Maybe they don't hate your kids - maybe it's just you!

[6rugrats]

There are always threads here bemoaning the fact that some people are "kid haters". Well, it is true that no matter where you take your children, at least in this country, you have the possibility of receiving the dreaded child hater stare or hearing the big sigh, usually from people who have no children, or from those who did have kids, and have a very selective memory of what it was like when their own children were younger.

 

But, we returned from our cruise in the Caribbean on Saturday night. Our flight connected to another flight in Chicago. I was seated with two of my children behind a mom with her three year old son.

 

It was a four and a half hour flight and we sat on the ground for over two hours before we were able to take off.

 

The ENTIRE time, this woman allowed her child to use a DVD player WITHOUT headphones, playing at top volume. He watched the same moronic cartoon DVD over and over and over for six and a half hours.

 

I have several children of my own, with whom I have traveled extensively. I know the difficulties of travel and any parent has my sympathy. I have had a couple of rough flights myself. But, I would never allow my children to play a video game, or listen to a DVD without headphones.

 

After several hours of this (and you know it was loud if I could hear it over the airplane noise), I very politely told mom that we could all hear the movie and it was bothering us, and would it be possible for her to please use headphones?

 

She turned around and very snottily said to me, "It's better then him screaming and crying." Which of course, was not the point. And actually, for me, I'd rather hear the crying that that da*n DVD.

 

Anyway, needless to say, we sucked it up and had to endure the video for the remainder of the flight. When the plane finally landed and we were getting ready to disembark, mom very loudly praised her son for being such a good boy and told everyone around her that, "some people just like to complain".

 

She continued in manner until she finally got off the plane! Honestly, usually this stuff does not bother me, but I was exhausted and finally understood why some people resort to physical violence. I really felt like slapping her and stomping on her DVD player. I wanted to hand her $10 and tell her to get some headphones at Target.

 

I just don't understand people's attitudes! It is not unreasonable to expect that a parent provide their child with headphones. It becomes difficult when someone thinks what they want supercedes the rights of others. Having a child you have to deal with does not give you rights to bother other people when you can control the problem.

 

So sometimes, when you think people are "child haters", maybe they just really hate you :).

[sas80]

Parenting is in the eye of the parent, and is subjective to how we, ourselves, were raised as children.

 

What one parent finds acceptable, another parent finds abominable....

 

Dare I say it is a no-win situation....damned if you do, damned if you dont....

[nasvhillecruise]

Sometimes I think people are just oblivious & live in there own little worlds. That's related to parents just as well as non-parents. Probably the same woman, if she had no kids & wanted to watch her own movie, would have done it without headphones.

 

I don't think it's a no-win situation, I just think some people have no clue or regard for the people around them.

[sas80]

Sometimes I think people are just oblivious & live in there own little worlds. That's related to parents just as well as non-parents. Probably the same woman, if she had no kids & wanted to watch her own movie, would have done it without headphones.

 

I don't think it's a no-win situation, I just think some people have no clue or regard for the people around them.

 

I know for a fact that people are oblivious and live in their own little worlds!

[Keith1010]

People are people. We've met all sorts on our travels. And sometimes, they don't think and are oblvious to others around them, whether or not they have children.

 

There are things that others would let our children do that we would never consider.

 

Keith

[rebeccalouise]

I was in a terrible situation this summer. My son made friends with a cute little girl from HongKong on our 12 Millenium trip in Europe. Well as fate would have it- his little friend was on the same flight with us from Venice to London Gatwick. She really was a cute girl but she spoke with a highpitched voice and never shut up- not for a second.

 

Naturally they wanted to sit together on the plane. Somehow it ended up that I was in the middle seat on one side of the aisle while the mom was on the other side aisle seat, the little girl in the middle and my son by the window. Even with the plane noise I could hear her loud voice. Her Mom, bless her heart, was trying to get the girl to talk more quietly but it wasn't working. Finally, I got up walked over to the kids and said- to the little girl- if you can't talk quietly- I am going to have to separate you too.

 

That seemed to do the trick. They weren't doing anything wrong but the girl just talked with a really loud high pitched voice that I suspect her parents were used to but I am sure it bothered others. Although I didn't get any dirty looks.

 

And what about people that let their babies cry!!! Ughh. I don't mean the people that try everything- I mean the people that just don't care that it might be bothering others.

[nasvhillecruise]

My worst was on a plane trip a couple of years ago. My son (1 1/2 at the time) spent a few days with my dad in TX while I was at a convention in TX. He got a HORRIBLE stomach virus while at my dad's. I got to the airport & he threw up all over me. Then we got on the plane headed back home to TN & it was the nightmare crying fit the entire flight. I felt horrible for him because he was so sick & for the passengers for having to hear him. I actually went with him to the bathroom & stayed in there for a long time just so people wouldn't have to listen to him. The flight attendants let me sit in their section for part of the flight (which I'm sure must be against some rule). It's definitely something I think about when I hear little ones crying now. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I guess I could have cancelled the flight, but I had a critical meeting at work the next day in TN.

[calikak]

Some people are just really self-absorbed and don't think about how their actions affect the people around them. And in a confined space like an airplane, their inappropriate behavior is harder to ignore. In that situation, it really wasn't that the kid was misbehaving that was the problem, it was that the parent wasn't conscious that her family's activites might be annoying to others around them. I would have spoken to the flight attendant about it, they might have even loaned the kid some earphones just so everyone on the plane didn't have to listen to the DVD.

 

I think rebeccalouise is right, it's not the parents who don't try when their child is crying the whole flight, it's the ones who just sit there and don't do anything about it.

[6rugrats]

All true; parents who are doing their best have my deepest sympathy. I've flown with a child who suddenly became sick, one who was whiney, one with an ear problem, the list goes on. I know what it's like.

 

Usually, this stuff doesn't bother me and it's certainly not a big deal in the scheme of life. I was just really tired and this mom's attitude was so bad!

[whale-watcher]

We have had more in-flight excitement than I care to recall, but on one particularly memorable day my then 5yo son became acutely ill with GI distress and had to RUN to the bathroom right after the plane landed and as we were headed to the gate...the pilot had to stop the plane on the taxiway and wait until DS was finished and back in his seat before heading to the gate. We were mortified, and received quite a few dirty looks from other pax...and even more "there but for the grace of G-D go I" looks!

[CanadianTwosome]

I think just about everybody has horror stories about bad parenting. I actually think the 'kid hater' threads are more about the people who don't wait to see how a child behaves before giving the dirty looks and making assumptions. I swear, I have never seen a thread on any 'regular' (not this family one) board where someone has asked a question involving children and at least one poster (usually more) hasn't come back with reasons why kids should be left at home, or not allowed, or how they 'all' do some horrible thing... Nobody here disagrees that some parents do their best to minimize their affect on others (both theirs and their children's), and some really are oblivious - or worse, truly believe they're doing a good job and you 'just like to complain'. I can't even imagine what it must have been like to endure an annoying kid's cartoon for that entire time.

 

On a funny note, I may have told this story before, but what the hell... I travelled with my daughter when she was three months old. She was an absolute angel - I just nursed her on takeoff and landing and she didn't make a peep. I had filled my diaper bag with toys from home, though, and one of them was a little activity bar that usually went across her stroller. It had a little bear face in the middle and when you pushed the nose, it played a little tune. Well, as we were all standing up to get off the plane, I must have bumped it or something, and the little bear song began to play. From waaaaaaaaay back at the very back of the plane, a man's disembodied voice spoke clearly... 'I know that song. Please make it stop.' ha ha ha ha ha The entire (small) plane load of passengers all broke into a good hearty laugh, it was great. :p

[clansac]

I can only imagine how this mom would have reacted if her seatmate had been showing an R rated DVD with no headphones. Sometimes people just need to reverse the situation to realize how stupid they are.

 

No matter how bad the kids are, I've never had kids worse than the drunk group of lacrosse coaches we flew back from Disneyworld with. They were supervising 30 high school students and proceeded to tell the entire flight about hiring hookers to come to their hotel room the night before. My 4 year old did not need to hear about that (I was SO happy he had headphones!) After repeatedly asking them to keep their voices down, hearing a slew of curse words and a threat of showing me a good time, the flight attendants got involved. It did not get better. Finally, the pilot came and told them to knock it off. It got quieter but not better.

 

Stupid men wearing logoed outfits from their high school... I'm sure the principal was thrilled with the letter that arrived on her desk from me the next week.

 

I'll take kids puking, screaming, anything over drunk sexist pigs.

[sas80]

In the grand scheme of things we all must remember....bitter, negative people deserve as little time, energy and thought as we can restrain ourselves to give them.

 

Happy Holidays everyone. Hug your families for me! :)

[Two if by Sea]

I'm sure the principal was thrilled with the letter that arrived on her desk from me the next week.

 

Did you get any sort of reply?

[kitty9]

I just think parents get so used to how their kids sound, they actually cannot hear it when their kids are screaming or misbehaving. I know that after a time with my 13 month old goddaughter, I'm able to tune out her noises. It's just the nature of things. It's like when you live near a railroad track. After a while, you don't even hear it when the trains ramble by 6 times a day. But for the obnoxious woman and the dvd, I would have to second the person who said they would love to see her face if her seatmate were watching an X rated dvd, without the headphones.

[CanadianTwosome]

Ha ha ha I did used to live by a train track. My mom came to visit and asked and I told her I was used to it, but that there weren't many trains anyway. In the morning, she asked me about the fire hall. I was confused, until she pointed out there was one directly on the other side of the tracks... you could see it from my balcony!! ha ha ha

 

I agree that parents get used to the sound of their kids, but I think also in some cases, they (we) can also just get used to the noise of kids. I know that I am not bothered by children sounds like many others are. If I hear one that's really upset, it sometimes upsets me, just because I'm a parent and I hate to hear a child in pain... but otherwise, I really tend to tune them out.

 

DVDs, on the other hand... not so much. I'm enjoying imagining that mom with the 'adult' sounds coming from the dvd player in the seat next to her angel. ha ha ha :p

[clansac]

Did you get any sort of reply?

 

I got a note back thanking me for my concern and letting me know that appropriate disciplinary action had been taken but that due to HR concerns, they could not tell me about it. But their names were removed from the school website :)

[hotvwchick]

Heres one for you. DH took my 4 year old and 2 year old X-mas shopping at Walmart last week. DH was looking at women's socks when he heard my 4 year old crying. She was less then 10 feet from him looking/talking about all the different socks. A young woman missing about 75% of her hair had kicked my 4 year old in the head:eek: . Within 5 seconds, a man(care giver perhaps?) restrained her as she was spitting, scratching, fighting, ect. With 15 seconds, Walmart Security was there helping as well. My hubby promptly scooped up my 4 year old, paid for his items and left the store. My 2 year old was securely fastened in the cart at the time. The weird thing was...not one person asked if my 4 year old was OK:mad: . She had a swollen upper jaw which was fine within 2 days. Poor kid never wants to go to Walmart again.

I know this is a bit off topic but needed to vent a bit.

[CanadianTwosome]

I got a note back thanking me for my concern and letting me know that appropriate disciplinary action had been taken but that due to HR concerns, they could not tell me about it. But their names were removed from the school website :)

 

That is AWESOME!!!!! I get annoyed when someone who is being a jerk identifies themselves somehow as a Canadian, let alone being offensive while wearing clothing representing your employer - and in a supervisory position no less. If my child had come home and told me about that I would have been livid!!

[nmcrzer]

hotvwchick - That is terrible! I hope your DD is ok. Poor thing! How traumatic for all of you. Hugs!

[TropicalSnowflake]

A young woman missing about 75% of her hair had kicked my 4 year old in the head:eek: .

OH MY GAWD! Your husband is a saint. I think my first reaction would have been lethal--mental patient or not. That is terrible that no one even asked if you were OK. It might be a good idea to find out who that woman was and why she was left alone in public. Missing hair? yikes!!

 

We joke about the Walmart clientèle...yet, I keep going back there for the low prices.

[gazingm42]

We have traveled with our kids since they were 3 weeks old. We have always made them use headsets or NO volume at all. If I can hear the sound in the

headset its TOO loud.

 

Its one thing for them to cry because they are tired, sick, etc. But to cry

because they are not getting her/his way is another.

 

Teaching your kids to be respectful to others is the responsibility of the parent.

 

As the OP stated that the rest had to suffer because of her lack of parenting.

Its too bad that that we run into more and more parents that treat others

like this. I just don't understand how parents don't understand that your

children learn by example.

[hotvwchick]

My daughter is OK. A bruise on the upper jaw. She doesn't want to go to Walmart anymore. I talked to a friend who works with the mentally challenged. He siad that she was probably taken almost immediately to the Psych ward for a 90 evaluation. He is going to inquire discretely on my behalf as to the peticulars.

[PennyAgain]

I recently had a 3.5 hour flight seated in the same row with a mother and pre-school girl. For most of the flight the child screamed 'shut up' at her mother. If anyone tried to talk to the mother the child told that person to 'shut up' as well.

 

The child learned that somewhere! She didn't dream up doing it.

 

The mother never tried to talk to her or correct her.

 

I felt sorry for the child, but also sorry for all of us who had a less than enjoyable flight because of that child and mother.

[Happy ks]

OH MY GAWD! Your husband is a saint. I think my first reaction would have been lethal--mental patient or not. That is terrible that no one even asked if you were OK. It might be a good idea to find out who that woman was and why she was left alone in public. Missing hair? yikes!!

 

We joke about the Walmart clientèle...yet, I keep going back there for the low prices.

 

 

And...you would perhaps land in jail for assault. You do have to think about things before you react.

 

The fault lies with the womans caregiver, if they take someone out in public that they know is potentially harmful, they have to have a firm control on the situation. I don't work with, but around some potentially violent children, all in a special needs environment. The staff is one on one with the ones capable of this type of behavior, they thwart it before an incident happens.

 

That a child was harmed is horrible, but don't blame the woman with behavior issues, blame the caregiver. If she is that bad on a regular basis, or has any potential to do any damage to others, her public outings need to be very controlled.

 

I think the father reacted in a very appropriate way, he protected his little one and got her out of there fast. Can you imagine how the situation could have damaged the little one even more, to witness her father being violent towards a woman and potentially arrested for assault?