Am I A Bad Mom

[nycruiser1975]

DH and I cannot get a summer schedule that works together to go on vacation with DS, so we thought about going on vacation during the school year. Am I a bad mom for taking DS out of school for a week to sail away? Did not see anything for XMAS leaving NYC. How is sailing in the winter? Are the seas rough? Help:(

[PDAZ]

DH and I cannot get a summer schedule that works together to go on vacation with DS, so we thought about going on vacation during the school year. Am I a bad mom for taking DS out of school for a week to sail away? Did not see anything for XMAS leaving NYC. How is sailing in the winter? Are the seas rough? Help:(

 

I'm sure the teachers weren't thrilled, but I took my two out probably every other year for trips, and they've managed to make it to college. They were told they just couldn't be sick for the rest of the year ;)

[orchid76]

Whether or not to take your children out of school for a cruise can be a very sticky subject on these boards. My opinion has always been and continues to be that YOU are the only one that can make that decision for your family. Everyone can have an opinion, but only you have to live with it. That being said, I've taken my son out of school for vacations before and I'll be taking him out again this coming October. It works for us and that's all that matters. I hope you have a wonderful cruise. Don't look at it as being a "bad mom." Sometimes life experiences are much more important than book learning in a school setting. :) ;)

 

Lisa

[KeystoneCruiser]

I had a parent of one of my students who took her child out of school for 2 weeks in October for each of the last three years. He is not graduating though because he not only didn't make up the work, but also failed the state tests. (funny, looking at the questions he missed, it was material that was covered while gone.)

 

Students think they can just make up the missed work through book work, but there are still things taught in class that can't be made up. (otherwise, all schools would close and everyone would just learn through book work.)

[Droopy_Sails]

If you're going to take your kid out of school, just take him out of school. Don't look for us to validate what you obviously already suspect might be a poor decision (or you wouldn't be asking for reassurance about your parenting skills).

[stever]

We have taken our children out of school many times throughout the years. The deal was for them to do the work they were going to miss before we went on vacation. One year we did a vacation and they were going to miss 11 days on school. While we were gone it snowed a lot. They only missed 2 days on school. They were way ahead of the rest of the class and the teachers even got mad because they knew all the answers (lol). Now, our kids are straight A students and rarely struggle with school. If my child consistently had problems in school I might not have taken them out as often. When we miss work for vacation, the workload usually gets piled up before and after we go. So this is essentially teaching them work skills. Quality time with your children is something they will never forget.

[maurick]

It depends on your school policy. Our high school has 2 hour classes. Miss a day. and its like missing 2 school days.

 

We did it in 4th grade and never did it again. They missed too much.

 

To me. school is first in our family.

[karen2cruz]

No, you are not a bad mom.

 

I didnt mind taking mine out of school for a week when they were younger (grade school), but once they reached junior high/middle school and high school I had to be careful. Sometimes I could do it when there was a 2-3 day school week, easier to make up the work: but for the most part I stick to Christmas, spring breaks or summers.

 

It depends on the kid too. Some are so academically advanced, missing a week might not even make a dent in their grades. Only you know what's best for your kids.

 

Now, our school district has changed the attendance policy, making it very difficult to miss more than 2-3 of "unexcused" school days per term. Medical reasons or school related activities do not count towards those days.

 

Good luck finding a cruise that works for your family.

[CC Help Michell]

As a teacher (elementary) and an avid traveler, I struggle with these questions. Only you really know what is right for you and your kids. Considering the time I put into lesson planning, to make the subjects real and meaningful for the kids (which creates lasting learning) -- I hate it when children miss those lessons, both for them and for me. If that happens (regardless of whether the cause is an illness or a family vacation -- neither is the child's "fault") I go out of my way to try to help the child catch up with supplemental materials or after school help. But when the same or a related topic comes up later in the year, and they are lost, I don't have time to go back and re-create the exciting lesson the rest of the class remembers. I feel bad about it, but there are only 180-190 school days in a year, and I also have to teach today's interesting lesson.

 

At the same time, there IS educational value in travel, exposure to different cultures, etc. (provided the parent takes that part of the travel seriously and works to help the child grasp the lessons to be learned -- taking a week off school and spending it at the hotel pool or at the Magic Kingdom riding Splash Mountain doesn't qualify, in my book!).

 

Wrestling with these issues doesn't make you a "bad mom," but I'd say you have to honestly (and as objectively as possible) assess your child's abilities. Children are different -- a child who needs constant supervision and redirection to grasp lessons, who struggles with new concepts, who barely maintains a "C" average -- will be put much further behind the curve by missing a week of school than a child who grasps new ideas instantly and revels in academic achievement.

 

Beyond that, I don't really think anonymous posters on a message board who don't know your child can actually give you helpful advice, or "validate" your decisions -- only you can do that.

[Cosmopolitan]

DH and I cannot get a summer schedule that works together to go on vacation with DS, so we thought about going on vacation during the school year. Am I a bad mom for taking DS out of school for a week to sail away? Did not see anything for XMAS leaving NYC. How is sailing in the winter? Are the seas rough? Help:(

 

How can you be a "bad" parent if you are trying hard to take your child along on vacation? Many parents leave their children behind without a thought.

 

You did not say the age/grade level of your son.

 

We always took our children on vacation during school time when they were in grade school.

We tried to time it around school vacation time so that they only missed a few days of classes.

Traveling when most schools are in-session gives you the advantage of less crowds.

 

I always spoke to the teachers and they cooperated thoroughly.

They assigned the work to be done on vacation and they (our children) did not miss a beat when they returned to class.

 

You know what your child can handle and if missing a few days of class will be/not be a problem for him.

 

Good luck with your decision:)

[BethCarp]

You have the best excuse! I don't particularly like taking my son out of school but I do not want to cruise during breaks when it's most expensive AND most crowded. Sorry, not gonna do that. My son will only be in 1st grade though and he'll only miss 3-1/2 days.

 

Make sure to check your school's policy on vacation time. Some schools don't give excused absences for vacation.

[Andy99]

In my business My work load does not let me take off when the kids are off from school. I have slow times when the kids are in school. So my family goes on vacation when i can. The teachers are always complaining about how much the kids forget over summer break. Then school should be Year round so only missing a week to go on a family vacation would not be as bad as missing the whole summer.

[turs]

I am a teacher and would like to reiterate what many people have said. Please check with your child's school to find out the attendance policy. In Florida there are state laws that mandate a child must fail if he misses too many days in a year, even if he passes the subject or grade level. If the child is younger and a fairly strong student, he should be fine. I would think long and hard before taking an older child out of school that long. As a teacher I like to know that the child is on vacation. There is nothing funnier than getting a note stating the child was sick for a week, and the child hands it to you while saying, "Guess what? We went on a cruise!" :) Enjoy it if you do go and think of all of us slaving away at school.

[rebeccalouise]

I don't think any parent is bad for wanting to take their child on an expensive trip.

 

Having said that, my son is the youngest in his class (Maryland now has a cut off of September for all kids entering Kindergarten) My son is September 2nd birthday is competing with kids almost one year older. So if I were to take him out of school- he might not keep up and the board of education absolutely discourages vacations during the school year.

 

So I absolutely will not do it.

 

For example, my father offered me and my two sons an all expense paid trip and 15 night cruise to South America in January. It is a $ 15,000 value. I said no, because both my kids are in school. That's that. Am I sorry, no. Do I feel deprived- no. School is very important. It is the kids- job of sorts. If you take your kids out of school- what are you telling them about school?

[sarahruth23]

Like everyone else has said, it's a decision that you have to make and people have very strong opinions on it.

 

Let me start by saying that, no, it doesn't make you a bad mom! Just the fact that you care enough to consider the consequences tells me that!

 

Having said that - I'm a teacher. I teach kindergarten, so many people would say it's "only" kindergarten but I won't get started on that :) To me, vacation is not an acceptable reason for missing school in any situation. Even though I know you don't say it to your child and you probably don't believe it, the message you send when you that - especially if you do it repeatedly - is "School is what we do when we're not on vacation. This is not something that we feel is important enough to commit to." I know you don't feel that way, but kids learn more from our actions than our words.

 

 

No, it's probably not going to ruin your child forever. And yes, travel is educational - but in a very different way than school.

 

Know this, too - very likely, no matter what he/she actually feels, when you talk to your child's teacher they will smile and say they are happy for them to go. I mean, really, what else can they say? Usually once you tell them you're going, you've probably already made the plans and it's not worth ruining a relationship over. The only time in my classroom that I've talked to a parent about this is when a child missed two weeks of school - one with mom and one with dad - and was falling behind because of it.

 

So do what you think is right - I'm sure that either way your son will turn out ok ;)

[whatawonderfulworld]

Like everyone else has said, it's a decision that you have to make and people have very strong opinions on it.

 

Let me start by saying that, no, it doesn't make you a bad mom! Just the fact that you care enough to consider the consequences tells me that!

 

Having said that - I'm a teacher. I teach kindergarten, so many people would say it's "only" kindergarten but I won't get started on that :) To me, vacation is not an acceptable reason for missing school in any situation. Even though I know you don't say it to your child and you probably don't believe it, the message you send when you that - especially if you do it repeatedly - is "School is what we do when we're not on vacation. This is not something that we feel is important enough to commit to." I know you don't feel that way, but kids learn more from our actions than our words.

 

Just wanted to get off a quick note to let you know that there is one person here in NY that would never ever say "only kindergarten." My beloved great niece is in kindergarten learning stuff I didn't hear about until 3rd grade. Thank you so much for the hard work you do...you are all terrific!

 

Regarding the OP...it sounds to me as if you have reservations about your plan right from the get go. I'm all for family togetherness, but isn't there some alternative vacation you could pursue that doesn't result in taking your child out of school? What does this instill in a child...going to school isn't the priority?

 

Ciao,

 

W A W W

[teencruiser18]

As I'm only 18, I don't have kids of my own, but to all of you saying: "what message does this send about school?", I say, "what message does this send about family?" I would rather a child value his/her family than think that going to school is the be-all, end-all. Just as a comparison: I missed a week of school in my junior year of high school, during which I was taking 2 AP and 2 honors courses. Where did I go? I traveled to Moscow and Siberia with my dad to adopt my little sister. Did this kill my school career? No, I was accepted into my first choice (private) university, and have been offered more than enough merit based aid, through Navy ROTC and the university to completely cover a private college education. Moral of the story? It is unlikely that your child will suffer life long consequences from a vacation. Enjoy spending time with him!

[lagbunch8]

"School is what we do when we're not on vacation. This is not something that we feel is important enough to commit to." I know you don't feel that way, but kids learn more from our actions than our words.

 

What do you call the time frame between June and September?

 

We call it summer Vacation here. So, yes school is what we do when we are not on vacation. Just as adults would say that they work when they are not on vacation.

[mitsguy2001]

My high school (a public high school in NY, and I was in high school from 1993-1997) had a policy that if you miss 5 days of school in a quarter, for any reason (including illness or a funeral), you got an incomplete in all your classes. It was a ridiculous policy, in my opinion. During one quarter, I missed 2 days when my uncle died, and then later in the quarter I got bronchitis. After missing 2 days with bronchitis, I had no choice but to return to school the 3rd day (luckily, the last day of the quarter, and the last day before spring break) to avoid getting an incomplete, even though I was still very sick. I often wondered how many students' and teachers' spring break I ruined by them catching bronchitis from me.

 

You should make sure before booking a trip that your school does't have a policy similar to mine.

[lagbunch8]

I am a teacher and would like to reiterate what many people have said. Please check with your child's school to find out the attendance policy. In Florida there are state laws that mandate a child must fail if he misses too many days in a year, even if he passes the subject or grade level. If the child is younger and a fairly strong student, he should be fine. I would think long and hard before taking an older child out of school that long. As a teacher I like to know that the child is on vacation. There is nothing funnier than getting a note stating the child was sick for a week, and the child hands it to you while saying, "Guess what? We went on a cruise!" :) Enjoy it if you do go and think of all of us slaving away at school.

 

 

How many absences until a child fails according to this Law you speak of? I am wondering because I have 6 children in public school in FL and I have never been given an attendance policy that states a set # of days as a limit.

 

Also, a parent writing a note for an absence makes it "excused" in my school district. As far as vacations they simply ask you fill out a form if you child will be taking time off for vacation and then the absences are excused. I did it this year and not even an eyebrow was raised by anyone. My kids missed 5 days and did not even have work to make up when they got back.

 

To the OP -- My kids(ages 12-5) are A/B honor roll and A honor roll students with very little absences throughout the year. My kids teachers were wonderful about the whole thing. I'm sure they understand that as much as I appreciate a great teacher, they do not dictate how I raise my kids or when we take a vacation. Do what works for and is best for your family and your child. Only you know what that is.

 

Mary

[beachchick]

As a teacher (elementary) and an avid traveler, I struggle with these questions. Only you really know what is right for you and your kids. Considering the time I put into lesson planning, to make the subjects real and meaningful for the kids (which creates lasting learning) -- I hate it when children miss those lessons, both for them and for me. If that happens (regardless of whether the cause is an illness or a family vacation -- neither is the child's "fault") I go out of my way to try to help the child catch up with supplemental materials or after school help. But when the same or a related topic comes up later in the year, and they are lost, I don't have time to go back and re-create the exciting lesson the rest of the class remembers. I feel bad about it, but there are only 180-190 school days in a year, and I also have to teach today's interesting lesson.

 

At the same time, there IS educational value in travel, exposure to different cultures, etc. (provided the parent takes that part of the travel seriously and works to help the child grasp the lessons to be learned -- taking a week off school and spending it at the hotel pool or at the Magic Kingdom riding Splash Mountain doesn't qualify, in my book!).

 

Wrestling with these issues doesn't make you a "bad mom," but I'd say you have to honestly (and as objectively as possible) assess your child's abilities. Children are different -- a child who needs constant supervision and redirection to grasp lessons, who struggles with new concepts, who barely maintains a "C" average -- will be put much further behind the curve by missing a week of school than a child who grasps new ideas instantly and revels in academic achievement.

 

Beyond that, I don't really think anonymous posters on a message board who don't know your child can actually give you helpful advice, or "validate" your decisions -- only you can do that.

 

Loud applause! All the retired and current teachers in my family would heartily agree. (That includes me.) Sometimes parents don't take into account how their child's absence can affect something later in the year or how much additional work it usually requires from the child's teachers.

 

beachchick

[mountaingurl]

I'm doing the same thing. I can only use my vacation time when my boss takes off, so I have no choice.

[Casshew]

It gets harder as the kids get older. I don't know how old the OP's son is, but if he's not in highschool I say go for it.

 

I am taking my DD out of school in November to see the pyramids, rome, paris etc...

[rebeccalouise]

I don't know what kind of boss you have but that doesn't sound reasonable. I guess I am just lucky. I take an unpaid vacation whenever I want as long as I have some one to cover for me.

 

I have two kids and they have done really well in school but my older son had trouble with Math and wouldn't have wanted him to miss a week of school.

 

Believe me, there are always better deals off season- I understand the temptation but I just simply limit myself to the weeks that my kids are out of school.

[leenie29]

I wouldn't take my kids out of school for a Caribbean cruise or a trip to Disney but a Med cruise is totally different.

 

We went this past Thanksgiving on the Galaxy from Rome to Greece and Turkey. My son who is 7th grade got to see the places he was studying in social studies. Everyday he would email his social studies class from the ship (I brought my laptop) what he saw each day. The class would email him questions and he would answer them. My 3rd grader teacher played Where in the World is Jared and we also emailed his class daily. Both kids brought back snack food from each country we visited (M & M's in Turkish, Greek and Italian) to share with the class. Since it was an educational trip I made sure it was very education for them. The school considered this an educational vacation for them.