Daughter's friend and costs

[SweetSixteen2010]

Next year we are taking our first cruise for our daughter's 16 birthday and allowing her to bring her best friend. The friend doesn't know that we've booked this yet as I want to talk to her parents to make sure it's OK with them before we get the girl all excited. We've booked two cabins so the girls can have their own space and privacy and we will pay for the girl's cruise, soda package, gratuities, meals and hotel for travel to Ft. Lauderdale, etc. I'm wondering if it would be weird to ask the parents to foot the bill for their daughter's shore excursion costs. I'd love to hear other parents perspectives. Thanks!

[donaldsc]

IMHO, if you invite her as your guest, you are responsible for all costs.

 

DON

[Cruisin' Chick]

Maybe when you go to talk to the parents, you bring an estimate of the costs that aren't included in your offer, as well as what you are paying for. Don't forget they may have to get a passport for their child (some cruises don't require it, but if there's even a possibility that you may have to fly out of a foreign port in an emergency, the friend should have a passport).

 

If it's a matter of money for them, consider having the girls research the ports and come up with their own tour for each port for you all to take (going to the main attractions on your own). That's what we often do anyway.

[uppitycats]

Next year we are taking our first cruise for our daughter's 16 birthday and allowing her to bring her best friend. The friend doesn't know that we've booked this yet as I want to talk to her parents to make sure it's OK with them before we get the girl all excited. We've booked two cabins so the girls can have their own space and privacy and we will pay for the girl's cruise, soda package, gratuities, meals and hotel for travel to Ft. Lauderdale, etc. I'm wondering if it would be weird to ask the parents to foot the bill for their daughter's shore excursion costs. I'd love to hear other parents perspectives. Thanks!

 

You'd also need to be sure that you get written permission from the parents to take her with you, and control over medical issues. There are forms available for that.

[SweetSixteen2010]

Thanks for your replies so far. I'm a planner and a stickler for details, so the passport and notarized letter issues are givens that I've already planned to have addressed well in advance. I'm really mostly concerned with what it's OK to assume the parents may wish to contribute. I remember 25 years ago when I was in high school my best friend's family was extremely wealthy and her parents wanted to include me in their annual vacation, sailing for a month in the Caribbean. They did ask my parents to pay for my airfare, which was difficult for them financially at the time, but the opportunity was too great to pass up and they gladly paid my way. For this cruise, we do plan on paying for almost everything, including the all-inclusive plan at the beach breaks, but my kids want to do parasailing, jet skis, all that stuff and I'm thinking of having them save up for those "extras" themselves and perhaps I'll present that fact to the parents when I talk to them. (I'm confident this would not be a hardship for them, by the way.)

[boulders]

It depends on the economic circumstances of the parents, of course, but you have said that you are confident they can afford it. As a mom whose ds was taken by his cousin's family on a cruise last year, I think that asking for shore excursion money would be a fine idea. It allows them to contribute to something that I'm sure their dd will be thrilled with. My ds was not allowed to spend ANY of his own money on the cruise with my in-laws. It kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.

[cb at sea]

We taken our kids friends on vacations many times....who pays for what really depends on the finances of the friend's family. We had some who have sent along ample "spending money", and some who we KNEW couldn't afford it, so we took care of everything. The kids had a great time (and so did we, since our kids had other

s to "hang" with!)

There are so many things to do that don't require excursions.....if you know the family, then talk to them about any "special" excursions you may want to do.

[notentirelynormal]

I agree it depends of the friend's parents financial situation. I've done a couple of different things. I paid for my 18 YO niece to go and told her she had to pay her expenses. But, I booked some expensive excursions (at least for her) so I felt guilty and paid half of those. I paid everything else, the cruise, the hotel, transportation, tips, flights etc. Her parents didn't have a dime between them. She didn't even have a suitcase.

 

I've taken my 21 YO DS's struggling student friend and again paid for the cruise and flights and asked him to pay his expenses. I also asked him to pay me back the cruise when he became rich and famous. Still waiting. I will be pleasantly surprised one day to receive money in the mail for reimbursement. He paid his on-board expenses. His parents weren't willing to contribute anything. It was a birthday present for my son.

 

Even when I take my now grown kids I consider their financial situation at the time. This year for Christmas they will be getting a gift certificate covering the cost of their tips. Otherwise, they simply couldn't afford to go.

 

If you think the parents can afford to pay something, then by all means ask. If I were in that situation I wouldn't mind being asked. Just be prepared for a "no" and to pick up the slack. Sometimes people who appear to be able to afford something, really can't.

[SweetSixteen2010]

Thanks so much for your responses. I'm overthinking things, of course. I'm sure it will work out just fine and paying for a few extras we hadn't thought about certainly wouldn't be the end of the world. What counts is that the girls have the time of their lives and many happy memories. Thanks again!

[msmayor]

Thanks for your replies so far. I'm a planner and a stickler for details, so the passport and notarized letter issues are givens that I've already planned to have addressed well in advance. I'm really mostly concerned with what it's OK to assume the parents may wish to contribute. I remember 25 years ago when I was in high school my best friend's family was extremely wealthy and her parents wanted to include me in their annual vacation, sailing for a month in the Caribbean. They did ask my parents to pay for my airfare, which was difficult for them financially at the time, but the opportunity was too great to pass up and they gladly paid my way. For this cruise, we do plan on paying for almost everything, including the all-inclusive plan at the beach breaks, but my kids want to do parasailing, jet skis, all that stuff and I'm thinking of having them save up for those "extras" themselves and perhaps I'll present that fact to the parents when I talk to them. (I'm confident this would not be a hardship for them, by the way.)

 

In my mind, this shouldn't be a "perhaps"...it should be a "must".

 

In a situation like this I see absolutely nothing wrong with laying out exactly what you will pay for, and what you are asking the girl/her family to cover. There should be NO questions on either side, no assumptions about who will pay what.

 

You don't want to find yourself on that ship and learn that the girl has no funds to pay for these extras because the family 'assumed' based on your offer that you were paying for everything.

[bplazo]

We have taken my daughter's friend several times on vacation. Sometimes we have paid for it all and sometimes they have helped with some of the expense. I have always had my daughter pay for some of her excursions and soda cards because it is a good learning lesson. She has done this by earning money doing chores or babysitting.

[SweetSixteen2010]

Poor choice of words on my part with the "perhaps". I am a direct person and would never venture on a trip like this with unclear expectations or assumptions of any kind.

 

Brenda, I love that you have your daughter earn her own money for some of the things that make her vacation special to her. That's what I'm planning on doing with this trip as well. They have babysitting jobs, allowances, and a whole year to save for what really matters to them.

[topspot]

We took DD's friend with us last year for our Thanksgiving cruise. We spoke with her parents before discussing with girls. We covered cruise and excursions, onboard drinks. They covered airfare. They thought it was a good opportunity for their DD and our DD was sure to have a friend to hang out with. They offered to pay excursions, but we felt if we were picking them, we should be paying for them.

 

Had such a great time, their family is cuising with our family this Thanksgiving:D.

[relin711]

Since you have to talk to the parents, there shouldn't be any problem to say something like "everything should be covered, but you might want your daughter to have a few hundred to cover shore excursions and other unanticipated costs."

 

And the idea of having the kids plan their own excursions should take care of the issue.

[CanadianTwosome]

Poor choice of words on my part with the "perhaps". I am a direct person and would never venture on a trip like this with unclear expectations or assumptions of any kind.

 

Brenda, I love that you have your daughter earn her own money for some of the things that make her vacation special to her. That's what I'm planning on doing with this trip as well. They have babysitting jobs, allowances, and a whole year to save for what really matters to them.

 

I think you've got everything planned very well. We also expect our daughter to come up with some of her own spending money for vacations. Not only does it involve earning money, but saving as well, so it's a double lesson! When you speak to the other parents, you should simply explain this - that there are certain expenses that your daughter is going to be responsible for, and that they are optional, so the friend can choose to participate or not at her own (or their) expense.

 

I wish I could afford to bring a friend along on a vacation with us! What a great birthday present!! :)

[SweetSixteen2010]

I really appreciate your responses and perspectives. And the suggestions on how to bring it up are great! Thanks everyone! By the time this cruise comes around we will have gone about 3 years in between "real" vacations so we'll be due. Also, for some reason this child has not wanted a birthday party for many years so she's saved us money on that front for a long time. :p We're glad to be able to do this for her.

[dijid]

Am I the only one that wonders if besides the expenses, there's the issue of the girls having their own room? Do you think the parents are going to be okay with this? You might want to make sure you give all the details of the trip - and what supervision you will or will not provide - so there are no surprises down the road.

[SelectSys]

IMHO, if you invite her as your guest, you are responsible for all costs.

 

DON

 

Agreed. When we have invited kids along in a family activity we have pretty much paid for everything.

 

OP, it may be that the girl's parents will approach you and ask what they can do to help. In this case it would be up to you to decide if you want to have them contribute to her shore excursion fees.

 

I like the idea of having your daughter and her friend be responsible for some of the incidental costs but I assume you are picking the shore excursions and the girls really don't have an option when it comes to participation.

[SweetSixteen2010]

No, I believe I stated earlier that we are picking and paying for all costs with the beach breaks we are choosing. The kids want to ADD ON things like expensive parasailing, jet ski rentals and such, but if the kids are choosing those extra things the kids should pay for them. At the time of my original post I didn't think about the fact that the kids could save and contribute, but after some of the great posts others have offered here I think it's a great idea. Knowing this girl's parents as well as we do, I'm certain they will love the idea of having their child save for these things herself as well. It's a good lesson in saving and they may actually enjoy the activities more because of it.