13 Year Old Boy

[bankerbabe]

Next March for spring break we are taking our kids on their first cruise (hubby and I have been on several). My son will be 13 at that time, and I'm conflicted over how much freedom to give him. I know it depends on the kid, maturity, etc. so here's a brief description of my son:

• Straight A student, very smart and analytical.
  
• He's not the kind of kid that you have to tell to "think before you act" - he thinks everything through a little too much in fact.
  
• He's been very sheltered. We've only recently allowed him to stay home alone for less than an hour at a time.
  
• We live in the country, so he's never wandered the neighborhood to play with other kids so he's not used to having a lot of freedom.
  
• But, on the other hand, he's the kind of kid that if you tell him to do something at a specific hour, he'll do it.
  
• He's also prone to truthfulness, so lying about what he's been doing wouldn't be an issue.
  
• He's very much his own person and not very susceptible to peer pressure - he has ended a couple of friendships over behavior that he found inappropriate.
  

So, in other words, my child is an angel (aren't they all ha ha). I'm not worried about him causing problems, but I'm worried because I am a protective mother and I don't know all 3,000 people on the ship.

 

Now my other child (8 years old now) won't be allowed out of my sight on this trip or any other until she is 30 years old - gotta watch that one like a hawk.

 

Anyone have advice for this nervous mom? I know it's time to start letting him have some freedom, but I'm just not sure when and where. The last thing I want to be is a "helicopter mom" always hovering.

 

How much freedom have you all given your early teens and tweens?

[cb at sea]

Your boy will most likely be in the kid's program 85% of the time. If you set down some basic rules, like coming to find you if he leaves where he's been, to tell you where he's going, he'll be fine.

Just have a talk with him (you say he listens!) and tell him EXACTLY how it's going to be!

You'll be fine--he'll be fine!

[Flipflopsnfrozendrinks]

We allowed our very responsible 10 yo have a little freedom on our last cruise.

There were strict rules attached though. We had walkie talkies, and he had to tell me or my dh if he was leaving Fun Factory, and where he was going. We would meet him at his destination most times. Also, after dinner, he had to stay at Fun Factory or with us. Not because I was afraid he would misbehave, but more concerned with his safety after dark, and, as you mentioned, 3000 passangers.

It worked out really well for us, and the same rules will apply in Feb when we go again.

Kim

[abitaturbodog]

Like you, I'd be worried about my first time cruiser, wandering around the ship all by himself. On a cruise there's not only safety in numbers but also fun!

 

The first thing you need to do is find him a buddy or a bunch of friends to hang out with. Start at your sailings' Roll Call. Have the kids get in touch with each other now, so they've already made friends before the ship has even sailed. The boys on our roll call exchanged XBOX 360 gamertags and they play online together and can talk to each other. If you don't have a 360 then what about text messaging/calling/facebook/email? And don't miss your roll call's meet and greet!

 

 

The next thing is to make sure that he goes to the welcome party for Circle C the first night. With this age group not all of the kids like to go to the "camp" but instead will hang out with a group of buddies. The best place to meet these new friends is at the first night welcome party. If he doesn't go, it will be hard for him to break into the cliques that have already formed.

 

Hope this helps!

[cruisinsmoothly]

Our DS was 13 last time we cruised. Previous to that, he was on a cruise with us when he was 11. At 11, he spent a bit of time with the "kids club" but we went with him everywhere. At 13, he had more freedom. He was allowed to go get himself a soda or go to the arcade on his own. He , too, is a very mature , trustworthy kid. He will be 16 next summer for our 14 day Alaska cruise and he will be allowed run of the ship, but I doubt that he will take much advantage of it. We are a close family and will be traveling with friends who all enjoy his company, so he will usually be hanging with us.

[bankerbabe]

Thank you all for the advice. I'm such a mean mom - I don't let him have a cell phone, email account, or facebook page. Let's just say he's not well wired. I guess it's time to loosen up a bit and at least let the kid have email.

 

Now I'm off to our roll call boards. They haven't been very active yet, but I'm hoping to get him talking with some kids there. Good tip!

[abitaturbodog]

Good luck!

 

He will have a good time whether he's in Camp Carnival, palling around with friends or hanging out with mom and dad. Don't worry!

[Nekochan]

I bet you'll be pleasantly surprised at how your son will be able to handle himself. I would definitely give him some freedoms, with guidelines. Bring along sticky notes so you can let each other know where on the ship you are.

 

I think the most important rule for ALL kids is NOT to go to anyone's cabin or let anyone come to their cabin unless there is an adult they know present.

 

On our last cruise, my son was 12 and was allowed to sign himself in and out of the kids crew. It was scary and uncomfortable for me, but he did just fine. In fact, one time he left his room key card in the room and had enough sense to go to the reception desk and ask for a second key. I was really proud of him for that one.

 

Most of the time he stayed either with the kids activities, or went back to our cabin.

[SelectSys]

Thank you all for the advice. I'm such a mean mom - I don't let him have a cell phone, email account, or facebook page. Let's just say he's not well wired. I guess it's time to loosen up a bit and at least let the kid have email.

 

I would think that at 13 that a kid as responsible as yours can manage a phone and email. Some kids like it, some don't. My daughter is much more into it than my son. He has e-mail but doesn't really use it.

 

One nice thing about e-mail is that kids, at least my daughter, has kept in touch with some of the kids she met onboard. She has picked up aquaintenances around the world this way that she remains in contact with.

 

Now I'm off to our roll call boards. They haven't been very active yet, but I'm hoping to get him talking with some kids there. Good tip!

 

Not too many kids on these boards, just have your kids show up on the first night and eventually they all sort themselves out into groups based on interests and personalities.

 

Let your kids live a little and try and supress the "helicoptering" instinct during your cruise. A cruise ship is a good, controlled environment in which to allow your kids a bit of extra freedom in my opinion.

[karenem]

I agree with Nekochan. We took our first cruise with a 13YO this summer. He did wonderfully. It was pretty easy to stay together the first day or two until everyone knows the routine and knows their way around the ship, and then loosen up as you go. I'd say the major rules should be: always be where you said you'll be (wherever that is); no running in the halls or recreational elevator riding (probably not a problem but you never know); and most important, NEVER go to someone else's cabin or bring someone into your cabin without talking to a parent first.

[new_cruzer]

My son was 13 last November on our cruise and the walkie talkies we brought from home were perfect for this paranoid mom. I would buzz him to see what he was doing and then a few times I would even follow up with showing up where he was at without any prewarning. The first night he hooked up with a couple guys his age and they stuck together the whole time with no incidents, there is so much to do that they didn't have time to get into mischief. I stressed to him everyday the importance of being aware of your surroundings, not going into anyones cabin, and to be aware that we don't know and trust everyone on the ship. He really earned a lot of trust on this trip and handled himself really well

[oavcech95]

Yes, the idea about the walkie talkies is good, but I hope he doesnt lost it.

Another good idea is to tell him from what hour to what hour he need to be, and that go with you. Oh and always tell him where you will be, because in case of emergency something bad could happen, lets hope no