Hong Kong to Athens (leaving in Singapore) 2008.

[Druke I]

Vicariously, I thoroughly enjoyed your last trip, and am looking forward to this trip also.

 

The new Hong Kong airport is much better situated than the old, but landings there are not as dramatic.

 

We've also flown Cathay Pacific, and consider them one of the better airlines serving Hong Kong from the West Coast of the US.

 

We returned home on them Dec 06, after our Nautica trip, Istanbul to Singapore, and were staged through Hong Kong on that trip.

[Twiga]

Bon voyage to you, Jack, and to all of your shipmates on this cruise. You have me hooked again on your journal and you hadn't even reached the ship yet! I am looking forward to each future installment. I was on the Nautica last September, so now I will be able to picture you on the ship. Thanks so much for sharing your cruise experiences with us again. Have a wonderful time! Your lucky shipmates will surely enjoy your lectures.

[lahore]

Hong Kong airport'll do that to you. Off to an adventurous start Jack :D . Looking forward to any and all installments.

[JackfromWA]

A FEW REPLIES:

 

JoePDX: I hope I get to cruise with you guys sometime. Glad you are enjoying it. I have been enjoying revisiting as have prepared for these lectures on Nautica.

 

TenerifeSharon: Glad you enjoyed the flight! It was good to be on the ground.

 

Twiga, Druke I, Lahore: So nice to “see” some familiar faces. Hope you enjoy this installment. It is good to be back on board and I’ll keep posting as time, lectures and fun allow!

 

 

THE FIRST LECTURE

 

Yesterday morning it was finally time to board Nautica. The night before my brother and I had dinner with Robert, Nautica’s concierge, Sukey and some of her friends at the Spring Deer restaurant in Kowloon. It is one of my favorite restaurants in Asia. We had an exquisite meal for seven that ended with moist, succulent Peking duck; all for just $120 US dollars for everyone.

 

Robert gave each of us little hand made pouches and water bottle holders from Thailand---he is just returning to the ship after a two month leave at his home in Phukhet---and seeing everyone heightened my anticipation.

 

“You can board about 11:30 a.m.,” Robert said, “but your cabins won’t be available until about 3:00.” My brother had purchased 3 Hong Kong tailored suits from a store recommended by the New York Times and needed to pick them up at 2:00. Since we had late check out at our hotel we decided to board the ship, eat the welcome aboard lunch, go back to our hotel (it was only a 10 minute walk from the cruise terminal) and pick up our hand baggage and his suits later.

 

Even though it had been a year, boarding the ship was as comfortable as slipping on my favorite pair of Birkenstocks. I got really excited.

 

“Look Jeff, that’s where Mom, Dad and I played trivia.” I continued pointing things out to him in the Nautica lounge---he must have gotten bored---and in less than five minutes we had our passenger key cards.

 

We went up to Terraces to eat lunch. It was fun to watch all the new passengers. As a repeat guest I already knew to go around the buffet to the other side where there was no line. We sat outside on the stern dining area. It was balmy and humid but a light breeze made sitting in the shadow of the Hong Kong skyline comfortable.

 

“Jack! Welcome home.” Sukey spotted me and came running over to give me a big hug. She was right. I was home. Even though I wasn’t cruising with my parents---and walking by our old cabins and remembering last years trip made me miss them---this was going to be a great cruise.

 

Jeff and I went back to the hotel. I worked on my lecture, he picked up his suits and we came back around 3:00. I met the cruise director, Leslie Johns; he was extremely supportive (originally I was disappointed that Ray Solaire wouldn’t be here but I can tell Leslie will be just as good) and let me know everything I needed to do. I am the first speaker on the cruise tomorrow immediately following the lifeboat drill. The timing is a little ironic since the cruise critic group planned to meet immediately after the lifeboat drill in the Horizons lounge. Obviously, I won’t be able to attend.

 

It has been wonderful meeting so many cruise critic people. Wildduck introduced herself and I finally met Aussie Gal (my #1 fan) in person. Many passengers have walked up to me and introduced themselves. One man approached me yesterday and said, “Hi. I’m Big Julie.” As he was leaving I got his real name---he was a tall man but I didn’t want to refer to his as “Big Julie” from now on!

 

I also met Roy from Victoria, B.C. who followed my trip with my parents last year. “Thank you again Jack for your writing last year. My wife and I discovered your thread while we were on Holland America. As soon as we got off the ship we booked this cruise based or your recommendations.”

 

Roy is a very nice man. I really hope he and his wife have a good cruise though---I don’t want to feel responsible if he doesn’t! I am not worried about that though. The ship is as sublime as it was last year. The service is still impeccable, dinner at Toscana last night was everything I remembered and the itinerary is still one of the most exciting in the world.

 

Before the ship left the Ocean Terminal I wanted to stock up on Diet Cokes and water. Unlike last year Oceania furnished two free bottled waters in the cabin upon arrival. It was clear though that this was a one-time gift. There still isn’t free water.

 

The cruise terminal in Hong Kong is literally in a high-end mall. To get to the ship you have to pass Lladro, Jimmy Choo, Lane Crawford and many other stores. Ironically the shop immediately adjacent to the ship was a Nautica (the fashion brand) shop. The mall is at least 4 city blocks long and is a rabbit warren of passageways and corridors. It is so easy to get lost the mall management has over 20 staffed help desks to assist customers in finding their way around.

 

At the opposite end of the mall from the ship is a shop called CityMarket which sells mostly imported groceries. You can buy Captain Crunch from America, Haribo candy from Germany or exotic fruit from Thailand. They also sell water and soda. Since I don’t like paying shipboard prices for Diet Coke, and my brother and I both drink several a day, I bought about 30 sodas and found two 3-gallon water jugs. Our cart held about 75 pounds of liquids by the time we checked out.

 

CityMarket has small carts intended for use only in the shop---not in the mall. “It sure would be nice if we could use this cart to wheel these drinks to the ship,” Jeff said.

 

“I don’t think they are going to let us. They don’t let them out of the store,” I replied. Jeff didn’t say anything but as we left he just kept wheeling the cart. Through extraordinary luck no one saw us escape with the shopping cart full of drinks and we started our trek through the mall back to the ship.

 

We made quite a sight as we passed Louis Vuitton, ECCO, Sony Select and over a hundred other stores with our cart full of drinks. One security guard started to approach us but for some reason—maybe it was our determination and brisk walk—he turned away. Ten minutes later we arrived at Nautica’s boarding area. We were both laughing and couldn’t believe our good fortune to have kept the cart from CityMarket all the way to the ship. It was a nice way to begin the cruise.

 

Last night as I rode the elevator to Toscana for dinner I got another chuckle. A fellow passenger was reading the ship newsletter, Currents, and I spotted my name as the lecturer. Next to my bio was my photo---only it wasn’t me---it was my brother Jeff. This amused me to no end. It is my fault as I emailed Oceania two photos; one of each of us. Jeff is going to help me lecture by talking about Greece, he is a US Diplomat currently in charge of the political section of the US Embassy in Athens, and his bio and credentials are so much more impressive than mine I thought the ship might like to add his information on the day he spoke. As his older brother it amuses me that he may get lots of questions from other passengers about Oceania and tips for the 35-day cruise (he has never been on Oceania before). I just hope nobody asks me anything about the politics and history of Greece.

 

This morning I gave my first lecture. As we sat in our orange vests for the lifeboat drill in the Nautica Lounge, 45 minutes before it began, I felt nervous, anxious and simultaneously fortunate to have the opportunity to share some of my reflections with my fellow guests.

 

I walked into the theatre five minutes before my speaking time. It was packed! There were barely any empty seats. I turned to the cruise director, Leslie Johns and said, “I only brought 60 books. I wanted to hand them out and let people make a donation to the crew welfare fund, but I think there are too many people here and not enough books.”

 

“Tell them tomorrow you will let them know how to get a copy. We can do a raffle or we can figure something out. Don’t hand them out here---it will be a stampede.” I was glad Leslie was advising me. I knew he was right and I didn’t want to make people upset they couldn’t get a book. One of the many gifts today was seeing how everyone from Michael Coughlin the hotel manger, to Leslie Johns the cruise director, to Memo the stage manager did everything possible to help me succeed.

 

I have appeared on QVC, the television-shopping channel, numerous times as a guest host. Everyone there, from the producer to the green room interns do all they can to help you have a successful show, but Nautica’s staff made me feel even more comfortable presenting to my fellow passengers than QVC’s staff does.

 

My guest lecture was 45 minutes. I shared how the book came into being with Sukey’s help, shared how my relationship with my parents has grown from one of mistrust in my teenage years to one of love and mutual respect today. I read the St. Luke’s powder story and my dad buying his Travelpro and riding a bus in the south as a newly landed immigrant in the 1950’s. I almost choked up when I read about my dad. I really missed him and my mom this morning. Several times I have gone to our old cabins out of habit and when I stood outside our old staterooms I really noticed their absence. They are part of the story and I wished they could have experienced other passengers enjoying it too.

 

The presentation went amazingly well. Frank Del Rio (as usual) was right on target. The passengers thoroughly enjoyed what I had to say and really connected with the stories I read, and the idea of making connections and sharing time with people you love. My brother emailed his wife that he enjoyed being in my “entourage”, but that since so many of my fans were post-menopausal woman that she didn’t need to feel insecure about our “groupies.”

 

As well as the lectures went, and as happy as I was to have the first one behind me, I missed the passengers I shared this trip with last year. I felt like the words and memories I shared were inspired by so many friends from the 2007 Hong Kong to Athens Nautica cruise, who (except for Sukey) aren’t here this time. As much as I like being here, and as grateful as I am to be here, the memory of my fellow passengers and especially my mom and dad loomed large today.

 

Tomorrow I finally get to go to Hoi An, Vietnam. Last year we couldn’t land in Da Nang and at the last minute substituted Nha Trang. As soon as we come back from Hoi An (about 5:30) I am giving my second lecture (about 5:45). I am talking about Vietnam, Thailand, Singapore and India. It is great to be here---I wish all of you, especially those of you who were here last year (and you know who you are and I know you are reading) could be here---we’re still having fun and Nautica is still as good as it ever was.

 

Thanks for reading.

[lahore]

My brother emailed his wife that he enjoyed being in my “entourage”, but that since so many of my fans were post-menopausal woman that she didn’t need to feel insecure about our “groupies.”

Ummm, why not :p ? Some of that group on our cruise looked pretty dangerous to me :D .

 

Keep enjoying, so glad for you that the first lecture went well. A full audience is both a compliment and an anxiety-raiser. Well done!

[scdreamer]

Hooray! Jack's back!

 

Thanks for the great read ... and also in advance for the ones to come ... I am so looking forward to following your journey once again.

 

Leslie Johns was our cruise director last fall on Insignia (Athens to Venice) and we thought he was great. Very personable, and friendly "in person" too.

 

Hope you and your brother have the time of your lives!

 

Leslie

[tak2]

I can just see the two of you pushing that cart in a crowded mall with narrow corridors, where the smaller sized security guard must have felt at least a slight sense of being overwhelmed.;)

 

 

Although I had to cancel 2009 due to work obligation, I am planning to book 2010. With your continuing coverage of this itinerary, I will no doubt encounter more difficulty in securing the cabin of my choice, due to heightened interest.;)

 

Thank you again.

[JoePDX]

Hi Jack (and Jeff too!)

 

Congratulations on the success of the first lecture! The stories you read from your journal are some of my favorites. Tonight I'll be reading about the end of your 2007 journey in Athens - just as this journey is starting.

 

Please pass on to Leslie greetings from Jeff and I. We had a lovely dinner with him in Bangkok at the end of our February 2006 cruise on Nautica. A nice man and a wonderful cruise director! He certainly set the bar high for our daily trivia challenges. Jeff and I reminisce often on those memories.

 

Have fun!

 

Joe (and Jeff by proxy)

[patw]

Jack,

I loved your first post from the ship. I am so glad your first lecture was such a success and you felt comfortable. You will probably have standing room only for the next three!

 

I have your book by my bed so that I can follow last year's trip along with you this year.

 

I had a wonderful e-mail report of the two night and day on the ship from my good friend Jennie! Thanks for taking the time to keep us updated on your progress.

 

We are so looking forward to this trip in 2009.

 

Thanks to all of you who are providing us left behind with updates of your travels.

Have a wonderful trip!

 

Pat

[merryecho]

Looking forward to another vicarious 'just jack' cruise. Next best thing to being there!

[chlomo]

hi Jack

Thank you for your continuing account of your travels with Nautica. My husband and I were on board Nautica for the same cruise with you (though we never met you) last year and are really wishing we were there again. Your great narrative will help us to relive a fantastic trip!

 

have a great time

[Emdee]

Hi Jack great to read all about your doings again. We just got off the ship at HK and are now back home. Your trip last year inspired us to try Oceania.

I would love to do your itinerary some day but DH thinks its too long.

 

Our concierge was Xavier and though he tried to please in some ways by diligently providing information he had this habit of talking down to us which made us wonder whether he was racist.....

 

It cold and wet here and I would rather be in the warmth of Asia with room service and housekeeping......

 

Shall await your next instalment.

 

Miriam

[JackfromWA]

A FEW QUESTIONS:

 

Lahore: You are right… nothing is wrong with that! I am glad the first one is behind me. I hope we get to meet aboard some day.

 

SCDreamer: We are having a great time and Leslie Jon is great in person. I was initially disappointed that Ray Solaire wasn’t aboard, but having spent a little time with Leslie I feel fortunate to cruise with either of them.

 

Tak2: I hope you take the 2010. I still this is Oceania’s most exciting itinerary with the mix of exotic ports and extended sea days.

 

JoePDX: Your message is passed on and I hope to share trivia with you Jeff sometime. Thanks for the kind remarks about the first lecture.

 

PatW: Glad you are enjoying the book and wish you could enjoy the cruise with Jennie and me.

 

MerryEcho: So nice to see you again. I hope you enjoy today’s post.

 

Chlomo: Wasn’t last year great? Too be honest everything is as good now as it was then and so far the seas are calm and the weather fair.

 

Emdee: Sorry I just missed you. Glad you tried Oceania but sorry you had a bad experience with Xavier. Was the rest of your cruise good? Are you glad you tried it?

 

VIETNAM

 

Last year Nautica cancelled her stop in Da Nang due to inclement weather. Although we did get to visit Nha Trang we couldn’t visit Hoi An and China Beach. One of the new things for me this trip was the chance to visit both.

 

We decided to take the ship’s bus tour to Hoi An and China beach and joined hundreds of other passengers packed in the Nautica lounge at 8:30 to take our shore excursion. Sukey happened to be on our bus and soon we began our hour ride to the Cham museum in Da Nang. I enjoyed the museum---it was filled with Hindu and Buddhist sculpture---but I immediately abandoned our group so I could take photos and see what I wanted to.

 

Our guide, Huong, is a 5-foot Vietnamese woman who spoke non-stop on the bus in a difficult to understand accent. She also worked the bus aisles and learned every passenger’s name. I thought this was just a hospitable gesture, perhaps intended to increase her tips, but it proved to have a darker side.

 

“Jack, Jeff please stay with the group!” She shouted in a high-pitched singsong voice as we left the museum. A few of the other passengers gave us some dirty looks even though our only sin was walking around the museum galleries on our own. It was tortuously hot and humid in Danang---at least 95 degrees with about 90% humidity---and part of leaving the group was to sit in the shade and drink cold Cokes.

 

As we approached Hoi An, Huong continued her incessant chatter.

 

“I can’t understand anything she’s saying,” the passenger in the seat in front of me said turning around with a look of frustration.

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll be able to buy a guide book in Hoi An if you’re really interested.”

 

Huong’s lecture was a non-stop historical and statistical litany of Vietnam knowledge. I enjoy listening to my ipod while traveling but occasionally, if a guide is really interesting, I’ll listen. Today my earphones stayed in.

 

When we arrived in Hoi An there was a great deal of confusion about what we could do and where we should meet. Finally, the ship’s chaperone (a young woman from the boutique) explained we could each go on our own through Hoi An, or we could stay with the group. Huong had given each of us a map she had carefully marked with arrows so we could find our way from the bus drop-off point to the pick-up point. The only problem was that the arrows were in reverse---following them led you to the drop-off not the pick-up point---at least by North American standards. If we followed the map we would be in the wrong place to be picked up. Given all the confusion the ship’s chaperone asked us to stay together until lunch.

 

“Jack, Jeff please you must stay with the group,” Huong said with a twinkle in her eye. She knew she marked us. We couldn’t escape, so like lemmings we followed her through the blazing hot sunny streets of Hoi An.

 

I was disappointed with Hoi An. It is a cultural UNESCO site and I had visions of it living up to its reputation as the “Venice of Vietnam.”

 

“Well, it’s nice,” Jeff said, “but I have seen villages just as picturesque in Paraguay---and they don’t have all the mopeds trying to run you over.” I agreed with him. I pictured something more magical, more cultural. Hoi An was nice enough but didn’t live up to my expectations. Some of that could have been the unbearable heat and not being able to wander through most of the intriguing old homes and temples. We got to enter one of each, and with 60 of us entering all at once it was hard to let my imagination envision what the home looked like hundreds of years ago.

 

Soon it was time for lunch. We traveled 10 minutes by bus to a scenic open-air restaurant along the bank of a river. I sat with my brother, Sukey, her companion Jesse, Wayne and Robin who had posted on cruise critic about this trip. Soon the conversation drifted to “O” points and trivia.

 

“What can you get for the points?” Jeff asked.

 

“I got some tea towels and nice mugs,” Sukey said.

 

“Don’t worry you’ll have lots of point this trip Sukey. Jeff and I are giving all of our points to you when we leave in Singapore. Did you see anything you liked Wayne?” I asked as I turned to him.

 

Wayne looked at his wife Robin and they both smiled. Wayne is one of those passengers I love to travel with. He has a great smile, quick mind and a twinkle in his eyes. In 20 years with 60 more pounds he could play Santa Claus in a movie.

 

“Actually I do have my eye on something,” Wayne said. “I want that rectal thermometer.”

 

I laughed out loud spraying a little Diet Coke on my plate. Everyone else was laughing too.

 

“There can’t really be a rectal thermometer Wayne,” I said still chuckling.

 

He explained it probably wasn’t. I still don’t know what he is looking to acquire but I am going to investigate when the boutique opens (the “O” point prizes are all in a glass counter in the shops on deck 5) and see what is available this year. I can’t imagine what in the case attracted Wayne’s attention.

 

Jeff noticed some friends of his from the ship eating alone at a table by the water. After my first lecture Jeff had reconnected with Gwen and Dan. Both of them are retired US Diplomats and Gwen is a former US ambassador appointed by President Clinton. When my brother joined the Foreign Service she was the person who gave his class their orientation to life as a US diplomat. She hadn’t seen him in many years and we had enjoyed dinner with them in the Grand Dining Room the night before. They have booked most of their tours on their own and happened to be eating at the same café.

 

Gwen is also a cruise ship lecturer. I find it a great accolade to Oceania that even though she has been on five luxury lines traveling free as a lecturer last year, she is a paying passenger in a Penthouse Suite on this cruise. I was nervous about my lecture later that day. The destination desk said we would return to the ship by 4:30 p.m. but the guide said we would be back “between 4:00 and 5:30 p.m. I was scheduled to give my second lecture at 5:45 and due to the heat I really needed to take a shower and gather my thoughts before getting back on the stage.

 

Gwen and Dan offered to give us a ride back to the ship, see China beach and go over Hai Van pass (on the way to Da Nang we had traveled the 6 mile long Hai Van tunnel). We eagerly accepted and let the ship chaperone on our bus know we were leaving the group.

 

On the outskirts of Danang we saw the remnants of the US military bunkers and stopped long enough at China beach to take off our shoes and wade in the warm South China Sea. The serene ocean and tan sandy beach made it difficult to imagine helicopters landing a few miles away during the war. When we arrived to the top of the pass our new guide said we should stop and take a picture. As I stepped out of the Mercedes van vendors immediately surrounded me.

 

“Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I please ask a question? Where are you from?” An attractive young woman was holding and caressing my arm as I attempted to walk to across the parking area to the viewpoint for a photo. “Please sir, excuse me. Are you married?” she asked.

 

“Yes, I am.” I have learned it is easier as a single male traveling in Asia to feign marriage and children. It makes avoiding unwanted propositions or long explanations easier.

 

“I bet your wife is beautiful. You are such a handsome man.” She then shyly placed her hand on my belly, and started making a small circular motion around my navel. “Happy Buddha! You are such a Happy Buddha!”

 

A second young woman, emboldened the first woman’s success immediately reached around and started rubbing my belly. “Happy Buddha! You are such Happy Buddha! Tee-hee-hee”, they both laughed.

 

Two more young women came over. “Hi! Happy Buddha” they said while rubbing their hands around my protruding belly. At 270 pounds with a 44-inch waist I clearly met the criteria for gaining good fortune from rubbing my tummy.

 

My brother, who is a few years younger, stands a few inches shorter and is 70 pounds lighter and exercises daily was standing off to my side clearly enjoying the spectacle of young woman rubbing my large belly for luck.

 

“Well hello Happy Buddha. Can I please rub your tummy?” he said laughing.

 

“No but if you don’t knock it off I’ll steal your earplugs and you’ll have to listen to me snoring in the cabin tonight,” I replied. I did not want my little brother to start calling me Happy Buddha, and years of shared childhood and adolescence made me certain I needed to stop this before it went too far.

 

“I think I might start having to call you Happy Buddha. It has a nice ring to it… it would make a great screen name for you,” he said smirking as he hopped back into the van.

 

We arrived at the ship about an hour and a half before my second lecture. I showered, reviewed my notes and started right on time. It was a good thing that the Ambassador and her husband gave us a lift---our tour group arrived back to the ship at 5:35 and Sukey barely had time to get to the lounge before I began.

 

I spoke about my mom, dad and I traveling in Vietnam, Thailand, Goa and Mumbai. I read the story of my dad in the Vietnamese tailor shop, the massage at the Rex Hotel, my thoughts at the Vietnam War museum, the Alligator tourist trap in Bangkok, Elephanta caves in Mumbai and ended with our perfect day in Goa. Although there were less people in the theatre (I think everyone one was so hot and tired they were exhausted in their cabins---I would have been taking a nap if I hadn’t been giving the lecture) the talk went better than the first one. I wasn’t as nervous and was more confident in my ability to share something meaningful and relevant to my fellow passengers.

 

It is so humbling to get to be onboard as a guest of Oceania to share my experiences, thoughts and reflections of last years trip. At least 50 different passengers have stopped me to share how much they enjoyed listening and how much they have enjoyed hearing about my real experiences with my mom and dad.

 

The passengers here are so diverse. In addition to the ambassador and her husband I met two newly retired teachers from Canada, a man at lunch who said he had been in the transportation industry for years (after he got comfortable he said, “And then I backed my delivery truck right to the loading dock) and many others. The common denominator for passengers on this cruise is a sense of adventure and the time to be away from home for 6 weeks.

 

Last year I met Bob and Carol on this trip. A month ago I went to visit them in San Miguel, Mexico and Carol told me she had two friends Paco, (a fabulous artist and retired architect) and Harry (a retired corporate attorney), traveling from Hong Kong to Athens this year. After having dinner together Paco asked me to autograph his copy of my book. The ship placed the 50 books I brought aboard in the boutique. I inserted a letter in each one to let the buyer know that Oceania and I were donating 100% of the $20 purchase price to the Nautica Crew Welfare fund. I don’t want to sell these books---the whole point of the book was to share my experience and reflections with others. I have distributed over 400 of them and asked everyone to make a donation to the local Red Cross, America Cancer society or a similar charity.

 

This was the first time I ever signed a book that someone had paid for, and it was a significant moment. I never dreamed when I started writing last year that something like this would happen. It seemed very appropriate that the buying and signing happened on Nautica since there is where I wrote it. Sometimes everything does come full circle.

 

The next day we arrived for an overnight in Ho Chi Minh City, commonly known as Saigon. Last year I spent the first full in Tham Binh orphanage. This time I played tourist. Jeff and I took a taxi to the Rex Hotel and bought a SIM card for his phone. After calling our parents we went to get foot massages. Last year the masseuse at the Rex offered “extra” services, so this year I decided to just get a foot massage to avoid any hassles.

 

The tourist bureau recommended the Golden Lotus and marked its location on our free map. When we arrived the scantily attired young, attractive girls seemed prepared to offer more than just a foot massage; their lack of clothing wasn’t just because of the heat. We were led upstairs to a dimly lit room with about 20 chairs for foot massages. Jeff and I sat side by side so I figured we should both be safe from unwanted advances.

 

When my masseuse came out she looked at my feet and blurted, “Oh my God!” All the girls were watching us. Tee-hee-hee’s burst out from around the room. In addition to a larger than usual belly I have a very wide (4E) US size 12 foot. Apparently my feet were bigger than my massage girl was used to treating.

 

After soaking my feet in a short, oak barrel filled with scalding water, she placed cucumber slices on my face, wrapped my right foot tightly in a towel and began to work on my left foot. As I was enjoying both of her hands alternating between strong, circular motions and pressing her fingers at my heels pressure points, I felt a third hand. I opened my eyes and saw another girl and felt her warm breath on my shoulder as her hand reached under my shirt to rub my belly.

 

“Happy Buddha! Tee-hee-hee” she said laughing as she ran away. My brother decided to encourage the girl’s behavior.

 

“He is a very Happy Buddha,” Jeff said trying to encourage further good luck from rubbing my tummy.

 

“You are going to pay for that,” I whispered. Throughout the rest of my massage different woman caressing my tummy to gain good fortune constantly disrupted my attempts at serenity.

 

As the new representative of good luck I gave my masseuse a 100,000-dong note as a tip (one US dollar equals 16,000 dong) for a $12 massage. She was ecstatic and insisted on rubbing my belly a few more times. On the way out the door I looked closely at the Golden Lotus’ spa menu in case we wanted to come back. The massage below the one we selected on their menu cost $18 and included manipulation of the foot, back, hand, shoulder, head, face and organs.

 

“What do you think organs includes?” I asked Jeff.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Probably the liver,” he laughed. We wandered back to the ship to have lunch before going out to the Vietnam War museum and seeing the former US Embassy. We got in a taxi and confirmed we were charged a meter rate. The cabbie tried to take advantage of us but we refused to pay it.

 

The war museum was as depressing as it was last time. Jeff wanted to see it so I went again, (you can read about my experience there in 2007 here: http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=528321&page=3 ) but I didn’t spend much time there looking at the exhibits and photos. We learned that Saigon is banning the pedi-cabs (a bicycle pedaled rickshaw) in a few months so we decided to take one back to the Rex hotel. Jeff negotiated a 30-minute ride for $10 for both of us. The pedi-cab was a pleasant way to take photos and see the streets from the perspective of the thousands of moped riders. When we arrived at our destination the drivers tried to separate us. From about 30 feet away I heard Jeff say he had paid for both of us.

 

I handed my driver $2 for a tip.

 

“No sir. It is ten dollars for your ride,” my pedi-cab driver said.

 

“No, it is ten dollars for both of us. You know that. This is a tip and it is all I am giving you.” He reluctantly took the money and gave me a forlorn look. I didn’t care. I don’t like being ripped off and the compassion I had felt for him having to carry me, a heavier than average tourist, on his pedi-cab evaporated.

 

We returned to the ship for dinner and dined alone for the first time. The food on board is just as good as I remembered. Jeff’s last cruise was on the Regent Seven Seas Mariner and he agreed the food on Nautica is just as good (with the possible exception of Mariner’s Cordon Bleu restaurant). The service on Nautica is still exemplary. At lunch today I got a milk shake (something new since last year) at Waves. As I held my burger and fries in one hand and milk shake in the other I reached to open the door to the Terrace Café.

 

“Sir, excuse me, can I please have your milk shake?” Alex the ice cream attendant had noticed my attempt to open the door. I handed him my glass and with his free hand he reached across the counter, opened the door and handed me back my milk shake. “Here you go sir.” It was 95 degrees on deck, Alex was wearing long pants and working in the hot, tropics but he immediately came to my assistance without any motivation other than his own. If I had been working the ice cream counter in the oppressive heat I might have smiled at a passenger but I don’t think I would have exerted the effort Alex did.

 

The few service complaints I have heard on this cruise mimic the ones I heard last time. Things like, “I wish they wouldn’t ask me so often if everything is OK.” That’s the kind of complaint that should make Oceania’s management happy. I have asked several cruise critic readers aboard who booked this trip at least partially based on my narrative of last years’ journey if they thought I exaggerated the service and food.

 

“No, if anything it’s even better than I expected,” Cathi told me. Other than my long-standing complaint that the bathrooms and standard staterooms are too small for a long cruise, I still think Oceania is the best place to be on the ocean today. The service, food and environment rival almost everything on land and everything at sea. When their new ships come out I believe Oceania will be a better overall experience than Regent, Silverseas or the mass lines. To me they are the perfect mix of luxury and value and I am pleased that nothing has declined since last year.

 

I have had a few odd moments with my cabin attendant but I believe that they are because as a lecturer my needs come second to a paying passengers. For example, I can’t order room service until after 9 a.m. This is as it should be. Much of the magic on Oceania is the service and it makes sense that everyone onboard, no matter who you are, has to take a back seat to a fare-paying guest.

 

After dinner we planned to visit the Binh Than night market. The relentless heat of the day made shopping outdoors at night much more attractive than in the daytime. When we reached the end of the pier and exited the gate, five or ten men offered to help us.

 

“You need massage? I know nice girl,” said a short Vietnamese man tugging on my shirt.

 

“Where are you going? I’ll take you there cheap,” a pedi-cab driver said as he tried to steer my brother toward his bike.

 

We ignored everyone and got in the cab.

 

“Where are you going?” asked the driver.

 

“Binh Than night market. Are you using the meter?” I asked.

 

“Yes, no problem. Come on in.” We got in his cab and he asked if we worked on the ship. I often say I do as I think it makes the taxi drivers and sales peoples believe I am wise to their tricks and scams. The driver had a 3 inch crystal cross, a small photo of Jesus and a statue of the Virgin Mary permanently mounted on his dashboard.

 

We arrived at the market and the meter read 16,500---about one US dollar.

 

“Here you go, thanks for the ride,” I said as I handed him a 20,000-dong note intending the balance for a tip.

 

He looked at it strangely and then looked at me very seriously. “Sir this is the wrong amount. The total is one hundred sixty five thousand.”

 

I know he was lying. The market is about a $1 to $2 cab ride at most from they ship. He was adding a zero to the total and trying to multiply the true charge by ten!

 

“No it isn’t. The correct fare is sixteen thousand five hundred.”

 

“Sir, I am very sorry but the gas prices are so high that we had to increase the price,” he said as he tried to hand me back the 20,000 dong note.

 

“You know what? You are a very bad Christian. I am not giving you any more money. You should take the cross and Jesus’ picture off your dashboard because you are just a liar.” My brother was watching me with some amusement.

 

The driver suddenly smiled. “I am not lying the fare is much more expensive you are wrong.”

 

I suddenly got angry. I was tired of cab drivers and pedi-cab operators trying to rip us off. I know Vietnam is experiencing 20% inflation and I know gas prices are rising exorbitantly around the globe but this was highway robbery. I was offering the normal fare and a substantial tip.

 

I opened my door, got out of the cab and said, “You are a dishonest man. I don’t think Jesus loves you anymore. You should be ashamed of yourself.” I slammed the door and he drove away still inexplicably smiling.

 

“I think you were a little hard on him,” Jeff said trying hard not to laugh. “Are you sure Jesus doesn’t love him? I think Jesus would have forgiven him.”

 

My brother was right. The heat of the day and the series of drivers trying to take advantage of us and all the other passengers got the best of me. We bought some beautiful lacquer ware coasters and a Skull-shaped ornamental ashtray for Jeff’s 16-year old son. We returned to the ship and had a good nights sleep---the jet lag is well behind us now.

 

Today I used the rest of my SIM card calling my parents and a few friends. We went back to a shop near the Rex Hotel for Jeff to get something for his wife and for me to get a few more lacquer gifts. We each found a few things including several large exquisite lacquer boxes adorned in a Celtic looking Asian motif. Each box contained eight lacquer place mats and matching coasters. After a few minutes of negotiating, the price for everything was between my offer of $88 (a lucky number in Asia) and the head saleswoman’s offer of $92. The negotiating was fun---I was probably paying a little too much, but the prices were ridiculously cheap for the quality by US standards---and two other saleswoman were already wrapping our prospective purchases. Everyone in the store knew these items were going home with us.

 

“Come on I give you good deal. Ninety-two is such a good price. You lucky man,” the saleswoman said.

 

“Happy Buddha?” I said, almost asking it as a question as I rubbed my belly.

 

“Oh, Happy Buddha!” she said. All the other woman looked up and started smiling as they murmured, “Happy Buddha.”

 

“OK, Happy Buddha. Ninety dollars is OK,” she immediate began rubbing my belly. The other woman on the floor got up and each took a turn rubbing my lucky belly. Maybe I can turn this to my advantage, I thought. I just saved two bucks letting a bunch of young woman rub my belly.

 

They finished wrapping our purchases and handed me three bags. As I left the store, two bags in one hand one bag in the other, the head sales woman said, “Happy Buddha!” and rubbed my tummy one more time. Then, I guess for a bit of extra luck, she also squeezed my right nipple. With both hands weighed down by my gifts I wasn’t in a position to stop her. I quickly exited the store with the farewell sound of Happy Buddha ringing in my ears.

 

When I returned to the ship Jeff gave me a special gift. A five-inch high bronze Buddha with four sides---each displaying a different mood: happy, content, sad and angry. “Maybe I’ll place this outside my office door and they can turn it to whatever my mood is that day, kind of like an emotional weather-vane,” I said.

 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, but for now, in our cabin your Buddha is going to be happy.” I am pleased that peering out from the shelf above my television is my new friend the four sided Happy Buddha.

 

I also have a new role model in my life. Sukey’s companion Jesse received an email Friday that his business finally closed and he is officially retired. “Jesse, you are my new role model. I can’t think of anything in the world better than getting an email a week into a 35-day Oceania cruise saying your business sold and you are officially retired.” I am very happy for both of them---they deserve it.

 

Tomorrow we have another sea day and Tuesday we arrive in Bangkok.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Emdee]

Jack another wonderful instalment..... almost fell of my chair laughing about the various women rubbing your "buddha" .

 

When we were in Beijing at the Pearl market something similar happened to my husband and I felt a little peeved at these strange Chinese women touching his person!! But now on reflection it was rather funny...

 

As to our Oceania cruise - mixed feelings. We loved some things hated others( particularly the brown water flowing from our tap). Would go again on Oceania for the itinerary though I dont think the 35 day cruise is for us. Our next one is on Regent.

 

Looking forward to your next instalment.

Miriam

[Jancruz]

Hi Jack,

It feels funny reading your wonderful posts from shoreside instead of on Nautica!!

It sounds like you are again having a great time and a different experience with your brother Jeff..

Please give my love to Michael Coughlin and Leslie Jons and tell them both they owe me an email and I hope to see them soon..

Love and look forward to the next chapter..

Jancruz1

[merryecho]

You haven't lost your touch Jack- This journal is just as funny and charming and interesting as the last one- even without Lumpy.

[scdreamer]

Thanks for another great read, Jack. I had forgotten how much fun it was to follow your journey last time ... defintely looking forward to more!

 

Leslie

[JackfromWA]

A FEW REPLIES:

 

Emdee: Glad you liked the story. Be sure to let Oceania know how they could make a future trip for you better.

 

JanCruz1: I miss you and Stan! It feels strange to walk the pool deck without seeing you relaxing. I look forward to our next shared cruise. I passed on your messages and please tell Stan hi.

 

MerryEcho: Good to hear from you and thank for the kind words.

 

SCdreamer: Wish you were with us this time. Glad you are enjoying it.

 

DINNER AT POLO

 

After a beautiful day the cruise director, Leslie Jon, invited me, Jeff, Sukey and Jess to have dinner at Polo. Enzo Mazzali also joined us. This was a special treat as Enzo is responsible for all the meals and all the restaurants on all Oceania’s ships and happened to be onboard Nautica.

 

We had an exquisite view from the stern of the ship as Nautica leisurely made her way from Vietnam towards Bangkok. Leslie, like all great cruise directors, is a wonderful dinner host. He has been at sea over three decades, and like so many of Oceania’s best staff he previously spent five years at Silverseas. He came to Oceania to pursue his dream of helping build a new cruise line. Inevitably, our dinner conversation drifted to cruising.

 

“Oceania is the place to be in the cruise industry today,” Leslie said.

 

“I agree with you, as a passenger and a person who loves cruising, but why do you feel that way?” I asked.

 

Leslies paused a moment, looked me directly in the eye and said, “Oceania has restored credibility and respect for the entire industry.” He is right. The level of anticipated service from almost all staff, the cuisine, getting rid of the prevalent-on-mass-cruiselines annoying photo staff dressed as pirates forcing posed picture in the dining room for sale during the cruise are all part of the reason. In my opinion the other is that Oceania, like Silverseas, Regent, Seabourn and Crystal offers exquisite service, fine cuisine and amazing itineraries. The difference between Oceania and the other high-end lines is they have figure out how to do it as well as the others without charging the higher rates. Another touch I love is the lack of formal nights. I don’t like packing a tuxedo (which I felt was de rigueur on Silverseas) for a vacation.

 

“The food is excellent on board Enzo. My last cruise was on the Seven Seas Mariner and the food and service are just as good here,” my brother said.

 

“I agree. It is as good as Silverseas with less caviar,” I added.

 

Enzo laughed. “That is a great description. I ran the food on Silverseas for five years and here you can still get caviar but not so often. Other than that I think our product on Oceania is just as good.”

 

“Can you tell us about the new ships Enzo? Sukey asked.

 

“Well, they will be beautiful. There will be many specialty more restaurants and in fact…” in his romantic light Italian accent Enzo went on to describe something about the restaurants that thrilled Sukey and I.

 

“Can I write about the on cruise critic Enzo,” I asked, excited to have such interesting news to share with all of you.

 

The color of Enzo’s face changed a little. “Oh, no. Please don’t. We just received this information a few days ago and it could still change.”

 

So, as much as I would like to share it with you I’ll respect Enzo’s wishes and keep his secret. Trust me that some of the plans for the new restaurants are truly innovative and different. If it were just you cruise critic readers I don’t think it would be a problem to tell you---after all we are some of Oceania’s best customers. Unfortunately, since Oceania is the leader and pioneer in the cruise world today, if their competitors learn their plans they’ll attempt to copy them (look at Azamara). While I believe in healthy competition I am fond of Oceania and I am not going to give their competition a sneak peek into their still confidential plans for the new ships. Besides, it would make me a very ungracious dinner guest.

 

I asked Leslie a little more about his background and learned that his two early mentors were Charles Schulz and Rod Serling. Leslie’s stories about “Sparky” (Schulz’s nickname) were moving and fascinating. He explained that Sparky told him that he is Charlie Brown and that Lucy is his first wife (there is a field day for a therapist in that revelation). They were so close that Leslie has a hand done picture of Leslie as Snoopy in addition to a few other one-of-a-kind drawing. If you are ever on one of his cruises ask him to tell you a story about Sparky.

 

My last post was long so I am going to sign off now. Things are going great onboard. My only regret is that on Saturday I need to return home in Singapore---I couldn’t take the whole 35-days off from work this year.

 

Sukey has made plans for a private tour in Bangkok and even though it is Songkran (New Years) and some things are closed I am sure we’ll have a great time.

 

Thanks for reading.

[meow!]

“I agree. It is as good as Silverseas with less caviar,” I added.

 

Enzo laughed. “That is a great description. I ran the food on Silverseas for five years and here you can still get caviar but not so often. Other than that I think our product on Oceania is just as good.”

Unfortunately that has changed. Our Panama Canal voyage aboard the Shadow last December might be the last one with full free caviar for the foreseeable future (cruise lines do change their policies from time to time). http://boards.cruisecritic.com/showthread.php?t=680435 A month after we returned home, Silversea announced that starting 1st January this year, except for the top suites, caviar will only be available on a few occasions, i.e. on restricted supply just like Oceania. Additional servings of the American caviar will be at $60. I enjoy reading your stories, which are exemplary!

 

P.S. Other than what is included, i.e. air ticket versus tips, drinks etc., the size of the ship (passenger numbers) and size of the standard cabins are what separate Oceania from the others you mentioned. Now even Seabourn is building a new ship at 450 passengers and Silversea one at 540 passenger, and RSSC already has one at 700 passengers. When Oceania has their new ships with large standard cabins, it will be essentially similar to the others, especially RSSC. Any comments?

[cruiseyguy]

meow!-You raised an interesting point. Apollo owns both Regent and Oceania. If the new Oceania ship allows O to offer a product similar to, but less expensive than Regent, why have Regent at all? I don't understand the business plan these guys are working from.

[lahore]

Hey Jack, keep on enjoying. Looking forward to your Songkran adventures.

[JackfromWA]

A FEW REPLIES

 

Meow!: So nice to see you again. Sorry to hear Silverseas had changed their policy. Thanks for letting us know.

 

Cruiseyguy: I will write a little about this next time and offer my opinion when I discuss the overall trip from Hong Kong to Singapore.

 

Lahore: Nice to see you again too… Happy Thai New Year!

 

 

THAILAND

 

Because our first day in Bangkok was Songkran, or Thai New Years, our original plans were disrupted. The ship sent out a notification to all guests that the shore excursions they offered to the Thai Grand Palace and many of the other sites were canceled since the attractions were closed for Songkran. All of us were also advised to be wary on the streets as Thai’s celebrate New Years by splashing water on everyone.

 

Sometimes the splashing is mild, a monk might sprinkle a little water as you pass, but for every moderate splasher some enthusiastic reveler has either a fully loaded super soaker water bazooka, a fifty-five gallon barrel and a small bucket or a working hose. Last year in Phuket an enterprising kid had managed to attach a fire hose to a hydrant and took careless aim at anyone within the hoses fifty foot reach.

 

Sukey had arranged for us to tour with a guide named Tong (http://www.tourwithtong.com) for two days. The first day she planned a traditional day in Bangkok visiting temples, the Grand Palace, a canal boat, Jim Thompson house, a cabaret and Thai lunch. The second day was a visit to the floating market and Tong’s secret picturesque fishing village where no guide visited but her. We assumed we wouldn’t get to see the Grand Palace which was unfortunate for Jeff---he had never been to Bangkok and I rank it as highly as the Eiffel Tower, Versaille or any of the major European castles or cathedrals.

 

“Tong it’s too bad Jeff can’t see the Grand Palace. Will it be open tomorrow?” I asked.

 

“Actually I have good news,” Tong said in her melodic slightly accented English. “Part of the palace is closed but the Temple of the Emerald Buddha is open and since today is a holiday you don’t have to pay to go in!” She smiled at each of us as she shared our good luck at having free admission. “We must hurry though. It will close in a few hours.”

 

We rushed through the rare mostly empty Bangkok streets and got to the Grand Palace. Despite it being closed there were at least 1,000 people wandering inside and plenty of post card and trinket hawkers outside. “Hurry up,” Tong said. “We have to get in before it closes.” As often happens when I travel I was confused by the Grand Palaces official “closure” which meant it was actually open for a few hours but since it was officially closed admission was free. Enjoying our unexpected luck and the lighter than usual crowds we spent about 45 minutes seeing the Emerald Buddha and admiring the gold gilt towers and mirrored mosaics that decorate the buildings and structures of the grounds. The heat was intense---about 95 degrees with about 90% humidity and soon we were ready to return to the comfort of Tong’s air-conditioned Toyota passenger van.

 

Next we went to the Temple of the Reclining Buddha. It measured at least thirty feet tall and several hundred feet long. The size and surrounding columns prevented me from getting a picture that capture its immense size—it has to be seen in person to be appreciated. We entered at the Buddha’s head and walked down to the feet. The soles were decorated with ornate inlaid pearl drawing of events from Buddha’s life. The light smell of incense caused me to look up and I heard the sound of lightly echoing wind chimes. That’s strange, I thought. I haven’t seen any chimes. As I rounded the corned I realized that running the length of the back of the Reclining Buddha are hundreds of metal urns arranged at arm height. A woman was selling small tins filled with handfuls of small denomination coins and the tinkling sound I heard was actually the sound visitors make as they walk the length of the Temple dropping a coin as they pass the hundreds of musical urns. I loved this ritual---both because it helped maintain the Temple financially and simultaneously created music. I bought coins, split them with Jeff and we walked along the passage dropping our coins and creating music as we retreated from the Temple to the outside world.

 

In the same area was the Golden Buddha. I usually don’t feel too spiritually moved when entering placed of worship but this time I immediately felt a light serenity permeating the Temple. It didn’t seem proper to talk. “Tong, what is this place?” I whispered.

 

“It is where monks and others come to meditate. This is my favorite temple. It is called Phra Phutthatheva or in English the beauty like the angels create” she replied.

 

“It’s my favorite too, I really like it here. I’ve never been here before.”

 

“If you come early in the morning or at 5 p.m. you can listen to the monks chant. You have to come a bit earlier than five since it fills up with people,” Tong said.

 

“Oh, I would love to do that. I wish we had more time.” If I had been spending the night in Bangkok I would have come back to hear the monks, but we had a full day planned and I didn’t have time.

 

After the temples we took a canal boat ride for an hour. Tong knew a special place to feed fish and for 20 baht purchased six loaves of bread.

 

“Get out your camera,” Tong said. We all watched as she threw a quarter of a loaf into the water. Immediate churning and bubbles formed around the bread.

 

“Look at all those fish,” Jeff said. There were at least twenty large fish fighting to get the bread. We threw more in and within a minute hundreds of large fish surrounded our small canal boat, splashing us as they fought to get the bread. It appeared as if I could step out of the boat and walk along a path of fish the twenty feet to the canals edge.

 

We toured the Jim Thompson house, returned to the ship for a quick dinner, and met up with Dennis and Jane who had gone to Angkor Wat.

 

“How was it?” I asked.

 

“It was fantastic. We are glad we went. It was really hot and there were lots of stairs but we had a great time,” Dennis replied.

 

We had made plans to see a traditional Thai lady boy show called Calypso at the Asia Hotel that Sukey had seen before. When the show began a beautiful woman came out and began to perform an elaborate lipsync---Milli Vanilli would be proud.

 

“That can’t be a man,” Jeff said. She did have almost perfect breasts and I could see why he doubted that this person was born male.

 

“Nope, it’s a guy. Those breasts are fake.” Thailand has a well-deserved reputation for the best female impersonators on earth. The show was a strange but compelling well-rehearsed collage of Korean, Chinese, Thai and American cabaret (after a song from the musical Chicago they performed a Chinese wedding piece). The lady boys all looked like real woman.

 

“What did you think Dennis?” I asked after the show.

 

“Well to tell you the truth I make have to rethink some things,” he said. I laughed. The boys really did look like very attractive woman. I later learned that most of the lady boys still have their male parts intact but they have silicone breasts surgically implanted.

 

When we arrived back to the ship I learned that my last lecture was the next day at 5:30 p.m. so I chose not to go to the floating market the next day. I still had some last minute preparations to do.

 

I had been thinking about the last lecture and was keenly aware this was my last opportunity to share my experiences and help my fellow passengers make the most of this amazing itinerary. The previous lectures both went really well, but this time I wanted to try to convey how special this trip is---I think of it as magic. I got off Nautica a different person in Athens than when I arrived in Hong Kong. I don’t know if it was the places we visited, the perfect combination of sea days to reflect, visit and rest and port days to learn, see and explore but I do know it was extraordinary and I believe it can be extraordinary for anyone aboard. I wanted to share my enthusiasm and delight in last years journey.

 

My goal for the lecture was ambitious: talk about Salalah, Luxor, Petra, the Pyramids and encourage people to live their dreams and make something special out of their 35-day cruise ---all in 45 minutes! I reviewed my notes, carefully selected my readings and left a little time at the end to thank Oceania, share a few philosophical thoughts and offer some encouragement to make the most of this cruise.

 

I think I succeeded.

 

After I got done a woman came up to me and said, “That wasn’t just information, it was spiritual. You really knocked it out of the park---you should be a preacher.” Normally I wouldn’t consider someone describing my lecture as “spiritual” as a good thing, but this time I think it is. This trip has a spiritual component and I wanted to share that experience. I didn’t want to give the typical cruise ship lecture.

 

“You were fantastic. You took a room full of people who came in feeling a sense of entitlement and after you were finished they left feeling a sense of gratitude. That ain’t easy and you should proud of yourself,” another passenger said.

 

I did feel great. I believe I accomplished what Frank Del Rio wanted me to---I shared my experiences with my fellow passengers, and I shared the deeper transformation that occurred for me and my mom and dad on this trip last year.

 

The next day we went to Ko Sumai. This was the first time I had ever tendered off of Nautica. Overall it wasn’t too bad but I always prefer to be docked. The ship used large local tenders so the process moved pretty fast. I booked a jeep safari and a one hour elephant ride through Tours of Indochina (http://www.toursofindochina.com). They were great in Vietnam and have a fantastic reputation throughout Southeast Asia. Our guide and driver were waiting for us when we arrived and immediately took us to the “Magic Gardens.” Although the gardens were mostly manmade statues of various Buddhas and other deities, it was an ascetically pleasing stop---Jesse, Sukey’s companion, got ideas for his new landscaping.

 

Next we went to a waterfall. Their wasn’t much water falling and coming from the Pacific Northwest, where in Bellingham we have a larger waterfall (Whatcom Falls Park) running through the center of town, I didn’t want to stay long. Fortunately no one else did either. Our guide seemed a little disappointed. “Don’t you want to take some pictures of the beautiful waterfalls?” she asked. More out of a sense of obligation than a desire to capture the memories, Jeff scampered down the hill and took some pictures of the waterfall and the young Thai kids swimming in the pool below.

 

On the way to the elephants we stopped to see a rubber tree. Our guide cut a small line in the tree bark and soon white rubber was flowing in to a coffee cup sized bucket. It moved literally as slow as molasses. “See. Look. Rubber!” Our guide said, delighted with her rubber making ability. “Maybe you want to take a photo.” She said pointing to my camera while nodding her head up and down. Since digital photos are easy to delete I made her happy by snapping a few more pictures.

 

I was becoming less and less happy with our guide. She and the driver worked for “Mr. Ung’s Magic Tour Company” not Tours of Indochina. As we arrived back to the jeep I noticed our driver pinching something out of a bag and placing it in the hand of the driver of the jeep behind us. As I looked closed I realized the other driver had placed it in a rolling paper. It didn’t look like tobacco.

 

“Can I…,” I asked questioningly as I leaned forward to smell it. It wasn’t tobacco.

 

“Mary-Hu-Anna,” he said, suddenly appearing very Jamaican.

 

“Marijauna?” I replied.

 

“Yes,” they both nodded and immediate said shhhh and signaled me not to tell anyone. “You want some,” they giggled.

 

“No thanks…. shhh,” I said as I got in the jeep. I decided I needed to tell Tours of IndoChina as most tourists don’t want stoned jeep drivers on the narrow and sometimes treacherous roads of Ko Sumai. They are a great tour company and I am sure they don’t want their sub-contractors getting stoned while driving their customers.

 

When we arrived at the elephant ride I could tell Sukey was a little disappointed. “It isn’t as nice as the place I went in Phuket,” she said.

 

“I pity the elephant that gets you and me,” Jeff said. I did too. Between us we are close to 500 pounds (more me than Jeff) and Thai people are much smaller. “Watch out if the elephants ears flap,” he warned

 

“Why?”

 

“It means the elephant is unhappy,” he replied.

 

To mount the elephant we climbed up a small platform so we were at the same height as the elephant’s back. A small bench was centered just beind her neck and the driver sat on the elephant’s head. Jeff climbed on the bench first and as soon as I sat down the elephant’s ears began vigorously flapping back and forth.

 

“See what I mean,” Jeff said. The driver started laughing. There were four other elephants in our convoy, but ours was the only elephant who received an extra ration of fruit before we started.

 

“I think they are bribing her to be good,” I said as we set off into the jungle. Sukey had asked for an hour ride and I made a special point of confirming this with Tours of IndoChina in writing. At first an hour seemed too long but after fifteen minutes I decided that maybe riding an elephant for an hour would be fun. Our driver offered to let Jeff ride in his position and soon Jeff was guiding the elephant through the jungle.

 

“Do you want to try?” he asked. I have trouble staying upright on a balance beam in a middle school gym, so the last thing in the world I wanted to do was to try to sit on an elephant’s head and hope that if I fell off it didn’t step on me.

 

“Nope, that’s fine. I’ll just stay right here. Thanks anyway.”

 

The driver took a bunch of pictures and as he handed me my camera back he said, “Good tip for me, OK?” I smiled and nodded. I looked at my watch and we still had 35 minutes left on our ride. The driver climbed back on the elephant and within a few minutes I realized we were almost back to the platform we mounted the elephants on.

 

“Excuse me, excuse me. This is a one hour elephant ride,” I said holding up one finger to better make my point. “Why are we going back?”

 

“No, no this is a 30 minute ride,” he said, steering the elephant toward the platform. I tried to convince him we paid for an hour but he kept steering the elephant toward the dismounting platform.

 

“I’ll go talk to our guide,” I told Jeff. I climbed off the elephant and hurried down the platforms stairs. I spotted our guide at the café. “Excuse me our ride was only 30 minutes it was supposed to be one hour.” She looked confused.

 

“No, it is supposed to be one hour,” she replied.

 

“Yes, that is what I am trying to say it is supposed to be one hour,” I said.

 

“You don’t want a long ride?” she asked. This was getting confusing.

 

“No, the man said I must leave the elephant after only 30 minutes.” She looked confused.

 

“It is supposed to be one hour I will tell him.” As she tried to sort things out the rest of our party arrived and began to get off their elephants.

 

“Good news you can have another half hour elephant ride,” our guide said.

 

“Do any of you want to do the exact same thing we just did?” I asked the rest of our group. Getting back on your elephant on a hot day is like putting your ski boots back on after a pleasant lunch in the lodge. We all agreed we were done with the elephants.

 

“It’s OK. We don’t need another elephant ride. Just have Tours of IndoChina reduce the price of the tour since we couldn’t ride the hour,” I said.

 

“But you can take the half hour ride again and then you ride one whole hour,” she said, rapidly nodding her head in hopes I would agree to her plan.

 

“No,” I replied a little more firmly. “We wanted a long ride on a long trail to the waterfall not two short rides to the same place.”

 

She appeared crestfallen but knew she had lost this round. We went to see the elephant show that was included on the tour while Jeff paid extra and rode a series of zip lines over the jungle canopy.

 

“This is not a very good show,” Sukey said. The seats were broken and the “show” consisted of one young elephant playing a harmonica, walking on two legs, etc. “The elephant show I saw in Phuket had at least 10 elephants, costumes and music.” Ours had one carnival barker, one elephant and a crackling PA system.

 

After the elephant show we were supposed to see a monkey show. We skipped it to the chagrin of our guide and given the heat and the long day asked to return to the ship. “You don’t want to go shopping?” she implored.

 

“No, we are tired and want to get back home. Thank you for everything though.”

 

“How about the mummy? We are going right by it on the way to the ship,” she said, anxious to extend our tour somehow.

 

“We are going to Egypt and there are lots of mummies there…”

 

“Jack, this a monk who was meditiating and died… it isn’t like an Egyptian mummy,” Sukey interjected. We all agreed to stop at the mummified monk on the way back. As we approached the ship the guide drove us slowly along the shops by the water.

 

“See so many pretty things… are you sure you don’t want to shop?” It seemed obvious to me she either had friends or family with a store, or was hoping for a commission from someone. We again politely declined and boarded the tenders back to Nautica.

 

All in all it was a great day. Tours of IndoChina were very fair and reduced our price $8 each to make up for the short elephant ride and we all enjoyed riding elephants, the jeep rider through the jungle and getting to see a piece of Thailand none of us had ever seen before.

 

Thanks for reading.

[TenerifeSharon]

Jack, I am again enjoying your adventures enormously. And I wish I could have heard your lectures - I'm sure they were a spiritual experience for everyone involved!

 

And now I know why I haven't yet heard back from Tong about our planned tours for October. She was busy with your group!! Is she as good as everyone says?

 

Thanks for all your wonderful posts.

[JoePDX]

 

“You were fantastic. You took a room full of people who came in feeling a sense of entitlement and after you were finished they left feeling a sense of gratitude. That ain’t easy and you should proud of yourself,” another passenger said.

 

 

 

Hi Jack,

 

I think she encapsulated it perfectly - not only for her experience of listening to you, but the same for all of us who followed your travels with your Mom and Dad through your words last year.

 

I felt a real sense of loss when I read the final passages in the book the other night. So I'm quite certain there will be a fourth read.

 

Thanks again for all the wonderful memories, if only through your words, until Jeff and I can make this trip and create our own.

 

Best,

Joe

[lahore]

Congrats on the wonderful feedback Jack, good for you. And thanks for spending your time reminding me how much fun travel in SEA is. I am off to Hong Kong again on Wednesday so you've whetted my appetite, again!:)