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Tell me how to have a miserable time on a Carnival Cruise

SATXLady

By SATXLady,
in Carnival Cruise Lines

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trock

trock

Posted
Posted
Actually #7 is incorrect.

 

It should read, "Bring your children up to the funnel deck totally ignoring the adults only sign, and complain that your kids are ruined for life because they saw naked boobies."

 

 

You forgot to add "DISGUSTING BEHAVIOR"

 

 

Mind you i think her sons were 32 yrs old.. (just kidding)

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Cruiseboy06

Cruiseboy06

Posted
Posted

Complain to the purser that some of passengers "disabled & w/c users" have a bigger cabin than you!! hehehehehehe

 

Complain that you have to book another cruise because of "bad" experience.. lol

 

Probably, I will book my next cruise tomorrow :-)

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Payd

Payd

Posted
Posted
First time cruiser....going on Ecstasy two weeks from tomorrow for a four day cruise over Labor Day. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm afraid that I will have a good time so I need you all to tell me how to ensure I have something to complain about.

 

I upgraded to a cat 12 cabin when I decided to take Mom with me so I'm afraid I might actually like my cabin as it looks awesome from the photos I've seen of the cat 12s. I'm not really picky when it comes to food -- I like some better than others but don't demand 5 star cuisine (actually, maybe I've never had 5 star -- probably max'd out on 4) -- and from what I've read here I'll have way too many options.

 

I don't require a lot of activity to keep me happy -- I find people watching can give me a lot of entertainment when there is nothing else to do and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to watch on the cruise. I may even take Harry Potter #7 with me if I don't get it read before I go.

 

It actually takes quite a bit to make me complain because I pretty much always enjoy myself when I go anywhere. Both Mom and I have valid passports with our very own names on them and all our docs have the same names, correctly spelled.

 

I need some help here so I can hate the cruise and write my negative review when I get back. Any suggestions anyone?

 

You are too funny!

 

You might hate the cruise if you come to fisticuffs with another passenger who insists on saving seats in the lounge or chairs by the pool. That might do it!

 

Seriously, enjoy your cruise!!

 

Payd:)

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KAWS

KAWS

Posted
Posted
10) Be sure to ask everyone at your table what they paid for the cruise. This lets you know immediately that you've clearly been ripped off.

 

OK this one made me snort water right out of my nose! OMG how outrageous and rude and I bet people actually DO this. I think if someone ever asked me that I'd make up some ridiculously low price JUST to tick them off and watch the reaction. Teach them!:p

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Curt Jerome Wild

Curt Jerome Wild

Posted
Posted

#1 Be absolutely SURE not to do any research or read Cruise Critic to get any hints or knowledge before you go...

So, everyone, go away from here now!

#2 Do not read any of your paperwork or information on the Carnival website, before you leave. Don't be aware of any dress codes, port excursions, or anything! You are on vacation dangit! The ship and all of it's activities should be catered to you!

#3 Absolutely never ever read those ridiculous "Capers" just throw them away! There is NO information in there whatsoever to help you with your cruise.

#4 Don't have any proper paperwork, passorts, or especially enough cash or up to date credit cards. The ship's purser should be able to take care of all of this for you.

#5 Be sure to leave a personal item such as a book, a flip flop, or your sunglasses on your deck chair to reserve it all day. It's yours now. It should be open and available to you 24/7 for the remainder of the cruise.

#6 Be sure to turn the shower on to create the best windstream effect, and position yourself so that the shower curtain molests you every time.

#7 Be sure then, to position the shower nozzle, so that it sprays out onto the bathroom floor and floods your bathroom.

#8 If you are male, be sure to sit on the toilet and flush. Then you can complain that you just wasted all of your money for that special male enhancement surgery!

#9 Make sure to expect everything exactly as you eat at home. There should be no kind of crazy new food or anything. Then, only try one item on the menu, and if you don't like it, DO NOT try or order anything else!

#10 Wear adult diapers in the kiddie pool! If those kids can wear them why can't I!

#11 Don't worry about losing your room key or sign and sail card. People should be available 24 hours a day at a moments notice to fix this for you.

#12 Please, oh please, DO NOT be aware of any kind of higher thresholds walking through any doorways! Do not pay attention to anywhere you are walking! Can't they design these ships better?!?!

#13 Do not EVER pack any kind of motion sickness medication; and absolutely never ever take it preventatively! Carnival should have had enough time now to adjust their ships to compensate for any motion on the water.

#14 Expect everyone on the ship to be on your time schedule, and to act, dress, and behave exactly as the people in your family and town do.

No one should be doing crazy things like, wearing cowboy boots or hats, or bermuda shorts, or God Forbid (gasp!) kilts or anything!

#15 Expect all of the people in all of the ports around the world to act, behave, and have the same customs and manners as they do in your hometown. Can't these people be "civilized"?!?!

#16 Expect that the only aquatic life that you should have to experience are nice, friendly, dolphins and cute, funny fish like Nemo. If Carnival has not cleared the waters of any other types - you absolutely have a right to a free cruise!

#17 Complain often and LOUDLY! Make sure to scream and complain at any moment! Notice EVERY small detail that is not perfect. You paid over $200 for your cabin, and should be expecting and treated to 5 star attention and service from beginning to end.

It's your vacation dangit!

#18 Be sure to employ ALL of these suggestions above and you will have a terrible time on your Carnival Cruise. If you don't follow my proven ideas and suggestions here, (especially all of them at once), then I can't guarantee a horrible Carnival Cruise.

It only works if you do these.

Otherwise, unfortunately, you might actually enjoy your vacation and Carnival Cruise. So, then I can't help you.

CJW

 

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tigerdadky

tigerdadky

Posted
Posted
First time cruiser....going on Ecstasy two weeks from tomorrow for a four day cruise over Labor Day. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm afraid that I will have a good time so I need you all to tell me how to ensure I have something to complain about.

 

I upgraded to a cat 12 cabin when I decided to take Mom with me so I'm afraid I might actually like my cabin as it looks awesome from the photos I've seen of the cat 12s. I'm not really picky when it comes to food -- I like some better than others but don't demand 5 star cuisine (actually, maybe I've never had 5 star -- probably max'd out on 4) -- and from what I've read here I'll have way too many options.

 

I don't require a lot of activity to keep me happy -- I find people watching can give me a lot of entertainment when there is nothing else to do and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to watch on the cruise. I may even take Harry Potter #7 with me if I don't get it read before I go.

 

It actually takes quite a bit to make me complain because I pretty much always enjoy myself when I go anywhere. Both Mom and I have valid passports with our very own names on them and all our docs have the same names, correctly spelled.

 

I need some help here so I can hate the cruise and write my negative review when I get back. Any suggestions anyone?

 

Its really quite simple. Look for something bad in everything you do and wake up every morning saying, dang I know its gonna be a bad day. Attitude is the maker or breaker of any cruise. Most of the negatives on here are from people looking for negatives. Ive yet to find a negative on a cruise Ive been on yet.

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Sandi149

Sandi149

Posted
Posted
Its really quite simple. Look for something bad in everything you do and wake up every morning saying, dang I know its gonna be a bad day. Attitude is the maker or breaker of any cruise. Most of the negatives on here are from people looking for negatives. Ive yet to find a negative on a cruise Ive been on yet.

 

You are 100% right!!!!!:D When I go on vacation I always try to look for the positives. Hey, I'm on vacation and I'm there to have fun. Everything in this world is attitude. Having a good one will make people's lives so much better.

 

Someone once gave me a writing of sorts and I kept it because it made perfect sense. Here it is:

 

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important then appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we embrace for that day. We cannot change our past…we cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you…

we are in charge of our ATTITUDES.

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Randy & Kathy

Randy & Kathy

Posted
Posted

When going ashore in a foreign country don't bother taking your credit card nor passport with you, after all they will not be needed for anything, all you need to carry is your sail & sign card. Don't worry about getting back to the ship on time either, after all they will know that they are supposed to wait for you.

Then, when the ship is pulling away, you can stand there on the dock shaking your fist at it and calling everyone bad names. Then you can figure out how you are going to get home, the folks at the embassy will just enjoy your story so much regarding what a terrible time you had cruising Carnival (after all, they will probably never have heard anything like that before).

I'm sure that you will have a free cruise coming after that happens.

Randy

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tisabee

tisabee

Posted
Posted

2 Do not read any of your paperwork or information on the Carnival website, before you leave. Don't be aware of any dress codes, port excursions, or anything! You are on vacation dangit! The ship and all of it's activities should be catered to you!

 

Exactly right! This is one of the best threads EVER!:D

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Bassic

Bassic

Posted
Posted

One thing I noticed that everyone left out-

 

Be sure to inform the ship's staff that you're personal friends with/golfing buddies with/financial advisor for the CEO of Carnival, Bill Dickinson. If they get up in your grill about the fact that his name is Bob, tell them you know his name, you just had dinner with him/beat him at the golf tourney/advised him to buy stock in American Airlines! Then offer to call him to "straighten things out around here"! Also, be sure to stand in the middle of the Promenade deck and look around, block people from moving about the ship, complain that the brochure showed someone waterskiing off the back and you want to do it (someone will help you, I guarantee it! They'll throw the skis overboard for you in a minute..)

 

Other fun things to do-

Complain loudly about the music.

Fy into a drunken rage at the bartender and accuse them of watering down the drinks- always insist on a fresh, unopened bottle of Jack!

Order a steak at dinner, when they bring it out, scream at the waiter that you're so offended- you're a vegetarian, and would never order a steak!

Make sure to run several laps on the track at 3am.

If it's raining, use Riviera deck instead.

Insist that the ship is in international waters in ports. After all, international means not a US port, right? Open the damn casino!

If your S/O gets upset at you, have a huge fight right then and there. Make it violent-looking.

Wear a homemade turban and a bathrobe and chase your fellow passengers around screaming "INFIDEL!!!"

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terri23

terri23

Posted
Posted
One thing I noticed that everyone left out-

 

Be sure to inform the ship's staff that you're personal friends with/golfing buddies with/financial advisor for the CEO of Carnival, Bill Dickinson. If they get up in your grill about the fact that his name is Bob, tell them you know his name, you just had dinner with him/beat him at the golf tourney/advised him to buy stock in American Airlines! Then offer to call him to "straighten things out around here"! Also, be sure to stand in the middle of the Promenade deck and look around, block people from moving about the ship, complain that the brochure showed someone waterskiing off the back and you want to do it (someone will help you, I guarantee it! They'll throw the skis overboard for you in a minute..)

 

Other fun things to do-

Complain loudly about the music.

Fy into a drunken rage at the bartender and accuse them of watering down the drinks- always insist on a fresh, unopened bottle of Jack!

Order a steak at dinner, when they bring it out, scream at the waiter that you're so offended- you're a vegetarian, and would never order a steak!

Make sure to run several laps on the track at 3am.

If it's raining, use Riviera deck instead.

Insist that the ship is in international waters in ports. After all, international means not a US port, right? Open the damn casino!

If your S/O gets upset at you, have a huge fight right then and there. Make it violent-looking.

Wear a homemade turban and a bathrobe and chase your fellow passengers around screaming "INFIDEL!!!"

 

OMG Hilarious :D

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Cigar Dude

Cigar Dude

Posted
Posted

This is a great thread. Carnival is fleet of ships made by people and run by people. Problems can crop up, but they are few and far between. If you want to be miserable, you can be miserable. If you want to have fun, that's very easy! Don't expect perfection, although it will be close to it! (IMHO). This is our 3rd Carnival cruise and I'm look VERY forward to it! :)

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kebhouse

kebhouse

Posted
Posted

Start your trip off on a positive note-

When you get to the port and the porters try to take your bags, go running in the other direction, screaming that they better keep their money-grubbing hands off you bags. Then when you attempt to carry your extra-large suitcase on yourself and Carnival tells you that you have to give it to a porter, scream the whole way about how unfair it is and how you better not have anything stolen.

 

Be sure to tip the porter a penny a bag, they make too much money anyway.

 

 

I got this one from another cruise board, but I'm sure its been said plenty of times here too. :)

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MzOhioLady

MzOhioLady

Posted
Posted

1. You print out your own E-Docs but you are computer Illiterate. Then you complain if your neighbor's luggage tag are orange and yours printed out blue. Then get mad and tell Carnival they should have never opted to go Computeriezed E-Docs.

2. You complain if someone got the Military Discount and you did not, so you think you got Ripped Off.

3. You write a skimpy review complaining about everything on your cruise, and when others ask questions and reply to your post, You up and Disappear, never to return!!! Leaving the rest of us with unanswered questions. (I hate when people do this)

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