What's the best approach when someone won't control a child?

[CowPrincess]

Okay, here's hoping this doesn't turn into a "no kids should cruise/all kids should cruise/you jerk/you jerk" flame war :)

 

I figure that the people in this forum have more insight into kids and parenting than I do. I hope, anyway. On one cruise, my friend and I had nightmare neighbours, an extended family on each side of us, across the hall, and up and down the hall. They had about 6 cabins surrounding us. It was bad enough that they partied and yelled and screamed to each other from cabin to cabin, but the worst was the pair across the hall from us, travelling with a baby and a 2 (??) year old. It seemed pretty obvious that the whole group was pretty self-absorbed, and didn't seem to think of the effect their actions might have on others.

 

The baby was a screamer. Sigh. She started screaming before she got on board, and didn't quit. Her parents would leave the door of their cabin open, so everyone along the hall got the full delight of her screams. They would walk up and down the hallway with her, sharing the screaming with everyone. So this isn't a "can't/won't control" the kid issue. It was a "common courtesy" issue. Even my dear friend, who loves all children unconditionally, was at the end of her rope. We were woken EVERY night by this child's screaming. We complained to the Purser's desk, actually asking to be moved (and paying WHATEVER if necessary) and the Purser DID go talk to them, but that only seemed to help somewhat. We couldn't get moved -- the ship was full.

 

The other issue was with the 2 year old, who'd learned how to throw a tantrum. Because their cabin door was usually always open, the tantrum would carry on out into the hall, kicking and punching OUR door and walls, and disrupting any "quiet" time we were trying to have. The tantrums would even continue out onto a little deck that our area could access. The parents didn't do a thing, just let the kid scream, cry, kick, punch, yell and whatever. The child DID NOT make physical contact with either of us.

 

So after all that preamble, what is the best way to approach people whose kids are impeding one's enjoyment? We just did the best we could to avoid them but in future, I don't think that's the answer. I'd rather politely advise the parents that the behaviour is affecting us. Any suggestions?

 

(Oh please don't let this turn into a flame thread!!!)

[msmayor]

I think you did about all you really could do under the circumstances, and that's alert the Purser and see if they couldn't handle things.

 

Perhaps a comment such as "My goodness, it seems your kids aren't really enjoying themselves on what should be a wonderful family trip. You must have your hands full trying to keep them calm and smiling." Sometimes a statement showing empathy is enough to alert the parents that others are affected.

 

Then again, if the parents were blatantly allowing their kids to scream/cry/throw fits, chances are talking to them about the kids' behavior affecting your vacation wouldn't really make much of a difference. Most parents who are attentive will realize that a screaming child needs to somehow be controlled.

 

Unfortunately, the nature of a cruise vacation doesn't give folks a whole lot of choices with regard to avoiding this very situation. As you discovered, there was no place for you to move to, and short of kicking the family off at the next port, they weren't going anywhere either.

[CowPrincess]

Thanks msmayor! I'm not someone who can think effectively in the heat of the moment so I'm always better to have something prepared in advance. I like your suggestion because it doesn't assign any blame or judgment or anything. Because for SURE if I just said what I was thinking (without editing), it would be inappropriate.

 

I'd rather just try to get along, but sometimes stuff is so "in your face" that it needs to be worked out if possible. And with our upcoming cruise (DH has no tolerance for inconsiderate people), I'll need to be ready if the situation arises. Thanks again!!

[wrp96]

My one suggestion for the future, in case it ever happens again, and nothing can be done about it, is carry ear plugs with you. At least that way you can block out the noises. I know it doesn't help the fact that someone is being inconsiderate (adult or child) but at least you can get some peace and quiet.

[crusinmama06]

UGH, that would be awful!

 

Well you did the best you could. I probably wouldn't have been as polite as you. Everytime the door was open and the kid started screaming, I would have opened my door, walked across the hall, say "Do you mind?" and shut their door...lol. ;)

 

I have had a really disruptive neighbor (it was a guy beating his wife :eek: ) but we called the pursers office and security non stop on that cruise (NCL) That was an awful cruise, so I know where you are coming from.

 

I think if numerous calls to the pursers desk didn't remedy it, then I would have slipped a note under their door stating something like "If your child is crying, PLEASE be considerate to those around you and take him/her up to an OUTER deck"

 

And if that didn't work. I would wait till about 8pm when the kids first fell asleep...then I would go and BANG on their door really loudly. lol Just kidding :D but not really

[Loves_Dogs]

UGH, that would be awful!

 

Well you did the best you could. I probably wouldn't have been as polite as you. Everytime the door was open and the kid started screaming, I would have opened my door, walked across the hall, say "Do you mind?" and shut their door...lol. ;)

 

I have had a really disruptive neighbor (it was a guy beating his wife :eek: ) but we called the pursers office and security non stop on that cruise (NCL) That was an awful cruise, so I know where you are coming from.

 

I think if numerous calls to the pursers desk didn't remedy it, then I would have slipped a note under their door stating something like "If your child is crying, PLEASE be considerate to those around you and take him/her up to an OUTER deck"

 

And if that didn't work. I would wait till about 8pm when the kids first fell asleep...then I would go and BANG on their door really loudly. lol Just kidding :D but not really

 

Not wanting to hijack a thread, but your story reminded me of my hotel stay prior to my last cruise. We stayed at the Intercontinental in San Juan, very nice hotel. A couple in a room near us got in a HUGE screaming, cussing, vulgar door slamming fight. I was with my 16 year old son, who didnt need to hear the things they were screaming at each other. After about 15 minutes I called security. Couldn't BELIEVE how quick security got there to put an end to the fighting. The couple started back up maybe an hour later. Not sure if anyone else called but security showed up again. I don't know if they were removed from the hotel the second time, but I didnt hear a peep for the rest of the night. Some people can be so inconsiderate but I was pleased with how quickly the Intercontinental handled the problem.

[crusinmama06]

Not wanting to hijack a thread, but your story reminded me of my hotel stay prior to my last cruise. We stayed at the Intercontinental in San Juan, very nice hotel. A couple in a room near us got in a HUGE screaming, cussing, vulgar door slamming fight. I was with my 16 year old son, who didnt need to hear the things they were screaming at each other. After about 15 minutes I called security. Couldn't BELIEVE how quick security got there to put an end to the fighting. The couple started back up maybe an hour later. Not sure if anyone else called but security showed up again. I don't know if they were removed from the hotel the second time, but I didnt hear a peep for the rest of the night. Some people can be so inconsiderate but I was pleased with how quickly the Intercontinental handled the problem.

 

Oh I wish NCL had handled it as quickly. I knew the family had a 2 year old because we saw the mother drop the 2 year old at the kids crew where MY daughter was. :( About 2am every morning he would come back to the cabin (drunk) and start throwing her around the room. The walls were really thin and we could hear the crashing and could hear the thud of someone off the wall. It scared the crap out of MY kid. I can't imagine the fear that their child was going through. We called security every single night. They would take up to an hour to get there. Then they would knock on OUR door and say "We don't hear anything" :rolleyes: Well no kidding, the guy had already walked out or passed out.

[6rugrats]

There is no need for any flames here!

 

There is nothing else you could have done. These people were totally inconsiderate. They had to have been well aware their children were bothering other people. I have children myself and understand there are just times they can get out-of-control, but then they need to be removed from the situation so they cannot disturb others, at least as much as you can. I had a situation where I very politely informed mom that what her child was doing was really bothering us and offered a solution. She about ripped my head off and that was the end of that.

 

So, with people like that, there is just no polite comment getting any result. All you can do is complain, complain, complain over and over to the purser and any other crew member.

 

What I hate is when you are the polite one, and you make a very valid complaint, and you get that "what, do you hate kids?" look! And of course, it's not that at all. One group should not have more rights than another.

 

Vacations and cruises with small children are not suitable for every family.

[CowPrincess]

Thank you all for your reasonable ideas. I like the idea of a note under the door as an escalation tactic if a simple polite comment doesn't help.

 

And if I'd opened my mouth at the time, I'm SURE I'd have gotten more grief than relief, if you get my drift :)

 

Oh, I cannot imagine having a physically abusive spouse and victim next do us.... that would make me sick.

[Homosassa]

If it had been me with the disruptive children and constant complaining to the purser's deck didn't resolve the issue, I am afraid cruise staff would have found me with my mattress and bedding sleeping in a lounge.

[kitty9]

You did everything you possibly could. When a ship is full, there's nothing you can do, other than set up camp at the purser's desk and complain. I found that cruise lines don't like to do much of anything. When cruising on RCCI, I found teens smoking dope in the stairwell, and even though I called security, those kids continued to smoke there almost every night. I just don't think cruise lines want to hassle anyone because they don't want to lose future revenue from anyone. But what they forget is they may lose customers because they do refuse to handle incidents like yours.

[smoothy]

If you could have found any of your more sane neighbours, ensure they are complaining too. If the reports are coming from 4 or 5 different cabins, then maybe security would be a little quicker.

 

As for the kids smoking dope, where was the cruise ending? If it was in a US port, maybe drop a dime and call customs/DEA. If nothing else they'd have a sniffer dog go over the luggage in the arrivals hall and if the little toads had been dumb enough to bring home any unsmoked weed they would have had a rude shock.

[NewtoCruisewKids]

If it was my children that were being loud, obnoxious, whatever I would hope that someone would emphatize rather than criticize. I'm sure that the parents felt awful, who wouldn't? As far as people screaming across the halls then I would complain to the pursers desk.

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my kids are good on our cruise. I don't need the "looks".

[bmgaritty]

If it was my children that were being loud, obnoxious, whatever I would hope that someone would emphatize rather than criticize. I'm sure that the parents felt awful, who wouldn't? As far as people screaming across the halls then I would complain to the pursers desk.

 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my kids are good on our cruise. I don't need the "looks".

 

 

You would have empathy for the first incident. If the parents felt so "awful" - why were they letting tantrums occur in the hallway - screaming in the hallway etc.?

 

Why should the OP's vacation have been ruined because they refused to control their children?

 

The parents did not take into consideration any of the other passengers as they let the tantrums occur in the hallways.

 

They deserved more than the "look".

 

I would have questioned the parents with "Does this really need to occur in the hallway? Does she need to be banging on my door and wall?"

 

Based on their overall actions - it would have fallen on deaf ears.

 

I think Smoothy's idea was a good one - organizing the other neighbors who had to put up with these inconsiderate parents. Maybe a few more calls would have helped?

 

I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your cruise!

[Maddycakes]

My DD is also 2... and going threw a bad case of the terrible 2's... If she is throwing a tantrum, my plan is to take her immediately up to the room and SHUT THE DOOR. That is just common sence. However, I am concerned that the noise might travel threw the walls... what should I do then.... make her walk the plank.:rolleyes:

 

She is normally good but unpredictable at times... I'm just trying to formulate a game plan "IF" a situation occurs:o I would HATE giving in to her tantrum to quiet her. At home I just stand strong and DO NOT give in... but then again at home she is just bothering me.

[CowPrincess]

I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your cruise!

 

Oh we still enjoyed our cruise :) And gave us something to kvetch about when necessary. Nothing else caused us to kvetch, so at least they served some purpose :)

 

I know some of the other neighbours DID complain, but we were in the THICK of it, whilst surrounding by the rest of the extended family on each side. They had at least 6 cabins.

 

They deserved more than the "look".

 

Oh yeah, tried "the look" and it was a waste of time.

 

I would have questioned the parents with "Does this really need to occur in the hallway? Does she need to be banging on my door and wall?"

 

I like that!

 

You've all been very helpful, thank you so much -- I feel now as though I have a couple of appropriate "scripts" to use if the need arises.

[Meggiewegs]

You would have empathy for the first incident. If the parents felt so "awful" - why were they letting tantrums occur in the hallway - screaming in the hallway etc.?

 

Why should the OP's vacation have been ruined because they refused to control their children?

 

The parents did not take into consideration any of the other passengers as they let the tantrums occur in the hallways.

 

They deserved more than the "look".

 

I would have questioned the parents with "Does this really need to occur in the hallway? Does she need to be banging on my door and wall?"

 

Based on their overall actions - it would have fallen on deaf ears.

 

I think Smoothy's idea was a good one - organizing the other neighbors who had to put up with these inconsiderate parents. Maybe a few more calls would have helped?

 

I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy your cruise!

 

I completely agree with this post. Having a 9-month-old and a 3-yr-old myself, I would empathize the first time it happened.. perhaps the 2nd time. But after that, forget it. I know kids can throw fits, cry for no reason, & be loud and annoying, but seriously, take charge of the situation and be attentive parents. get the child out of the room. Let it run around in one of the empty conference rooms or something. Take a long walk with the child in the stroller. As a parent, you do whatever you can to teach your child that it is NOT OK to disrupt other people. I plan on taking my own advice on my upcoming cruise.

 

I hope any other cruises you take are quiet and relaxing. :)

[NoelsCat]

Seriously, I got to agree with the some of the pp's -- I mean I have a two year old who is can be quite accomplished at tantrums -- but EVERY DAY?? And, opening the door to make others suffer??? Allowing the kid to wail and troll the hallway! HOW RUDE!

 

When you are a parent, you know the temperment of your own child. My son is a great traveler and easily adjusts. I don't think he had a single tantrum on our cruise -- but we were also VERY proactive in keeping him entertained, occupied and happy.

 

Quite frankly, if I had a kid that tantrumed all the time, I would save the cruising until he was out of that phase.

 

JMHO.

 

Sorry you had to put up with that!

[MyPiePie]

I think a note under the door would have worked. I don't get leaving your door open with a 2 year old. Yikes!

 

Seriously, if I got a note under the door I would be mortified :o

[tlmaule]

As a mom of a son with autism, I do know there are times when DS has had screaming tantrums and there's not a lot we can do but hold on and try to calm him until he can regain control. That being said, I would not allow a tantrum to continue in the hallway for any longer than it took me to haul his little hiney into our room (he can be awfully heavy with that dead-weight thing kids can do, but even so....;) )

 

I'd also try to run into my neighbors and apologize for any noise that my son might be sharing through the walls:p

 

I applaud all of you who would handle the situation with grace - the post by msmayor was really nice: "My goodness, it seems your kids aren't really enjoying themselves on what should be a wonderful family trip. You must have your hands full trying to keep them calm and smiling."

 

Sometimes all us moms who are having tough days need is a bit of empathy and understanding. That comment gets the point across without accusation, and if it happens to be a special-needs situation, it's a very nice thing when someone recognizes we have our hands full.

 

Then again, it sounds like the situation that the original poster faced was just a case of a rude mom who didn't want to deal with a spoiled kid. In that case, some moms need a time out too (and I don't mean time out in the spa!!!:D )

 

Hoping for a "nice boy behavior" trip.......Tamara

[rebeccalouise]

I don't think you are going to have to endure this kind of thing again.

 

I was on the other end of this. My son was 5 at the time and we were in a cabin with a connecting door to other passengers. An older couple. You could hear everything through the connecting door. I could hear them talking and their tv. So I should have realized that they could hear us.

 

My son is a chatter box. He starts every sentence with "Mom. You know what?" Then chatters away. So we were driving them crazy! They told us politely that my son has a high pitched voice and could we be quieter at night.

 

I was so embarrassed and did what they asked. it was fine after that. They were very friendly.

 

So I do think sometimes you can point things out. I would make an attempt to say something politely.

 

Probably say- "Boy you have your hands full don't you." Sometimes that lets them know that the child's behavior has been noticed. But these matters are delicate and the front desk is the first place I would start.

[adamsmom]

What a nightmare! I probably would have asked them nicely but directly to please confine the child's screaming and tantrums to their room with the door closed so that the rest of the hall could get some peace and quiet, possibly giving some advice about taking them where there are no cabins or whatever. The next time it happened, I would notify the desk and see what happens. If that didn't work, I would talk to the parents again and be firmer and more unpleasant each time. But I tend to be a bit to confrontational.:rolleyes:

 

On our cruise just last week, I was walking down our hall with my 2 kids, 3 teens, and one 20-something girl around 10 p.m. on the first night. We were conversing in normal "inside" voices, when out pops this woman in her PJ's from a room we had just walked past. She starts in on us, and very rudely lets us know that we woke up her two kids, and could we be more considerate and not talk in the hallway. :confused: OK, I could understand if we were yelling down the hall or running as we saw others doing, but that wasn't the case. I apologized while the kids stood there dumbfounded. I told the kids later that if her kids wake up because someone walked by the door talking, that she is going to have a loooong week. ;) The rest of the cruise, I saw her several times, and she was always speaking loudly, usually fussing at her kids or husband. The woman must have even mentioned it to our cabin steward, because she told our friends next door that she had a complaint that their kids were yelling in the hall late at night.:( They assured her that their kids weren't yelling, that it wasn't late, and I told her that I was with them, and they were just talking normally. She was OK with that. The poor girl seemed pretty perturbed at the woman anyway. No telling what she had to endure. So I guess it all depends on the complainer's justification and the offender's consideration of others.

 

So, the moral of the story is, you should expect some noise, but not as much as the OP had to endure on that particular cruise. I think I would have taken my pillow and blanket up and slept in a lounge chair.

 

On a side note--the hotel we stayed in before leaving was in Galveston which was overrun by spring breakers. They woke us up around 2 a.m. yelling outside, either by the pool, in the parking lot, or from balcony to balcony. I had just sat up and reached for the phone to call the desk when they suddenly got quiet. I think someone must have beat me to it.;)

[sas80]

For me, I don't consider it my place to be advising other parents on how to raise their children. I realize that everyone's familial situation is different and unique and what works for my child most likely wont work for the "other" child.

 

Mis behaving children are definitely annoying but the parents who seemingly "arent doing anything about the situation" might have simply exhausted all of their known resources.

 

If you need to say something about a child that is being disruptive in the manner of running amok in the halls late at night, try to be as polite and non accusatory as possible.

 

After that, out of earshot of them and between DH and yourself, I feel, it is perfectly okay if you badmouth them and critique/criticize their parenting style, and revel in your little angels. :D

 

At the very least it will serve to release some stress for you.

[Shelleywood]

Poor thing! What a terrible way to spend your vacation! I know, being the mother of 3 children myself, how hard it is sometimes to deal with temper tantrums. I have always hated being a spectical for other people. If my kids went nuts in the store or anywhere in public I would take them outside and away from the situation. I also know that having anyone say ANYTHING deratory about your parenting skills or your precious angels is asking for trouble. But, you have every right to enjoy your vacation. I think the situation would've been at least a little more bearable if you could honestly see the parents making a concentrated effort to control their kids so the inconvenience to others was minimal as they could make it. I also think, no flaming please, parents should take on the responsibility of deciding if their children are ready for a cruise vacation. If they travel well and basically adapt to interuption of their routine then by all means take them.. they will love it. If you have children who are going through that stage where everything bothers them all of the time and they let you know about it loudly you might want to do another type of vacation until they're older. I would think this would be a tremendous amount of pressure off of the parents trying to keep them quite and occupied in such close quarters. You know a cruise has cabins on top of each other and it's hard for adults to be quite and considerate much less active children. My only constructive advice might have been, when they had their door open and kids were screaming, I would've walked to their door, stuck my head in and said "oh you poor things, I know how little ones can be. I thought I might help by shutting your door for you so you wouldn't have to get up and do it and your children could have some wind down time in peace." Shut door and pray for peace! :D

[itchin2cruz]

sas80 I agree with you 100%