Do I need a letter from the other parent in this situation?

[Desinico]

So I’m I recently booked a cruise for next year in which I am taking both of my kids and husband. One my sons is from a previous relationship where his father is pretty much nonexistent (sad). I do have communication with him whenever he’s feeling chatty, but that’s when the pigs fly and aliens have showed up in the sky...it’s that rare [emoji58]. Asking him for a letter seems ridiculous. He makes no decisions about my son and is not even around to care. My son has my last name and his dads last name ( I did that for this exact reason). We have never formally went to court for child support or custody. Both me and his father are on the birth certificate. I have documentation of him being the absent father from the courts when I was in the process of filling it with the courts. Do you think this would suffice? I have called ncl as well as looked on the cbp website. But my situation doesn’t relate to any scenarios on there. Anyone had a similar experience?

 

 

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[GeezerCouple]

So I’m I recently booked a cruise for next year in which I am taking both of my kids and husband. One my sons is from a previous relationship where his father is pretty much nonexistent (sad). I do have communication with him whenever he’s feeling chatty, but that’s when the pigs fly and aliens have showed up in the sky...it’s that rare [emoji58]. Asking him for a letter seems ridiculous. He makes no decisions about my son and is not even around to care. My son has my last name and his dads last name ( I did that for this exact reason). We have never formally went to court for child support or custody. Both me and his father are on the birth certificate. I have documentation of him being the absent father from the courts when I was in the process of filling it with the courts. Do you think this would suffice? I have called ncl as well as looked on the cbp website. But my situation doesn’t relate to any scenarios on there. Anyone had a similar experience?

 

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To be safe, and with least risk of being turned away at the last moment, you'll need one of two things:

1) Documentation that you are custodial parent with full authority;

or

2) Documentation that you have permission of the other parent to take the child out of the country.

 

All docs should be "formal", which would mean notarized signature of the other parent.

 

I think NCL has specific forms for this.

 

You'll have NCL to deal with, but also CBC.

 

The concern is to avoid a parent abducting a child without permission, and taking him/her out of the country, leaving the other parent unawares...

 

Others here may report getting by without the formal documents, but that is just luck. It's no guarantee that anyone would have success in the future.

 

I'm not sure what those court docs are you describe. If they are only docs that you planned to submit to the court, or did submit, but the court never acted, that wouldn't help much. Anyone could submit anything, etc. It's what the court decides that matters.

My understanding it that just being a "absent" parent doesn't terminate parental rights, without other legal actions. But IF you've got docs that show termination of parental rights, that should suffice.

 

Good luck.

 

GC

[angeleyez915]

personally here is my situation and the results of the research and many phone calls i made:

 

My youngest son's dad is not involved in our lives at all, at one point I had a protection order against "dad" because of our situation. We were never married by my son does have his dad's last name. Both our names are on the BC. The break up was very bad .. thus the protection order ... When i called to find out what i would have to do, because getting a letter from dad was definitely out of the question, i was told to bring any documentation i had including the copy of the protection order even though that by the time we would set sail the order would be expired. I was told that "chances are you will not be asked to provide anything from dad", however CBP did say that if at any point i was asked for it and could not provide it, the decision would be on CBP to determine if they would permit us to continue with the trip or if we would have to go end the trip and go home. I took the risk and took my son on the trip and was never at any point asked for any of the documentation or a letter from dad giving permission.

 

Recently, through a friend who is a custody lawyer, I found out that my state has a law that states that since the father and I were not married at any point the mother is automatically the 100% custodial parent until the father submits to the courts to request a custody hearing. I have called CBP and they have confirmed that if i bring this documentation of this law with me I do not have to obtain permission from the father as I am considered by default as the custodial parent. I can also now obtain a passport for my son without having the father sign for it using that same documentation.

[Desinico]

personally here is my situation and the results of the research and many phone calls i made:

 

My youngest son's dad is not involved in our lives at all, at one point I had a protection order against "dad" because of our situation. We were never married by my son does have his dad's last name. Both our names are on the BC. The break up was very bad .. thus the protection order ... When i called to find out what i would have to do, because getting a letter from dad was definitely out of the question, i was told to bring any documentation i had including the copy of the protection order even though that by the time we would set sail the order would be expired. I was told that "chances are you will not be asked to provide anything from dad", however CBP did say that if at any point i was asked for it and could not provide it, the decision would be on CBP to determine if they would permit us to continue with the trip or if we would have to go end the trip and go home. I took the risk and took my son on the trip and was never at any point asked for any of the documentation or a letter from dad giving permission.

 

Recently, through a friend who is a custody lawyer, I found out that my state has a law that states that since the father and I were not married at any point the mother is automatically the 100% custodial parent until the father submits to the courts to request a custody hearing. I have called CBP and they have confirmed that if i bring this documentation of this law with me I do not have to obtain permission from the father as I am considered by default as the custodial parent. I can also now obtain a passport for my son without having the father sign for it using that same documentation.

 

 

 

Oh wow! Thank you for sharing your experience! What state are you in? I will look in it.

 

 

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[GeezerCouple]

personally here is my situation and the results of the research and many phone calls i made:

 

My youngest son's dad is not involved in our lives at all, at one point I had a protection order against "dad" because of our situation. We were never married by my son does have his dad's last name. Both our names are on the BC. The break up was very bad .. thus the protection order ... When i called to find out what i would have to do, because getting a letter from dad was definitely out of the question, i was told to bring any documentation i had including the copy of the protection order even though that by the time we would set sail the order would be expired. I was told that "chances are you will not be asked to provide anything from dad", however CBP did say that if at any point i was asked for it and could not provide it, the decision would be on CBP to determine if they would permit us to continue with the trip or if we would have to go end the trip and go home. I took the risk and took my son on the trip and was never at any point asked for any of the documentation or a letter from dad giving permission.

 

Recently, through a friend who is a custody lawyer, I found out that my state has a law that states that since the father and I were not married at any point the mother is automatically the 100% custodial parent until the father submits to the courts to request a custody hearing. I have called CBP and they have confirmed that if i bring this documentation of this law with me I do not have to obtain permission from the father as I am considered by default as the custodial parent. I can also now obtain a passport for my son without having the father sign for it using that same documentation.

 

That's really good to know.

 

For those who are in these situations, IF they are in states like this, I'd suggest getting several copies of this statute, preferably in some sort of official form (so it's clear that one didn't just make up their own PDF, etc.), and keep them for use as necessary. There are a variety of places that could be used, such a school registrations or who knows what. It would be so much easier to have these ready to go.

 

GC

[angeleyez915]

Oh wow! Thank you for sharing your experience! What state are you in? I will look in it.

 

 

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I'm in Ohio. Here is the Ohio statute

 

 

3109.042 Custody rights of unmarried mother.

(A) An unmarried female who gives birth to a child is the sole residential parent and legal custodian of the child until a court of competent jurisdiction issues an order designating another person as the residential parent and legal custodian. A court designating the residential parent and legal custodian of a child described in this section shall treat the mother and father as standing upon an equality when making the designation.

(B) Notwithstanding division (A) of this section, an unmarried female who has been convicted of or pleaded guilty to rape or sexual battery and has been declared under section 3109.501 of the Revised Code to be the parent of a child born as a result of rape or sexual battery shall not be a residential parent and legal custodian of that child.

Cite as R.C. § 3109.042

Amended by 130th General Assembly File No. TBD, SB 207, §1, eff. 3/23/2015.

Effective Date: 01-01-1998 .

[CGinMTL]

Just be careful as crossing any border you must obide by the law of the country you are entering.

 

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[Desinico]

I'm in Ohio. Here is the Ohio statute

 

 

 

 

 

3109.042 Custody rights of unmarried mother.

 

(A) An unmarried female who gives birth to a child is the sole residential parent and legal custodian of the child until a court of competent jurisdiction issues an order designating another person as the residential parent and legal custodian. A court designating the residential parent and legal custodian of a child described in this section shall treat the mother and father as standing upon an equality when making the designation.

 

(B) Notwithstanding division (A) of this section, an unmarried female who has been convicted of or pleaded guilty to rape or sexual battery and has been declared under section 3109.501 of the Revised Code to be the parent of a child born as a result of rape or sexual battery shall not be a residential parent and legal custodian of that child.

 

Cite as R.C. § 3109.042

 

Amended by 130th General Assembly File No. TBD, SB 207, §1, eff. 3/23/2015.

 

Effective Date: 01-01-1998 .

 

 

 

I’m in Texas, so I’ll have to check where I can find out the law. He was actually born in Florida. So idk which one to go by. I’ll look into both. Thanks again.

 

 

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[GeezerCouple]

Also - a problem I just thought about.

 

How would NCL or CBP know that someone in this situation never married the father?

 

???

 

GC

[Desinico]

Also - a problem I just thought about.

 

 

 

How would NCL or CBP know that someone in this situation never married the father?

 

 

 

???

 

 

 

GC

 

 

 

I guess they go by the documents you have and make a decision

 

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[angeleyez915]

Also - a problem I just thought about.

 

How would NCL or CBP know that someone in this situation never married the father?

 

???

 

GC

 

Honestly dont know. Marriages and divorces are public record so I'm sure they could do a simple background search to get that info if needed, when I called CBP they didnt question me on that at all when i was asking my questions on if the statute paperwork I was provided by the attorney friend would be sufficient. They just said that it would be enough and just needed to include the statute identification numbers.

[Desinico]

It does say on the child’s birth certificate if the mother was married or not and the surname if it did change. In my case I was never married to him (thank God) so it does reflect on the bc.

 

 

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[GeezerCouple]

I don’t think it would matter to be honest from the info I have found thus far.

 

 

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Why?

 

How could NCL or CBP have a clue whether the Mother in front of them, with a child and a document about her state's policy about this... how could they know whether she was really never married, or if she had, in fact, been married to the father but he just wouldn't cooperate to give permission to allow her to take the child on the trip?

 

She, the child, and a copy of the statute would appear the same, either way.

 

This is perhaps different from some other situations "at home", because there isn't time (or resources) to somehow quickly find out whether the Mother did or did not ever marry the father.

 

This is interesting... but I'd want some sort of way to know IF this would be accepted.

IF they are just accepting the Mother's "word" that they never married, then... anyone could make that claim even if they had been married.

 

I'm just playing devil's advocate here, because NCL and CBP will presumably be aware of all sorts of ways some other people have tried various scams... or just not been aware of the rules, etc.

 

I'd want something "positive" that showed there WAS sole legal custody.

It sounds like you have time to deal with that.

And it might avoid other problems in the future.

 

GC

[angeleyez915]

Also, since we weren't married at the time that my son was born, the father had to complete an Affidavit of Paternity confirming that he was the biological father for us to be able to get his name on the birth certificate. I still have a certified copy of that which i took with me along with my son's birth certificate. The only thing i was asked for was his state picture ID, they didnt even ask to look at his birth certificate. That was on the Carnival Breeze 8 day cruise i took with both my son's.

[GeezerCouple]

It does say on the child’s birth certificate if the mother was married or not and the surname of it did change. In my case I was never married to him (thank God) so it does reflect on the bc.

 

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Again, as devil's advocate... that does indeed show you weren't married at the time of birth, and I would think that would definitely help.

 

But many of us can think of people - the parents - who married at some point after the birth of the child.

 

This REALLY could get tricky :eek:

 

Without any other documentation, how would NCL or CBP (or some other authority) know whether or not the following had already occurred:

 

"... a court of competent jurisdiction issues an order designating another person as the residential parent and legal custodian..."

 

I just wouldn't want to bet the costs of the trip, not to mention disappointment of everyone involved, to risk this.

 

Maybe there is some legal standard that the birth certificate automatically "stands", but then someone who is later given legal custody as well... might NEVER be able to avoid this type of risk.

 

Yes, tricky.

 

GC

[GUT2407]

If you are in a position to get a letter, and it sounds as if OP is, get it.

 

Her state may say certain things, but the places she visits may have totally different rules.

[angeleyez915]

Again, as devil's advocate... that does indeed show you weren't married at the time of birth, and I would think that would definitely help.

 

But many of us can think of people - the parents - who married at some point after the birth of the child.

 

This REALLY could get tricky :eek:

 

Without any other documentation, how would NCL or CBP (or some other authority) know whether or not the following had already occurred:

 

"... a court of competent jurisdiction issues an order designating another person as the residential parent and legal custodian..."

 

I just wouldn't want to bet the costs of the trip, not to mention disappointment of everyone involved, to risk this.

 

Maybe there is some legal standard that the birth certificate automatically "stands", but then someone who is later given legal custody as well... might NEVER be able to avoid this type of risk.

 

Yes, tricky.

 

GC

 

As stated earlier in my post, i did contact CBP and asked if this statute would be sufficient or of additional proof would be needed. They said that all that would be needed is the statute and the required identification documents such as BC, State ID's, Passports. Obviously if there is question, the OP has the same availability to contact CBP as i did to confirm the information.

[MikeBTN]

My oldest is from my wife’s previous marriage. He has a different name than both of us. We always get a letter signed (and notarized) by his father. We’ve never been asked for it, but I’d much rather be safe than sorry. If you choose not to, then at least bring the court paperwork showing you have full custodial control. Last thing you want to have happen is to show up to port and not be able to board.

[botherme75]

My oldest is from my wife’s previous marriage. He has a different name than both of us. We always get a letter signed (and notarized) by his father. We’ve never been asked for it, but I’d much rather be safe than sorry. If you choose not to, then at least bring the court paperwork showing you have full custodial control. Last thing you want to have happen is to show up to port and not be able to board.

 

 

 

This is what we do too. We will have a notarized letter from his dad when we go on our med cruise. But, I also need to take a series of documents showing my identity since I went back to my maiden name after I got divorced. So, I didn’t go from old married name to new married name. It has certainly made things more complicated.

 

In the OP situation, it doesn’t sound desirable to have contact with the father. I’d suggest contacting a passport agency and see if the docs she has is sufficient to apply for a passport. If so, then surely they are adequate for boarding h the cruise ship.

 

Good luck!

 

 

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[princess_mom]

Recent experience on NCL BA, Nov 19 cruise out of NY. Same situation as OP - since I am listed as the mother on the birth certificate, doesnt matter that DD has a different last name. No letter needed, No problem to board a CLOSED LOOP cruise. One way to different country might be another story. Also, laws of other countries are not a problem, we did not need more than key cards and IDs in ports.

[Desinico]

This is what we do too. We will have a notarized letter from his dad when we go on our med cruise. But, I also need to take a series of documents showing my identity since I went back to my maiden name after I got divorced. So, I didn’t go from old married name to new married name. It has certainly made things more complicated.

 

In the OP situation, it doesn’t sound desirable to have contact with the father. I’d suggest contacting a passport agency and see if the docs she has is sufficient to apply for a passport. If so, then surely they are adequate for boarding h the cruise ship.

 

Good luck!

 

 

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Yes even if I did get in contact with him he is the type of person who wouldn’t do the letter to be spiteful. So that’s why I’m trying to find alternatives.

 

 

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[Desinico]

Recent experience on NCL BA, Nov 19 cruise out of NY. Same situation as OP - since I am listed as the mother on the birth certificate, doesnt matter that DD has a different last name. No letter needed, No problem to board a CLOSED LOOP cruise. One way to different country might be another story. Also, laws of other countries are not a problem, we did not need more than key cards and IDs in ports.

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m hoping the same will work for me.🤞🏽

 

 

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