Am I A Bad Mom

[Nliedel]

This is a hot button issue on the boards. My husband has to work while the kids are out of school. Vacationing without him is not appealing. I'm going to do it, but it's not a family vacation. In order to have the family together, we need to travel while school is in session. I don't like to pull them, but I am not going to be made guilty about it. We do the best we can for our families. That's all we can ever do.

[rebeccalouise]

Priorities. I think that we teach our kids what we value. You are taking your kids on vacation with you and that shows that you care about them- regardless of whether or not they are missing school. That is the number one message you are giving your kids.

 

They will catch up on a week's worth of schoolwork and have a great time with their parents. Life is too short not to have a great family vacation!

 

My only grip is with people that are trying to save money and go off season. While I understand the temptation and would prefer to be on less crowded cruises myself- money alone is not a good reason to take kids out of school. At least on a regular basis. An exception might be a European cruise. But a Caribbean cruise is not a learning experience and not a good excuse to take kids out of school.

[Nliedel]

The other thing is what they are learning on vacation. I learned more on vacation than I ever did in school, which was a NIGHTMARE for me. I took things way too personally and cried a lot. Can you say, outcast? I thought you could. I still do, but I cry at home and no one knows :D

 

My family took me to Europe, Brazil, Jamaica, all over when I was school age. I learned to appreciate our country and also to appreciate the lifestyle of others. I spent a lot of time at historical places and read the history of all of them. I eventually majored in, The Theory, History and Practice of Religion. No, I didn't do anything with it, but I use a lot of the settings I visited in my writing to this day.

 

I learned a lot in the Caribbean. Snorkeling taught me about the underwater world. I love travel for kids and wish I could travel with mine, like I did. No, the outcast thing was not because of the travel. Wish it was that easy. Sigh.

[CruiseKidz]

This is a hot button issue on the boards. My husband has to work while the kids are out of school. Vacationing without him is not appealing. I'm going to do it, but it's not a family vacation. In order to have the family together, we need to travel while school is in session. I don't like to pull them, but I am not going to be made guilty about it. We do the best we can for our families. That's all we can ever do.

 

I totally agree with you. I have done the holidays without my husband, overseas to see my family and it just isn't the same. This year we will holiday together in Europe we are all very excited, all get's back to personal choice and what is important to us.

[rebeccalouise]

I traveled alot as a kid and still do as an adult but my parents never took us out of school. My mom was a teacher and I learned more from my Mom probably than I did in school. But my mother felt that it showed a lack of respect for our teachers to travel during the school year. As a teacher she knew what it was like to have to get the kids up to speed upon their return.

Unfortuneately things like math are building blocks and it is hard for parents to teach these concepts-at least in my case. So I really don't like to take my kids out of school for vacation.

So far my kids have been more places than I have! My father takes my older son all over the world during his breaks from school.

I am very lucky to have traveled but when I cruise- it is for me. I like to just relax and thankfully there is a Fun Factory. When I was married-we always did trips to visit with family and that was great too. But as a single parent, it is easier for me to cruise. I am glad my little boy likes it but that isn't a justification to take him out of school.

In any event, travel and school can work in harmony. We are doing Europe this summer and he can go back to school in the fall and have a real comprehension of where all these places are.

I think it is great that parents take their kids along on cruises. I did a cruise in January with all the adults in my family and was counting the days until I got to see my son. Never again!

[azbaby8062]

I am lucky that I work where my son will be attending school next school year, so he won't be missing any school because we are out. Since we are a modified school year calendar, I won't have to worry about not having the option of travelling during off-peak season when prices are cheaper.

 

However, when I was teaching and not in administration, as long as my parents requested material beforehand, I had no problem. Now that may be different when kids are in the uppper grades, it may be hard for them to grasp the concept through seat work alone. Some things are better grasped when they actually go through the lesson. I also had no problem having them stay after for tutoring if they needed it to catch up.

 

As long as it was not a pattern. :)

[sgttami]

Yep, took my son out of school for travel years ago...(he's 28 and married now)

 

I really didn't see where a week here and there was going to make a difference in his education, especially at a young age.

 

First time (he was 7) I went throught the protocol and spoke with his teacher who was a wonderful lady and said..."GO"..he will not miss much since it was October and early in the school year. At the time my son was in the advanced classes so I didn't worry about school work.. Second time was about five years later. With due respect to teachers, this woman was a witch. I finally had to tell her that I wasn't asking permission to take my son out of school but that we would be away for such and such dates and please provide me with whatever I need so that my son could keep up with schoolwork.. She just ranted about the evils of taking children out of school. Long story short...we travelled, no problems.

 

Other than those travel times, my son never missed a day of school, grammar school and high school included so I don't think it was really a big deal.

 

Pam

[rebeccalouise]

My son is in first grade and there were 29 students in his class this year. Children are sick from time to time and the teacher has to remember to send home the missing homework for the days missed. On top of that if every parent decided to take their kids out of school for a non vacation week- this might add up to 29 weeks worth of material for the teacher to try to catch the kids up with! This is obviously not going to happen. But let's say that 10 students go on trips during the school year. That is alot of work for the teacher to have to provide ahead of time.

Do people know how hard teachers work? I don't think so. I think the reason they have summers off is so they don't kill the students, the parents or themselves.

I still have respect for teachers. Too bad some parents use it as daycare.

[ladypalmtree]

Rules are Rules...if you take your child out of school during the school year...you are teaching them that they do not have to follow the rules. It is not the teachers job to treat you child "special"...Summer and school holidays are the time to travel. If you cannot follow the rules... then take your child out of school and Homeschool them. These are the kids that can grow up and think alll ruled do not apply to them. It is not fair to your child or the teacher...jmho...:rolleyes:

[Captain Canuck]

..just kidding....if all teachers were dedicated to making every day a worthwhile learning experience missing school might be bad for your kids...given the amount of time teachers phone it in, show videos or otherwise coast I say travel is better for the kids...especially if you get assignments for them to do while away...perhaps a report on the areas they visit.

[rebeccalouise]

What planet are you from!!!! Most teachers come to school even when they are sick- because they want to be there with the kids. Most teachers genuinely care about the kids and that is why it is probably very difficult for them when kids have that blank look on their face.

 

I know that I had that blank look on my face in math class. I had to be tutored and still got a "C" in math. Just not my subject. My parents couldn't teach me math either. Not their subject. So missing school would have been disasterous for me. So, my parents wisely only traveled in the summer. Then we went to England and or Bermuda. It was great.

 

Why does it have to be an either or decision. Yes, travel is a wonderful learning experience that enhances the classroom experience. People here are saying one is more valuable than the other. I don't think that is true.

 

My mother was a special ed teacher. She said that she would have never home schooled us because she couldn't give us the well rounded education that we would get in school- Music, Art, Gym, Science, History, English, Industrial Arts and dreaded Math. A week of missed school is essentially 25 hours of classroom instruction (taking into consideration a 30 minute lunch break each day). Could you or would you actually devoted 25 hours to get your child up to speed. Why take a vacation that is going to stress out your probably already stressed out kid?

[Captain Canuck]

sorry but I am old and jaded. my closest involvement with American teachers is also the ones who appear on Jaywalking on the Leno show. I also personally experienced a lot of mediocre teaching growing up. That being said, I was mostly going for a cheap laugh. I think my shallow intent was forecast by my calling somebody I do not know a bad mom. So relax. Its all good.

[rebeccalouise]

I live in middle America- where people respect teachers and kids know that we respect teachers. We respect policemen and our neighbors- maybe this is passe in the rest of the US- but not in Timonium Maryland. We don't have to lock our doors- I haven't locked my door in over a year- except when on vacation. We watch out for each other. We say please and thank you. These are just the norms of society in my neck of the woods.

Teachers are considered to be the best of all professions. My teacher wrote a note home about how my son was habitually five minutes late each morning. It has never happened again. I was so embarrassed.

 

The world should be like my hometown. I read so many posts on the bad kids, bad parents- bad world. Thankfully nothing has changed in Timonium Maryland-except my age. Its a great place to raise a family!

[Captain Canuck]

..the creeps read ..or have their lawyers read for them...they are all headed for Maryland and the unlocked doors

[Onessa]

What planet are you from!!!! Most teachers come to school even when they are sick- because they want to be there with the kids. Most teachers genuinely care about the kids . . . . A week of missed school is essentially 25 hours of classroom instruction (taking into consideration a 30 minute lunch break each day). Could you or would you actually devoted 25 hours to get your child up to speed. Why take a vacation that is going to stress out your probably already stressed out kid?

 

My DD has had mostly great teachers (this past year was a notable exception!). However to respond to your comment --

1) I would prefer if my DD's teacher WOULD call in sick when he/she is sick -- we don't need any more germs floating around out there than we already have!

2) Teachers are not ALL that dedicated. Many took up the career for other reasons.

3) Many teachers DO miss school. Our DD's kindergarten teacher had a sub about 80% of all Friday afternoons (at minimum the afternoons)-- she coached college tennis. Her 5th grade teacher scheduled two separate elective surgeries during the school year because she did not want to "waste" her summer recovering from either. One of the other fourth grade teachers took 1.5 weeks off to go to Europe during the school year. Just some examples.

4) the school district is more than happy to pull teachers from the schools at whim. Since the school district does not want to pay ANY days that are not contracted for, they will pull the teachers on a school day for manditory in-service training. It is cheaper to pull the regular teacher and hire a sub than it is to extend the teachers' contract days.

Our school district cut 14 aid positions, 2 teacher positions, turned 2 FT positions into PT but somehow managed to ADD six FT adminstrators.

 

Back to my original point (see several points back). You need to know YOUR child, do what is right for YOUR child, and be prepared to deal with any administrative consequences. There is not a "one size fits all" answer.

[lexxity]

No you are not a bad Mum. Education does not all take place in the classroom. There is a world out there and it can't all be seen through books!

 

I was taken out of school and I still got a good education. Some of my teachers at high school (well most) were the pits. I will take my son out of primary school when he goes, all this fuss over missing a few days of basic education is just plain daft! I won't take him out during vital exams in later years. He is only a child once and taking him to see the world and get a properly rounded education is the best grounding I can give him. I refuse to hot house my child with his focus solely on school and grades.

 

Feel free to flame away.

[rebeccalouise]

why can't your child attend school and see the world? They get plenty of holidays from school.

[Workmom2]

I think that it is up to the parent to take the child out of school or not- there are so many variables to this question that one answer cannot fit all!

With that said, I do not believe that my decision to take my son out of school for a week was a bad one. In fact, I think he learned a lot in Mexico that he would not have in the class room. I think that the parent needs to figure out what is good for the child, and in our case, it was good for him to:

speak Spanish, swim with dolphins, learn to interact with new kids at the kids club, eat in the dining room and try new foods, see whales in the sea, expierence a new culture...ect, ect. you get my point!

Heated topic, flame me if you want- I am taking my son this year on an October cruise during school break and he cannot wait (neither can I) :)

[lexxity]

School holidays mean prices rise by at least 100% over here, plus taking him to some countries during the summer holidays would be out of the question due to temperatures. So I would take him to places when it suited us. I will also take him to places he would be studying on his curriculum over weekends if they are in Europe.

 

If the destination was the Caribbean/South America/North America again I would go when it was convienient for us with regards to weather.

 

As I said, I won't take him when it comes to his proper exams. (14-16) (16-18), but I will not be dictated to by ridiculous national tests on 7 year olds that just categorise children by percentages not aptitude, personality and common sense. Children should be allowed to be children and not hot housed for some league table.

[rebeccalouise]

I think that it is up to the parent to take the child out of school or not- there are so many variables to this question that one answer cannot fit all!

With that said, I do not believe that my decision to take my son out of school for a week was a bad one. In fact, I think he learned a lot in Mexico that he would not have in the class room. I think that the parent needs to figure out what is good for the child, and in our case, it was good for him to:

speak Spanish, swim with dolphins, learn to interact with new kids at the kids club, eat in the dining room and try new foods, see whales in the sea, expierence a new culture...ect, ect. you get my point!

Heated topic, flame me if you want- I am taking my son this year on an October cruise during school break and he cannot wait (neither can I) :)

 

The point I was making- was why can't you travel during his school breaks? No one is saying the travel and family bonding aren't great. In fact, we travel twice a year for this purpose. But if the kids are off school and are going to be in daycare or some sort- then why not go on a vacation instead. I work, so when he is off school... I try to spend time together. When he is going to be in school anyway, I may as well work. I don't see why if they have 10 days at Christmas, 10 days over Easter, and 10 weeks off in the summer- that my child needs more to miss school. Just my take on the situation. I planned for our spring break already. If you do it far enough in advance- it isn't a problem.

[Nliedel]

This is a hot-button issue for me.

 

Some people can't take their kids on vacation during the school breaks. I suspect other parents are doing the very best they can and juggling as much as they can. Sometimes, people come on here and get very critical of the parenting style and ability of other posters. This can lead to some very hurt feelings. I feel that asking posters to give reasons why they can't parent a certain way is a little intrusive. It also can make some people feel pushed into a corner and feel they have to reply to be polite, then other posters criticize the reason.

 

If someone is pulling their kids from school, maybe the best thing to do is think they have a good reason, instead of assuming they don't care about their children's education.

[rebeccalouise]

I don't think the occasional family vacation that means missing school is the end of the world- or a child's education. I never said that.

But I do think it is a slippery slope to plan year after year to take kids out of school.

 

No parent knows how the child is going to be doing in school or what events might be coming up.

 

For example- one year we had to cancel a summer vacation because my son's baseball season ran long and he felt an obligation to his team. So, we didn't go on vacation that year.

 

I do think that we send mixed messages to the kids- when unexcused absences are not permitted at my school. The teacher- will not give work ahead of time- because the absences are in essence "illegal". That's life. The teachers are not paid for their vacation time if they get back one day after the break. It is very strict in my state. So, by breaking the rules- my son would be getting a mixed message.

 

The OP asked a question. But people here just don't want to hear another opinion because it is easier to hear what you want to hear.

[Nliedel]

I don't have a problem with another opinion. Everyone is going to feel as they need to. I also did not quote you, Rebecca, cause I was not replying to you, per se, just replying in general.

 

I have a problem when people start asking personal questions about why a parent can't take their kids at another time. I would feel the same way about someone asking me how much a poster makes, etc.

[rebeccalouise]

My question was a general question- when I asked why can't you take a vacation during the school breaks? I am sure my local school board thinks that it is possible for kids to travel during these times. It is. I am sorry but I don't think that it isn't possible to travel during the multitude of times kids are off school. Look at the school calender- there are plenty of long weekends in there- as well as the usual holidays.

 

I have had so many opportunities to travel with my retired parents- who would pay for everything. But I simply have drawn a line in the sand and said that it has to be during the school year. So, I'll miss out on South American and Tahiti next year- sobeit. There will be time for these things when I get older. So, for now, I have resigned myself to the fact that we travel over Easter and Summer. So far, we have gone to Colorado, taken 13 cruises and this will be my son's second trip to Europe. It is possible- you just have to make it happen.

[Nliedel]

In my case my husband cannot take time off in the summer, easter break or winter break. So I guess we should just travel without him. My point is, that those reasons are personal and not anyone's business. Just cause you can travel then, does not mean everyone can.

 

I will not take two special needs kids on vacation without my husband. If you would like to take them on school breaks, I will be happy to supply you with my address. Sound miffed? I am. I don't know why you are beating this point like this. I can't do it. Others cannot as well. It's a personal decision.