Can i register my honeymoon cruise as wedding gifts?

[LADYLAYLA]

Aren't Wedding gifts traditionally given at the wedding itself- or the reception afterwards? (Normally not opened until after the happy couple return from their honeymoon?) What happens if the wedding does not happen? Registering for the cruise as a gift would place the givers in the situation that they would have to give the gift in advance of the event.

 

Now this is all under the presumption that the honeymoon is directly after the wedding.

[mobster75]

My fiance and I are getting married in just under a month and we did things things a little differently, however, the overall structure is flipped (my family and I are paying for almost everything).

 

We used gift money from our engagement party in Jan to pay for 80% of our honeymoon cruise (10 day Med on X).

 

Of course, we received almost everything we needed for our house at the bridal shower a few months later in June - including cash which helped purchase a piece of furniture here, more silverware there.

 

We're planning on saving/investing the money we receive at the wedding reception for the future.

 

However, I think outright asking for cash or anything that isn't a hard good is wrong. Registering for a cruise isn't the same as registering for shower goods because its not a tangible that will last for some time and be useful over and over.

 

I've never seen a "Dollar Dance" or "Fake Kidnapping" at a wedding - I'd be horrified if I did and walk out! Cheapens the whole experience....

 

What has been a bit more surprising has been people declining the wedding invitation and not sending something. I was brought up that if you are invited to a big event (wedding/christening/etc) and you can't attend, you are still expected to send a gift. I know that for weddings, technically folks have a year to send a gift, but it's been surprising so far how few people do send anything at all.

[jmf123]

I agree. The first thing I do when I read that the bride and groom would prefer money instead of a gift is to throw it away. And I do not play preferences. It goes in the trash whether it is a close relative, close friend, or co-worker.

But you know I am glad I wrote this thought done. I think I am going to change my plans. From now on when someone asks for money instead of throwing it away I think I will take the money I would have spent on a gift (and I am not a cheap stake) and send it to one of my favorite charities in their name. Then I'll send them a note saving that since "they have everything they need" and don't need anything that I am sending X amount of dollars to <whatever charity I choose at the name> in their name. :p

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Making a charitable contribution in honor of the couple came to mind when I read the OP's "we have everything we need" comment. Great thinking, cruise_lover...and then we are giving to those who really need it! :)

[DanJ]

I agree. The first thing I do when I read that the bride and groom would prefer money instead of a gift is to throw it away. And I do not play preferences. It goes in the trash whether it is a close relative, close friend, or co-worker.

 

 

Hello pot, this is kettle.

 

You throw an invitation in the garbage but think it's the

other

party that is tacky? That's funny.

[Amlee]

I am going to be one of those that won't need a Bridal Shower. Matter of fact, I have mentioned several times that when the time comes, I don't want one. I have been out on my own for 12 years now. I own my home and it's fully furnished. I don't see myself marrying anyone less stable than me. So I expect we would be having a yard sale to get rid of our extra stuff. That would be our honeymoon money.

 

If someone was to ask me what I wanted. I would then state that I would like for them to give to our honeymoon fund. I would never put out a notice to the fact. If it's asked what do I need. I would reply nothing.

[forensic]

You can spin it all you want. This is just tacky.

 

Why is it tacky to ask for a bottle of wine and not tacky to ask for a toaster or place mats?

[KS&JW]

What has been a bit more surprising has been people declining the wedding invitation and not sending something. I was brought up that if you are invited to a big event (wedding/christening/etc) and you can't attend, you are still expected to send a gift. I know that for weddings, technically folks have a year to send a gift, but it's been surprising so far how few people do send anything at all.

 

I was brought up that you must respond to all invitations. However, that response could just as easily be a lovely card or a handwritten note.

This would seem to be the best response for those invitations that ask for money.

 

I must admit that I have never received an invitation that would fall into the category of responding with only a card. I hope my luck continues.

 

 

 

Send your best wishes

 

Judith Martin

If all the recipients of wedding, graduation and birth announcements or invitations were required to send presents, surely social mailing lists would contain every name and address the senders could get their hands on.

Oh, wait. They do.

Thus panicking their targets.

Miss Manners can understand that. It is scary to think that you are getting a bill dunning you for something you never intended to buy. The people who send the mailings understand this, too, and are trying, in various ways, to make things easier.

The most popular method is to enclose instructions about what must be sent — cash or specific goods — and where to find it. The goods, that is. Where the debtors are supposed to get the money, either to buy the goods or to send it directly, is not their hosts’ worry.

This practice has become so common as to spoil things for those who actually do worry about the people with whom they have chosen to share their most important moments. Some have continued to follow the polite procedure that was always observed before the Age of Greed, simply making no mention of expecting presents. Others feel that Gimme has become the default form, so they are obliged to state, either baldly or cutely, that gifts are not expected, or to name a charity to which donations can be made.

Neither of those well-intentioned moves has solved the problem. Gentle Readers are forever asking Miss Manners whether silence or “No gifts, please” indicates that only money will be acceptable. And the seemingly benign suggestion of giving to charity still demonstrates that there are expectations. Besides, it riles anyone who happens not to favor that particular charity.

So Miss Manners is putting the burden back on the recipients to learn how to react to social announcements and invitations.

Both require a quick response. The free kind (not counting the stamp): a definite reply to the invitation and a note of congratulations in regard to the announcement. Funny that people who feel trapped to buy presents so often fail to recognize the need to be civil without cost.

Understandably, they are confused by receiving announcements of births and marriages of which they have already been told. So this, they figure, must be the bill. The senders of such announcements often forget that the purpose is to inform and fondly imagine that they will be treasured as souvenirs.

However, nothing more is required for an announcement or an invitation that is declined. People who feel moved to give presents may always do so. A guide to that might be whether you can’t wait to cuddle the baby or hug the graduate, or are desolate to have to miss the wedding. If, however, you can’t quite place these people, or you sided with the bridegroom’s former wife, the written response is enough.

Accepting a ceremonial invitation automatically puts you in the category of people who care enough to send a present. And if you really, really care, you will put some thought into finding one that will please these particular people, rather than using a registry, which amounts to having them provide their own thoughtfulness.

[jerseygirl3]

It's tacky to ask for cash, no matter whether it's your first wedding or your 100th. There is no way to dress that pig up to make it not tacky.

 

The usual and socially appropriate thing for more established couples to do is to specify "no gifts" and to explain to those who ask that they have all the household items they need and the best gift would be the person's presence and/or good wishes. Those who are very close will still find an appropriate gift (not another toaster).

 

Certainly the cruise lines and travel agents would love to encourage the practice, since they will make more money if others help pay for the cruise. But that doesn't change the fact that you are asking for money!

 

PS, I think in some cultures giving money as a wedding gift is the social norm, but if the bride to be were from one of those cultures, she wouldn't be asking the question.

 

I'm of Italian descent, and I've never given (as well as received) anything BUT money as a wedding gift. Maybe it's Italian; maybe it's a Northeast thing. I don't think anybody should specifically ASK for money, but I see absolutely no reason why someone can't list their honeymoon on their bridal registry, just as one would list cookware. I've seen many bridal registries where people can purchase "vouchers" in varying denominations for the couple's honeymoon. How does that differ from purchasing them a Kitchen Aid mixer?

[jmf123]

Gotta love Judith Martin... in the meantime, we responded to a friend's daughter's college graduation announcement with a lovely card, our best wishes, and a generous check. That was in May and we are still waiting for a thank you note, haven't heard a peep from anyone in the family. Yes, the check was cashed four months ago and we're thinking that the card and good wishes were perhaps enough. :rolleyes:

[Plant]

I want to register our honeymoon cruise for our wedding gifts. we don't need things for the house, we want to go on an amazing cruise for our honeymoon and not go into debt doing it while being able to enjoy getting a massage, having a drink, offshore excursions. does anyone know how to do this somehow so people can see what they are purchasing for you? any tips or ideas would be appreciated! thank you!

 

Yes, you can register your honeymoon cruise. Some people will think it's a great idea (me :) !) and "donate", other's will think it's "tacky" and will buy you things you don't need (or want). Some will be so insulted by your request that they won't donate, buy you a present, or even attend the wedding :eek: .

 

(Please, as jmf123 said, please send thank you notes to everyone who bought you any kind of wedding present!)

[vmom]

Frankly that your fiance thinks this is a good idea is irrelavent. It's an insult to your guests to assume they can't pick out a nice gift for you whether it be a check or cash.

 

When I know a couple has been on their own for a while, I always give cash, and most people I know do the same, so the cash can be used however the couple wants.

 

However, if a couple requested donations to a cruise honeymoon, I frankly would be insulted that they thought so little of my abilty to pick out an appropriate gift.

 

If someone asks a family member it would be ok for a family member to say something like, "they have so much already that its really difficult. Maybe cash would be easier for you." but to set up a honeymoon fund is tacky.

 

Frankly if I was invited to a wedding with suggestions of giving to a honeymoon fund, I would likely not go or give a gift. If it was someone very close, I would purposely give something other than cash or a contribution to the fund.

[JolieMadam]

Asking for cruise or honeymoon cash....just plain tacky. This kind of stuff out to be outlawed and I don't blame anyone who decides not to attend the wedding.

 

I just recently received a wedding invitation for the second marriage of a friend in his thirties who lost his wife a few years go. It was a lovely invitation and stated that in lieu of gifts, they would appreciate nothing more than a donation to the guest's favorite charity. I've attended a myriad of weddings and have never seen this done before and it was very refreshing in this day of "gimme, gimme more and gimme just what we want, because it's our day and we're gonna do it our way."

[hammybee]

We were invited to a wedding and inside the invitation was a request that only cash would be acceptable, no checks or gifts.:eek:

 

We declined to attend but did send a check with a note that basically said we didn't wish to send cash through the mail and that the check could be returned to us if the bride and groom didn't want to take the time to cash it.;)

 

OMG- I wonder if they were worried that peopel would write bad checks.

[Kurbanfan]

It's tacky to ask for cash, no matter whether it's your first wedding or your 100th. There is no way to dress that pig up to make it not tacky.

 

The usual and socially appropriate thing for more established couples to do is to specify "no gifts" and to explain to those who ask that they have all the household items they need and the best gift would be the person's presence and/or good wishes. Those who are very close will still find an appropriate gift (not another toaster).

 

Certainly the cruise lines and travel agents would love to encourage the practice, since they will make more money if others help pay for the cruise. But that doesn't change the fact that you are asking for money!

 

PS, I think in some cultures giving money as a wedding gift is the social norm, but if the bride to be were from one of those cultures, she wouldn't be asking the question.

 

They are not asking for cash. They would be setting up a registration with the TA. It would be no different then a dept. store. Instead of giving a gift of say dishes you would be given a gift of a cruise.

 

BTW the TA does not make more money if others help pay for the cruise:rolleyes:

[lvtotrvl1]

From reading these posts I can see some people think it extremely tacky and others don't. So, maybe 1/2 of your guests will think it's tacky, and 1/2 won't..right? I don't think I would want to take the chance at having 1/2 of my guests unhappy with my request. I understand your reasoning, but I think most people that know your situation and who will be invited, will give money (checks etc) anyways. You can pay for your cruise with that. It accomplishes the same thing, but in a less obtrusive manner.

 

Another poster also mentioned a good fact...Cruises need to be paid for 70 days prior to sailing....your invitations won't even have been sent yet?

[linda_22003]

I want to register our honeymoon cruise for our wedding gifts. we don't need things for the house, we want to go on an amazing cruise for our honeymoon and not go into debt doing it while being able to enjoy getting a massage, having a drink, offshore excursions.

 

Sorry, I don't know. I got married in the days before weddings were all about collecting specific loot like this. :)

[Jeano222]

I agree with some of the posters, this is tacky and if i ever saw it as being part of their wedding wish list, I would be insulted and they would be lucky if they got a set of kitchen towels, and I would politely decline the invitation to reception. I feel the same about them asking for money. Wedding gifts are just that, they are gifts, usually to set up housekeeping, honeymoon has traditionally been the gift of the groom to his bride. If the groom can't afford it well that is his concern.

[lovemylab]

I got married two years ago and had a wedding registry. My husband and I had been living together for two years and bought a house together the year before we got married - rather than ending up with 15 clocks, 25 toasters and 10 picture frames we set up a registry of some household items we could use. Our registry info wasn't included with the invitations however if anyone asked they were told where we were registered. My parents/friends also told people we had a cruise booked for our honeymoon so many people gave us money to put towards that.

 

My TA offers a registry service. Guests can buy the couple a travel gift certificate which they can use towards their honeymoon. For us, it wouldn't have worked because we left on our honeymoon a week after the wedding and final payment was due two months prior.

 

Anybody that thinks wedding registries are tacky and not the norm has obviously been living under a rock the past 10 years or so. I can't think of any wedding I have been to in the past 10 years where the couple wasn't registered. I would much rather buy someone a gift they will use (or give them money towards a fantastic vacation) rather than something that could end up at a yard sale the next summer.

 

A honeymoon registry is no different than any other registry. Registries are not tacky. This is 2007...not 1956.

[linda_22003]

To clarify, I personally think asking for money is tacky and i don't want to do it. My fiancee thinks it's TOTALLY fine and REALLY wants to do it.

 

My compliments to your parents on the way you were raised.

[linda_22003]

Aren't Wedding gifts traditionally given at the wedding itself- or the reception afterwards?

 

Absolutely not! They are sent to the home (used to always be bride's parent's home, now it's wherever the bride is in residence), before the wedding (or as soon afterward as convenient). Bringing them TO the wedding creates a huge logistics hassle for the people who have to wrangle them after the wedding festivities are over.

[linda_22003]

I was brought up that you must respond to all invitations. However, that response could just as easily be a lovely card or a handwritten note.

 

All responses should be a handwritten note. The entrenched custom of "response cards" is, sadly, standard now.

[GRBlizz]

They are not asking for cash. They would be setting up a registration with the TA. It would be no different then a dept. store. Instead of giving a gift of say dishes you would be given a gift of a cruise.

 

BTW the TA does not make more money if others help pay for the cruise:rolleyes:

 

This topic has been beaten to death, but since you chose my post to quote, let me respond.

 

I am opposed to asking for contributions to the primary expenses of the honeymoon, because I think this is the same thing as asking for cash, and apparently I have a lot of company in that opinion. As many, many others have pointed out, a honeymoon cruise would have to be paid for before the invitations even go out, so what you would be really asking for is money to pay a bill you have already incurred.

 

Wedding registries are for items that the couple does not have but would like, not things they have already bought.

 

The way the OP clarified her intent is actually fine with me. She said she wants to register for "extras" like a massage or excursion or drinks/specialty dinner. I think that is acceptable, since it is something she has not already purchased, and "experiences" are a perfectly nice gift idea for a couple who has enough "things."

 

My point about TAs making more money was this: if people think others will help pay for their honeymoon, they might commit to more expensive honeymoons than they could afford on their own. That is how TA's benefit. Also, some (not all) charge a fee for the service, which may or may not exceed the cost of providing it.

[linda_22003]

IAnybody that thinks wedding registries are tacky and not the norm has obviously been living under a rock the past 10 years or so. I can't think of any wedding I have been to in the past 10 years where the couple wasn't registered.

 

Registries themselves are not tacky. The bride and groom advertising the registries is. If I don't know what to get a bride and groom, I have a quiet word with one of the mothers. The guest initiates that inquiry.

[ILVMM]

What a swell idea....hopefully the engaged couple will also find out how much their tips will be and can also list this as part of their honeymoon cruise needs.

[lovemylab]

Registries themselves are not tacky. The bride and groom advertising the registries is. If I don't know what to get a bride and groom, I have a quiet word with one of the mothers. The guest initiates that inquiry.

 

I agree completely. However there are some posters in this thread that seem to think registries as a whole are tacky and not the norm (or at least that seems to be what they are implying).