Aquaphobic husband!

[phoebedog]

It kind of sounds like he would like to overcome this. I'm thinking he may not consider it "serious" enough to seek professional help. We don't really know that this is a true "phobia" or if it is more anxiety.

 

Has he talked to his GP about this issue? Perhaps a mild anti-anxiety med the week or so before may be enough.

 

Yes I think you are right, might be more an anxiety problem than a phobia.

He is reading these posts and finding them useful. Thanks.

[BeagleOne]

Are there "fear of cruising/boats/ships" courses like the "fear of flying" courses? You know, the ones where the group of fearful flyers meets pilots, flight attendants, etc.; tours airplanes; and eventually goes for a flight?

[NoobCruise]

Maybe you should just accept him as he is and not try to force it on him? He will probably end up resenting you for it if you keep it up. That's a lot of money to throw away when he backs out and he probably feels like he's disappointing you and can't measure up or please you. That's a lot of stress to put on someone.

 

I think I'd just book land trips with him - it's his vacation too and he should be able to relax and enjoy himself, not feel stressed the entire trip. Maybe you can figure out a way to force him on the ship, but you can't force him to relax and enjoy it.

 

If you want to cruise, cruise with a friend instead. JMO

[redridinghood]

Hi,

I went to work on a cruise ship 10 years ago and I was very frightened about it. It was mainly not being able to see land and feeling vulnerable in a little ship in the big ocean, I have a very healthy respect for the power of the ocean...

I found that the wonderful things about the cruise (even as a worker onboard) made me relax and be able to deal with my fears.

Now that I am a cruiser for vacations, I still have my fears, but I am able to deal with them in my own way. I try to not go too high up on deck and look around 360 degrees, that way I can try and convince myself there is land behind me! There is so much to do and such a wonderful environment that the fears move into the background and you just have a wonderful time, I really hope that your DH can make that initial step and see if he can cope with it. A short cruise sounds ideal.

[phoebedog]

Maybe you should just accept him as he is and not try to force it on him? He will probably end up resenting you for it if you keep it up. That's a lot of money to throw away when he backs out and he probably feels like he's disappointing you and can't measure up or please you. That's a lot of stress to put on someone.

 

I think I'd just book land trips with him - it's his vacation too and he should be able to relax and enjoy himself, not feel stressed the entire trip. Maybe you can figure out a way to force him on the ship, but you can't force him to relax and enjoy it.

JMO

 

We can't do land trips from England, it's an Island and I am terrified of flying!!!

I seem to be being accused of all sorts of pressurising and causing stress here which I can assure you is not the picture at all.

As I pointed out, I am made to fly so he agrees I am not being unreasonable asking him to try something different. Goodness me I am not an ogre, just asking if anyone else had overcome a similar problem.!!

There is no battle going on, just asking for tips.

[phoebedog]

Are there "fear of cruising/boats/ships" courses like the "fear of flying" courses? You know, the ones where the group of fearful flyers meets pilots, flight attendants, etc.; tours airplanes; and eventually goes for a flight?

 

Hello,

I haven't found one yet. It would be a great idea. I am thinking of going on the fear of flying one myself.

[phoebedog]

Hi,

I went to work on a cruise ship 10 years ago and I was very frightened about it. It was mainly not being able to see land and feeling vulnerable in a little ship in the big ocean, I have a very healthy respect for the power of the ocean...

I found that the wonderful things about the cruise (even as a worker onboard) made me relax and be able to deal with my fears.

Now that I am a cruiser for vacations, I still have my fears, but I am able to deal with them in my own way. I try to not go too high up on deck and look around 360 degrees, that way I can try and convince myself there is land behind me! There is so much to do and such a wonderful environment that the fears move into the background and you just have a wonderful time, I really hope that your DH can make that initial step and see if he can cope with it. A short cruise sounds ideal.

 

 

Thank you!!!!

He has voted your post "no. 1 most helpful":) Really appreciated.

[redridinghood]

p.s DH and I have an 'emergency bag' that we keep in the safe. It is waterproof and bouyant and we keep in it passports/wallets/phones and a few medical bits. If there was an emergency and we were able to go back to the cabin, this is what we would collect. It makes me feel safer just knowing that I have this organised.

[phoebedog]

p.s DH and I have an 'emergency bag' that we keep in the safe. It is waterproof and bouyant and we keep in it passports/wallets/phones and a few medical bits. If there was an emergency and we were able to go back to the cabin, this is what we would collect. It makes me feel safer just knowing that I have this organised.

 

Marvellous!

Can you come with us? :)

[klfrodo]

We can't do land trips from England, it's an Island and I am terrified of flying!!!

I seem to be being accused of all sorts of pressurising and causing stress here which I can ssure you is not the picture at all.

As I pointed out, I am made to fly so he agrees I am not being unreasonable asking him to try something different. Goodness me I am not an ogre, just asking if anyone else had overcome a similar problem.!!

There is no battle going on, just asking for tips.

 

I think the misunderstanding here is that YOU are asking the questions,,,, not him directly. Therefore, it comes across as if you are trying to force him to change something he has no control over.

Even though that is not your intention, the written word sometimes loses it's meaning due to lack of voice inflection and facial expression. Unless you can write professionally at least.

[phoebedog]

I think the misunderstanding here is that YOU are asking the questions,,,, not him directly. Therefore, it comes across as if you are trying to force him to change something he has no control over.

Even though that is not your intention, the written word sometimes loses it's meaning due to lack of voice inflection and facial expression. Unless you can write professionally at least.

 

 

Right, I am with you. He doesn't do the typing, he's dyslexic, he likes me to do the donkey work:)

Also we are from Yorkshire. We are blunt and to the point!!

[redridinghood]

Marvellous!

Can you come with us? :)

 

Sure, lol!

[Langley Cruisers]

Therefore, it comes across as if you are trying to force him to change something he has no control over...

 

I have to admit, that's how I took it too....

[klfrodo]

. We are blunt and to the point!!

 

I understand completely. During a recent job performance review, I was informed that my "passion sometimes outweighs my diplomacy". :D

[NoobCruise]

We can't do land trips from England, it's an Island and I am terrified of flying!!!

I seem to be being accused of all sorts of pressurising and causing stress here which I can assure you is not the picture at all.

As I pointed out, I am made to fly so he agrees I am not being unreasonable asking him to try something different. Goodness me I am not an ogre, just asking if anyone else had overcome a similar problem.!!

There is no battle going on, just asking for tips.

 

Sorry, I think you read my post in a tone that wasn't intended. I wasn't being judgemental or accusatory and I am sympathetic to your situation. I hadn't noticed you're in the UK. It sounds like a difficult situation with both of your fears and living on an island.

[tea4ular]

Don't tell your H this story, my my boss, his W & his parents, were on a 2 night "cruise to nowhere" about 20 years ago, when the "boat" (his term, not mine) began to list to one side. Badly. Before too long there were emergency announcements for passengers to get to their muster stations. For my boss and his family, it was too late for that, THEY had to climb out windows into waiting lifeboats. He says he will never (EVER) get on a ship again, no matter what I say to help ease his mind. So things do indeed happen.

 

I personally have a terrible fear of being a passenger in a car. I can't tell you the last time I passengered. I just don't do it. At first my family & friends tried cajoling me. To no avail. Now they know, I am the driver. period. End of story. They respect that.

 

I vote the OP respect that her husband has a terrible fear, and not try to change his mind. Cruise with others. Friends. Family. Even solo.

[NoobCruise]

Your phobia experiences will be different as well. Although your phobia of flying may be intense, your flight only lasts a few hours, and then you can enjoy the rest of your vacation. Your DH will have to deal with it for days with the only relief being port stops. It has the potential to ruin his entire vacation. Again, I'm not trying to be accusatory. Just pointing out something that should be considered.

[phoebedog]

Sorry, I think you read my post in a tone that wasn't intended. I wasn't being judgemental or accusatory and I am sympathetic to your situation. I hadn't noticed you're in the UK. It sounds like a difficult situation with both of your fears and living on an island.

 

I'm sorry too for being tetchy.

I would go by train myself, I love them!!:)

[phoebedog]

I understand completely. During a recent job performance review, I was informed that my "passion sometimes outweighs my diplomacy". :D

 

Ha ha ha ! :D

[BeagleOne]

Is he willing to try a cross-channel ferry?

 

I believe there are some "circle the British Isles" cruises in the summer...those wouldn't get too far away from land. Maybe one of those would be a place to start if you haven't already tried that.

[phoebedog]

Is he willing to try a cross-channel ferry?

 

I believe there are some "circle the British Isles" cruises in the summer...those wouldn't get too far away from land. Maybe one of those would be a place to start if you haven't already tried that.

 

He has been on the ferry many times, doesn't mind it at all!

Thank you for the other suggestion, I will point out how close to land we will be!!

[Rudyard]

Leave him home and go with a friend.

 

MTE. I have a friend who doesn't like cruising, but his wife and son do. Every now and then she and their son will take a cruise with friends. They're both OK with it.

[bbwex]

While the cross-channel ferries are fairly well regulated and have had a great safety record, overall ferries are much more dangerous than cruise ships. That being said, I wouldn't want to scare him away from ferries.

 

There are many things you could say to reassure him, but others have said it best that a phobia is not rational in the first place, so rational arguments are not likely to help much at all.

 

You might try to talk to someone who does a program for people afraid to fly, and see if they can tell you the steps to take to build up to a short cruise that hopefully stays close to land at all times. I can tell you that he would feel better understanding a modern lifeboat and how safe they are. When all buttoned up, some of them can literally roll over and they will right themselves. Now where you would get such a detailed run through is beyond me.

 

There are some cruises that go London to London and sail around the British Isles, though they might be too long for a first try. These will be close to land at all times, though you are not likely to be in sight of land at all times -- there is a difference.

 

I actually teach a course on cruise ship accidents, but the bottom line is that the accidents, rare as they are, have generally lead to major changes in safety regulations. The Titanic led to the first International Convention for Safety of Life at Sea (SOLAS) which has been amended and updated over the years, often as a result of some sort of accident. Modern bridge equipment automatically controls the ship, and virtually instantly calculates any potential dangers from other ships in the area. Unfortunately, it is difficult to explain the Costa Concordia. It was, without a doubt, the worst instance of gross malfeasance imaginable.

[spookwife]

We can't do land trips from England, it's an Island and I am terrified of flying!!!

I seem to be being accused of all sorts of pressurising and causing stress here which I can assure you is not the picture at all.

As I pointed out, I am made to fly so he agrees I am not being unreasonable asking him to try something different. Goodness me I am not an ogre, just asking if anyone else had overcome a similar problem.!!

There is no battle going on, just asking for tips.

 

so you know how you feel when you fly? that's how HE feels when confronted with the possibility of sailing. nobody MAKES you fly, you suck it up and you get on the plane.

 

if he cannot or will not do the same( for whatever reason) then let it go. how many times has he bailed at the last minute? from the sounds of things more than once. what makes you think he will not do the same thing again even if it is just a 2 day cruise ?

 

too much money is at stake here for you to keep risking time and time again on the off chance that he might actually follow through.

[Gail & Marty sailing away]

There must be one thing on the ship he will like a lot