Am I A Bad Mom

[jetskier]

In Mississippi, you are allowed up to 12 unexcused absences. The 13th one causes you to fail for the school year. We are taking our two daughters with us on our Sept 2nd cruise. I have a seasonal business where I cannot get away while the kids are out of school. I also planned the cruise where they would only miss four days of school.

 

We are also going on a 15 day cruise in November. It would mean my children would miss too many days and thusly cannot go with us. I am having to bribe my mom with a cruise so she will babysit for us in November. She just retired and there is no way she could afford to take one at this present time.

 

Dave

[mitsguy2001]

It sounds like my school had by far the strictest policy, where we got an incomplete for any 5 absences in a quarter, even if they were "excused". I'm glad to hear that other schools don't have the same policy.

[Cruisin' Chick]

Our school district is tight on the unexcused absences too. We took our girl out of school for a week when she was in kindergarten because we had been given a chance to get an employees discount for a cruise. I talked to the teacher (I already knew at least one other child had been taken out for a trip that year) and she gave me the homework package ahead of time.

 

Since then, we haven't scheduled any vacations while she was in school. Unfortunately this year our child has had very bad hay fever which meant she missed many days of school. I tried to get the homework whenever possible (even though that meant I often had to get her out of bed and drive her to the school just to do so) so she wouldn't be too far behind. She still seems to be doing fine (probably one of the top kids in her class even with all those absences). It's just too bad that schools are under such pressure because of the LNKB Act that teachers and students have to deal with it too (there seems to be much learning to take tests, rather than learning to learn, imo). Even when kids are off for breaks, they are given homework to turn in when they return, and in the summer time, they get a workbook to complete. So if a family waits to take a vacation when the kids are off, the kids really don't get a full break from school.

 

BTW, let's not judge parents who work at jobs that dictate when they can take vacation. Many people don't have the flexibility. Many people can select their work based on when they get time off.

[mjmalino]

In my kids' district, and in the neighboring one that I teach in, if a child is going to miss between 5 and continuous 20 days for such things as vacations, etc. they can apply for an independent contract. With the independent contract, the teachers give the student all of the work that they would be doing in class during that time, and in order to receive credit for the work, it must be turned in the day they return. Also, a child who is on an independent contract does not receive any absences for missing school. I realize that taking school work on a vacation may not be the ideal situation, BUT, you may be able to get some of it done before you go or when you get back, if you have a day or two. I tried to get one for my kids in November when my dad died and we needed to fly from CA to PA, but there was not enough time to get it together, so my kids ended up missing the days and them being considered excused absences.

 

Anyway, it is something to think about.

[jahck]

I am taking my daughter out for our cruise. I simply can't afford a cruise during the summer and she is ahead of the class. I have no second thoughts about it. I will tell the school, next year, my intentions and if they have a problem then too bad. she will learn more in the week on the cruise then she would learn in a month at the school. i would like to see the school hold her back that would be funny.

[Droopy_Sails]

she will learn more in the week on the cruise then [sic] she would learn in a month at the school.

 

Give me a break.

 

People who really, truly can't get off work in the summer or during kids' school breaks--that's one thing. But the people who can, well...

 

I have grudging respect for any parent who will stand up and honestly say, "I know that taking my kid away from her/his job--school--is sending a message that might have repercussions down the road. I don't want to or can't pay summer cruise prices and I don't want to take another, more affordable family vacation during the summer instead. I am aware that 'quality time' between parents and kids is possible at any time, not just on a cruise ship. Look, I admit that I am doing what I want to do and it's not necessarily in my kid's best interest."

 

Who will be really honest and say that, instead of coming up with this "they'll learn more on a cruise ship than they will in school" business and other rationalizations?

[BethCarp]

I don't know what kind of boss you have but that doesn't sound reasonable. I guess I am just lucky. I take an unpaid vacation whenever I want as long as I have some one to cover for me./QUOTE]

Yeah I guess you are lucky. Some people can't take a vacation whenever they want. And some people can't take an unpaid vacation either. It's shocking that you don't understand that.

I am taking my daughter out for our cruise. I simply can't afford a cruise during the summer and she is ahead of the class. I have no second thoughts about it. I will tell the school, next year, my intentions and if they have a problem then too bad. she will learn more in the week on the cruise then she would learn in a month at the school. i would like to see the school hold her back that would be funny.

I can understand wanting to cruise when you can afford it, but that's a harsh attitude. Your daughter is not going to learn more in one week on the cruise than one month on school. Come on. That's just ridiculous. If you want to take your kid on a cruise then do it. That's your right. But don't try to oversell the benefits of an "education at sea".

[rebeccalouise]

A Caribbean cruise is NOT a learning experience. It is a vacation and the kids should have fun and relax.

 

If you are bowed and determined to take your child out of school- then make sure they get the work ahead of time if possible.

[teencruiser18]

Judging by the attitudes on here, some of you spent a little too much time in school, and could have used a little more time to relax!

[mitsguy2001]

Our school district is tight on the unexcused absences too.

 

My district was tight on ALL absences: both excused and unexcused. Remember my post where I nearly got an incomplete when my uncle died and then I got bronchitis, and had to return to school when still very sick to avoid the incomplete.

[turs]

In response to the earlier question about FL law, I think it is over 30 days that the child is automatically retained, and, yes, there are children who miss almost that much in a year. Our middle school sends out a letter for an attendance child study after the first 10 absences. After a certain number of absences (10 or 15) the child must have a note from a doctor for it to be excused. Usually, it is the same children with excessive absences year after year.

[mitsguy2001]

I don't know what kind of boss you have but that doesn't sound reasonable. I guess I am just lucky. I take an unpaid vacation whenever I want as long as I have some one to cover for me./QUOTE]

Yeah I guess you are lucky. Some people can't take a vacation whenever they want. And some people can't take an unpaid vacation either. It's shocking that you don't understand that.

 

I can understand wanting to cruise when you can afford it, but that's a harsh attitude. Your daughter is not going to learn more in one week on the cruise than one month on school. Come on. That's just ridiculous. If you want to take your kid on a cruise then do it. That's your right. But don't try to oversell the benefits of an "education at sea".

 

In fact, I'll go as far as to say that most people cannot just take a vacation whenever they want to, and most people are not allowed to take an unapaid vacation.

 

In fact, sometimes, it is not possible for someone to even go on a vacation with their spouse. In the company that I work for, no one was allowed to take any time off during the summer of 2003, since we had a huge deadline on the day after Labor Day. One of my coworkers had a wife who was a teacher, so she was not able to go on vacation during the school year. They had no kids yet. So, unfortunately, the wife had to go on vacation by herself during the summer, and the guy had to go on vacation by himself during September.

[crusinmama06]

I've talked about this about 15 times before on this board so I'll say it again. :D

 

I DO take my daughter out of school...but she is only in the 1st grade right now. She attends a private school. I am on THEIR school board and VERY involved with the school. I have talked to both the principal and her teacher at length about this topic and they are perfectly fine with it. When I asked the principal if Morgan would ever receive "unexcused absences" the principal replied "Why, we know where she is." :)

 

I own my own company so we CAN travel any time we want. Since we chose to cruise 3 times in one year...we made one for December (not during vacation time because the cruise we wanted was booked those weeks) one during April on my 3 year old's birthday and one for August (the week BEFORE school goes back into session)

 

During the summer months, we're heading to a beach resort, Disney and a whole list of amusement parks that aren't open in the winter months while school is in session.

 

We travel ALOT.

 

I will cut back when the kids are older. But for now, they are only little ONCE. Morgan has always been at the top of her class...so much so that she tested out of her grade level on the first DAY of school.

 

My parents traveled alot with me when I was a child and they are some of the best memories ever. Believe me, it didn't effect me in a negative manner...I am doing just fine. :D

[Onessa]

At my DD's elementary school, her Kindergarten teacher took every other Friday off to coach tennis at the college level (kids had a sub). The art teacher took a week's vacation (kids had no art that week). The teachers have x number of vacation days and use them whenever they wish.

 

DD's missed school twice for vacations (both cruises). In first grade, the district was scheduled to leave out on June 1, but an extra snow day (they had planned two days, had to take three) made them increase the school year by one day. Her teacher said it would be no problem for her to miss the last day of school and not to even try to reschedule. In fourth grade we took a cruise the week of Thanksgiving - school was scheduled for all day Monday and half-day Tuesday. We left early on the Friday before so she missed the last half-hour of the previous Friday. We went with her teacher's blessings (and we made good on our promise to get "first hand" video of volcanic activity for the classes' science unit)

 

We do take school very seriously and do try to plan vacations for summer or at times when we can at least minimize time out of school.

 

DD is in sixth grade - and is in the 99th percentice state-wide in Math, 97-99% state-wide in reading/comprehension (just got the test results yesterday).

[Cruisin' Chick]

My district was tight on ALL absences: both excused and unexcused. Remember my post where I nearly got an incomplete when my uncle died and then I got bronchitis, and had to return to school when still very sick to avoid the incomplete.

 

A couple of years ago, I remember a PTA meeting at which the parents discussed the idea that kids should come to school when sick for the brief amount of time to count as attendance for that day (I was shaking my head at that). I even sent an email to the school board members about how schools were getting the message that attendance was being emphasized even at the risk of the childrens' health (there was a contest in which any kid with perfect attendance would qualify for prizes). During the winter when colds were going around, the principal of the school finally put a notice in the newsletter that if one's kid is sneezing and/or has a fever, the child should stay at home.

[EmmaJean]

Few thoughts on the matter...

 

When I taught second grade, one of my students took a week off for Disneyland. I gave the parents the work that would be covered ahead of time. When the child came back, he didn't understand the week's worth of skills that he had missed. The parents said that he didn't understand the work I had sent! Obviously not, he wasn't there for the lessons! It was a huge hurdle for me to go through and try to teach this child all the lessons he had missed, while trying to teach new concepts that built upon it.

 

If you are taking your child out of school, find out what objectives he or she will be missing during that week. Then, you should take responsibility for teaching those items. This can be very difficult for a parent. Don't expect the teacher to be able to recreate 30 hours of instruction in a few after school sessions of review.

 

I do think family is important. So is education.

 

I personally hated missing school because I felt behind and "out of it" if I missed just one day. In junior high and high school, I had enough school-sponsored activities that pulled me out of class enough. I had perfect attendance or nearly perfect attendance throughout my education (only missed when really sick)--I was also the #1 ranked graduating senior out of a class of 650. So, I do think being there made a big difference for me.

 

I may take my kids out of school for family time, but I would hope to be able to teach my children and expose them to all of the concepts that they missed. I would hope that the teacher would share with me the week's objectives so they wouldn't have holes in their learning.

 

Someone mentioned missing school to adopt their sibling from Russia-what a wonderful learning experience and family experience!

[rebeccalouise]

Judging by the attitudes on here, some of you spent a little too much time in school, and could have used a little more time to relax!

 

i think the reason some of us respond in the negative is because ALL of us see great deals to this place or Panama Canal cruises or Transatlantic cruises or cheaper airfares to Europe- all of these destinations cheaper off season. So, we all say which is more important? School or Money. In the end, I have to go with school.

 

As for vacation time- My son has 10 weeks off in the summer and 22 day of other vacation days throughtout the schools year. He isn't in school all year- so I try to take advantage of his vacation days.

 

This summer we are doing three weeks in Europe and a Transatlantic cruise back to the US- so I do know how to have fun!:)

[BethCarp]

 

This summer we are doing three weeks in Europe and a Transatlantic cruise back to the US- so I do know how to have fun!:)

Again, how fortunate for you. You do understand that some people can not afford to travel during school breaks. It's a fact that cruising is more crowded and expensive during those times. So you're ok to say to them "sorry you can't afford to go during school breaks, so you shouldn't take a vacation at all"? That's nice. Perhaps you should just concentrate on how fortunate you are to travel to Europe for a whole month and not worry about what other people have to do in order to get in one week of vacation.

[lovetheocean24]

I suppose going off of that theory i'm a horrible mom too.... we couldn't get summer schedule to work either, so our cruise sails our on Thursday and gets back on monday, which means that the children and myself miss school within the first month...however there is another way to look at it...

 

The children get more real world experience with their parents than ANY textbook or teacher could offer....

 

happy sailing

 

I know my children and ourselves will have a wonderful time during the school year.... I hope you and your children do as well...

 

goooooood luck ;) :)

[rebeccalouise]

Oh, I know I am very lucky to be taking advantage of the summer. I could stick my son in Camp all summer or take time off and spend some quality time with him. Doesn't have to be Europe-we are lucky to have a very nice Grandfather as a benefactor.

 

Anyway, it isn't going to be the end of the world if you take a child out of school for one trip. It just isn't something that I would routinely do- simply because of the building blocks in the cirriculum.

 

As I stated on a previous post- I did turn down an all expense paid trip to South America in January. This obviously would be a great learning experience for my sons but I think that missing two weeks of school is too much.

[PDAZ]

So, we all say which is more important? School or Money.

 

It's always money... Many of us choose to take vacations during the off-season because it is cheaper. Honestly, I would have loved to have escaped from Phoenix in July, but the prices were too steep -- it was off-season or nothing when my kids were in school.

 

Although some of the most influential people in my life have been teachers, I do find the "holier than thou" attitude a bit hypocritical. It's amazing how those "building blocks of the curriculum" get tossed aside when the union says strike. Like I said, it's always money ;)

[mitsguy2001]

I think we all just need to accept that everyone's situation is different, and that everyone has different needs. While taking kids out of school for a cruise works for some people, it might not work for others. It depends on many factors, such as the school's attendance policy, the parents' work schedule, the family's financial situation, how well their kids can catch up when missing school, the grade level of the kid, etc.

 

I know that at the school I attened, going on a cruise that wasn't during a school vacation was not an option, because of the school's attendance policy where 5 absences for any reason caused you to get an incomplete. It was not worth it to have to repeat every class again and have basically no chance of getting into college (since the incompletes remain on your transcript) just to go on a cruise. The only way a 7 night cruise could have worked was if you did a Sunday to Sunday cruise during a week that contains a holiday that falls near the end of a quarter. That way, you'd miss only 4 days, and you'd know to cancel the cruise if you have to miss even 1 school day earlier in the semester for whatever reason. Even then you had to be careful since the quarter ending dates in the school calendar were often incorrect. Plus, many teachers would give you a 0 for any exam that you missed without a chance for a makeup exam, and you'd not know the exam schedule in advance.

 

Currently, I'm single with no kids, my girlfriend is a PhD student who is finished with classes (so her schedule is very flexible), and my current employer gives a reasonable amount of vacation time (slightly more than average for my field) and a decent number of holidays (far more than average for my field), so school breaks are not an issue. But, my girlfriend wants to be a professor after she finishes her PhD. Scheduling cruises then will be almost impossible, since the weather at most cruise ports is lousy during the summer, and everything is crowded and expensive. During winter break, the weather is also lousy at most cruise ports, and again, everything is very crowded and expensive. And none of the other breaks that they have are long enough for a 7 night cruise. The only other option is spring break, but I've heard that cruises during March are impossible, since they are overtaken by college kids. Also, when we have kids, it's even more complicated, since college breaks and elementary school breaks are never during the same times of the year.

 

So, we need to do as many trips as we can now, before she becomes a professor and before we have kids. And we have to figure out what vacations are doable during the summer, and try to save those vacations for later.

 

But what further complicates things is that we're in a long distance relationship, and she can't move since she's a PhD student. So eventually I'd have to move; but that means I'd have to get a new job, and that means I'd have no vacation time for a year, so it would mean no cruises for at least a year. So I have to figure out when the best time for that is.

 

Anyway, my point is that everyone's situation is different, and what works for one person would not work for someone else.

[mitsguy2001]

A couple of years ago' date=' I remember a PTA meeting at which the parents discussed the idea that kids should come to school when sick for the brief amount of time to count as attendance for that day (I was shaking my head at that). I even sent an email to the school board members about how schools were getting the message that attendance was being emphasized even at the risk of the childrens' health (there was a contest in which any kid with perfect attendance would qualify for prizes). During the winter when colds were going around, the principal of the school finally put a notice in the newsletter that if one's kid is sneezing and/or has a fever, the child should stay at home.[/quote']

 

Like I said I often wonder how many people's spring break / Easter / Passover I ruined by coming to school with bronchitis to avoid an incomplete.

 

I also think back to when I heard on the news a few years ago (2000) when 4th of July fell on a Tuesday, many employers were firing employees who called in sick on July 3, even if they were legitimately sick. I hope to never have such an employer. Although, if I ever do have such an employer, and I have a contageous illness, I'd gladly go to work on July 3, and ruin my boss's 4th of July, and then maybe he'd reconsider that policy!

 

Luckily, my current employer does not have such a policy. In fact, we are encouraged to take days off such as July 3 when it falls on a Monday, since they know that not much work will get done on a day like that anyway.

[mitsguy2001]

It's always money... Many of us choose to take vacations during the off-season because it is cheaper. Honestly, I would have loved to have escaped from Phoenix in July, but the prices were too steep -- it was off-season or nothing when my kids were in school.

 

Although some of the most influential people in my life have been teachers, I do find the "holier than thou" attitude a bit hypocritical. It's amazing how those "building blocks of the curriculum" get tossed aside when the union says strike. Like I said, it's always money ;)

 

The most hippocritical case I've ever seen was a college professor that I had who had a policy that any absences from his class, for any reason, including a funeral, caused you to lose 10 points off your final average. However, he decided to go on vacation for 3 weeks during the semester. During that time, he had another professor come to the classroom, take attendance, and dismiss us!

 

He justified his hipocracy by saying he's been teaching for many years, so he has the right to a vacation, while us students were the equivalent of first year employee who had no vacation time. The other thing hipocritical was that if a student showed up to class drunk, did no work, and was disruptive, he or she would still get the 10 points for that class, while an otherwise excellent student who missed one class due to a funeral would lose the 10 points. His explanation was that if an employee shows up to work drunk and does no work and causes problems, he'd still get paid for that day, while if a first year employee with no vacation time misses work for a funeral, he'd get fired. I think that was a lousy explanation. If an employee shows up to work drunk and does no work and causes problems, he'd likely get fired, even if he was paid for that day. And I can't imagine any employer firing an employee who was otherwise useful for missing a day for a funeral; at the worst he or she would have to take an unpaid day off, and maybe make up the work at night or on a weekend.

[lagbunch8]

In response to the earlier question about FL law, I think it is over 30 days that the child is automatically retained, and, yes, there are children who miss almost that much in a year. Our middle school sends out a letter for an attendance child study after the first 10 absences. After a certain number of absences (10 or 15) the child must have a note from a doctor for it to be excused. Usually, it is the same children with excessive absences year after year.

 

 

Holy cow that is A LOT of absences! Even with the 5 days my kids took off because of our cruise my kids had less than 10 for the whole year. Maybe 8. Usually they have maybe 4 for the whole year. We don't take days here and there. We took this time off and it was special. We don't regret it for a second.

 

One of my DDs didn't even have an absence until she was in 4th grade.

 

I take school attendance very seriously. I just found it a bit ridiculous that others were questioning a child's abilitly to learn a work ethic because an A student takes 5 days off to take a family vacation. I'm a hard ass and even I am like "get a grip!" lol.

 

Mary