff. We have never ruled our lives by sports or school allegiances. Just family centered.

 

Has anyone else ever really felt blow back when planning a cruise for the family? I have until October to make the final payment and I am hoping for a compromise, but also don't want to put money down just to lose it. (won't)

 

I know boo hoo - please haters just move on. I'd just like to know what you think you would do when what my gut as a parent says for this one last time, I make the call. Or listen to this almost 18 year old and we do nothing.

 

Also did I mention his interest in colleges...Maritime and Hotel Restaurant/ Management !

Go figure!

And yes - I do suspect a girl is involved in his protests.

Thanks for reading this poor rant!

Looking forward to the Sunshine in December, but fear the sunshine will go down on me and no cruise for us this year.

 

I have not read any other responses..so this is just on your original post. I have 4 kids 23, 21, 16 and 14. They would all take off of their obligations to take a trip with family (I am a single mom) As you know having older kids...it goes way too fast. My daughter was in cheer and had to miss something (Disney with my mom while I was on my honeymoon) and she made that choice to do so...so no judgements. But time is so short with our kids...unless he would be penalized in a harsh way, I would make him go. He will have a blast and be happy that he went in the end...hope this makes sense :)

 

I also want to say..that my 16 yr old..then 15 had his Godfather invite him to Europe for a week. It was during finals. I thought there was no way that he could go. I contacted the principal and his teachers and they said there was no way that he should miss the opportunity and let him take his finals in the summer when he got back. It depends on who you are dealing with. I think Christmas break is just that...a break to get to be a kid when there is not much time left to be a kid. I admire his responsibility to his team...but there is plenty of time for that.

Edited August 28, 2016 by jgskes
New thoughts

[maldenmusic]

Now that my daughter has graduated college and is a teacher like me, we cruise together every year and she really looks forward to it.

[Wheatie59]

We did a family vacation to Mismaloya some 12-14 ago, over Christmas, when my son had just started dating the woman who's now his wife. He was grumpy the entire time, though we did all have fun. Now he remembers that as a great trip and that he had a great time.

[sweetsixteencruisers]

I commend your son for his commitment. I cherish family time very much.

 

I have an athlete, who would opt out of a vacation if had to. She is very committed to her sport. We were very committed to her sport. Her dedication and hard work came with many sacrifices and great rewards. She is now a senior in college playing college softball with a full ride and maintaining a 4.0.

 

I, tell you all of this because what is good for one family may not be for another. We had to leave our older two home from time to time because of her traveling when they were in high school. We all survived. We trusted them! Never had an issue. We had many friends tell us "your crazy, we would never". Blah, blah... And I'm sure there are folks here saying the same.

 

I have 3 girls, the athlete is the youngest. They are now, 25, 23, and 21. It's very hard to get them all on the same page. Their schedules are very different. So when we do a vacation as a family, it's very special!

 

You know what will be best for your family. To force him, to leave him home or cancel the whole thing.

 

Good luck, with your decision!

[DebJ14]

My parents and inlaws both had homes in Florida. Year after year we piled the kids and the dog in the van and went to Florida for the holidays. When the oldest hit high school it was no longer an option. There were required activities for various teams and clubs over the holidays. Also, they moved the finals and made projects due right after the Christmas break. So, we stopped going there and my parents came to us for Christmas. We used that as an opportunity to have a couples getaway on the first cruise after New Year's when the price dropped. The Grandparents and kids were happy and so were we!

 

Once the oldest was in college he would only be home for a few days, if he came home at all, and then he was off to visit his girlfriend for the remainder of the holiday. We got over it.

 

Things change when your kids grow up and you need to adjust. That kid of ours now has 2 kids of his own and just discovered that his plans for a holiday trip won't fly because his oldest is in band and they have to play in several concerts over the holidays. Band is a course with a grade, not an after school club, and they advised them at the parent's meeting last week that they will be at every event, unless they have a doctor's note, or they will fail the class. They have the schedule for the school year and are expected to follow it.

[CruiseHealing]

First I would tell my son, a senior in high school, the relationship with the Golden Rules and Power. "The one with the gold makes the rules and that gives him or her the power." He is using his sports commitment as his leverage to stay home so he can be with his girl friend.

 

He can practice, train and workout on the ship. Tell him what your expectations are for him until he graduates from high school. He then can decide if he wants the power to go earn his own gold and be his own man. And if he decides to go to college and you are paying for it, then you are still in power until he finishes college.

 

Also tell him this (I used to say this to my kids all time when things like this came up). "This is my decision, this not a debate!"

 

Now, we had similar thing with our daughter in high school. She is a long distance runner and did not want go on a cruise because it would interrupt her training. I told her she was going and that she could run around the track on the ship. Everyday she would run around the track for 3 hours. She actually became somewhat of a celebrity because we would be at dinner, the show or walking around and people would come up to us and say "aren't you that girl that is always running around the ship." It became quite fun!

[ray98]

You can read this thread and tell who has been part of competitive team sports and who hasn't.

[MommaBear55]

You can read this thread and tell who has been part of competitive team sports and who hasn't.

 

So true!

[Seago2]

You can read this thread and tell who has been part of competitive team sports and who hasn't.

 

 

 

Actually you can also tell a lot about parenting styles too.

 

I still don't know what sport the OP's child plays- did I miss it? And can we all compare? Nothing worse than being a crew parent unless it's a hockey parent IMHO. Crew is rain, mud, freezing, baking, waiting waiting waiting, driving, $$$$. I don't know how travel hockey parents do it tho.

 

 

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[cthrn27]

hello. Many years ago, on our first family cruise, we brought my very dedicated high school basketball player. With basketball there is NO good time to travel as the team plays in one form or another all year long. When we boarded, he found the hoop on the ship. He played ball everyday, sometimes several times a day. He met us for MDR dinners, and our excursions. he played ball during all other day light hours. He had a wonderful time. Not my idea of fun, but he was with us, and happy. I guess my point is that you have to do what you think is best. Its only 5 days. It will be over before you know it. Almost as fast, he'll be an adult, doing his own thing. Enjoy the time you have. Hope all works out for you!!

[Little Elm]

You said you usually plan a recovery cruise every year for after Christmas. Has he missed the practice every year of high school? You said that he is now a captain and that is why he feels he should not go. You should feel proud that he is trying to live up to his obligations. He’s only a senior once. If he chooses to stay home let him. The rest of the family can still go, or you can try and reschedule. Possibly a graduation cruise?

[Little Elm]

So true!

 

I don't think that's true. A commitment is a commitment. If the cruise was booked prior to the start of school and the parent had no idea of the schedule that is one thing. But, if the child was part of the team and the schedule was going to involve possible practice or games in December and the parent made the cruise booking anyway, that is totally different.

 

He's a senior one time in his life. The cruise dates can be changed if it's important that all members be there. If the sport (or whatever the practice is for) is important to the child, and I think it's important to him since he's a captain, if he is forced to miss it that is something he will always remember. And not in a good way.

 

Talk to the coach and get their input of missing 3 days.

Edited August 28, 2016 by Little Elm

[MommaBear55]

I don't think that's true. A commitment is a commitment. If the cruise was booked prior to the start of school and the parent had no idea of the schedule that is one thing. But, if the child was part of the team and the schedule was going to involve possible practice or games in December and the parent made the cruise booking anyway, that is totally different.

 

He's a senior one time in his life. The cruise dates can be changed if it's important that all members be there. If the sport (or whatever the practice is for) is important to the child, and I think it's important to him since he's a captain, if he is forced to miss it that is something he will always remember. And not in a good way.

 

Talk to the coach and get their input of missing 3 days.

 

We are in total agreement. That's why I agreed to the statement about being able to tell who had children who had done a competitive sport. Please see my post # 21.

[BallFour4]

We went through this with my sons as well. Both in sports, the youngest now pitching in college. If we cruised, he chose to stay at home if he was training or in season and we respected that. His goal was to pitch in college and that was his priority vs a family cruise and we respected that.

 

Great post above.

 

Eight years of high school and collegiate track meant missed weddings, funerals and vacation opportunities. When she did her internship in accounting she was asked about dedication and teamwork. Her answer was easy, my parents didn't make me miss a game, practice or any other organized event for the team.

 

I have archives of images of our hurdler shot from a Canon 7d and L-series glass. They are more important than anything I've ever see with a funnel in the background.

 

She's a CPA now with one of the big three firms at twenty-six and her interview was built around sports and what I described above. There are a fleet of ships from a couple of dozen mass-market cruises. Test your day planner, not your kids commitment.

 

.

Edited August 28, 2016 by BallFour4

[Little Elm]

We are in total agreement. That's why I agreed to the statement about being able to tell who had children who had done a competitive sport. Please see my post # 21.

 

 

I don't have a kid in sports.:D

[bakersdozen12]

He's practically an adult, and he needs to be allowed to make his own decision. And sorry to say this, but not all of the decisions he is going to make in his adult life are going to be ones that will make you happy. He's not you, he's his own person.

 

 

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Edited August 28, 2016 by bakersdozen12

[BallFour4]

You can read this thread and tell who has been part of competitive team sports and who hasn't.

 

Four bowl game watches, three conference championship rings... all locked in the safe. I can see every game like it was yesterday.

 

.

Edited August 28, 2016 by BallFour4