alibaba1 Posted May 4, 2020 #526 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #527 Share Posted May 4, 2020 I got some powdered water. I don’t know what to add. For every action there is an equal and opposite over reaction. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. One day you are the best thing since sliced bread. The next day you are toast. I want to be rich enough to be considered eccentric instead of nuts. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #528 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Bill Gates and I have a combined fortune of 80 billion dollars. I have a friend who is a billionaire. He invented Cliff’s Notes. I asked him how he got such a great idea and he said, “First I…I just…well, to make a long story short….” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #529 Share Posted May 4, 2020 The trouble with being punctual is there is no one there to appreciate it. I was going to look for my missing watch, but, I could never find the time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #530 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Three people having sex is a threesome, two people having sex is a two some. So, when someone tells you “you are handsome,” don’t take it as a compliment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #531 Share Posted May 4, 2020 How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? I wonder why irons have a setting for Permanent Press? Why do cookies bake and bacon cooks? It remains a puzzle why a bra is singular and panties are plural. No one has ever been in an empty room. It is impossible to dig half a hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #532 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. Why do people never eat clocks? Because it’s really time consuming. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
centurycruiser Posted May 4, 2020 #533 Share Posted May 4, 2020 A friend tried to annoy me with bird puns but I showed him toucan play that game. I hate insect puns. They bug me. Time flies like an arrow but fruit flies like bananas. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raudacruise Posted May 4, 2020 #534 Share Posted May 4, 2020 How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. It’s a hardware problem. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #535 Share Posted May 5, 2020 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #538 Share Posted May 5, 2020 (edited) Edited May 5, 2020 by alibaba1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #546 Share Posted May 5, 2020 Did you hear about the dyslexic police officer? He drove around all night giving out IUDs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #547 Share Posted May 5, 2020 That's a lot better than the one about the cheese factory exploding (debris everywhere....) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #548 Share Posted May 5, 2020 We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #549 Share Posted May 5, 2020 I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alibaba1 Posted May 5, 2020 #550 Share Posted May 5, 2020 The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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